Re: Loooong update

[Guest guest]

Nate, Congratulations on your engagement! That's wonderful and exciting. Focus and hang on to these good feelings. It's an exciting time in your life and you need to enjoy it as long as you possible can. I've been married for 13 years now and some of my fondest memories are when my husband ask to marry me and the wonderful times we had together during out honeymoon and early on in our relationship and marriage. I still do have a exciting and wonderful marriage and husband with two children 6 and 7 yrs old now. We have always had our weekly date night out every Sunday. It is important once your married to try and set aside once a week or two, if possible, where the two of you go

out on a date regularly. Time certainly flies and you need that time - just the two of you. How unique to propose in a movie theatre with a dvd? I think that would be exciting. Be yourself and I believe that things will work out. Your trying hard to get the right job and I wish you the best in your endeavors. I'm trying, as well, to find a part-time job that will not be overly stressful, and can be something I can handle while going through withdrawal. I know it's tough, but something is bound to come up. I hope the guitar/music job works out for you. You take good care of yourself and your "bride" to be. Best of Luck. V.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Dear Nate,

Wow! You and Casey must have 'heard' me wondering about the two

of you just a day before you wrote, lol.

You said:

> Hi everyone. I'm just checking in. I'm doing slightly

> better. Slowly but surely I've found improvement

> though not as quick as I'd like. I'm sleeping pretty

> good again. Problem is no amount of sleep seems like

> enough. I'm falling asleep around 2-4 am now as

> opposed to 5-9 am. I'm eating regular again. My mind

> isn't racing ALL the time now. Just some of the time.

> I still have problems shaking certain thoughts off at

> certain times.>>

** We can fix these stuck thoughts with Bach FE White Chestnut.

4 drops 4x a day under your tongue as needed. If it is happening

daily, then daily use of this would be indicated.

You said:

<< Still having a little trouble going out

> and doing things in the day as I'm still sensitive to

> sunlight but that too has gotten slightly better. I

> notice when I look in the mirror now my pupils don't

> look so dilated. Sometimes things look foggy and fuzzy

> though.>>

** You may always have a little difficulty going out. I hope

you can get some sun as it is crucial to your healing.

You said:

>

> Good news is I felt good enough to propose to my gf

> on Valentine's Day which I'm now proud to say she is

> my fiance. It was hard to set up but I had fun doing

> it. I think it helped make a great diversion for me.

> Out of all places to do it at I chose the movie

> theatre. Which was a big deal b/c I had my first big

> attack at the theatre. It was pretty cool I had one of

> my friends up at the local college here put together a

> dvd and got one of the movie theatres around here to

> agree to play it for free. She didn't suspect a thing.

> It was funny when they played it and she looked at it

> she shouts, I HATE YOU! I think everyone in the

> theatre was scared she was gonna say no but I knew

> what it meant. You could see the smile on her face

> from ear to ear. She was just embarassed. It was a

> " Good " hate. lol. Shortly after she said yes and told

> me she loved me then we kissed and everyone in the

> theatre cheered and clapped. Hands down the coolest

> thing I've done in awhile and it felt so good to know

> I could organize something like that and make her so

> happy. It also felt great for me as well. It was nice

> to know I could feel so great inside and be happy

> again. When you go through things like anxiety,

> depression, panic attacks and withdrawal you feel so

> hopeless and think that despair, fear and helplessness

> are the only ways you can feel. Even if for a few

> brief moments. Good feelings can happen again.>>

** It sounds like you both had a really good time! Very nice

job on the surprise.

You said:

> I've also moved recently. Only ten miles away but I

> like it out here better. I'm still not fully adjusted

> but it's not been as rough as I thought. Only

> complaint I have is since I've been here I've had very

> vivid, sometimes horrifying dreams. I mean really

> real. Like when I wake up I need to tell myself it's

> ok and I'm awake now. , could this have

> anything to do with the fact I'm not used to sleeping

> here yet, or is it the fact that there's only one

> window and not much sunlight gets through, it also has

> fluorescent lighting although it's off when I sleep,

> or maybe it's just the process of healing. At any rate

> it is much bigger and has a nice patch of woods in the

> back that has a stream and paths along it. Really nice

> scenery. I love taking the dogs for walks back there.>>

** Are you now living alone? I know that you were in an

overstimulating environment at home because of the younger kids.

The dreams -- I see a few reasons. Over-stimulation -- the

fluorescent lights have to go. Can you get some lamps? Fluorescent

lights flicker and over-excite the brain. When your cortisol's high

you'll have nightmares. Moving is exciting so it raises cortisol.

That resolves itself if you don't have other things challenging you.

The more you can keep it tamped down now, the better you will heal

and themore you will be able to withstand this way without your

cortisol rising.

