Re: Introduction - Steph in Virginia

[Guest guest]

Hi Steph,

Sounds like you have gone through a lot with your daughter. Hugs to you on all

your concerns, I'm glad you have support for yourself. I like the expression,

" when you know better you do better " . So many of us did not know OCD was there

and just thought our kids were being difficult. Even when you do know it is all

very hard to cope with, we all do the best we can, all you can do.

If " bad parenting " were a cause of OCD I think we might have an epidemic

Likewise, how would you explain when OCD occurs when all conditions are

favorable? Or that only one child out of three have OCD in a family, where they

are all parented the same.

I was once told that if you are asking the question and having concerns then you

already know your answer - you are a good and caring parent. None of us are

perfect parents, I know I've done lots of " wrong " things, and certainly have my

own issues, but none of this caused the OCD.

OCD is a neurobiological condition. All the aspects are not known, but brain

chemistry is involved, and a basic malfunctioning of the brain response is

occurring. It is one of the mental health conditions that has the most evidence

for biological basis, from what I understand. There is much research done with

regard to the genetic nature of OCD also. Ok, I think you get the point on

this!

Our son had similar type of content to his thoughts. It is indeed very

disturbing for them. They need to accept that they are just thoughts, without

any meaning. Often they feel shame and guilt because they believe it is

themselves generating these thoughts, it's very confusing.

There ARE ways of dealing with these thoughts, basically any exposure to them -

writing them out repeatedly, saying them out loud, recording them and listening

to it. Our son has learned to just allows them to be there and does not do

anything to suppress or avoid them. He puts it that he had to learn to not be

afraid of anything - he used to be the opposite!

The OCD knows to target their greatest fears, it will suggest the opposite of

who they really are, and go to the heart of who they are - it's mission is to

" get " them, so it keeps going deeper and darker to do so. It is limited only by

their own imagination, I think. Their mission is to not listen, not believe, to

NOT let it " get " them...it's " just a thought " , not the truth.

The thoughts themselves have no meaning, it is the meaning that they assign to

them that is the problem. They also have to allow the anxiety that comes up

with the thought and " habituate " to it until it loses power. All this can be

very hard to do, and needs to be done at a pace they can manage, ideally with

professional help.

ERP therapy (a form of CBT) is the way out for many. The doing of it is the

challenge. There are some good workbooks for teens, one by March, and you

can find others on our book list, found in our files. If your daughter has not

received ERP therapy this can make all the difference, and it doesn't matter

when you start it, when they really take it on it works and can be amazing to

watch how they progress. Do try to find the best expert you can for this. You

will find a list of therapists at - www.ocfoundation.org. Need to interview

them still, this is just a list, not recommendations.

Warmly

Barb

Canada.

Son, 19, OCD, Autism Spectrum - doing well for almost 3yrs.

>

> Hi, I am new to this group and will be gradually going through the archives in

the coming weeks. I can see there is a wealth of information here, and I wish

I'd found this group much sooner!

>

> My daughter, SS, is the oldest of 3 kids. She began showing mild

anxious/obsessive tendencies around age 3 or 4, things I only recognize in

retrospect. Her illness really emerged when she was 5. She had recently started

school, and was having a difficult time because of her Aspergr's Syndrome and

sensory issues, which had not yet been diagnosed. She began to obsess about the

idea that she wanted her parents and baby brother to die, which caused her

agonizing guilt. Then the problem subsided. It re-emerged a few years later. On

one occasion, for example, she was afraid she was going to cut me with a knife.

We sought professional counseling at that point. She improved. She began to

suffer again a year later; we took her to a psychiatrist and she started SSRIs.

It had reached the point she was literally begging for medication (she had seen

a T.V. commercial for anti-anxiety meds. and was desperate for relief from her

own " bad thoughts " and anxiety.)

>

> It has continued off and on over the years, culminating in a suicide threat,

when she was 15, which resulted in a hospital stay. She is now 16 and things

have improved though, she continues to ebb and flow, sustained by an

ever-changing cocktail of psychoactive meds. Unfortunately her meds. are very

sedating, and she's gained a lot of weight, which worries me.

>

> She has never really had CBD, only meds. and supportive counseling (with a

little bit of the Brain Lock method thrown into the mix). She is currently

seeing her psychiatrist weekly.

>

> When she was first officially diagnosed, at age 8, I was told she was too

young to benefit from CBD (though she's always been very bright, verbal, and

self-aware). Later I was told no one around here practices that sort of therapy.

I am still talking to her doc about this, and he has promised to present some

cognitive therapy options. I am embarrassed and disappointed that I've allowed

it to take this long.

>

> My biggest concern is that I fear she may be giving up hope that she'll get

better. In the past year, since her hospitalization, she's doing better, but she

still struggles with " bad thoughts " and incredibly horrible, disturbing

nightmares. When she has " bad thoughts " I encourage her to use the Brain Lock

method, but she says she yells and curses at herself, and sometimes threatens to

kill herself for having these thoughts. Obviously she needs a professional (in

addition to her psychiatrist) to help her with this.

