Re: Narcissistic PD -Otwoma

[Guest guest]

free_spirit_etc wrote:

> Free - (taking one tiny step forward before stopping to sit again.

> Might check out map-quest and see if they can give me the estimated

> miles to the end of the tunnel though...ah heck! I think I'll take

> the scenic route...)

Yup, Free, you're on the path.

And, unlike one may have learned from their nada/fada, the path

is full of choices.

And from every choice a KO makes, that KO learns.

And yes, the scenic route is definitely the way to go.

And the KO also gets to stop and smell the roses.

To get a life, a KO has to drive their own bus.

<two thumbs up>

- Edith

KO Tour Guide

[Guest guest]

Well.. at least if the trip takes longer than I had originally

hoped.. I might get a senior citizen discount for the last part of

it

Free (All Aboard!)

>

> > Free - (taking one tiny step forward before stopping to sit again.

> > Might check out map-quest and see if they can give me the

estimated

> > miles to the end of the tunnel though...ah heck! I think I'll

take

> > the scenic route...)

>

> Yup, Free, you're on the path.

> And, unlike one may have learned from their nada/fada, the path

> is full of choices.

> And from every choice a KO makes, that KO learns.

> And yes, the scenic route is definitely the way to go.

> And the KO also gets to stop and smell the roses.

>

> To get a life, a KO has to drive their own bus.

> <two thumbs up>

>

> - Edith

> KO Tour Guide

[Guest guest]

I wonder why progress doesn't feel like I am moving forward. There

used to be a game called whack-a-mole - where these moles pop out of

holes and as soon as you whack one - three more pop up. That it seems

like right now. I think I have handled one thing and three more pop

up. It feels like playing whack-a-mole and the moles are winning.

I think the reason I take on so much is fear. Interesting that I let

very few people see my fear...even me most of the time.. but it is

there.... big time.

I kind of realized this with the class thing. I got my mail a couple

days ago and there was a letter from the junior college where I am

teaching three classes this semester. Of course - the letter was

about our pre-semester meeting. But my first instinct on seeing the

letter was fear. I thought " What if they are telling me they are

taking my classes? (and I have already turned the other ones down?) "

My logical self was saying " Of course they wouldn't do that by

letter. " It is like I KNEW they weren't (by letter at least) but I

didn't breathe well again until I opened it and read it for sure.

That was when I realized how fear based I was over the whole thing.

Yet even if I lost all three classes - I could do other things to

make up the income those three evenings so I wouldn't starve - I know

that. So maybe it does have something to do with being good enough

too.

But I realized I try to take as many classes as I can get when I can

get them because I can't be sure of what I will get next time. (an

adjunct thing). Yet this is a pattern I set up as a new adjunct -

when it WAS more true...when I got the left overs. Yet that is no

longer as true as it was...since I have a little more rank now.

I really do need to really consider that with this school though.

Because I used to teach four classes for them each semester. Then we

got a new department chair and she cut me back to one class - and

wouldn't tell me why. It was my major source of income at that time.

Finally she did tell me it was because another teacher complained

about me and she did re-instate my classes. Yet I was cut back to two

classes again at a later time. And I have learned to stop relying on

them as much. Actually, when they cut me back the second time - I

picked up two classes at the third school that paid better and fit in

my schedule better... so it all worked out.

Yet I do need to really consider what I want to do at this school. It

seems like every so often the department chair will ask me about

various crimes such as " did you leave trash in the classroom once

last semester? " Seems like someone HIGH up at the campus I teach at

had felt the need to pass that information on to the dean six months

before. Then I get reminded that I am " skating on thin ice " as every

time my name comes up the dean recalls that I was the teacher who did

not require my students to purchase the textbooks five years ago - so

I am told. Or even this last semester when I actually was getting no

one complaining about me at all - I got to hear " Are you staying out

of trouble? I haven't HEARD anything..... " Well crap! Like even not

being ratted on REMINDS them that they SHOULD have heard something by

now.

So it seems like I do a real fear based thing at that school

anyway... because I am never quite sure what crime I will commit that

will result in the next " talk " or possibly losing my classes. Yet I

also need to consider why I keep putting up with that crap - since I

have more choices now then I did when they first started dishing it

out.

