The Art of Letting Go

[Guest guest]

The Art of Letting Go

What do those two words mean to you? " Letting go. " For me there are really two

questions that spring to mind here. What are the kinds of things we want to let

go of? and Why should I do this? i.e. What is the benefit for me?

Holding on causes tension and restricts freedom Letting go does not mean losing

or having to give something up Letting go means allowing things to exist as if

they were in the palm of your hand Letting go is simply making a decision to no

longer to allow something from the past to influence your life now or to reduce

your inner sense of peace and well-being. So all we need to do is to let go of

the beliefs and attitudes that prevent us from experiencing the joy of the

moment. The problem comes in identifying exactly what that means; we have so

many beliefs that prevent us from being in the here and now, from being content

and peaceful within. Taking Responsibility for Our Own Lives One of the worst

attitudes is 'Things happen to me', not from me but to me; a degree of victim

mentality. At any level we really need to accept the full responsibility for

whatever happens to us. Or we can take the responsibility to accept that what

happened to us five minutes ago is no longer of any

importance because that was five minutes ago and this is now. If we are holding

onto the incident, we continue to hurt ourselves. What happens subsequently is

important but not what happened in itself. Something happens, and it sets off a

sequence of events. So let go of the bit that happened back there and deal with

the bit in the sequence that is actually occurring now. The important thing is

not holding on to anything any longer than it actually lasts. In reality, all we

need to do is experience the learning and move on immediately. Learning from

Experience Sometimes we convince ourselves that we need to 'hold on' in order to

extract the learning from it. If you are repeating big patterns, you can retain

the memory in terms of what not to do next time, but not the emotional content

it aroused in you. Thus you can get the maximum amount of learning but

ultimately that's still part of the letting go process. If it's a traumatic

experience that's teaching you a lot, keep it as

something to learn from, while letting go of your attachment to it, let go of

it emotionally. That's the basis of letting go of our beliefs and attitudes that

anything happens to us, that we are a victim of anybody. Making Choices Life is

a series of choices of how to behave. Often we make these choices automatically,

without really being aware of what we are choosing or why. But no matter what

anyone does in any aspect of their life, it is still a choice they have made.

And, of course, in making choices we also make mistakes. It is from those

mistakes that we learn about ourselves and others. And we learn how to make

different choices next time if we remain open to the process of making mistakes.

But one thing stops us learning from choices and that is fear. Fear of judgement

and criticism, which is usually felt as shame or guilt. So the second thing we

have to let go of is all of our judgements and values and ideas of what should

be or what shouldn't be. We should have no values,

no judgements, no morals, no criticisms, no ideas of what is or should or

shouldn't be. None at all. Because if we have an idea of what is or what should

or shouldn't be we are making a judgement on something that is as it is, as God

or as the Universe intended. It is as it is, and it is perfect as it is for the

people who are involved in that scenario. That applies to us in our lives, but

because it is a principle it applies equally to the people in a war crisis, for

instance. And that's where the understanding becomes really difficult to accept.

You may say, 'Hold on, this is not right' but it is, it's right for them, and

I'll go back to a previous point. The angrier everybody gets about a situation,

the worse it gets. This is not at all pleasant or emotionally intelligent but

judging won't improve it either; it will make it worse. If everybody stops being

angry about a situation it disappears; the war will not happen. Keeping Neutral,

Learning Acceptance If we see something and

make a judgement or a criticism about it we are adding our angry 'energy' to

that situation. We are actually increasing it. If we collectively say, 'What is

happening in this war or that country now is terrible', we are adding to the

energy of that event; we are making it worse for the people in it. What we need

to do is to stay completely neutral and know the highest truth i.e. what is

happening there is as it should be for those people, however traumatic. We've

all been through equivalent experiences one way or another, so we've got to let

go of the idea that it's right or wrong; that's just the way it is for those

people. The most important point to make here is that making choices is not

making a judgement. It is just saying, 'choose not to behave in this way'.