>

> The " OCD voice " in her head sometimes tells her she'll end up committing

suicide by the time she's 18, because she's " too fragile. " :-( I keep reminding

her what incredible strength and courage she's demonstrated in coping with OCD

for 11 years, but I don't think it helps.

>

> This is a delicate question, and I haven't had time to read the archives yet,

so I apologize if it's inappropriate or if it's already been covered. Is it

common for a person with OCD to have vivid, horrifying dreams about murder,

mutilation, rape, incest, and the like? Is there a way to treat this?

>

> Another thing I am struggling with is increasing guilt and regret. I keep

reviewing all our " bad parenting " over the years -- times SS was yelled at,

threatened, criticized unfairly, or not shielded from things that frightened and

upset her. I can't stop obsessing about the idea that one of these things was

the " tipping point, " and we caused her OCD. Part of my mind tells me this is

irrational ( " at times, unfortunately, we added to her anxiety, but we didn't

make her ill " ) but this battle goes back and forth in my mind. I am also

grieving a lot about everything she's suffered in her childhood. Of course, I'm

seeking professional help for myself, because all this garbage isn't doing

anyone any good.

>

> Thank you for listening. I look forward to getting to know all of you.

>

> Steph

>

[Guest guest]

Barbara, Thank you so much for your wise suggestions and your support. It means

a lot to me! -- Steph in Virginia

>

> Hi Steph,

>

> Sounds like you have gone through a lot with your daughter ... Warmly

> Barb

> Canada.

> Son, 19, OCD, Autism Spectrum - doing well for almost 3yrs.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Steph, welcome! Don't have time to really reply now, hope to tonight. Want

to say, your dd is not alone. My son, 22, presently has " bad thoughts " also.

We put his OCD under the " scrupulosity " type because it also involves his

religion/faith (God, not sinning, he's going to hell, blaspheming...). He

won't tell me all that he thinks, but I know those are part of it.

Some of the medications can cause very vivid dreams.

Here's a couple articles on the topic if you haven't seen them:

http://westsuffolkpsych.homestead.com/Morbid.html

http://westsuffolkpsych.homestead.com/Treat_Morbid.html

and on scrupulosity type:

http://westsuffolkpsych.homestead.com/Sin.html

My son also has Aspergers, mild in some ways, not in others.

Later,

single mom, 3 sons

, 22, with OCD, dysgraphia, HFA/Aspergers

attending UNC-Chapel Hill

>

> Hi, I am new to this group and will be gradually going through the archives in

the coming weeks. I can see there is a wealth of information here, and I wish

I'd found this group much sooner!

>

> My daughter, SS, is the oldest of 3 kids. She began showing mild

anxious/obsessive tendencies around age 3 or 4, things I only recognize in

retrospect. Her illness really emerged when she was 5. She had recently started

school, and was having a difficult time because of her Aspergr's Syndrome and

sensory issues, which had not yet been diagnosed. She began to obsess about the

idea that she wanted her parents and baby brother to die, which caused her

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much, Chris! And I look forward to hearing from you again later.

Steph in Virginia

>

> Hi Steph, welcome! Don't have time to really reply now, hope to tonight.

[Guest guest]

Hi again Steph, regarding parenting and some ideas for exposure, treating, Barb

covered it well.

I told you my son has scrupulosity OCD presently. I have a touch myself. I

never say " I have OCD " because I haven't had it control me or had it to the

severity of our kids. So I say " touch. " I can have the same thoughts as

, yeah, feel a stab of guilt, but just shrug it off as OCD and quit

thinking about it. can't, and obviously your dd can't. When I was

younger I just called it my " contrary brain. " If I knew it was bad to think

something, I was going to think it, so " sorry! and oh well! " Knew I didn't

mean any of it.

doesn't have good insight into his thoughts as being OCD, which does

interfere with therapy. He hasn't seen a therapist in a while, the last one

told me that it was hard to do therapy when he felt his thoughts weren't all

OCD. Last time I discussed it with , it was more he felt the thoughts

were him but that OCD just had him obsessing on them, repeating them, etc.

Something like that. I've argued with him from every direction about that, and

about his refusal to try medication, but can't sway him. He has managed though.

I do think the Aspergers part of him plays a part in the poor insight. But it

was also easier for him to see his past OCD as OCD, where he used to have the

more physical rituals, compulsions he did. Luckily we got past those.

So far as the dreams, I mentioned some of these medications can cause vivid

dreams. But also, guessing, with her thoughts centered around the subject, that

may be part of why she is dreaming it, meds adding to it.

Glad you found our group! Let her know she's not alone with these bad thoughts,

hope the articles were helpful!

>

> Hi, I am new to this group and will be gradually going through the archives in

the coming weeks. I can see there is a wealth of information here, and I wish

I'd found this group much sooner!

>

> My daughter, SS, is the oldest of 3 kids. She began showing mild

anxious/obsessive tendencies around age 3 or 4, things I only recognize in

retrospect. Her illness really emerged when she was 5. She had recently started

school, and was having a difficult time

[Guest guest]

Thank you, Chris. I appreciate your sharing your experiences and support.

Ward

>

> Hi again Steph, regarding parenting and some ideas for exposure, treating,

Barb covered it well.