My friend Danni! O/T

[Guest guest]

Danni-

Hi Sweetie-

I am so sorry to hear that you aren't doing well. Not that I thought you would

be doing great but I guess I was hoping that with everything that is going on

that you would catch a break from " the Dragon " . Of course not, that rash

sounds......weird! You need to go to the Doc. To me, in my opinion, that

doesn't sound like the " Stills " rash.

I know that you are hearing this from everyone and it is easier said then done.

But with that said, YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!! Your dad has already

lost one of his children, you need to do what you can do to keep you healthy and

feeling good. (as much as possible) I didn't know how much this disease feeds

on stress until my Grandfather passed. Stills just grabs onto that stress and

works it.

Don't be so quick to pack up s things, maybe it would help (or not) to have

his stuff around?? Just a thought, everyone is different. But don't take

everything on yourself Danni, if it is too hard for you to go though his things

then let someone else handle that part and you do something else. OR wait until

you are ready (emotionally and physically).

You know that is looking down on you and your family and wishing you

weren't pushing yourselfs so hard. And you KNOW how upset he would be if you

were TOO sick and still pushing.

Tell me how the funeral went??? I know it wasn't a party time, but you know what

I mean. Did you get a chance to talk about how special your brother was to you?

Was there beautful flowers? Did you have a get together after? Did your

Bio-logical mom behave?

Danni you are always in my thoughts and prayers, but even more now. I know you

will get though this rough time but until you do know that I am here for you to

lean on and I will listen as much as you need to talk. Even though most of our

communication is bt e-mail... I am here for you. With my schedule and the time

difference I never have a chance to call you. But if you e-mail me I will get

back to you asap.

The last thing I want to say is cry.. cry... cry... You can still be strong if

you cry, but you need to get it out. It helps you feel better. And I believe

it makes you stronger. With my Grandfather I would cry..then wipe my tears,

straighten my clothes and get done what I needesd to get done. And if I needed

to cry again, I did. It helped clear my head. Just a thought.

Love and Support Always,

XOXO

Keri

update

Hi Stilligans,

I just wanted to let everyone know that I am trying to get through my brothers

death but it has been very difficult. I am trying to stay strong for my Dad who

is going through hell. My Dad has taken care of my brother for 15 years. We are

lost. I went to a hospice social worker who told me I am not allowing myself to

morn yet. It's hard to morn when I have to stay strong for everyone else. I feel

so responsible for my brothers death. I am a nurse I should of been able to do

something. The social worker told me that eventhough I want to be I am not the

world's savior. I just wanted to save my brother.

then over the past few days I have this rash / welts on both arms, legs and

chest area. It is not like my usual rash. This rash/welts burn and ooze clear

liquid. My arms are very swollen and painful to move. Has anyone else had

this??? I am not sure if it is because of still's or the fact I have not been

really eatting or sleeping. I am going to call the doctor in the morning but I

have a feeling she is going to send me to the er. I can not be laid up right now

with so much to do for my dad. I started to pack up some of my brother's

belongings but I started to have an anxiety attack and had to stop. I know it is

stupid.. I just feel lost without my brother. I wish you all could have known

him. He had a big smile and an even bigger heart. He was one of the only people

in my life that I can just be me with. Why do I feel so bad???

Sorry to go on and on. I hope all of you are doing well. I thank all of you for

the support. It has been my lifeline.

Danni

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