Re: Re: abuser gets what he wants – his kids detach and abandon him to his great relief.

[Guest guest]

Good Lord , how could you have known what you would be getting into? It has

taken most of us our entire lives to figure out what was going on and then

usually only by accident or fortunate circumstances did we find out about BPD.

Please give yourself a break and work on keeping the kids sane. As long as you

put those children first you have a shot of coming out of this fairly undamaged.

Good Luck

Re: abuser gets what he wants –

his kids detach and abandon him to his great relief.

That's about when she started hating me, too! I think it was 11

though. She always makes comments about how I've " treated her like

sh*t since the 5th grade. " Seriously... I was a REALLY good child,

but that IS about the time I started thinking more for myself, so

that explains it! She also always makes little comments about " I

miss little Jessi, you were such a sweet girl when you were a child,

and look at you now. " LOL Most moms would be proud to have a

daughter like me.

> >

> > Has anyone read Malignant Self Love? The woman who wrote

Boomerang

> Love

> > recommended it to me. I just ordered it only - expensive, even

the

> used copy

> > I got was over $50.

> >

> > Anyway, I wanted to share this section from his website at

> > http://samvak. tripod.com/ abuse13..html

> >

> > Minors pose little danger of criticizing the abuser or

confronting

> him.. They

> > are perfect, malleable and abundant Sources of Narcissistic

Supply.

> The

> > narcissistic parent derives gratification from having incestuous

> relations

> > with adulating, physically and mentally inferior, inexperienced

and

> > dependent " bodies " .

> >

> > Yet, the older the offspring, the more they become critical, even

> > judgemental, of the abusive parent. They are better able to put

> into context

> > and perspective his actions, to question his motives, to

anticipate

> his

> > moves. As they mature, they often refuse to continue to play the

> mindless

> > pawns in his chess game. They hold grudges against him for what

he

> has done

> > to them in the past, when they were less capable of resistance.

> They can

> > gauge his true stature, talents and achievements †" which,

usually,

> lag far

> > behind the claims that he makes.

> >

> > This brings the abusive parent back a full cycle. Again, he

> perceives his

> > sons/daughters as threats. He quickly becomes disillusioned and

> devaluing.

> > He loses all interest, becomes emotionally remote, absent and

cold,

> rejects

> > any effort to communicate with him, citing life pressures and the

> > preciousness and scarceness of his time.

> >

> > He feels burdened, cornered, besieged, suffocated, and

> claustrophobic. He

> > wants to get away, to abandon his commitments to people who have

> become

> > totally useless (or even damaging) to him. He does not understand

> why he has

> > to support them, or to suffer their company and he believes

himself

> to have

> > been deliberately and ruthlessly trapped.

> >

> > He rebels either passively-aggressiv ely (by refusing to act or

by

> intentionally

> > sabotaging the relationships) or actively (by being overly

critical,

> > aggressive, unpleasant, verbally and psychologically abusive and

so

> on).

> > Slowly †" to justify his acts to himself †" he gets

immersed in

> conspiracy

> > theories with clear paranoid hues.

> >

> > To his mind, the members of the family conspire against him, seek

to

> > belittle or humiliate or subordinate him, do not understand him,

or

> stymie

> > his growth. The abuser usually finally gets what he wants †" his

> kids detach

> > and abandon him to his great sorrow, but also to his great relief.

> >

> >

> >