Guest guest Posted January 24, 2004 Report Share Posted January 24, 2004 Hmmm... As per the current discussion of triggers, I had a memory bubble rise to the surface this evening and thought I'd share it. I first read the words " borderline personality disorder " on the Internet in 1996. Two years later, just prior to Mother's Day while driving past a flower shop, I saw a sign on the marquee that read, " Send flowers to the one who loved you first " and I burst into tears. It touched something deep within me. My " mother " had never hugged or kissed me or ever told me that I was " OK " . That sign triggered the feeling of something missing. I've shed lots of tears over the past eight years -- most of them at the beginning of my healing journey. Those tears were at least 40-50-60+ years old and, until released, were 'rusting' my insides (ie, making me physically ill). I now have peace in my life and lots to be thankful for. - Edith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2004 Report Share Posted January 25, 2004 > Hmmm... > > As per the current discussion of triggers, I had a memory bubble > rise to the surface this evening and thought I'd share it. > > I first read the words " borderline personality disorder " on the > Internet in 1996. Two years later, just prior to Mother's Day > while driving past a flower shop, I saw a sign on the marquee > that read, " Send flowers to the one who loved you first " and I > burst into tears. It touched something deep within me. My > " mother " had never hugged or kissed me or ever told me that I > was " OK " . That sign triggered the feeling of something missing. > I've shed lots of tears over the past eight years -- most of > them at the beginning of my healing journey. Those tears were at > least 40-50-60+ years old and, until released, were 'rusting' my > insides (ie, making me physically ill). > > I now have peace in my life and lots to be thankful for. > > - Edith I have been thinking lately of something my daughter used to tell me, and your post 'triggered' me to share it. I was always being a cheerleader for both of my children. When I would tell my daughter she was smart, pretty, talented, did (whatever) very well, or even....I know it is a problem, but I am sure you will be able to work it out. My daughter's reply was, " Oh Mom, you're just saying it because you are my Mom, mom's always say those things to their kids! " I always said a silent 'thank you' at that point that my daughter had no comprehension that there are mothers out there that were saying quite the opposite to their children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2004 Report Share Posted January 25, 2004 Sylvia - That is such a neat story - and such an affirmation to you - that your daughter would take your support as a " given. " I used to tell my son " You're my FAVORITE son! " and he would always respond with " You're my FAVORITE mom! " Then one day when I said it - he looked at me puzzled and said " But I'm your ONLY son. " And I told him that yes - he was - but he was still my favorite. I know it was a real lesson in letting go when he reached the stage where he really started NEEDING acceptance from his peers, and all the unique social skills stuff that goes on in autism really got in the way of him getting that. And with him being pretty high- functioning - he didn't seem to fit in anywhere - even in the group for those who don't fit in. At that point all the love I could give him wasn't " enough " anymore. He needed something more - and he needed it from someone besides me. There becomes a point where it doesn't matter how much your mother loves you if your peers don't accept you. And I'm glad I understood that then - so I could validate him in his feelings about that - and understand how important they were. Yet - now - I can see that is BECAUSE I gave him the " mother love " he needed that he was able to move to the NEXT level - of needing the peer approval. It wasn't that he didn't need my love anymore - it was that he HAD that - and therefore could grow into the next level. Free > I have been thinking lately of something my daughter used to tell me, > and your post 'triggered' me to share it. I was always being a > cheerleader for both of my children. When I would tell my daughter > she was smart, pretty, talented, did (whatever) very well, or > even....I know it is a problem, but I am sure you will be able to > work it out. My daughter's reply was, " Oh Mom, you're just saying it > because you are my Mom, mom's always say those things to their > kids! " I always said a silent 'thank you' at that point that my > daughter had no comprehension that there are mothers out there that > were saying quite the opposite to their children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2004 Report Share Posted January 25, 2004 > .......> > I used to tell my son " You're my FAVORITE son! " and he would always > respond with " You're my FAVORITE mom! " needed > > Then one day when I said it - he looked at me puzzled and said " But > I'm your ONLY son. " And I told him that yes - he was - but he was > still my favorite. > > I know it was a real lesson in letting go when he reached the stage > where he really started NEEDING acceptance from his peers, and all > the unique social skills stuff that goes on in autism really got in > the way of him getting that. And with him being pretty high- > functioning - he didn't seem to fit in anywhere - even in the group > for those who don't fit in. At that point all the love I could give > him wasn't " enough " anymore. He needed something more - and he > it from someone besides me. > > There becomes a point where it doesn't matter how much your mother > loves you if your peers don't accept you. And I'm glad I understood > that then - so I could validate him in his feelings about that - and > understand how important they were. > > Yet - now - I can see that is BECAUSE I gave him the " mother love " he > needed that he was able to move to the NEXT level - of needing the > peer approval. It wasn't that he didn't need my love anymore - it was > that he HAD that - and therefore could grow into the next level. > > Free > > > Free - one neat story for another! I also told my one son and one daughter that they were my favorite son & daughter. We all enjoyed the play on words. Congradulations on being such a good parent for your son. Sylvia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.