Re: Edith? (formerly understanding UBM)

[Guest guest]

Well I know when I was kicked off the list (with no explanation)

after accidentally posting a message from my personal email account,

the same type of post appeared, I guess maybe to show how everyone is

being so dutifully protected (apparently the thought was I had MPD or

something, who knows). I, for one, after my situation, wish these

things would be handled more privately. There's protectiveness and

then there's paranoia, and veiled messages like this one are

confusing...

> >

> > > Help! I'm only a little way into this book(28 pages) But what

> > > comes to me so far is that I have BPD or did have it when my

> > > daughter was small. I was in my thirties then. Am 64 now. I

> would

> > > be happy enough to be on a BP list but can't find one where I

> can

> > > talk about my childhood hell...about MY mother. Now that I

have

> > > been reading your posts here, I know that I want to talk about

> my

> > > childhood. I really want to, since in all these 64 years, no

> one

> > > has understood. As you know, talking to a therapist isn't the

> same,

> > > at least it hasn't been for me. They have all said, oh my

> that's

> > > awful. But it's like I'm from another planet. They have no

> > > personal experience with that kind of pain.

> > >

> > > What started me looking lately for support was the realization

> that

> > > my daughter probably has BPD and guess who provided her with

the

> > > childhood to qualify? Me. I was very happy to understand

> finally

> > > about her, because now I can Understand. duhhh...What I mean

is

> > > that for so long all of her self destructive stuff first

> terrified

> > > me, then after years and years of if, I got pissed, impatient.

> > > Doggone, why can't she be reasonable? Well she can't. Not now

> > > anyway, not perfectly anyway.

> > >

> > > so then I found this list and started thinking about my mother

> AGAIN

> > > (now and forevermore probably) and then I got UBM

> today...couldn't

> > > just buy it...had to wait on the library's list...it's

> popular...but

> > > I'm in a panic because it's me...it's me too!

> > >

> > > I hope that I can stay on this list, because I don't see this

> kind

> > > of validation anywhere else.

> > >

> > > I have also started the Louise deSalvo book, " Writing as a Way

> of

> > > Healing, " and I do believe that it is probably true that

> > > ultimately I'll have to write a lot of it. But hate to give up

> > > contact here. What do you think?

> > > Freda

> > >

[Guest guest]

in meeting edith personally, she takes great care in providing safekeeping for

us and monitors the list very carefully to insure that BPD's do not lurk here.

my take on freda is that freda asked if she should be here and because she may

be BPD, edith suggested another safer place for her and us. there are some

really weird things that happen with people on line changing their identities,

listing on and off with different names after causing a deliberate stir. for

me, i am grateful that we have such a protective moderator, we come here for

help and support and it is worth protecting and respecting the protector. tiki

Re: Edith? (formerly understanding UBM)

Well I know when I was kicked off the list (with no explanation)

after accidentally posting a message from my personal email account,

the same type of post appeared, I guess maybe to show how everyone is

being so dutifully protected (apparently the thought was I had MPD or

something, who knows). I, for one, after my situation, wish these

things would be handled more privately. There's protectiveness and

then there's paranoia, and veiled messages like this one are

confusing...

> >

> > > Help! I'm only a little way into this book(28 pages) But what

> > > comes to me so far is that I have BPD or did have it when my

> > > daughter was small. I was in my thirties then. Am 64 now. I

> would

> > > be happy enough to be on a BP list but can't find one where I

> can

> > > talk about my childhood hell...about MY mother. Now that I

have

> > > been reading your posts here, I know that I want to talk about

> my

> > > childhood. I really want to, since in all these 64 years, no

> one

> > > has understood. As you know, talking to a therapist isn't the

> same,

> > > at least it hasn't been for me. They have all said, oh my

> that's

> > > awful. But it's like I'm from another planet. They have no

> > > personal experience with that kind of pain.

