Re: Always Aware/False Faces

[Guest guest]

<<If I a certain way, I will project a completely different

attitude. Not necessarily a complete opposite, but it's like I

desperately do NOT want anyone to know how I feel.>>

Oh yes, I feel exactly the same.

Right now, I have completely withdrawn socially (not that that requires much

in my case!) because I am struggling with my own feelings so much. Not only

do I not want people to know how I feel, I DEFINITELY don't want them to know

that I'm struggling.

What's this about Edith?

Lin.

[Guest guest]

eljayef@... wrote:

> <<If I a certain way, I will project a completely different

> attitude. Not necessarily a complete opposite, but it's like I

> desperately do NOT want anyone to know how I feel.>>

>

> Oh yes, I feel exactly the same.

>

> Right now, I have completely withdrawn socially (not that that requires much

> in my case!) because I am struggling with my own feelings so much. Not only

> do I not want people to know how I feel, I DEFINITELY don't want them to know

> that I'm struggling.

>

> What's this about Edith?

> Lin.

Hi Lin,

Some recently mentioned a poker face. When I was a kid I can

remember the exact day that I knew it was in my best interest to

wear a poker face. That was the day I learned that my nada could

read my feelings by looking at my face. I was around 7 yo.

After that I wore a poker face, everywhere, for decades. Hey, if

I could't trust my nada, who could I trust (to read my feelings

by looking at my face). Trust is the first task that an infant

is supposed to learn! So, that's one thing I was supposed to

learn but didn't.

But, around the same time that I assumed the poker face, I

numbed out emotionally. But I un-numbed just a few years ago on

an Oasis list.

I can remember when I got married and my MIL told me to call her

" Mom " -- but I couldn't. I tried calling my own nada " Mom " just

once and got my face slapped. Hard! So, I had to force myself to

call my MIL " Mom " . It was *very* difficult for me to do and I

never got used to doing it.

About revealing our feelings to others, another thing Bradshaw

wrote about was " family secrets " . We KOs knew we weren't

supposed to tell anyone what was going on behind the closed

doors of Home Sweet Home. And we didn't.

Incidently, I just went to lunch with my son and we discussed

the parotid (salivary gland) tumor on the right side of my face.

Its been growing there for a long time (a few decades) and its

pretty big. Both Carol M and Tiki have seen it. Its right where

my nada used to slap my face. My nada was left-handed. I told my

son that when I have the surgery to get it removed I think I'll

have them put it in a bottle so I can take it home with me and

put it on the shelf. It'll be tangible evidence of my exorcised

nada.

- Edith

[Guest guest]

Yup, me too!

Once when I was a kid, mother got VERY upset with me because I had

referred to one of my friend's mother as " mom " . She admonished me to

NEVER call anyone else " mom " again, that SHE was my mother and no one

else, period. Oops! How could I have been so insensitive? No problem,

I never crossed that line again, not even with my mother-in-law whom I

liked over a span of 30 years. Even now, I'm not sure I could call

anyone " mom " , that's how deep the impression was made. Weird, huh?

SmileS!

Carol

Edith wrote:

> I can remember when I got married and my MIL told me to call her

> " Mom " -- but I couldn't. I tried calling my own nada " Mom " just

> once and got my face slapped. Hard! So, I had to force myself to

> call my MIL " Mom " . It was *very* difficult for me to do and I

> never got used to doing it.

[Guest guest]

Our nadas were actresses.

They didn't know how to play the role of " Mom " .

Like Lawson wrote in UBM, the role our nadas knew how to play

was the fake " Mother " role that they'd played our whole lives.

- Edith

Carol M wrote:

> Yup, me too!

>

> Once when I was a kid, mother got VERY upset with me because I had

> referred to one of my friend's mother as " mom " . She admonished me to

> NEVER call anyone else " mom " again, that SHE was my mother and no one

> else, period. Oops! How could I have been so insensitive? No problem,

> I never crossed that line again, not even with my mother-in-law whom I

> liked over a span of 30 years. Even now, I'm not sure I could call

> anyone " mom " , that's how deep the impression was made. Weird, huh?

>

> SmileS!

> Carol

>

>

> Edith wrote:

>

>>I can remember when I got married and my MIL told me to call her

>> " Mom " -- but I couldn't. I tried calling my own nada " Mom " just

>>once and got my face slapped. Hard! So, I had to force myself to

>>call my MIL " Mom " . It was *very* difficult for me to do and I

>>never got used to doing it.

>