Re: HELP-The POA and where I am at

[Guest guest]

Okay, my aunt called tonight and said she talked to the lawyer. He can set

it up relatively cheaply to include me along with her as the primary POA and

my brother and sister would be 2nd if something should happen to us as the

1st POA's. The problem is that she is still talking like there is only one

POA. I said that they would probably do two now since there is now a POA

for health and one for property. I am worried about this. I think I will

try to call the lawyer tomorrow and ask what he is actually doing. Before

I talk to him though, I just wanted to know from all of you out there, when

you got a POA for your LO, did you tell the lawyer that they have Lewy Body

Disease? I am worried that if I say something that they might not issue

one, but if I don't then it might not be legal either. How did you handle

this? I am also concerned about making sure the terms " enduring " POA and

" jointly and severally " are in there as well. My aunt said that my uncle

would fax the lawyer what it should say (by that I guess she means the names

etc.) but if I call ahead and express what it should say from my point of

view, and my uncle leaves out the " jointly and severally " or the enduring

part, and the lawyer does it that way...then all of this will have been

useless.

What if mom has a bad day when we are going there? How on earth can they

determine if she is in her " right " mind. I KNOW when she can have a normal

conversation about something she understands completely and then turn and

talk to a child that isn't there and then respond to me with a perfectly

reasonable answer, but what about the lawyer who has never heard of Lewy

Body Disease. How do I explain that? Should I even try? One friend of mine

said that the lawyer will determine if mom is capable of making the decision

and that when her mother went to the lawyer, the lawyer suggested she go for

a coffee until her mother was finished, so it would not be deemed that she

influenced her decision. My aunt said that this place is on the second

floor and when my grandma had hers done, the receptionist came down and

witnessed it in the car, so she didn't have to climb the steps. Hmm, where

in that does the lawyer come in to assure that the person is of sound

mind...

If you have any thoughts please send them to me right away.

Kath (skward2@...)

The POA and where I am at

> >Date: Tue, 13 Apr 2004 21:49:49 -0400

> >MIME-Version: 1.0

> >X-Sender: skward2@...

> >Received: from n14.grp.scd.yahoo.com ([66.218.66.69]) by

> >mc9-f12.hotmail.com with Microsoft SMTPSVC(5.0.2195.6824); Fri, 16 Apr

2004

> >07:30:31 -0700

> >Received: from [66.218.66.160] by n14.grp.scd.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 14

Apr

> >2004 01:49:38 -0000

> >Received: (qmail 61989 invoked from network); 14 Apr 2004 01:48:19 -0000

> >Received: from unknown (66.218.66.167) by m20.grp.scd.yahoo.com with

QMQP;

> >14 Apr 2004 01:48:19 -0000

> >Received: from unknown (HELO web01-imail.rogers.com) (66.185.86.75) by

> >mta6.grp.scd.yahoo.com with SMTP; 14 Apr 2004 01:48:19 -0000

> >Received: from Upstairs ([65.49.52.153]) by web01-imail.rogers.com

> >(InterMail vM.5.01.05.12 201-253-122-0820) with ESMTP

> >id <20040414014756.JPDP404318.web01-imail.rogers.com@Upstairs>

for

> ><LBDcaregivers >; Tue, 13 Apr 2004 21:47:56 -0400

> >X-Message-Info: JGTYoYF78jHpCt36iioMjudZqKnr9Hqv

> >X-eGroups-Return:

>

>sentto-2141318-28672-1081907300-cat86443=hotmail.com@...

om

> >X-Apparently-To: LBDcaregivers

> >Message-ID: <001201c421c2$c8ae1380$0200a8c0@Upstairs>

> >X-MSMail-Priority: Normal

> >X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2800.1106

> >X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2800.1106

> >X-Authentication-Info: Submitted using SMTP AUTH LOGIN at

> >web01-imail.rogers.com from [65.49.52.153] using ID

at

> >Tue, 13 Apr 2004 21:47:55 -0400

> >X-eGroups-Remote-IP: 66.185.86.75

> >X-Yahoo-Profile: tanzi1961

> >Mailing-List: list LBDcaregivers ; contact

> >LBDcaregivers-owner

> >Delivered-To: mailing list LBDcaregivers

> >Precedence: bulk

> >List-Unsubscribe: <mailto:LBDcaregivers-unsubscribe >

> >Return-Path:

