Guest guest Posted February 1, 2004 Report Share Posted February 1, 2004 Greg wrote: << I'm trying to think if there is such a thing as healthy shame, but I can only come up with guilt and remorse which seem different to me...semantics? >> Hi Greg, I've been collecting articles on shame over the years and will post some of them to this list. I didn't realize that I was emotionally numbed out all my previous years until I began to un-numb and *feel* my emotions. Then I had to learn what label to put on each one. Its interesting that you're into examining shame. It might be indicative of where you are on the healing path?? Interestingly, shame was the last emotion I was able to label. There was no map so everything that happened to me along the way was a pleasant surprise. And then it took another year on the lists before I finally got my 'voice'. - Edith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 1, 2004 Report Share Posted February 1, 2004 Thanks, Edith. I don't have time to read them now, but I'll definitely take a look tomorrow. I did want to post a link to Steve Hein's Feeling Words list, though. It's sad that I have to learn from a list what's going on inside. Feeling Words Partial List http://eqi.org/fw.htm Developing Emotional Intelligence (Yahoo may mangle this table) http://eqi.org/summary.htm Top Ten Suggestions 1. Label your feelings, rather than labeling people or situations. " I feel impatient. " vs " This is ridiculous. " " I feel hurt and bitter " . vs. " You are an insensitive jerk. " " I feel afraid. " vs. " You are driving like a idiot. " 2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings. Thoughts: I feel like... & I feel as if.... & I feel that Feelings: I feel: (feeling word) 3. Take more responsibility for your feelings. " I feel jealous. " vs. " You are making me jealous. " 4. Use your feelings to help them make decisions. " How will I feel if I do this? " " How will I feel if I don't " 5. Show respect for other people's feelings. Ask " How will you feel if I do this? " " How will you feel if I don't. " 6. Feel energized, not angry. Use what others call " anger " to help feel energized to take productive action. 7. Validate other people's feelings. Show empathy, understanding, and acceptance of other people's feelings. 8. Practice getting a positive value from their your emotions. Ask yourself: " How do I feel? " and " What would help me feel better? " Ask others " How do you feel? " and " What would help you feel better? " 9. Don't advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture to others. Instead, try to just listen with empathy and non-judgment. 10. Avoid people who invalidate you. While this is not always possible, at least try to spend less time with them, or give them psychological power over you. Developing Your EQ - Summary and Suggestions Use three word sentences beginning with " I feel " Start labeling feelings; stop labeling people & situations Analyze your own feelings rather than the action or motives of other people Ask others how they feel -- on scale of 0-10 Make time to reflect on your feelings Identify your fears and desires Identify your UEN's (Unmet Emotional Needs) Take responsibility for your emotions & happiness; Stop believing others cause your feelings; Don't expect others to " make " you happy Express your feelings - find out who cares - spend time with them Develop the courage to follow your own feelings Shame... > Greg wrote: > > << > I'm trying to think if there is such a thing as healthy shame, > but I can only come up with guilt and remorse which seem > different to me...semantics? > >> > > Hi Greg, > > I've been collecting articles on shame over the years and will > post some of them to this list. I didn't realize that I was > emotionally numbed out all my previous years until I began to > un-numb and *feel* my emotions. Then I had to learn what label > to put on each one. Its interesting that you're into examining > shame. It might be indicative of where you are on the healing > path?? Interestingly, shame was the last emotion I was able to > label. There was no map so everything that happened to me along > the way was a pleasant surprise. And then it took another year > on the lists before I finally got my 'voice'. > > - Edith > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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