Guest guest Posted March 15, 2004 Report Share Posted March 15, 2004 Wolfie: The tears are abounding on this site tonight. I'm sorry you too had a bad day today. I understand the need to try to reassure your Gram and your desire to reduce her angst especially when she talks of " slitting her throat " . I know how hard it was to hear that from my dad in the autumn before he was diagnosed. I remember grasping at just about anything to keep him from even thinking he had nothing to live for. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you and especially for Gram. Abby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2004 Report Share Posted March 15, 2004 Wolfie, I think considering the situation you did beautifully. That was wonderful of you to bring your Grams favorite music and her friends - this should go a long way in helping her to feel some orientation. I'm sure that you and your family will being seeing her on a regular basis and I'm hoping that your Gram participates in any activities they have going on. I understand that this can help them feel more " at home " or at least like someone is making an effort to make them feel welcome. I'm reading Dr. Sacks " Awakenings " and he writes that it can take over a month for people to get settled into new surroundings such as a hospital/NH. Hang in, you're doing a good job. Continue to love and support your Gram and who know's...you'll probably have to book a time to see her in the future in between all her visiting with other residents and her activities! Courage A Bad Day >First, thank you dear Courage for your two messages from yesterday. >I surely do appreciate you taking some time to support me during your >own difficult time. > >I am a wrung out dishrag with a crushed heart. Today was not good. >I can't even stop crying right now. I spent hours today with Gram, >trying to reassure her and let her know how much I love & adore her. >I went to her house and got some of her 'little friends' and took >them to the NH for her. Also, her 'music' -- Marty Robbins and some >others. She would repeatedly ask me why she had to be there and how >long did she have to be there. At one point telling me that she knew >what she had to do now. When I asked her what -- she told me , " Slit >my throat. " I talked with her about how I needed to keep her safe >and I needed her here for me and -- how it is all the doctor's >fault. I know that is probably bad, but she had seemed pretty mad at >my mom & I wanted her shielded from that. I told her that my mom was >coming to get her in the morning and taking her bowling. She just >looked at me. I said, " Gram, have I ever lied to you? " She said >no. I said, " Well, then, I promise that Mom will be here in the >morning and you can go bowling. " (She's in a league -- it amazes me >that LBD hasn't touched that part of her, she can still beat me!) >Anyway, I just felt like I needed to get this out - so thank you for >letting me ramble. > >--Wolfie > > > >Welcome to LBDcaregivers. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2004 Report Share Posted March 22, 2004 I can imagine how you are feeling. My mother used to tell me that there was no point in living if she had to live in the " lodge " . She cried everyday and it was awful for the 8 months. It was a reasonable place, looked like a hotel and had lots of activities but she didn't want to take part in them. She seems much happier at home with a caregiver (although she complains about that too) but it is hard on me at times as I feel I have all the responsibility now. I can't go away for the weekend without wondering if the caregiver is going to show up and mom calls me daily about things that are so unimportant (like " she's been on the phone all day " ) and I want to scream " SO WHAT!!! " because she is managing to live with my mother with all her difficulties and hasn't quit... I know I sound terrible complaining about such little things but I swear that half of my free time is spent dealing with mom and things that are not important and the rest of my life is spent on things that do with her that ARE important---like doctor's appointments, drugs, money etc. and then there is this little part that is left that is dealing with my own stuff, like my own family and then there is just a smidgen left that is personal stuff just for me and I am finding it harder and harder to find that smidgen. I fear that if that disappears I will be useless to anyone. I am putting out fires with a bucket with a hole in it. I may not be doing anyone any good, but one thing I know is that I am doing the best that I can. The fact is that you are also doing the best that you can for your grandma and despite her dispair you didn't have a choice and you know she is safe.I hope that things improve for her and you. Kath A Bad Day > First, thank you dear Courage for your two messages from yesterday. > I surely do appreciate you taking some time to support me during your > own difficult time. > > I am a wrung out dishrag with a crushed heart. Today was not good. > I can't even stop crying right now. I spent hours today with Gram, > trying to reassure her and let her know how much I love & adore her. > I went to her house and got some of her 'little friends' and took > them to the NH for her. Also, her 'music' -- Marty Robbins and some > others. She would repeatedly ask me why she had to be there and how > long did she have to be there. At one point telling me that she knew > what she had to do now. When I asked her what -- she told me , " Slit > my throat. " I talked with her about how I needed to keep her safe > and I needed her here for me and -- how it is all the doctor's > fault. I know that is probably bad, but she had seemed pretty mad at > my mom & I wanted her shielded from that. I told her that my mom was > coming to get her in the morning and taking her bowling. She just > looked at me. I said, " Gram, have I ever lied to you? " She said > no. I said, " Well, then, I promise that Mom will be here in the > morning and you can go bowling. " (She's in a league -- it amazes me > that LBD hasn't touched that part of her, she can still beat me!) > Anyway, I just felt like I needed to get this out - so thank you for > letting me ramble. > > --Wolfie > > > > Welcome to LBDcaregivers. