- empty inside

[Guest guest]

Hi :

I too have felt empty inside about family.

what happens (I've discussed this in therapy) is that I get so hurt

and disgusted, etc. that after a while I can't even " feel love "

anymore. Then I REALLY feel empty!

I start not being able to feel love even from my husband --

and of course I get depressed!

It is on ongoing cycle!!

I think it does get better once you keep away for a while!

Like breathing better after you've quit smoking for a year!

Or, like being able to feel normal again 3 hours after they stop jack-

hammering ouside of your living room window!!

Ha, ha!!

But seriously -- all the head games can be soooo destructive.

I think we should focus on " rebuilding " our lives -- with positive

people!

I have actually considered -- SERIOUSLY considered taking my 6 yr.

old son and visiting nursing homes.

I really LOVE some old people, I consider them good and wise,

I would enjoy talking to some good, and wise, and NON ABUSIVE elderly

people!!

Good luck and please write soon!

Barb

> Carol, Thanks for the kind words, I was getting ready to quit the

> group when I saw I had a response, Thank You!!

> Barb, I know how you feel about the grief while she is living. I

am

> going through that now. My NOM kicked me out of her life AGAIN in

> May and my life has been a turned upside down mess since. She is

> expecting me to crawl back and just joke the whole thing off so

> things can be " normal " again. Boy would it be so much easier, but

> what for? To get settled into the old grind feeling fake love,

> letting my guard down, being phony - all to get kicked out again

> just when I allow myself to feel safe again? Can't do it this

time,

> this last pushing away about ripped my heart clean out of my chest.

> I have days where I just ache, and then I buck up the next day and

> say: But there is peace in my house and I like it!!

> I had to put my 12 year old German Shepherd to sleep Monday...never

> had to do that before, even as old as I am....it was hell. I am in

> a funk over that and part of me wanted to hear NOM say she was

> sorry, but the other part would know she wouldn't mean it. I have

> an uncle visiting now, her brother from 1,200 miles away and I

> haven't heard from him - so I know she has gotten her troups all up

> against me again. It's all a repeat which makes it easier but I

> still hurt. I wonder when you just cut all ties and actually not

> want to ever see any of them again? Does your NOM live close?

Mine

> is like 5 miles away, but I am hoping they will be moving to

> CA....snakes keep getting into her house LOL AND SHE IS TERRIFIED

OF

> SNAKES. I believe there are messages for her in the animal speaks

> book.LOL The only family I have now is my wonderful husband (2nd

> round) and my two fantastic daughters...and of course my animal

> kids. My husband's family likes me, so thats not so bad...but you

> still feel empty when the ones you knew as children have turned

> their backs on you and don't even bother to ask your side of

> anything. Take Care -