>

>sentto-2141318-28672-1081907300-cat86443=hotmail.com@...

om

> >X-OriginalArrivalTime: 16 Apr 2004 14:30:31.0986 (UTC)

> >FILETIME=[5F6C1120:01C423BF]

> >

> >Hi everyone

> >

> >If you have been following along with what has been going on with the

life

> >of Kath and the continuing saga of the problems of my aunt having POA but

> >not really doing anything with it, and me, myself and I being the chief

> >cook and bottlewasher in the care of mom department but having no

authority

> >to do so (except the extreme worry and lack of sleep over the same) have

> >begun the tedious process of convincing all those concerned that I need

to

> >be added to the POA with my aunt, or become the POA on my own but that

this

> >needs to happen. First I talked to mom who I believe has now agreed to

> >this, and has said that we will have to talk to Joyce the next time she's

> >down etc. (Now if she will only remember that conversation...keep your

> >fingers crossed)

> >

> >Then tonight, Joyce phoned to find out how I am doing with hiring a

> >caregiver (hmmm...well I guess I AM doing it, did it, with or without any

> >POA and it has been done for over a week, thanks for asking...) I

decided

> >to take the plunge and let her know that I am feeling very vulnerable

> >making decisions that I have no authority to make, and that if things

> >cannot be changed then I am going to have to back off and let her handle

> >everything as I cannot put my family and everything we have worked hard

for

> >at risk. I don't want to lose my home because someone decides to sue me

> >for making decisions etc. She said she didn't have a problem with that

if

> >that is what my mom wants...She also told me that she is going to Ireland

> >on vacation on the 28th of April and that she is coming down next week to

> >say goodbye to mom. I said maybe we could set it up to go to the lawyer

> >then. She is reluctant to do anything before she gets back saying well,

> >it's waited this long, it can wait another two weeks. I asked her to

call

> >the lawyer that my mother used and find out what is involved and whether

or

> >not she has to be there. (I think she does unless mom makes me the POA on

> >my own.) Anyway, at least she knows my feelings and is okay with it as

> >long as mom is okay with it. I don't care if we are both on it as long

as

> >I can make decisions on my own if my aunt is not there.

> >

> >I was shaking by the time I got off the phone. I am so worried that this

> >is not going to go the way it needs to. What if something happens to mom

> >before it gets into place? I am so close but so far away.

> >

> >My sister came down yesterday and took my mom out. She arrived between 2

> >and 3 pm and took her to Canadian Tire and Home Depot. They bought

> >flashlights (mom loves flashlights as much as she loves shoes) and she

> >bought her a push light as well. Mom said they went out for dinner and

had

> >fish and chips. She said she had a good time. I don't know why I was

> >afraid but I saw mom and Sharon talking in the car and was beside myself

> >that she might come inside my house and talk with me. I feel so

> >uncomfortable because I feel she is going to ask me again about mom's

> >money. I am in avoidance mode and don't want to wait 3 weeks to get the

> >legalities done. I want to get it into place and then be able to tell my

> >sister that this is what I have done. I can't believe it but I am having

> >these visual images of my sister taking my mom to a lawyer and convincing

> >her that I have " done enough " , and I am afraid that if she goes to my

> >brothers that he will somehow talk her into " signing over the cottage "

etc.

> > Then I feel terrible for having such thoughts. I feel I have to

protect

> >Mom, but at the same time I am really angry that she has so little time

> >given to her from them. I don't want any bad feelings going on between

> >her and mom or Jack and mom as I would love for them to start to have a

> >relationship and forgive and forget what has happened that caused them to

> >be so absent for her in the first place. Yet, I am afraid. I am scared

> >that I might not do as good a job as my aunt, yet I know I seem to be the

> >only one willing to do it. I haven't really slept a whole night in a

week.

> > It is constantly on my mind and with it comes the " sick feeling of

> >anxiety " in my stomach. I hate that I can't just stand up and say how I

am

> >feeling. I am afraid that if I do, I might not stop and then I will lose

> >my sister and brother. I love them even though I don't like them at

times.

> >Well at least I have talked to my aunt and have taken steps in the right

> >direction.

> >

> >I am hoping that I will find the right thing to do and that if it is

meant

> >to happen it will.

