Guest guest Posted April 18, 2007 Report Share Posted April 18, 2007 Death is part of life. At age 8 I had to cope with the death of my grandmother. My mother was very wise. I would suggest, truly, that if you want your daughter to have the chance to say goodbye without having too disturbing an experience, you might consider what Mom did for me - the possibility of only attending one of the viewings. You can take your time, answer your daughter's questions, concerns, fears, say a prayer. You'll be able to only approach as close as she wants, and leave without problem when she needs to. Sandi Houston In a message dated 4/17/2007 3:37:04 P.M. Central Daylight Time, breger3@... writes: Any thoughts on her attending the funeral, my husband and I just aren't sure since it's a child. She's been to funerals before, but she was younger so didn't quite know what was going on, and all the people have been adults. Actually this will be the first time I'VE had to attend a funeral for a child. We just aren't sure if it's a good idea for her to go. ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2007 Report Share Posted April 18, 2007 Thank you Sondra sondra wrote: I to say if she can verbalise of it to you to ask of her if she wants to go or not and if she does not maybe as parents you can go for her and bring her back teh little card or things they have on funerals to keep instead of actually going. Sondra In Autism_in_Girls , Crystal Breger wrote: > > Thank you Sondra. > > Any thoughts on her attending the funeral, my husband and I just aren't sure since it's a child. She's been to funerals before, but she was younger so didn't quite know what was going on, and all the people have been adults. Actually this will be the first time I'VE had to attend a funeral for a child. We just aren't sure if it's a good idea for her to go. > > sondra wrote: > Crystal at age of 6 it is of okay to be of vague and not want to preset > of a fear that might add to her overall stress. If she askes you can > say a big old pole fell down and hit her. this wway it does not > identify a source or relate it to the wind or weather. so if she ask > what hit of her only reply to the question without to add details of > it. > Sorry to hear of htis loss. > Sondra > > > > > > > Crystal B > http://www.myspace.com/breger3 > http://craftyrecord.blogspot.com/ > http://bethpuzzle.blogspot.com/ > 407 total skeins of yarn (all types) to go > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2007 Report Share Posted April 18, 2007 Thank you Sondra sondra wrote: I to say if she can verbalise of it to you to ask of her if she wants to go or not and if she does not maybe as parents you can go for her and bring her back teh little card or things they have on funerals to keep instead of actually going. Sondra In Autism_in_Girls , Crystal Breger wrote: > > Thank you Sondra. > > Any thoughts on her attending the funeral, my husband and I just aren't sure since it's a child. She's been to funerals before, but she was younger so didn't quite know what was going on, and all the people have been adults. Actually this will be the first time I'VE had to attend a funeral for a child. We just aren't sure if it's a good idea for her to go. > > sondra wrote: > Crystal at age of 6 it is of okay to be of vague and not want to preset > of a fear that might add to her overall stress. If she askes you can > say a big old pole fell down and hit her. this wway it does not > identify a source or relate it to the wind or weather. so if she ask > what hit of her only reply to the question without to add details of > it. > Sorry to hear of htis loss. > Sondra > > > > > > > Crystal B > http://www.myspace.com/breger3 > http://craftyrecord.blogspot.com/ > http://bethpuzzle.blogspot.com/ > 407 total skeins of yarn (all types) to go > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2007 Report Share Posted April 18, 2007 Yes, we are in Michigan, thank you for the condolences, you are right, we can't take ANYTHING for granted! priscillasmum04 wrote: you must be in Michigan. My sister just told me this story today. How tragic. Another teaching moment not to take anything for granted. My condolences to you and your little girl and that family. -Dana Priscilla's mom > > I was wondering if those on the spectrum could give me some insight. > > My daughter is 6. Yesterday one of her friends was killed. This is a friend that she plays with I'd say 5 or 6 times a year and she's known for a few years now. I told her the news, I was crying. She cried for a minute, and then was fine. I don't know how much of death she understands. She has been told that my husbands parents are in heaven, as are varoius pets of other family members. She brought it up a few times yesterday and once this morning. She looks at me and says either " Who died? " or Angel died. And then will start telling a story. I told her a bit of what happened, (we had high winds and a flag pole snapped in half and landed on her) but I don't want to be too detailed cause I don't want her afraid of windy days or flag poles. I just told her something hit her and hurt her very bad. But is it worse to be vague? > > Any thoughts or comments from anyone would be helpful. Also, I don't know any plans yet, but should I take her to a viewing or funeral? > > Thanks in advance! > > > Crystal B > http://www.myspace.com/breger3 > http://craftyrecord.blogspot.com/ > http://bethpuzzle.blogspot.com/ > 407 total skeins of yarn (all types) to go > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2007 Report Share Posted April 18, 2007 Yes, we are in Michigan, thank you for the condolences, you are right, we can't take ANYTHING for granted! priscillasmum04 wrote: you must be in Michigan. My sister just told me this story today. How tragic. Another teaching moment not to take anything for granted. My condolences to you and your little girl and that family. -Dana Priscilla's mom > > I was wondering if those on the spectrum could give me some insight. > > My daughter is 6. Yesterday one of her friends was killed. This is a friend that she plays with I'd say 5 or 6 times a year and she's known for a few years now. I told her the news, I was crying. She cried for a minute, and then was fine. I don't know how much of death she understands. She has been told that my husbands parents are in heaven, as are varoius pets of other family members. She