I don't know... and I have too many other moles to whack right now.

Free

> Dear Free,

> I see real progress for you because you've chosen to do something

that you really want to do. Only those who have taught six university

classes one term know how much work that really is. Been there done

that. Why do nons do such things? To prove that we are really, really

good and then deserving of love? To be so busy we overlook our pain?

Only the good struggle. You are one of the good. Struggle on, but be

calmed by massage. Take care.

> Otwoma

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Free,

Uggghhhh, school politics shxt! It doesn't just happen to

adjuncts, it happens to full-timers, too. The stories I could

tell!!! <shaking my head>

- Edith

free_spirit_etc wrote:

> I wonder why progress doesn't feel like I am moving forward. There

> used to be a game called whack-a-mole - where these moles pop out of

> holes and as soon as you whack one - three more pop up. That it seems

> like right now. I think I have handled one thing and three more pop

> up. It feels like playing whack-a-mole and the moles are winning.

>

> I think the reason I take on so much is fear. Interesting that I let

> very few people see my fear...even me most of the time.. but it is

> there.... big time.

>

> I kind of realized this with the class thing. I got my mail a couple

> days ago and there was a letter from the junior college where I am

> teaching three classes this semester. Of course - the letter was

> about our pre-semester meeting. But my first instinct on seeing the

> letter was fear. I thought " What if they are telling me they are

> taking my classes? (and I have already turned the other ones down?) "

> My logical self was saying " Of course they wouldn't do that by

> letter. " It is like I KNEW they weren't (by letter at least) but I

> didn't breathe well again until I opened it and read it for sure.

>

> That was when I realized how fear based I was over the whole thing.

> Yet even if I lost all three classes - I could do other things to

> make up the income those three evenings so I wouldn't starve - I know

> that. So maybe it does have something to do with being good enough

> too.

>

> But I realized I try to take as many classes as I can get when I can

> get them because I can't be sure of what I will get next time. (an

> adjunct thing). Yet this is a pattern I set up as a new adjunct -

> when it WAS more true...when I got the left overs. Yet that is no

> longer as true as it was...since I have a little more rank now.

>

> I really do need to really consider that with this school though.

> Because I used to teach four classes for them each semester. Then we

> got a new department chair and she cut me back to one class - and

> wouldn't tell me why. It was my major source of income at that time.

> Finally she did tell me it was because another teacher complained

> about me and she did re-instate my classes. Yet I was cut back to two

> classes again at a later time. And I have learned to stop relying on

> them as much. Actually, when they cut me back the second time - I

> picked up two classes at the third school that paid better and fit in

> my schedule better... so it all worked out.

>

> Yet I do need to really consider what I want to do at this school. It

> seems like every so often the department chair will ask me about

> various crimes such as " did you leave trash in the classroom once

> last semester? " Seems like someone HIGH up at the campus I teach at

> had felt the need to pass that information on to the dean six months

> before. Then I get reminded that I am " skating on thin ice " as every

> time my name comes up the dean recalls that I was the teacher who did

> not require my students to purchase the textbooks five years ago - so

> I am told. Or even this last semester when I actually was getting no

> one complaining about me at all - I got to hear " Are you staying out

> of trouble? I haven't HEARD anything..... " Well crap! Like even not

> being ratted on REMINDS them that they SHOULD have heard something by

> now.

>

> So it seems like I do a real fear based thing at that school

> anyway... because I am never quite sure what crime I will commit that

> will result in the next " talk " or possibly losing my classes. Yet I

> also need to consider why I keep putting up with that crap - since I

> have more choices now then I did when they first started dishing it

> out.

>

> I don't know... and I have too many other moles to whack right now.

>

> Free

>

>

>

>>Dear Free,

>>I see real progress for you because you've chosen to do something

>

> that you really want to do. Only those who have taught six university

> classes one term know how much work that really is. Been there done

> that. Why do nons do such things? To prove that we are really, really

> good and then deserving of love? To be so busy we overlook our pain?

> Only the good struggle. You are one of the good. Struggle on, but be

> calmed by massage. Take care.

>

>>Otwoma

>>