> >

> >I guess if my sister asks me again about the money I will say to her that

> >it doesn't matter, that the cottage needs to be sold regardless and we

> >should proceed with having it evaluated. If that doesn't satisfy her I

> >will tell her to ask Joyce herself. And if she doesn't like that she can

> >take a royal pooh-pooh. (no offense to the Queen)

> >

> >thanks for listening again. Please tell me I am doing the right thing...

> >

> >Kath in Chickenville

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Kath:

Whew!!~ I think your situations seems even more complex at 6 am in

the morning.

My parents worked the POA out well before LBD ever became an issue.

My mom is POA and then if something should happen to her, my sister

and I are joint POA.

I wish I had some groundbreaking advice for you. All I can say is

that the lawyer would have experience dealing in situations with

dementia patients and I imagine would have dealt with a situation

similar to your's on several occasions. As well, I wouldn't let your

aunt solely dictate how the joint POA is worded. It may be worth a

call to the lawyer yourself so that you can voice your questions to

him/her and thereby settle your own mind.

Kath, I'm sorry I'm not more help. I do want you to know I've

thought of you often and wondered how this was going. I even thought

of you this weekend and hoped the weather at the trailer was not the

rainy mess we had here on Saturday and Sunday morning.

Please know I'm still thinking and hoping things go well for you and

your mom.

Keep us posted,

Abby

[Guest guest]

Please do...I will wait until I hear from you. If you wish you can email me

at my skward2@... address.

Kath

The POA and where I am at

> >> >Date: Tue, 13 Apr 2004 21:49:49 -0400

> >> >MIME-Version: 1.0

> >> >X-Sender: skward2@...

> >> >Received: from n14.grp.scd.yahoo.com ([66.218.66.69]) by

> >> >mc9-f12.hotmail.com with Microsoft SMTPSVC(5.0.2195.6824); Fri, 16 Apr

> >2004

> >> >07:30:31 -0700

> >> >Received: from [66.218.66.160] by n14.grp.scd.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 14

> >Apr

> >> >2004 01:49:38 -0000

> >> >Received: (qmail 61989 invoked from network); 14 Apr 2004

01:48:19 -0000

> >> >Received: from unknown (66.218.66.167) by m20.grp.scd.yahoo.com with

> >QMQP;

> >> >14 Apr 2004 01:48:19 -0000

> >> >Received: from unknown (HELO web01-imail.rogers.com) (66.185.86.75)

by

> >> >mta6.grp.scd.yahoo.com with SMTP; 14 Apr 2004 01:48:19 -0000

> >> >Received: from Upstairs ([65.49.52.153]) by web01-imail.rogers.com

> >> >(InterMail vM.5.01.05.12 201-253-122-0820) with ESMTP

> >> >id <20040414014756.JPDP404318.web01-imail.rogers.com@Upstairs>

> >for

> >> ><LBDcaregivers >; Tue, 13 Apr 2004

> 21:47:56 -0400

> >> >X-Message-Info: JGTYoYF78jHpCt36iioMjudZqKnr9Hqv

> >> >X-eGroups-Return:

> >>

>

>>sentto-2141318-28672-1081907300-cat86443=hotmail.com@....

> c

> >om

> >> >X-Apparently-To: LBDcaregivers

> >> >Message-ID: <001201c421c2$c8ae1380$0200a8c0@Upstairs>

> >> >X-MSMail-Priority: Normal

> >> >X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2800.1106

> >> >X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2800.1106

> >> >X-Authentication-Info: Submitted using SMTP AUTH LOGIN at

> >> >web01-imail.rogers.com from [65.49.52.153] using ID

> >at

> >> >Tue, 13 Apr 2004 21:47:55 -0400

> >> >X-eGroups-Remote-IP: 66.185.86.75

> >> >X-Yahoo-Profile: tanzi1961

> >> >Mailing-List: list LBDcaregivers ; contact

> >> >LBDcaregivers-owner

> >> >Delivered-To: mailing list LBDcaregivers

> >> >Precedence: bulk

> >> >List-Unsubscribe: <mailto:LBDcaregivers-unsubscribe >

> >> >Return-Path:

> >>

>

>>sentto-2141318-28672-1081907300-cat86443=hotmail.com@....

