- Nada insanity

[Guest guest]

Hi :

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!!

Isn't that what you told me a few weeks ago?

I think so!!

My aunt did the exact same thing as your Nada is doing when my uncle

was dying. I set boundaries, and stuck to them!!

This did give me stomach aches, and aggravate me -- but only so much!!

Then.... the boundaries helped ME to remain sane.

That is what you HAVE to do!! Remain sane for yourself and your kids

and husband!!

YOU are important -- set the boundaries and stick to them!!

Good luck!

Barb

> I had wanted to post a separate message but couldn't find the Post

> button so I am just replying to this original in the hopes that

> someone out there in Modoasis will give me some help.

>

> I've been out of touch for awhile bc travels and a new nada/fada

> situation is in the picture. Dad had a major setback about 2 weeks

> ago, almost died and had yet another emergency surgery. He is now

on

> dialysis for the rest of his life. He's OK, and should be released

> from the hospital next week, but I know he's in fragile condition.

>

> I decided to take control and book a flight for my daughter and I

to

> go up to Canada to see Nada and Fada on the 31st. Nada completely

> wigged out by my bringing Mallory. I second guess self despite my

> firm conviction that this is best decision for my immediate

family.

>

> Nada has hysterical phone call screaming to me that fada dying and

I

> must come now and hangs up on me when I say, sorry I will be there

in

> two weeks. I call hospital and nada hasn't been into hospital

since

> surgery... fada is stable. so nada is in made up, hermit hell

> spewing her fear all over the place. brother also called in

> hysterics.

>

> I ask hospital to intervene for nada. hospital already aware of

> problem and recommends psych nurse and SW. nada sees them and

> decides it is great we're coming, but she'll be gone during that

time

> to a " secret place " where we can't get in touch with her. Husband

> disgusted with nada... husband (wonderful man that he is) decides

to

> join us in Canada so we're not dealing with fada and lunatic by

> ourselves.

>

> nada has told eveyrone that fada will be in hospital for months.

> fada released next week. nada freaking out in her head again...

> insists fada cannot come home unless he has full time care/24 hours

a

> day. nada believes brother not in winnipeg to see fada bc his wife

> won't let him come (not true). Not true that fada needs care all

the

> time, but her reality is all that matters.

>

> aunt (her sister) emails me from holland and says " nada not quite

on

> the road. " Understatement.

>

> I am awaiting a return call from sw re: nada's emotional/mental

> condition. Nada a hermit/witch... mostly a WITCH to me. I am

wrong

> kid... I am the " all bad " so it kills her to be in same room with

> me. Thinks I am demanding and burdensome person. Not reality, but

> who can argue with a nada?

>

> nada now in a " secret place " this weekend (i have found out it's a

> convent where no speaking is allowed... oh goody, just what crazed

> lunatic needs ... more solo time making up and amplifying in head).

>

> I am trying very hard to maintain my " adult " behavior. this is

> difficult when dealing with infamous selfish behavior on part of

> nada. real concern expressed by auntie and my self that nada might

> just run away from problem rather than face it rationally. (isn't

> that what kids do when they are afraid??? and angry??? and when

fav'

> toys don't work don't they just ignore them and toss them aside???)

>

> I am deeply concerned for my fada. have no idea what kind of

vipers

> next he's getting into. WOE bc don't want to upset nada while she

is

> in this state bc don't want fada to have lousy recuperation due to

> her tirades and crazy attitude.

>

> Oh, the list goes on. I have had a panic attack (first in years!!)

> but have also managed to have splendid 5 day trip to VA Beach with

> friend and her children. Very rejuvenating. Also spending quality

> time with family here as well as friends. Giving myself permission

> to take long baths and chill out doing nothing before I go to the

> NEST. Supremely grateful for husband and his support. Supremely

> freaked about how nada will behave when we get there.

>

> My almost 8 year old knows the situation... very bright and

> perceptive gal. She's given me a laugh or more re; Oma's

freakouts

> and nutty behavior. She is also ready for whatever faces her re:

opa

> if he dies. We are christians so she is at peace with where opa

will

> go when he does die.

>

> Nada insists death is still imminent. Upset bc we (brother and I)

> fail to recognize the gravity of the situation... not so... but how

> can I mourn someone who isn't gone? I also realize this is hermit

> projection of her own fear and worry about the loss. Am a bit POd

bc

> I do want to focus on fada and give him my attention and love but

how

> can I focus on HIM when SHE is having this drama dog and pony

show.

> Also hurt bc I only hear how much she needs my brother and how she

> offered to pay for him to come out to help... but we three can just

> hop on planes and stay in hotels and pay for rental cars without

any

> problem. Bit bitter about that one.. not that I want her to pay

for

> it. This visit is for me and fada and our family to do right thing.

>

> Have tried techniques from UBM book.. to no avail. Have not

argued

> or tried to put Nada on spot... have been reasonable and calm

> and 'ADULT' in every conversation. Yet Nada says I am not

listening

> to her... that I argue with her... blah blah blah.

>

> there's so much more, but just too much to write. guess i needed

to

> vent.

>

> Don't know what to ask for. Just want to hear some words of

> encouragement from the group.

>

> Thanks all,

>

> >>