HUMOR: Surgeon General's latest report

[Guest guest]

For those of you not familiar with the biting satire of The Onion, be

forewarned of their irreverance. Both sides of an issue always get

scorched (pun intended). Warning: The last line of the original on

the Web site has an expletive that is not deleted.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/49409

Surgeon General Issues Report On Dangers Of Secondhand Fire

June 13, 2006 | Issue 42o24

[excerpts]

.... " While severe irritation of the eyes, throat, face, arms, and

legs is common among those not on fire themselves, prolonged contact

can also cause irreparable damage to bodily organs, most frequently

the skin... "

" Statistics show that senior citizens with dry skin, young children

who are smaller (are most affected) ... Chronic asthma sufferers were

shown to have their condition drastically worsen within seconds... "

" In response to the findings, smelting plants and fireworks

distributors across the nation have introduced harsher workplace

restrictions... "

" Top executives from six of the nation's largest lighter

manufacturers ... issued a joint press release Monday in response to

the surgeon general's report ... (alleging) claims that secondhand

fire can cause serious harm as " irresponsible and wildly

exaggerated... "

" The most vocal dismissal of the report's findings, however, have

come from burners' rights groups, who have claim (sic) they have

historically felt ostracized by anti-burning ordinances and

other fire-control measures... Advocates frequently accuse anti-

burners of expressing unreasonable fears and hysteria... "

Group: PLEASE read the whole story carefully...

or you will miss the best parts - including my personal bias as

revealed by my paraphrasing and exclusions. <grin>

In other words, " grin and the whole world smiles with you. "

Did I get that right?

Carl Grimes

Healthy Habitats LLC