Small Changes by Carlson, Ph.D.

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SMALL CHANGES Written by Carlson, Ph.D.

" Most people want to change for the better -- I know I do, and so do thousands

of the people I've talked to. In spite of this desire to make positive changes,

however, most of us are either unable or unwilling to make huge, significant

changes in our already hectic lives. Let's face it, we are all too busy.

" Making time for even something as simple as exercise is difficult. There's no

way that I'm going to exercise for two hours a day, but I'm perfectly willing --

in fact delighted -- to devote twenty or thirty minutes daily in an attempt to

stay fit. I'm willing to give a small amount of time because I know it makes a

big difference in the quality of my day. The same can be said about so many

things in life.

" Take reading, for instance. How many people do you know who are going to read

a hundred pages a day? My guess is, not very many. But do you suppose you could

convince the average person to read ten pages a day? I'll bet you could. The

truth is that most people are willing to make small, positive changes, and when

they do they will be amazed by the immediate improvement in their lives.

" Weeklong retreats, three-month-long diet regimens -- the list of expensive

and time-consuming self-improvement plans could be endless. Moreover, long-term,

long-range plans for improvement come with no guarantees. That's where this book

comes in. I have spent most of my adult life offering guidance to people who are

looking to find happiness and harmony in their daily lives. From this work came

the series of books known as DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. Those books are

rooted in my understanding of how to thrive in the world we live in. To this day

I return to them (as well as to other books, of course) when I'm feeling uptight

or out of sorts and need to relax.

" As with many people, my goals and priorities have grown and shifted as my

life has unfolded; my sights are higher now. These past few years I have spent

much of my time exploring ways to lead a more meaningful life. The book you are

holding in your hands is a reflection of what I have learned in recent years.

" Whereas my previous books encouraged you to take a step back so that you

could gain perspective and avoid becoming upset and frustrated by life's endless

details, this book encourages you to take a step forward and make an actual

transformation in your life.

" Transforming yourself is changing who you are on the inside, giving yourself

an internal makeover. Rather than simply keeping the small stuff in life from

bothering you or overwhelming you and fending off stress on a day-to-day,

moment-to-moment basis -- as I encouraged you to do in the DON'T SWEAT books

---- you can transform yourself instead into a person who isn't bothered to

begin with, who doesn't even perceive the world as an inherently stressful

place. Sound impossible? Well, it's really not.

" We live in stressful times. Today more than ever we work longer hours, are

bombarded with more distractions, and are anxious about the state of the world.

In this chaotic environment, we can be tempted to believe that the only way to

find true peace is to escape. Most people think escape can be had in one of two

ways.

" One way to escape, we make the mistake of imagining, is to move away from the

chaos to a more peaceful place -- Hawaii or a small town, for example ---- or to

go somewhere temporarily on vacation. The other way we escape is by " tuning out "

reality through television, computers, too much work, or some other major

distraction designed to take our attention away from the chaos we can't stand.

" Both of these types of escape are temporary solutions that don't address the

root of our stress, which, I believe, is our very response to chaos.

" To be truly transformed, we need to first learn to be at peace while we're in

the middle of all this confusion. Usually we are doing one of two things: either

we are heading in the wrong direction or we are heading in the right direction.

In other words, we are usually in either a vicious cycle or a virtuous one. When

we can consciously choose to enter the eye of the storm, knowing that it may be

uncomfortable at first, we can indeed learn to embrace it. By making a small

change, we can alter our course, turn ourselves around, and then head off, once

again, in the direction we wish to go. When we stop designing ways to avoid our

problems and instead find the courage to move forward with an open mind and

heart, we start to feel calm, confident, and in control.

" As you begin to transform yourself into a person who doesn't experience

stress and chaos in the same ways you used to, you will find that there is more

love and joy in your heart. You won't have to work so hard at being loving when

someone acts in an unloving way toward you. You've been transformed, so being

loving comes naturally. In addition, you will have a greater appreciation for

what's right with your life. You'll be transformed into a more appreciative and

generous person. You will assume the innocence in others, forgive them as

necessary, and want what's best for everyone -- despite the fact that sometimes

people do bad things. You'll see kindness and compassion as important

ingredients in a successful and meaningful life. When we collectively approach

the disorder of daily life in this way, we transform our world together, one

person at a time.