> c

> >om

> >> >X-OriginalArrivalTime: 16 Apr 2004 14:30:31.0986 (UTC)

> >> >FILETIME=[5F6C1120:01C423BF]

> >> >

> >> >Hi everyone

> >> >

> >> >If you have been following along with what has been going on with the

> >life

> >> >of Kath and the continuing saga of the problems of my aunt having POA

> but

> >> >not really doing anything with it, and me, myself and I being the

chief

> >> >cook and bottlewasher in the care of mom department but having no

> >authority

> >> >to do so (except the extreme worry and lack of sleep over the same)

have

> >> >begun the tedious process of convincing all those concerned that I

need

> >to

> >> >be added to the POA with my aunt, or become the POA on my own but that

> >this

> >> >needs to happen. First I talked to mom who I believe has now agreed

to

> >> >this, and has said that we will have to talk to Joyce the next time

> she's

> >> >down etc. (Now if she will only remember that conversation...keep

your

> >> >fingers crossed)

> >> >

> >> >Then tonight, Joyce phoned to find out how I am doing with hiring a

> >> >caregiver (hmmm...well I guess I AM doing it, did it, with or without

> any

> >> >POA and it has been done for over a week, thanks for asking...) I

> >decided

> >> >to take the plunge and let her know that I am feeling very vulnerable

> >> >making decisions that I have no authority to make, and that if things

> >> >cannot be changed then I am going to have to back off and let her

handle

> >> >everything as I cannot put my family and everything we have worked

hard

> >for

> >> >at risk. I don't want to lose my home because someone decides to sue

me

> >> >for making decisions etc. She said she didn't have a problem with

that

> >if

> >> >that is what my mom wants...She also told me that she is going to

> Ireland

> >> >on vacation on the 28th of April and that she is coming down next week

> to

> >> >say goodbye to mom. I said maybe we could set it up to go to the

lawyer

> >> >then. She is reluctant to do anything before she gets back saying

well,

> >> >it's waited this long, it can wait another two weeks. I asked her to

> >call

> >> >the lawyer that my mother used and find out what is involved and

whether

> >or

> >> >not she has to be there. (I think she does unless mom makes me the POA

> on

> >> >my own.) Anyway, at least she knows my feelings and is okay with it

as

> >> >long as mom is okay with it. I don't care if we are both on it as

long

> >as

> >> >I can make decisions on my own if my aunt is not there.

> >> >

> >> >I was shaking by the time I got off the phone. I am so worried that

> this

> >> >is not going to go the way it needs to. What if something happens to

> mom

> >> >before it gets into place? I am so close but so far away.

> >> >

> >> >My sister came down yesterday and took my mom out. She arrived

between

> 2

> >> >and 3 pm and took her to Canadian Tire and Home Depot. They bought

> >> >flashlights (mom loves flashlights as much as she loves shoes) and she

> >> >bought her a push light as well. Mom said they went out for dinner

and

> >had

> >> >fish and chips. She said she had a good time. I don't know why I was

> >> >afraid but I saw mom and Sharon talking in the car and was beside

myself

> >> >that she might come inside my house and talk with me. I feel so

> >> >uncomfortable because I feel she is going to ask me again about mom's

> >> >money. I am in avoidance mode and don't want to wait 3 weeks to get

the

> >> >legalities done. I want to get it into place and then be able to tell

> my

> >> >sister that this is what I have done. I can't believe it but I am

> having

> >> >these visual images of my sister taking my mom to a lawyer and

> convincing

> >> >her that I have " done enough " , and I am afraid that if she goes to my

> >> >brothers that he will somehow talk her into " signing over the cottage "

> >etc.

> >> > Then I feel terrible for having such thoughts. I feel I have to

> >protect

> >> >Mom, but at the same time I am really angry that she has so little

time

> >> >given to her from them. I don't want any bad feelings going on

between

> >> >her and mom or Jack and mom as I would love for them to start to have

a

> >> >relationship and forgive and forget what has happened that caused them

> to

> >> >be so absent for her in the first place. Yet, I am afraid. I am

scared

> >> >that I might not do as good a job as my aunt, yet I know I seem to be

> the

> >> >only one willing to do it. I haven't really slept a whole night in a

> >week.

> >> > It is constantly on my mind and with it comes the " sick feeling of

> >> >anxiety " in my stomach. I hate that I can't just stand up and say how

I

> >am

> >> >feeling. I am afraid that if I do, I might not stop and then I will

> lose

> >> >my sister and brother. I love them even though I don't like them at

> >times.

> >> >Well at least I have talked to my aunt and have taken steps in the

right

> >> >direction.

