Mike

[Guest guest]

Mike, welcome aboard, as much as one would ever want to welcome someone into

this type of thing<smile>.

You know, I don't know anything about the difference in having a bp dada. I

would guess though, that it doesn't really matter.

You are the same sex, so I'd even make it the same comparison. Most of us here

are women with bp nada's. You are a man with a bp dada.

In other words, in general we are dealing with the same sex bp parent. I would

read these posts and try to not make much of a distinction, and maybe Edith

knows if it matters, what the differences in handling them are. I still say I

doubt there is any difference.

My father was not bp but he had his nuances. While he was terminally ill he made

pretty constant demands on me. I tried to be there as much as possible and more,

but it was never enough. I think this was a control thing more than a need of my

presence. But believe me, I wanted to be there. I felt an extreme need to be

there that I learned later was not healthy, did me damage and did him no good.

Mike, just hang in here with us, surely you will get some help and pointers. I

find this group is very sincere, helpful, and it is so nice to have a place to

share our things that we sure wouldn't go down the road telling

acquaintances<smile>. The venting alone can do us wonders, and the

commiserating.

Warm thoughts, Trompalina

[Guest guest]

Mike and Trompalina,

I think that in most families a BPD mother does more harm to the

children than a BPD father because the mother is the primary

caregiver. The gender of the abusive parent and of the child doesn't

make much difference other than that. If a loving mother isn't able

to protect the child from a BPD father he can do a lot of harm, too.

As I read in Lance Armstrong's biography, he was hurt a great deal by

a string of BPD fathers but his mother was always there for him.

Without that he could not have excelled.

My mother seems to be mostly BPD (hermit/witch) and part NPD, but she

is not diagnosed because she will never seek therapy. My father

seems to be NPD. I have heard that this is a common combination

because they are attracted to each other.

- Dan