Re: Taking care of nada when Father passes away

January 15, 2004

,

This exact thing has happened to me. My father, bless his soul,

passed away 3 years ago. At the time I had no idea about BPD, so I

visited my mother every day, called 3 times a day - actually tried to

fill the void of my father.

I worked like crazy to be a good wife, daughter and work 40

hours a week. It soon became obvious it was never enough and it

wasn't until we had an argument and she cried to my sister " why does

Mel hate me so " . IT WAS THEN I SAW THE LIGHT. I would never make her

happy, but I was making myself miserable trying. It was my lightbulb

moment. She can be extremely charming and has friends knocking down

her door. So I stepped back and reprioritized my life. What freedom,

what relief.

It is not easy some days, she can really lay on a guilt trip,

but I realized I could spend 24/7 trying to make her happy and never

succeed. I think it is all a learning experience and this is the best

place for support. Thanks everyone, hope this helps. -Mel

January 15, 2004

> . I would never make her

> happy, but I was making myself miserable trying.

I have noticed that with my mom this disorder has made her completely

unable to be *comfortable*. Even when things are going well, there

is always the darkness looming and no chance or ability to 'live in

the moment'. If for nothing else, I sometimes feel the worst for her

because of the constant state of discomfort. That has to be a really

awful way to live and feel...

January 15, 2004

How true. In the past my mother has even said she can never be truly

happy because she feels she doesn't deserve it and if she lets her

guard down it is only a matter of time before the other shoe drops.

What a shame, I agree.

But I find I can not dwell on that or I fall right back into feeling

sorry for her and it ruins my happiness. -Mel

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