> >> >

> >> >I am hoping that I will find the right thing to do and that if it is

> >meant

> >> >to happen it will.

> >> >

> >> >I guess if my sister asks me again about the money I will say to her

> that

> >> >it doesn't matter, that the cottage needs to be sold regardless and we

> >> >should proceed with having it evaluated. If that doesn't satisfy her

I

> >> >will tell her to ask Joyce herself. And if she doesn't like that she

can

> >> >take a royal pooh-pooh. (no offense to the Queen)

> >> >

> >> >thanks for listening again. Please tell me I am doing the right

thing...

> >> >

> >> >Kath in Chickenville

> >> >

> >> >

[Guest guest]

We did not tell the lawyer, as my mother said it is none of his business why

I want it. I am just paying him to write it.

I have to agree with that.

M

>

>Reply-To: LBDcaregivers

>To: <LBDcaregivers >

>Subject: Re: HELP-The POA and where I am at

>Date: Mon, 19 Apr 2004 23:17:18 -0400

>MIME-Version: 1.0

>X-Sender: skward2@...

>Received: from n49.grp.scd.yahoo.com ([66.218.67.37]) by

>mc9-f15.hotmail.com with Microsoft SMTPSVC(5.0.2195.6824); Tue, 20 Apr 2004

>01:00:53 -0700

>Received: from [66.218.66.98] by n49.grp.scd.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 20 Apr

>2004 03:15:42 -0000

>Received: (qmail 99700 invoked from network); 20 Apr 2004 03:15:40 -0000

>Received: from unknown (66.218.66.172) by m15.grp.scd.yahoo.com with QMQP;

>20 Apr 2004 03:15:40 -0000

>Received: from unknown (HELO web01-imail.rogers.com) (66.185.86.75) by

>mta4.grp.scd.yahoo.com with SMTP; 20 Apr 2004 03:15:40 -0000

>Received: from Upstairs ([65.49.52.153]) by web01-imail.rogers.com

>(InterMail vM.5.01.05.12 201-253-122-0820) with ESMTP

>id <20040420031522.JSV291856.web01-imail.rogers.com@Upstairs> for

><LBDcaregivers >; Mon, 19 Apr 2004 23:15:22 -0400

>X-Message-Info: JGTYoYF78jGoIwo1zy4urtB7az0U0VAU

>X-eGroups-Return:

>sentto-2141318-28849-1082430941-cat86443=hotmail.com@...

>X-Apparently-To: LBDcaregivers

>Message-ID: <002301c42686$02b02d30$0200a8c0@Upstairs>

>References:

>X-MSMail-Priority: Normal

>X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2800.1106

>X-MIMEOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2800.1106

>X-Authentication-Info: Submitted using SMTP AUTH LOGIN at

>web01-imail.rogers.com from [65.49.52.153] using ID at

>Mon, 19 Apr 2004 23:15:21 -0400

>X-eGroups-Remote-IP: 66.185.86.75

>X-Yahoo-Profile: tanzi1961

>Mailing-List: list LBDcaregivers ; contact

>LBDcaregivers-owner

>Delivered-To: mailing list LBDcaregivers

>Precedence: bulk

>List-Unsubscribe: <mailto:LBDcaregivers-unsubscribe >

>Return-Path:

>sentto-2141318-28849-1082430941-cat86443=hotmail.com@...

>X-OriginalArrivalTime: 20 Apr 2004 08:00:53.0604 (UTC)

>FILETIME=[9A791240:01C426AD]

>

>Okay, my aunt called tonight and said she talked to the lawyer. He can set

>it up relatively cheaply to include me along with her as the primary POA

>and

>my brother and sister would be 2nd if something should happen to us as the

>1st POA's. The problem is that she is still talking like there is only one

>POA. I said that they would probably do two now since there is now a POA

>for health and one for property. I am worried about this. I think I will

>try to call the lawyer tomorrow and ask what he is actually doing. Before

>I talk to him though, I just wanted to know from all of you out there, when

>you got a POA for your LO, did you tell the lawyer that they have Lewy Body

>Disease? I am worried that if I say something that they might not issue

>one, but if I don't then it might not be legal either. How did you handle

>this? I am also concerned about making sure the terms " enduring " POA and

> " jointly and severally " are in there as well. My aunt said that my uncle

>would fax the lawyer what it should say (by that I guess she means the

>names

>etc.) but if I call ahead and express what it should say from my point of

>view, and my uncle leaves out the " jointly and severally " or the enduring

>part, and the lawyer does it that way...then all of this will have been

>useless.