> > >

> > > What started me looking lately for support was the realization

> that

> > > my daughter probably has BPD and guess who provided her with

the

> > > childhood to qualify? Me. I was very happy to understand

> finally

> > > about her, because now I can Understand. duhhh...What I mean

is

> > > that for so long all of her self destructive stuff first

> terrified

> > > me, then after years and years of if, I got pissed, impatient.

> > > Doggone, why can't she be reasonable? Well she can't. Not now

> > > anyway, not perfectly anyway.

> > >

> > > so then I found this list and started thinking about my mother

> AGAIN

> > > (now and forevermore probably) and then I got UBM

> today...couldn't

> > > just buy it...had to wait on the library's list...it's

> popular...but

> > > I'm in a panic because it's me...it's me too!

> > >

> > > I hope that I can stay on this list, because I don't see this

> kind

> > > of validation anywhere else.

> > >

> > > I have also started the Louise deSalvo book, " Writing as a Way

> of

> > > Healing, " and I do believe that it is probably true that

> > > ultimately I'll have to write a lot of it. But hate to give up

> > > contact here. What do you think?

> > > Freda

> > >

Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

" Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

http://www.BPDCentral.com

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Sure. Simple. I figured that since she'd withdrawn from the

list, there was no reason for anyone to respond to her post.

I would have liked to interact with her, though. Self-diagnosis

is not the most reliable/accurate thang. I was going to ask her

why she'd concluded that she had BPD from reading 37 pgs of UBM.

I'd actually taken out my UBM and glossed over the first 37 pgs

the night her post appeared. But by then it was past midnight

and I went to bed. The next morning she was gone. Maybe her

withdrawing so fast was one of the symptoms of BPD -- ie,

impulsivity???? We'll probably never know.

- Edith

liquidsunsh wrote:

> Hi Edith...Ok I guess you posted this for a reason. I'm guessing

> we're supposed to infer something here, but I'm not sure what it is?

> I'm a little slow on the uptake: pls enlighten me. thx ~d.

>

> (my best guess is " this is what the inside of a BP's head might look

> like " or something like that.) If that's the case how do you know

> she isn't just all confused from reading too much vrs the real deal?

>

> When I first started reading about BPD I thought I had " it " but

> turns out I had fleas instead. I notice in reading about psychiatric

> disorders it's easy to think you've got aspects of all of them...

>

>

>>

>>

>>>Help! I'm only a little way into this book(28 pages) But what

>>>comes to me so far is that I have BPD or did have it when my

>>>daughter was small. I was in my thirties then. Am 64 now. I

>

> would

>

>>>be happy enough to be on a BP list but can't find one where I

>

> can

>

>>>talk about my childhood hell...about MY mother. Now that I have

>>>been reading your posts here, I know that I want to talk about

>

> my

>

>>>childhood. I really want to, since in all these 64 years, no

>

> one

>

>>>has understood. As you know, talking to a therapist isn't the

>

> same,

>

>>>at least it hasn't been for me. They have all said, oh my

>

> that's

>

>>>awful. But it's like I'm from another planet. They have no

>>>personal experience with that kind of pain.

>>>

>>>What started me looking lately for support was the realization

>

> that

>

>>>my daughter probably has BPD and guess who provided her with the

>>>childhood to qualify? Me. I was very happy to understand

>

> finally

>

>>>about her, because now I can Understand. duhhh...What I mean is

>>>that for so long all of her self destructive stuff first

>

> terrified

>

>>>me, then after years and years of if, I got pissed, impatient.

>>>Doggone, why can't she be reasonable? Well she can't. Not now

>>>anyway, not perfectly anyway.

>>>

>>>so then I found this list and started thinking about my mother

>

> AGAIN

>

>>>(now and forevermore probably) and then I got UBM

>

> today...couldn't

>

>>>just buy it...had to wait on the library's list...it's

>

> popular...but

>

>>>I'm in a panic because it's me...it's me too!

>>>

>>>I hope that I can stay on this list, because I don't see this

>

> kind

>

>>>of validation anywhere else.