Eventually, if we allow everybody to learn without fear, then the mistakes stop

being so terrible and the results stop being too damaging and dramatic on

individuals and society. But it has to happen that way round so

that we suspend the judgement before others stop doing whatever we originally

judged. We cannot expect them to stop before we stop judging. What we can do is

make our own structure for the choices we would make but without saying we are

right, and that is wrong. It is saying this is what we would do as far as we

know at this moment. Period. Not that it's right or wrong. So what if we saw an

old lady being mugged in the street? Should we just walk on? No. If possible,

and not to the detriment of your own safety, you can choose to intervene with

the action but what you mustn't do is add your judgement or criticism to it. You

must not judge either party involved. That is the tricky bit. Saying 'that's not

my choice of behaviour but I accept their right to do that and I will intervene

because that is my choice'. We have to accept the consequence of that choice,

which might be that you get mugged. People and Behaviour are not the Same

Something that gives a depth of understanding is to

recognize that the action is not the person. You can say that action is not

good, but the person is perfect, they are perfect in as far as they have got in

their own learning about life. We cannot possibly see what the master plan for

the Universe is, so if we start judging and criticizing we are saying we know

better than God, the universe, energy or whatever, and we don't. We have to let

go of the assumption that we know. The trouble with a little bit of

enlightenment, a little bit of spiritual awareness, is that you suddenly get

into a kind of spiritual judgementalism: I know, and you lot all don't'. It's a

very difficult ego state to get out of. Eventually you do get kicked out of it

because you realize that you're not that much different to them. You just

realize a little bit more of what you're learning next, you're a bit more aware

of it. It's very important not to assume that we have some greater

understanding. All spiritual teachings include a section about 'not judging

because to do so would be hypocritical'. None of us has always got it right,

or, should I say, made the best choices. But if we learn from it and don't

repeat it that is the most anyone can ask. So we do have to separate the

behaviour from the person and take that to the highest levels, such as a war

crisis, which appears so horrendous. We can choose to keep our thoughts out of

it and know that that situation will heal itself when everybody has learnt what

they can. Becoming More Emotionally Intelligent Helps the World Too If we

replace judgemental values with a sense of our self- worth, and how we wish to

express that essence of us to the rest of the world, we choose to live in a way

that helps to heal ourselves and other people. We accept it in a way that is

unconditionally accepting of ourselves and of other people, so we drop our

barriers in order to help heal the world. We help to heal everything in the rest

of the world by dropping our sense of what is right or wrong. There is

a fine line between making a decision about how to behave and making a

criticism or judgement of behaviour in others. Once you can see where it is, you

can stay on the one side of it. Just consider for a moment how differently you

respond if you feel critically judged compared with being accepted as you are.

That applies to the whole universe too. Fixed Ideas of What Will Be The next

thing is expectations of outcome: if I do this, then that will happen. Our

disappointment is always based on what we think should have happened or what we

hoped would happen or what we thought the other person should do. It is never

based on what has actually happened, it is based on our disappointment that what

we wanted didn't occur. So we want to control the universe, thinking we know

better than God etc. again. If we decide what we think should happen is right we

are getting back into judgements. But God is neutral. It doesn't say, 'You are

bad because you made that mistake today and you are good

because you did that'. God acknowledges: 'You are learning, you are going in

the right direction and doing the best that you can do at any time' and that's

what we need to start working from. My understanding is that God is the supreme

intelligence but is also an evolving consciousness, and as our consciousness

evolves we contribute to the evolution of God-consciousness. We are all God, or

spirit, having a human experience and when we raise our consciousness

individually we are also, in a collective way, raising God-consciousness,

because we are all God anyway. That is the point of creativity; that is the

point of intelligence. Evolution occurs as a result of intelligence, not the

other way round. So if God- consciousness is the ultimate intelligence that lets

go without judgement, then we have got to emulate that by letting go without any

judgement or questioning about anyone else. God lets us go where we want, to

expand our consciousness, including making some stupid mistakes and

making some wonderful discoveries in human terms. If we are allowed to do that,

so then is everyone else. Interconnectedness and the Oneness Why is it important

for us to raise our consciousness and let go of our beliefs in order to help

everyone else come back to the connectedness of everything in the universe? Some

people want to move and grow faster and others grow more slowly. All travel.

Some are trying to slow the others down and some are trying to speed the others

up, but whatever each one does affects the others next to it. We are all units

of vibrating energy, according to quantum physics. So our emotional energy will

affect the people around us. Miserable people are a drain on us; we call them a

drag, and they are dragging our energy down. We want to vibrate more lightly,

more harmoniously, and they are slowing us down. By lifting our vibrations

through our self-development, and releasing our sense of judgements, criticism

and control, we are actually allowing everybody

else around us to speed up as well. So ultimately we have one responsibility

and that is to raise our consciousness sufficiently to help raise the other ones

around us. So we have to choose to let go of the illusions of what was or what

will be, of right or wrong, and to increase our vibrations. And then we

automatically raise the vibrations of those around us. The final belief that we

need to let go of is that our individual humanhood really matters. Everything

will be as it is. It doesn't matter how it is because however it is and wherever

it is going it will get there because it can't not. Probably where it's going

doesn't matter because there isn't a decision about where it's going to go.