>

>What if mom has a bad day when we are going there? How on earth can they

>determine if she is in her " right " mind. I KNOW when she can have a normal

>conversation about something she understands completely and then turn and

>talk to a child that isn't there and then respond to me with a perfectly

>reasonable answer, but what about the lawyer who has never heard of Lewy

>Body Disease. How do I explain that? Should I even try? One friend of

>mine

>said that the lawyer will determine if mom is capable of making the

>decision

>and that when her mother went to the lawyer, the lawyer suggested she go

>for

>a coffee until her mother was finished, so it would not be deemed that she

>influenced her decision. My aunt said that this place is on the second

>floor and when my grandma had hers done, the receptionist came down and

>witnessed it in the car, so she didn't have to climb the steps. Hmm, where

>in that does the lawyer come in to assure that the person is of sound

>mind...

>

>If you have any thoughts please send them to me right away.

>

>Kath (skward2@...)

> The POA and where I am at

> > >Date: Tue, 13 Apr 2004 21:49:49 -0400

> > >MIME-Version: 1.0

> > >X-Sender: skward2@...

> > >Received: from n14.grp.scd.yahoo.com ([66.218.66.69]) by

> > >mc9-f12.hotmail.com with Microsoft SMTPSVC(5.0.2195.6824); Fri, 16 Apr

>2004

> > >07:30:31 -0700

> > >Received: from [66.218.66.160] by n14.grp.scd.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 14

>Apr

> > >2004 01:49:38 -0000

> > >Received: (qmail 61989 invoked from network); 14 Apr 2004 01:48:19

>-0000

> > >Received: from unknown (66.218.66.167) by m20.grp.scd.yahoo.com with

>QMQP;

> > >14 Apr 2004 01:48:19 -0000

> > >Received: from unknown (HELO web01-imail.rogers.com) (66.185.86.75) by

> > >mta6.grp.scd.yahoo.com with SMTP; 14 Apr 2004 01:48:19 -0000

> > >Received: from Upstairs ([65.49.52.153]) by web01-imail.rogers.com

> > >(InterMail vM.5.01.05.12 201-253-122-0820) with ESMTP

> > >id <20040414014756.JPDP404318.web01-imail.rogers.com@Upstairs>

>for

> > ><LBDcaregivers >; Tue, 13 Apr 2004 21:47:56

>-0400

> > >X-Message-Info: JGTYoYF78jHpCt36iioMjudZqKnr9Hqv

> > >X-eGroups-Return:

> >

> >sentto-2141318-28672-1081907300-cat86443=hotmail.com@...

>om

> > >X-Apparently-To: LBDcaregivers

> > >Message-ID: <001201c421c2$c8ae1380$0200a8c0@Upstairs>

> > >X-MSMail-Priority: Normal

> > >X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2800.1106

> > >X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2800.1106

> > >X-Authentication-Info: Submitted using SMTP AUTH LOGIN at

> > >web01-imail.rogers.com from [65.49.52.153] using ID

>

>at

> > >Tue, 13 Apr 2004 21:47:55 -0400

> > >X-eGroups-Remote-IP: 66.185.86.75

> > >X-Yahoo-Profile: tanzi1961

> > >Mailing-List: list LBDcaregivers ; contact

> > >LBDcaregivers-owner

> > >Delivered-To: mailing list LBDcaregivers

> > >Precedence: bulk

> > >List-Unsubscribe: <mailto:LBDcaregivers-unsubscribe >

> > >Return-Path:

> >

> >sentto-2141318-28672-1081907300-cat86443=hotmail.com@...