brought it up a few times yesterday and once this morning. She looks at me and says either " Who died? " or Angel died. And then will start telling a story. I told her a bit of what happened, (we had high winds and a flag pole snapped in half and landed on her) but I don't want to be too detailed cause I don't want her afraid of windy days or flag poles. I just told her something hit her and hurt her very bad. But is it worse to be vague? > > Any thoughts or comments from anyone would be helpful. Also, I don't know any plans yet, but should I take her to a viewing or funeral? > > Thanks in advance! > > > Crystal B > http://www.myspace.com/breger3 > http://craftyrecord.blogspot.com/ > http://bethpuzzle.blogspot.com/ > 407 total skeins of yarn (all types) to go > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 2007 Report Share Posted April 19, 2007 Oh that is so sad! My heart goes out to that family and yours. Death is hard for any 6 year old to grasp. And it may just not affect her as much as it does you because she is six. Kids in general don't put themselves into situations like that...I know for me, the first thing I think of is how horrible it would be if something like that happened to me or my kids...kids have a hard time with that, and autistic kids really just can't do that. Empathy is a very complex emotion. It requires a good grasp of theory of mind, which is hard for autistic kids. I would let her know she can talk to you when she wants, but don't push it on her. I wouldn't take a child to a viewing, autism or not. I would ask her if she wants to go to the funeral. If she doesn't want to or can't tell you, she probably shouldn't go. And unless she is asking specific questions, I think vague is a good idea. Amnesty > > I was wondering if those on the spectrum could give me some insight. > > My daughter is 6. Yesterday one of her friends was killed. This is a friend that she plays with I'd say 5 or 6 times a year and she's known for a few years now. I told her the news, I was crying. She cried for a minute, and then was fine. I don't know how much of death she understands. She has been told that my husbands parents are in heaven, as are varoius pets of other family members. She brought it up a few times yesterday and once this morning. She looks at me and says either " Who died? " or Angel died. And then will start telling a story. I told her a bit of what happened, (we had high winds and a flag pole snapped in half and landed on her) but I don't want to be too detailed cause I don't want her afraid of windy days or flag poles. I just told her something hit her and hurt her very bad. But is it worse to be vague? > > Any thoughts or comments from anyone would be helpful. Also, I don't know any plans yet, but should I take her to a viewing or funeral? > > Thanks in advance! > > > Crystal B > http://www.myspace.com/breger3 > http://craftyrecord.blogspot.com/ > http://bethpuzzle.blogspot.com/ > 407 total skeins of yarn (all types) to go > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 2007 Report Share Posted April 19, 2007 Oh that is so sad! My heart goes out to that family and yours. Death is hard for any 6 year old to grasp. And it may just not affect her as much as it does you because she is six. Kids in general don't put themselves into situations like that...I know for me, the first thing I think of is how horrible it would be if something like that happened to me or my kids...kids have a hard time with that, and autistic kids really just can't do that. Empathy is a very complex emotion. It requires a good grasp of theory of mind, which is hard for autistic kids. I would let her know she can talk to you when she wants, but don't push it on her. I wouldn't take a child to a viewing, autism or not. I would ask her if she wants to go to the funeral. If she doesn't want to or can't tell you, she probably shouldn't go. And unless she is asking specific questions, I think vague is a good idea. Amnesty > > I was wondering if those on the spectrum could give me some insight. > > My daughter is 6. Yesterday one of her friends was killed. This is a friend that she plays with I'd say 5 or 6 times a year and she's known for a few years now. I told her the news, I was crying. She cried for a minute, and then was fine. I don't know how much of death she understands. She has been told that my husbands parents are in heaven, as are varoius pets of other family members. She brought it up a few times yesterday and once this morning. She looks at me and says either " Who died? " or Angel died. And then will start telling a story. I told her a bit of what happened, (we had high winds and a flag pole snapped in half and landed on her) but I don't want to be too detailed cause I don't want her afraid of windy days or flag poles. I just told her something hit her and hurt her very bad. But is it worse to be vague? > > Any thoughts or comments from anyone would be helpful. Also, I don't know any plans yet, but should I take her to a viewing or funeral? > > Thanks in advance! > > > Crystal B > http://www.myspace.com/breger3 > http://craftyrecord.blogspot.com/ > http://bethpuzzle.blogspot.com/ > 407 total skeins of yarn (all types) to go > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 2007 Report Share Posted April 19, 2007 Thanks! I'll look for those. Ploveabby@... wrote: When 's aunt passed away 2 years ago Abby was VERY upset. I spoke with Abby's old preschool teacher and she brought Abby two books that were extremely helpful. One is " When Someone Dies " by Sharon Greenlee and the other book is called " The next place " by Warren Hanson. Both are very good but Abby really liked " When someone dies. " Perhaps these are books that would help. Pennie Abby's Mom ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 2007 Report Share Posted April 19, 2007 Thanks! I'll look for those. Ploveabby@... wrote: When 's aunt passed away 2 years ago Abby was VERY upset. I spoke with Abby's old preschool teacher and she brought Abby two books that were extremely helpful. One is " When Someone Dies " by Sharon Greenlee and the other book is called " The next place " by Warren Hanson. Both are very good but Abby really liked " When someone dies. " Perhaps these are books that would help. Pennie Abby's Mom ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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