" I used to encourage people to work at becoming less reactive, and boy am I

glad I did. Being less rather than more reactive is a way of being easier not

only on everyone around you but on yourself as well. However, the kind of

transformation I'm talking about involves less work in the long run. Once you

rise above the need to be reactive, for example, you become naturally RESPONSIVE

---- that's the difference. This book is about stepping forward into those

places, some familiar and some less familiar, that allow you to become more

peaceful and effective in a variety of ways.

" As you will soon learn, this book is about far more than stress reduction. It

will give you very practical, uncomplicated advice on matters that affect all

aspects of your life, everything from improving your relationships with others

and yourself to quieting your mind and simplifying your life, from practicing

better communication skills to learning humility and discovering compassion,

kindness, and the gifts of generosity. In all these aspects of life and so many

more, a small change can make a huge difference. "

" I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, and one of my favorite things to do

is to take a break from my office at lunchtime and head down to the harbor,

where I can sit and watch the sailboats dart back and forth on the open water.

I've always been intrigued by their beauty and precision.

" A striking thing about sailboats is that the slightest movement in the

rudder, or wheel, creates an enormous impact on the direction and, ultimately

the destination of the vessel. Imagine for a moment attempting to sail from San

Francisco to the Hawaiian Islands -- not to escape, mind you, but to discover a

whole new world. It's interesting to note that if you happened to drift just a

few degrees off course, you'd end up many hundreds of miles from where you

wanted to be, lost in the middle of the ocean instead of gliding into a

beautiful tropical bay. By making just a small, yet critical adjustment in the

steering of your boat, however, you'd be able to get back on course with very

little effort. In fact, making small corrections as you go is a big part of the

skill involved in sailing.

" Making small changes that bring great rewards to your life works, and that is

what this book is all about.

" In the pages that follow, I offer what I've determined to the best of my

ability are the small changes that offer the most bang for the buck. The book's

opening section, " A Penny for Your Thoughts, " offers subtle changes you can make

to your patterns of thought that can have an enormous impact on your happiness.

From there we move on to " Take Five, " which provides simple yet critical advice

for learning how not to react out of impulse or fear but instead to respond with

calm and cool to everyone from bosses to loved ones. The next section, " Turning

On a Dime, " details the essential changes you can make to all of your

relationships that will have a remarkable impact on not only your own well-being

but also the well-being of those around you. And finally, " My Two Bits " will

show you once and for all that it is the little things that matter most in life.

" After writing approximately twenty books and speaking to tens of thousands of

people over the past fifteen years or so, I've noticed something that I find

very interesting. It's something that applies to most people I meet, as well as

to myself, and it's the primary reason I believe this book is so important.

Making small changes is the most effective and productive way to change your

life for the better. I believe you'll see right from the start that the

suggestions I make are easy to set in motion yet produce the largest potential

payoff. From the way you think and act to how you relate to the people you see

every day and ultimately to how you interact with the world, these small changes

require very little work and can fit easily into your daily schedule. If you

practice them, or even just some of them, you'll begin to see changes in your

life that will amaze you. You'll find that it really is the small changes, made

consistently, that produce other changes that are

greater than you might imagine.

" Writing this book has been a tremendous learning experience for me as well as

a great source of joy. I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I have

enjoyed writing it. I also hope you will consider implementing at least a few of

the small changes into your life. If you do, I think you'll quickly see, not

small changes, but some rather significant positive changes. It will be much

smoother sailing from here on in! "

Copyright 2005. Excerpted from the Introduction Chapter in Carlson's,

Ph.D. new book called " Easier Than You Think ....because life doesn't have to be

so hard: The Small Changes That Add Up to a World of Difference " . Published by

Harper, and HarperSanFrancisco which are trademarks of Harper

Publishers, Inc. (ISBN # 0-06-075888-0).

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