Re: Labels..and UBM.

[Guest guest]

I think that queen and witch tendencies would be less

> acceptable because it would be nearly impossible to have those

> tendencies without causing serious issues in relationships.

Hermit,

> on the other hand, could be irritating to people during those times

> where there is withdrawl, but less a chance of saying or doing

> something that would forever end a relationship.

I agree that the witch and queen behavior are more overtly

destructive, however the emotional neglect and fear a hermit mother

projects onto her children and the effect on them can be just as

emotionally crippling. So who gets to draw the line between what

is " acceptable neglect/abuse " and unacceptable? My sister would

definitely fall into the hermit mother category and her children have

been affected by her behavior. She didn't participate in their life

in many ways and they resent her for it. Her behavior was more covert

and maybe that is why it is more acceptable. In the end it doesn't

matter what society labels any of us. I am glad there is the

term " bpd " because it brought me here and led me to validity. In

reading UBM it stated that some percentage of children of bp's will

become bp and especially the " all bad " kids. That book was wonderful

and yet it seemed a little black and white and depressing in some of

its conclusions. I can understand why someone would freak out reading

that book. I thought the queen and witch were more bp behavior but

when the author included waif and hermit it did confuse me a little

because in my mind that didn't fall into the bp criteria. I guess it

is all subjective and personal perception, as is everything.

[Guest guest]

> I agree that the witch and queen behavior are more overtly

> destructive, however the emotional neglect and fear a hermit mother

> projects onto her children and the effect on them can be just as

> emotionally crippling. So who gets to draw the line between what

> is " acceptable neglect/abuse " and unacceptable?

Honestly, I believe that we tend to " read into " the hermit label

rather than accept that everyone probably has some of those

tendencies naturally, and that most of our 'hermit' tendencies

probably are somewhat normal depending on our personality types.

When I look at the hermit tendencies that I have, most really aren't

extremely unusual. I think as KOs we tend to latch onto anything

that might make us feel that we are somewhat afflicted (or carrying

fleas) of the BP. And because there are far less " normal " behaviors

for queens and witches (which is what I meant to say in my last

post), that could be why we tend not to latch onto those labels.

It sort of reminds me of when I was a teenager and trying to figure

out what was wrong with me. I became pretty exhasperated when I

realized that I had certain tendencies but not enough of any to

qualify for a 'diagnosis'. Meaning, just like every other person in

this world, we all have our own traits and they only become disorders

when combined with other factors and traits that can be destructive.

Maybe we just reach too much. Maybe it's just too hard to believe

that we aren't wrong considering the treatment we received from our

mothers and the lack of care. I can intellectually know that she is

messed up but sometimes I still wonder if I had been better then

maybe it would have been worth it to her to get help. I don't really

wonder it, but it's there subconsciously no matter what I 'know'.

[Guest guest]

>

I think as KOs we tend to latch onto anything that might make us feel

that we are somewhat afflicted (or carrying fleas) of the BP.

Why would we do that?

Free

[Guest guest]

> >

> I think as KOs we tend to latch onto anything that might make us

feel

> that we are somewhat afflicted (or carrying fleas) of the BP.

>

>

>

>

> Why would we do that?

>

> Free

Wish I knew.