- nada splitting

[Guest guest]

It just occured to me while reading your post, that my nada did the same

thing with my cousins when I was growing up...told cute stories of when

they were little, how they said......, what she sent them for Christmas

etc,....it used to make me wonder if I ever did anything worth talking

about. She told ME pretty is as pretty does and that was that..don't

brag...

Ilene

anyrae wrote:

>

> >

> > rachel....i'm still struggling over this one! actually, i am

> > feeling awfully guilty right now about something that happened

> > tonight at dinner with nada. the conversation turned to my fiance's

> > grandmother (who is very mean and not really " with it " anymore) and

> > ongoing problems caring for her. i went off on a huge lecture

> > about how ridiculous granny's treatment of the family is...and how

> > everyone goes way too overboard caring for her and letting her walk

> > (more like stomp) all over them. my nada was clearly getting upset

> > by everything i was saying...i could see the terror rising in her

> > eyes....her worrying about what i was going to do to HER when she

> > got old. she started arguing about daughters' responsibility to

> > their mothers, etc....and i just kept plowing forward. i think i

> > was even being overly harsh, exaggerating my opinion....b/c i was

> > sort of enjoying being in the position to threaten HER for a huge

> > change. how awful of me! i just felt like i wanted her to see that

> > i wasn't going to let her obligate me forever...to let her barge in

> > and destroy my adult life as she nearly did my childhood. it was

> > not a mature way to handle the situation...but i got carried away.

> > does this ever happen to any of you? i fear the repurcussions this

> > is likely to have later....i should have kept my mouth shut. she

> > was on her good behavior at dinner b/c " outsiders " were there...but

> > who knows how this will come back to haunt me! ah well.

> > thanks for listening. i'm off to bed to recover for a full day

> > tomorrow. Gin

> Oh yes, I am really good at getting carried away when trying to voice

> my opinion on something like this. Now trying to remember times like

> this--it seems almost like it was more when I was around my fada. He

> is the absolute most egotistical, condescending a-hole I've ever

> encountered. Sometimes I would hear myself saying something like " I

> think that once someone's parent is no longer able to take care of

> themselves, it should be the grown children's decision whether or not

> to euthanize them. " lol--of course this is totally not anything I

> would ever really believe!! But it feels so good to oppose him that

> I guess it is easy for me to go overboard. If he would let me freely

> express my opinions and ideas to him without being so disrespectful

> and dismissive of them--then he might get the benifit of my real

> thoughts or feelings. He is not able to " hear " another person unless

> they are coming from somplace as nutso as he is I guess.. And now

> that I think about it some more--It sort of reminds me of how my nada

> when she would split someone " all good " she could sing their praises

> and go on and on about how right, good and wonderful they are until

> I'd end up wanting to punch this person in the perfect face. The

> whole time knowing of course that it wasn't them at all that was

> irritating--it was her shoving them and all of their " all goodness "

> down my throat. My sister and I many times laughed over how she

> (nada) was able to take someone who you actually liked and promote

> them and LIKE them til the point you hoped you never saw them

> again.. Same thing when they were the unfortunate " all bad " split of

> the month/week/day--she was so vicious that even if this person was a

> complete slug--I would eventually start to really feel bad for them

> and all of a sudden hear myself sticking up for someone who I didn't

> like/didn't know.. She could bring out the very worst in me. Don't

> feel bad over it--the motto of the nada is: innapropriateness at all

> costs--so she probably didn't even notice.

>

>

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