You said:

>

> Most of my physical symptoms have subsided. Although

> I'm not near full strength yet I'm at a functional

> point in life. I still cramp up easy, fatigue real

> easy, still have a twitch every now and then, have

> some pins and needles more in high temperatures, but

> the crawling sensations have left as well as most the

> other bizarre ones. Every once in awhile I'll have a

> brain zap but that's pretty rare(around once every

> couple weeks). Is that abnormal this late in

> withdrawal? >>

** No, not abnormal, Nate. You really took a hit from the

drugs. It's interesting that you should mention these particulasr

symptoms as i was just responding to a person in the group who is

taking a couple of Chinese herbs that would nicely address the

symptoms you are describing. They are gan chao and bai shao. These

are probably available at http://www.chineseherbsdirect.com/

You said:

>

> I've gotten better at taking my supplements more

> regurally. It's been over 3 straight weeks now but

> I've taken mostly everything I am supposed to. Sounds

> like a small feat but this was so hard for me before.

> I think moving has helped re-prioritize somewhat. I

> always took them before but would miss doses and not

> take them at good times in the day or night. I am

> taking a multi vitamin, a multi mineral, zinc,

> drenamin, purezyme (digestion), total upper GI (joints

> I think) Kidney drainage, fish oil, ashwaganda, carbo

> veg, aconite, back flower. I'm out of magnesium right

> now and for some reason coq10 and alpha lipoic acid

> were hard on my stomach so I stopped taking them.

> Maybe now that my digestive system feels a little

> better I'll try it again. Any suggestions ?>>

** Try not taking the Drenamin and see how you feel for a few

days without it.

Carbo veg and Aconite should not be taken like nutritional

supplements. You run the risk of manifesting the very same symptoms

you originally relieved with them. The only time homeopathic

remedies are taken on a daily basis is if we are working on a

particular set of symptoms and then, we would be usin different

doses. So, unless you are having a panic attack, don't use the

Aconite (don't take it for anxiety - - it doesn't work). As far as

the Carbo Veg goes, for you, that should be taken after a meal if you

feel like your digestion has come to a dead stop or you get up one

day and you have zero energy and are able to identify something that

overstimulated you the day before.

You said:

> Also any tips for getting rid of candida. My

> chirolpractor says I have it b/c I have the leaky gut

> thing going on. He gave me some pills called

> candistatin. It seems to have helped a little but not

> enough.>>

** The product I think is best for leaky gut is Primal

Defense. The Chinese herbs should help over time with the candida as

will Primal Defense. www.primaldefense.net

You said:

<< Overall everything is getting a bit more " normal " I

> still find it hard that everyone is on my back to get

> a job and I'm looking, really hard. But I need to find

> something that's good for me. I can't stand up for

> much more than 2 hours straight. I can't do the

> mcdonld's or factory jobs that are so easy to get. I

> need an office job where your sitting most the time

> and those are hard to come by in Ohio.(the worst rate

> of employment of any state)I put in an application at

> the local guitar center. That would be perfect for me

> being that I know everything there is to know about

> guitars and I had went to college as a guitar/music

> major. We'll see how it goes.>>

** I saw that you got an interview! Great! But how are you

going to do it physically? Perhaps you could do part-time for a

while? Have you applied for Social Security benefits?

Good luck on the interview. Please let us know how it goes.

You said:

<<I just find it harder

> and harder to live up to everyone's expectations and

> get what they view as the perfect job. Sometimes I

> know my fiance's parents really don't like me and

> think I'm lazy and good for nothing and it really

> hurts and it's even harder to not stand up for myself

> but I really have no choice b/c that's her parents. I

> want more than anything for them to like me and to not

> have to deal with all that I have to deal with and get

> the perfect job and support Jackie and the soon to be

> and move out and get our own place. It just

> seems so hard right now with all the limitations I'm

> faced with and I just wish they'd be more

> understanding. It really takes a toll on my self

> esteem and makes me feel like nothing. I wish they

> knew no matter how hard they are on me isn't 1/10 the

> amount how hard I am on myself.>>

** You brought out a good point here, Nate. You said:

" I wish they knew no matter how hard they are on me isn't 1/10

they amount how hard I am on myself. "

** Self esteem is not predicated on how others feel about us. It

stems from how we feel about ourselves. You have spoken before about

feeling useless. When you feel better about yourself, others will

feel better about you, too. Those who don't need to be seen for the

mean people they are.

You said:

<<Their constant

> bickering and low blows don't make my life any easier

> than it already is not. I will never understand what

> people have to gain from kicking a kid in the ass

> who's just getting started and could use the help

> rather than the stress. Oh well.>>

** You need to stay away from these people as much as possible.

They are poison. I'd also suggest that you and your girlfriend do

some relationship classes or counseling because until she has some

tools for negotiating in a relationship she will use what she learned

at home.

You said:

>

> , I haven't gotten the chance to say thanks

> yet for doing what you did but I greatly appreciate

> it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wish I'd

> gotten it out of the way alot sooner. It would have

> saved me from alot of stress. >>

** I didn't do much except let your mom know you really needed to

talk to her about something that was terribly stressing you out. I

thought if she approached you in a quiet place you might be able to

share your burden with her. I didn't want to violate your confidence

so I tried to not do that while also doing something because I felt

you were really stuck and hurting. I'm glad it all worked out.

I got your response about the CBT and have you on the list. i

think this is perfect for you. I'll be posting more about specifics

tonight to the list.

I'm glad to hear from you. Don't be a stranger. We're here to

help.

Regards,