>>>

>>>I have also started the Louise deSalvo book, " Writing as a Way

>

> of

>

>>>Healing, " and I do believe that it is probably true that

>>>ultimately I'll have to write a lot of it. But hate to give up

>>>contact here. What do you think?

>>>Freda

>>>

[Guest guest]

I wondered if Edith posted that the woman had left the group so that

we wouldn't respond, since she wouldn't be around to read it. I also

wondered if she left because nobody responded to her quickly

enough..it can feel like rejection to someone highly sensitive to not

have a response. I am not implying we should have..it takes courage

to post for the first time and I give her credit for it.I know I have

said this before but; I have gotten so tired of bp vs. non bp, fleas,

all the labels. In my opinion, bps are probably just more damaged

than most. I know firsthand the tough balancing act of having

compassion for a bp, because I bear the emotional scars of being

raised by one. And I know it is dangerous to have compassion for

someone who can hurt me. I guess I have enough distance and time away

and since I have no contact with her I can safely feel this. I don't

feel pity or responsible for her, but I don't see her as evil

anymore, just highly damaged within. Anyway we should all be careful

not to stunt our own recovery by feeling that we are NONs and they

are the *ucked up ones, because we may stop our own recovery by not

fully accepting our bp tendencies whether we call them fleas or

something else. I have accepted those behaviors within me and I know

they come from the emotional neglect and abuse of my childhood. And I

know that by admitting I have certain behaviors doesn't mean I am bp

or like my mother. That is a danger in categories, they can become

awfully close to black and white thinking. I just think it is easy to

deny our destructive tendencies because of our fear of being " like

them " . I think it must be an important phase of this process; to face

those traits that we have that we don't want to face, but if we don't

then we may never fully heal.

> > >

> > > > Help! I'm only a little way into this book(28 pages) But

what

> > > > comes to me so far is that I have BPD or did have it when my

> > > > daughter was small. I was in my thirties then. Am 64 now.

I

> > would

> > > > be happy enough to be on a BP list but can't find one where I

> > can

> > > > talk about my childhood hell...about MY mother. Now that I

> have

> > > > been reading your posts here, I know that I want to talk

about

> > my

> > > > childhood. I really want to, since in all these 64 years, no

> > one

> > > > has understood. As you know, talking to a therapist isn't

the

> > same,

> > > > at least it hasn't been for me. They have all said, oh my

> > that's

> > > > awful. But it's like I'm from another planet. They have no

> > > > personal experience with that kind of pain.

> > > >

> > > > What started me looking lately for support was the

realization

> > that

> > > > my daughter probably has BPD and guess who provided her with

> the

> > > > childhood to qualify? Me. I was very happy to understand

> > finally

> > > > about her, because now I can Understand. duhhh...What I mean

> is

> > > > that for so long all of her self destructive stuff first

> > terrified

> > > > me, then after years and years of if, I got pissed,

impatient.

> > > > Doggone, why can't she be reasonable? Well she can't. Not

now

> > > > anyway, not perfectly anyway.

> > > >

> > > > so then I found this list and started thinking about my

mother

> > AGAIN

> > > > (now and forevermore probably) and then I got UBM

> > today...couldn't

> > > > just buy it...had to wait on the library's list...it's

> > popular...but

> > > > I'm in a panic because it's me...it's me too!

> > > >

> > > > I hope that I can stay on this list, because I don't see this

> > kind

> > > > of validation anywhere else.

> > > >

> > > > I have also started the Louise deSalvo book, " Writing as a

Way

> > of

> > > > Healing, " and I do believe that it is probably true that

> > > > ultimately I'll have to write a lot of it. But hate to give

up

> > > > contact here. What do you think?

> > > > Freda

> > > >

[Guest guest]

> for me, i am grateful that we have such a protective moderator, we

>come here for help and support and it is worth protecting and

>respecting the protector. tiki

At the expense of KOs who need support? Could be handled much better

than it is. It doesn't need to be a production.