Guest guest Posted January 19, 2004 Report Share Posted January 19, 2004 What score would your nada/fada get on the following 13 items?_____ " The Borderline Mother " 1. Confuses her child 2. Does not apologize or remember inappropriate behavior 3. Expects to be taken care of 4. Punishes or discourages independence 5. Envies, ignores, or demeans her children's accomplishments 6. Destroys, denigrates, or undermines self-esteem 7. Expects children to respond to her needs 8. Frightens and upsets her children 9. Disciplines inconsistently or punitively 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the child is loved by someone else 11. Uses threats of abandonment (or actual abandonment) to punish the child 12. Does not believe in her children's basic goodness 13. Does not trust her children And, what score would your nada/fada get on the following 13 items?_____ " The Ideal Mother " 1. Comforts her child 2. Apologizes for inappropriate behavior 3. Takes care of herself 4. Encourages independence in her children 5. Is proud of her children's accomplishments 6. Builds her children's self-esteem 7. Responds to her children's changing needs 8. Calms and comforts her children 9. Disciplines with logical and natural consequences 10. Expects that her children will be loved by others 11. Never threatens abandonment 12. Believes in her children's basic goodness 13. Trusts her children Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2004 Report Share Posted January 19, 2004 Yup, my nada got a 13 out of 13 on the borderline quiz. She always got high marks It's odd, I was about to give her some credit for teaching me to read/ learn as a youngster, but even that was forced or insulting. I can hear her now, " WHY would you put a comma THERE?! " Before I went to college, she bet me that I would flunk-out b/c I had bad study-skills. Instead I got a 4.0. Of course, she said, " Well, it's about time you got focused. " Whatever, the old hag. Wow, if Nada could only see all the typos I spit out in her honor. No Microsoft Word to underline them all! hahahahaha. > What score would your nada/fada > get on the following 13 items?_____ > > " The Borderline Mother " > > 1. Confuses her child > 2. Does not apologize or remember inappropriate behavior > 3. Expects to be taken care of > 4. Punishes or discourages independence > 5. Envies, ignores, or demeans her children's accomplishments > 6. Destroys, denigrates, or undermines self-esteem > 7. Expects children to respond to her needs > 8. Frightens and upsets her children > 9. Disciplines inconsistently or punitively > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the child is > loved by someone else > 11. Uses threats of abandonment (or actual abandonment) > to punish the child > 12. Does not believe in her children's basic goodness > 13. Does not trust her children > > And, what score would your nada/fada > get on the following 13 items?_____ > > " The Ideal Mother " > > 1. Comforts her child > 2. Apologizes for inappropriate behavior > 3. Takes care of herself > 4. Encourages independence in her children > 5. Is proud of her children's accomplishments > 6. Builds her children's self-esteem > 7. Responds to her children's changing needs > 8. Calms and comforts her children > 9. Disciplines with logical and natural consequences > 10. Expects that her children will be loved by others > 11. Never threatens abandonment > 12. Believes in her children's basic goodness > 13. Trusts her children Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2004 Report Share Posted January 19, 2004 Oh wow! I was so happy to see how I did on the Ideal Mother part. Not that I am ideal... but on the continuum - I was much closer to that side. That is something that has really concerned me lately.. thinking OMG! I don't even know how many fleas I have or have passed on...but surely I have affected MY child with some of my screwed up ways. I asked my son once - several months ago - if he thought I had wounded his " inner child. " And he gave me one of those strange looks like I had said something odd, like " Do you like classical music better than rap? " or something. But that still worries me. But this test helped me feel better about that. Free > What score would your nada/fada > get on the following 13 items?_____ > > " The Borderline Mother " > > 1. Confuses her child > 2. Does not apologize or remember inappropriate behavior > 3. Expects to be taken care of > 4. Punishes or discourages independence > 5. Envies, ignores, or demeans her children's accomplishments > 6. Destroys, denigrates, or undermines self-esteem > 7. Expects children to respond to her needs > 8. Frightens and upsets her children > 9. Disciplines inconsistently or punitively > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the child is > loved by someone else > 11. Uses threats of abandonment (or actual abandonment) > to punish the child > 12. Does not believe in her children's basic goodness > 13. Does not trust her children > > And, what score would your nada/fada > get on the following 13 items?_____ > > " The Ideal Mother " > > 1. Comforts her child > 2. Apologizes for inappropriate behavior > 3. Takes care of herself > 4. Encourages independence in her children > 5. Is proud of her children's accomplishments > 6. Builds her children's self-esteem > 7. Responds to her children's changing needs > 8. Calms and comforts her children > 9. Disciplines with logical and natural consequences > 10. Expects that her children will be loved by others > 11. Never threatens abandonment > 12. Believes in her children's basic goodness > 13. Trusts her children Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2004 Report Share Posted January 19, 2004 Free, I have volunteered on a crisis line for 10 years now. I have dealt with a lot of damaged kids and their parents, and what I have learned is that the kids who are more or less OK usually have at least one adult close to them who's honestly and sincerely facing their demons and trying to be self-aware about their " emotional baggage " . And I have learned that it doesn't really seem to matter what stage that person is at on the journey, as long as they keep trying to move forward, trying to stay honest, and don't get stalled in denial. Whereas, the parents who have done tons of recovery work but then get stuck in denial, thinking that they're done when in fact they're only almost done, mess up their kids almost as badly as the one who haven't done any recovery work at all. And one of the things I have learned about you from the list is that you are committed to recovery, and as long as you keep that committment, I believe you will give your son what he needs to keep that recovery going, and keep things getting better, through the next generation. So keep hanging out here, and it'll all be cool <wink> > Oh wow! I was so happy to see how I did on the Ideal Mother part. Not > that I am ideal... but on the continuum - I was much closer to that > side. > > That is something that has really concerned me lately.. thinking OMG! > I don't even know how many fleas I have or have passed on...but > surely I have affected MY child with some of my screwed up ways. > > I asked my son once - several months ago - if he thought I had > wounded his " inner child. " And he gave me one of those strange looks > like I had said something odd, like " Do you like classical music > better than rap? " or something. > > But that still worries me. > > But this test helped me feel better about that. > > Free Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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