>om

> > >X-OriginalArrivalTime: 16 Apr 2004 14:30:31.0986 (UTC)

> > >FILETIME=[5F6C1120:01C423BF]

> > >

> > >Hi everyone

> > >

> > >If you have been following along with what has been going on with the

>life

> > >of Kath and the continuing saga of the problems of my aunt having POA

>but

> > >not really doing anything with it, and me, myself and I being the chief

> > >cook and bottlewasher in the care of mom department but having no

>authority

> > >to do so (except the extreme worry and lack of sleep over the same)

>have

> > >begun the tedious process of convincing all those concerned that I need

>to

> > >be added to the POA with my aunt, or become the POA on my own but that

>this

> > >needs to happen. First I talked to mom who I believe has now agreed to

> > >this, and has said that we will have to talk to Joyce the next time

>she's

> > >down etc. (Now if she will only remember that conversation...keep your

> > >fingers crossed)

> > >

> > >Then tonight, Joyce phoned to find out how I am doing with hiring a

> > >caregiver (hmmm...well I guess I AM doing it, did it, with or without

>any

> > >POA and it has been done for over a week, thanks for asking...) I

>decided

> > >to take the plunge and let her know that I am feeling very vulnerable

> > >making decisions that I have no authority to make, and that if things

> > >cannot be changed then I am going to have to back off and let her

>handle

> > >everything as I cannot put my family and everything we have worked hard

>for

> > >at risk. I don't want to lose my home because someone decides to sue

>me

> > >for making decisions etc. She said she didn't have a problem with that

>if

> > >that is what my mom wants...She also told me that she is going to

>Ireland

> > >on vacation on the 28th of April and that she is coming down next week

>to

> > >say goodbye to mom. I said maybe we could set it up to go to the

>lawyer

> > >then. She is reluctant to do anything before she gets back saying

>well,

> > >it's waited this long, it can wait another two weeks. I asked her to

>call

> > >the lawyer that my mother used and find out what is involved and

>whether

>or

> > >not she has to be there. (I think she does unless mom makes me the POA

>on

> > >my own.) Anyway, at least she knows my feelings and is okay with it as

> > >long as mom is okay with it. I don't care if we are both on it as long

>as

> > >I can make decisions on my own if my aunt is not there.

> > >

> > >I was shaking by the time I got off the phone. I am so worried that

>this

> > >is not going to go the way it needs to. What if something happens to

>mom

> > >before it gets into place? I am so close but so far away.

> > >

> > >My sister came down yesterday and took my mom out. She arrived between

>2

> > >and 3 pm and took her to Canadian Tire and Home Depot. They bought

> > >flashlights (mom loves flashlights as much as she loves shoes) and she

> > >bought her a push light as well. Mom said they went out for dinner and

>had

> > >fish and chips. She said she had a good time. I don't know why I was

> > >afraid but I saw mom and Sharon talking in the car and was beside

>myself

> > >that she might come inside my house and talk with me. I feel so

> > >uncomfortable because I feel she is going to ask me again about mom's

> > >money. I am in avoidance mode and don't want to wait 3 weeks to get

>the

> > >legalities done. I want to get it into place and then be able to tell

>my

> > >sister that this is what I have done. I can't believe it but I am

>having

> > >these visual images of my sister taking my mom to a lawyer and

>convincing

> > >her that I have " done enough " , and I am afraid that if she goes to my

> > >brothers that he will somehow talk her into " signing over the cottage "

>etc.

> > > Then I feel terrible for having such thoughts. I feel I have to

>protect

> > >Mom, but at the same time I am really angry that she has so little time

> > >given to her from them. I don't want any bad feelings going on

>between

> > >her and mom or Jack and mom as I would love for them to start to have a

> > >relationship and forgive and forget what has happened that caused them

>to

> > >be so absent for her in the first place. Yet, I am afraid. I am

>scared

> > >that I might not do as good a job as my aunt, yet I know I seem to be

>the

> > >only one willing to do it. I haven't really slept a whole night in a

>week.

> > > It is constantly on my mind and with it comes the " sick feeling of

> > >anxiety " in my stomach. I hate that I can't just stand up and say how

>I

>am

> > >feeling. I am afraid that if I do, I might not stop and then I will

>lose

> > >my sister and brother. I love them even though I don't like them at

>times.

> > >Well at least I have talked to my aunt and have taken steps in the

>right

> > >direction.

> > >

> > >I am hoping that I will find the right thing to do and that if it is

>meant

> > >to happen it will.

> > >

> > >I guess if my sister asks me again about the money I will say to her

>that

> > >it doesn't matter, that the cottage needs to be sold regardless and we

> > >should proceed with having it evaluated. If that doesn't satisfy her I

> > >will tell her to ask Joyce herself. And if she doesn't like that she

>can

> > >take a royal pooh-pooh. (no offense to the Queen)

> > >

> > >thanks for listening again. Please tell me I am doing the right

>thing...

> > >

> > >Kath in Chickenville

> > >

> > >