There is no limit to where it's going to go. If you decide it's going to go from

'here' to 'there' you are immediately placing a limit on where it can go to, but

it doesn't matter where it's going. So we have to let go of the idea that

humanhood really matters. We are in it and it is part of

our experience and we do have to live with our feet in both human and spiritual

worlds but we have got to let go of the idea that this matters. Changing One's

Perceptions One of the best ways to deal with this is to think, 'will I feel

this stressed about this situation tomorrow, or next week, or next year or in

five years time?', and the answer is usually no, not if you let it go. If you go

straight to that feeling of detachment and let go of 'what I am feeling now', it

becomes much more comfortable. Try using these statements in your life: . I

can't control what is happening in the world; . I can say loud and clear that I

want this or that to happen; . I can accept that if it doesn't, there is some

good reason for it though I can't see what that might be; . I'm not God and I

don't know what that good reason is now, but if I remain open then I will find

it; . I have to let go of what I think it should be and I will find it is far

better. So we've got to get away from what we think

things ought to be and get to our free will. Our free will is our choice and we

are affected by the wisdom of our choices. We are not right or wrong in the

choices we make. It may not even be the same choice for the next day. You might

make a different choice, but for that moment in time it is right and that is the

same for everybody. We have to let go of a sense of being right or wrong and

allow things to be as they are, to accept the process of change in ourselves and

others and give each other the freedom to change and learn without judgement. We

have to let go of our thoughts and learn to listen and wait. We have to let go

of our expectations and let things and people be as they are and we have to let

go of the need to do and simply allow ourselves to grow and change daily. What

are the Real Benefits to Me of This Approach to Life? So what is the point of it

all? This is easier. . If we learn to let go we acquire a greater sense of being

in the present. A greater sense that our

needs actually are being met, because at any given moment they are, so don't

worry about what's going to happen tomorrow because today everything is fine. .

If we let go of expectations and judgements, we find a sense of calm and inner

peace, because we are not in conflict with what we think should be. We also have

a far greater sense of strength, and respond to the moment instead of the past.

Our vulnerability is never in the moment; it's in what we fear will be. Have you

ever noticed that you are usually frightened after or in anticipation of what

will happen but very rarely in the moment? So we get a sense of our strength

because we are right in the here and now. We lose our vulnerability which is

based on what if, not on the here and now. . We have greater acceptance of

others and therefore we make a greater contribution to raising their awareness,

a greater sense of truly going with the flow. . We gain a sense of fun and

freedom in all we do. How often do we go out and dig a

hole in the garden and then fill it in again just for fun? Adults don't often

do that, kids do and really enjoy it but adults don't really do that kind of

stuff, they want to be sensible. But that is what being is, digging holes and

filling them in again, just for the fun of it. So start thinking about what

you're doing and have fun with it. It's a weird sense of just letting go and not

having a reason for doing something. Do it because you really just want to. Have

you seen how much energy people put into building a sandcastle, just to watch

the sea wash it away? And you may think what a waste of time, but it's not, it's

a wonderful thing, you're in the moment, you're there and you just did it for

the hell of it. Live all of your life as if it was building a sandcastle. There

can be no better reason for doing something other than you're enjoying it.

Actually it's the best reason for doing something. Enjoying something is our

choice. Becoming fully immersed in what you're doing,

called mindfulness in Buddhism, is a very good way of letting go, letting go of

all the other stuff around you, so that all your concentration is based on what

you're doing. You're not making judgements; you're not having expectations of

outcome. The key thing is that the more we let go of these attributes of

victimhood and judgement, the more we move into our true nature. Living without

judgement means living in a state of -being. Being- reveals our true identity

and oneness with creation. It allows us to release concepts of who we are and

allow the spiritual identity to emerge. Being- places us beyond the world's

effects and allows us to live at a different level of consciousness. It allows

us to have without fear of loss, without needing to control and judge, to live

and be truly free. So begin to let all your life become one big let-go

experience and then see what happens next. Allow each day to unfold for you not

as you would choose but to reveal to you your true nature. That

is the true meaning of intelligence

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