Re: Vicky's post

[Guest guest]

Vicky, I can't imagine having to deal with your family problems at the

same time that you are battling this miserable disease. You must truly

be a very strong person to be able to cope. Z. NSIP/05

" I'm gonna be iron like a lion in Zion " Bob Marley

Carolyn Merritt wrote:

> Vicky,

> The problem with my kids is that they did not have a perfect Mom. I

> was as good a Mom as I could be with severe depression, and

> osteoarthritis, working full time nights and living with an alcoholic

> abusive husband, but I did not always do for them like they feel I

> should have. We did not sit down to meals every night together because

> I worked nights, but I always prepared dinner in advance for them. I

> did not always attend school functions because I was sleeping during

> the day from working nights. They feel they had it rough and were not

> satisfied until I humbly and individually begged their forgiveness for

> my failings as a mother. Then they told me all was fine. However the

> last I saw them they were all visiting me at the same time and I told

> them I was being tested for a very serious disease. They each

> separately then told me that I needed to figure out a way to be taken

> care of if my husband wasnt able to do it because they each had their

> own responsibilities and wouldnt be able to help me. I have always

> told them I would never live with them or intrude in there lives but

> they had always told me they wanted me to live with them and use to

> beg me to move near them, even after marrying my present husband, who

> they seem to really like. But I always refused. Then when my health

> changed suddenly for the worse, everything changed and when I told

> them it may be serious they immediately started rehashing how bad a

> mother I was to them growing up. When I refused to beg for forgiveness

> again, saying this was supposed to be put in the past, they all

> stormed out of my house never to be seen again. I really feel once

> they felt I would not be of any use to them in helping with the

> grandkids and in fact might need help, their selfishness kicked in and

> they brought up the past as a way to rationalize in their own minds

> why they didnt have to help me in the future, should the need arise.

> It was quite a shock to me for I never knew they were that cold and

> unfeeling and all the " love " that had been shown before was not heart

> felt. Dealing with their treatment of me has been as bad as dealing

> with this disease. They have broken my heart and I honestly dont think

> it will ever mend, not even if they change their ways, for I saw

> things in them that shocked me to my very soul. They dont know what

> the results of my tests were or how my health is and none of them have

> bothered to ask. They knew I was on oxygen and couldnt walk but a few

> steps without being short of breath and knew I was soon to find out

> what was wrong, but still no one seems to care to call and see what I

> found out. I will not take pretend love from them. I have written a

> letter for my husband to email them upon my death, informing them of

> why I didnt tell they I was dying. Other than that, I will just keep

> my health to myself. It is a sad affair but there is not much I can do

> about it and I can only handle so much stress and dealing with their

> attitudes is one stress I cannot handle. Had I to do it all over, I

> would rather raise dogs. LOL

> Thanks for asking dear.

> Carolyn

>

> */Ladyvic1@.../* wrote:

>

> *Carolyn,*

> **

> *Wow, I am truely impressed with your knowledge and experience. I

> read your profile, I'm " fluffy " too... The only sad part was

> about the kids... I'm so sorry they don't contact you. Do you

> think it's because they don't know what to say? But anyways, I

> feel like you too, pleasing my God is what matters most in my

> life. This life here on earth is but a fleeting moment compared to

> what's in store for us. God bless you Carolyn and I'm praying for

> you....*

> **

> *Love in Christ,*

> **

> *Vicky81856*

>

>

> **

> ••••••••••••• /Original Message/

> •••••••••••••

> Thanks Vicky:

> Being able to share some of my nursing knowledge does help me to

> feel useful. I use to be a manager/supervisor in nursing and was a

> hands on type of teacher, training nursing aides the proper way to

> care for patients. Then I ran a 30 bed Alzheimer unit,

> hiring/firing, training, passing medications, taking dr orders,

> activity director, etc etc. From that I went to Director of Staff

> Development which took 10-12 hours a day of hard work and traveled

> an hour each way to work as well. Now I sit in front of a computer

> and am grateful I can make it to the bathroom without help. I hate

> this needing help so much as I have never been one to like being

> taken care of. Now my husband, who is disabled himself with severe

> back problems, has the total care of me. My 5 children, who

> expressed such love for me, deserted me when they saw my health

> decline, and I havent heard from any of them in over 6 months. My

> life is so changed yet I work hard at finding ways to make this

> type of life worth living. Just knowing my endurance pleases my

> God helps keep me going.

> I just learned yesterday that a dear friend of mine was

> unexpectedly diagnosed with liver cancer and has less than three

> months to live maybe 6 months with Chemo. She is 48. I hate that

> she doesnt even have time to come to acceptance of what is coming

> and barely enough time to plan a funeral. I am so angry, not at

> God, but at the unfairness of it all. Only pedophiles and animal

> abusers should be struck with this disease and cancer, in my

> opinion. But then I dont have the control and probably good that I

> dont. LOL. I keep on keeping on just like the rest of us here.

> Thanks sweetie for making me feel good.

> Carolyn

>

> */Ladyvic1@.../* wrote:

>

> *Sweet Carolyn,*

> **

> *Please don't ever feel useless, I value your input BECAUSE

> you ARE a nurse. YOu have compassion and insight. Don't ever

> sell your wonderful self short!!!*

> **

> *LOve in Christ,*

> **

> *Vicky81856*

>

>

>

>

>

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>

--

I'm gonna be iron like a lion in Zion. * Bob Marley