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2004 Report Share Posted March 23, 2004 Kathy, I know exactly how you feel. My mother passed in January and I had been taking care of her for almost 2 years (at least during most of that time we had a caregiver for 3hours 3 times a week and my sisters and I took turns in the evenings) but I have so many other committments. Now we are taking care of my dad and in many ways it is more difficult. I was just feeling like their is no " me " any more and my husband is getting resentful. Who can blame him after two years. But I did a little soul searching last and decided that this is not about me. It is about how I can help my dad. Not exactly the answer I was looking for but the one I came up with. M > >Reply-To: LBDcaregivers >To: <LBDcaregivers > >Subject: Re: A Bad Day >Date: Mon, 22 Mar 2004 07:52:20 -0500 >MIME-Version: 1.0 >X-Sender: skward2@... >Received: from n22.grp.scd.yahoo.com ([66.218.66.78]) by >mc11-f8.hotmail.com with Microsoft SMTPSVC(5.0.2195.6824); Mon, 22 Mar 2004 >04:54:23 -0800 >Received: from [66.218.66.157] by n22.grp.scd.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 22 Mar >2004 12:52:24 -0000 >Received: (qmail 97259 invoked from network); 22 Mar 2004 12:52:16 -0000 >Received: from unknown (66.218.66.217) by m17.grp.scd.yahoo.com with QMQP; >22 Mar 2004 12:52:16 -0000 >Received: from unknown (HELO fep03-mail.bloor.is.net.cable.rogers.com) >(66.185.86.73) by mta2.grp.scd.yahoo.com with SMTP; 22 Mar 2004 12:52:16 >-0000 >Received: from Upstairs ([65.49.52.153]) by >fep03-mail.bloor.is.net.cable.rogers.com (InterMail vM.5.01.05.12 >201-253-122-0820) with ESMTP id ><20040322125207.KHES147578.fep03-mail.bloor.is.net.cable.rogers.com@Upstairs> > for <LBDcaregivers >; Mon, 22 Mar 2004 >07:52:07 -0500 >X-Message-Info: JGTYoYF78jFykdJBrRWIiU2zz3+oHNF/ >X-eGroups-Return: >sentto-2141318-26987-1079959938-cat86443=hotmail.com@... >X-Apparently-To: LBDcaregivers >Message-ID: <001d01c4100c$835e64f0$0200a8c0@Upstairs> >References: <c35eov+6mhgeGroups> >X-MSMail-Priority: Normal >X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2800.1106 >X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2800.1106 >X-Authentication-Info: Submitted using SMTP AUTH LOGIN at >fep03-mail.bloor.is.net.cable.rogers.com from [65.49.52.153] using ID > at Mon, 22 Mar 2004 07:52:07 -0500 >X-eGroups-Remote-IP: 66.185.86.73 >X-Yahoo-Profile: tanzi1961 >Mailing-List: list LBDcaregivers ; contact >LBDcaregivers-owner >Delivered-To: mailing list LBDcaregivers >Precedence: bulk >List-Unsubscribe: <mailto:LBDcaregivers-unsubscribe > >Return-Path: >sentto-2141318-26987-1079959938-cat86443=hotmail.com@... >X-OriginalArrivalTime: 22 Mar 2004 12:54:23.0533 (UTC) >FILETIME=[CCD43DD0:01C4100C] > >I can imagine how you are feeling. My mother used to tell me that there >was >no point in living if she had to live in the " lodge " . She cried everyday >and it was awful for the 8 months. It was a reasonable place, looked like >a >hotel and had lots of activities but she didn't want to take part in them. >She seems much happier at home with a caregiver (although she complains >about that too) but it is hard on me at times as I feel I have all the >responsibility now. I can't go away for the weekend without wondering if >the caregiver is going to show up and mom calls me daily about things that >are so unimportant (like " she's been on the phone all day " ) and I want to >scream " SO WHAT!!! " because she is managing to live with my mother with all >her difficulties and hasn't quit... > >I know I sound terrible complaining about such little things but I swear >that half of my free time is spent dealing with mom and things that are not >important and the rest of my life is spent on things that do with her that >ARE important---like doctor's appointments, drugs, money etc. and then >there >is this little part that is left that is dealing with my own stuff, like my >own family and then there is just a smidgen left that is personal stuff >just >for me and I am finding it harder and harder to find that smidgen. I fear >that if that disappears I will be useless to anyone. I am putting out >fires >with a bucket with a hole in it. > >I may not be doing anyone any good, but one thing I know is that I am doing >the best that I can. The fact is that you are also doing the best that you >can for your grandma and despite her dispair you didn't have a choice and >you know she is safe.I hope that things improve for her and you. > > >Kath > A Bad Day > > > > First, thank you dear Courage for your two messages from yesterday. > > I surely do appreciate you taking some time to support me during your > > own difficult time. > > > > I am a wrung out dishrag with a crushed heart. Today was not good. > > I can't even stop crying right now. I spent hours today with Gram, > > trying to reassure her and let her know how much I love & adore her. > > I went to her house and got some of her 'little friends' and took > > them to the NH for her. Also, her 'music' -- Marty Robbins and some > > others. She would repeatedly ask me why she had to be there and how > > long did she have to be there. At one point telling me that she knew > > what she had to do now. When I asked her what -- she told me , " Slit > > my throat. " I talked with her about how I needed to keep her safe > > and I needed her here for me and -- how it is all the doctor's > > fault. I know that is probably bad, but she had seemed pretty mad at > > my mom & I wanted her shielded from that. I told her that my mom was > > coming to get her in the morning and taking her bowling. She just > > looked at me. I said, " Gram, have I ever lied to you? " She said > > no. I said, " Well, then, I promise that Mom will be here in the > > morning and you can go bowling. " (She's in a league -- it amazes me > > that LBD hasn't touched that part of her, she can still beat me!) > > Anyway, I just felt like I needed to get this out - so thank you for > > letting me ramble. > > > > --Wolfie > > > > > > > > Welcome to LBDcaregivers. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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