work on therapist

[Guest guest]

I remember posting work on my therapist, B, last Summer sometime. At

that time I decided i wanted to start terminating and I've been

cutting back on my appts. since October. I now see her every other

week. I feel quite annoyed with her, especially after this last

session, and would like to do some work and get some feedback if

anyone feels so inclined. I'm angry at her b/c she makes comments

like, " if you have doubts then you should not get married, " and " it's

OK if he does that now but you wouldn't want that if you are married, "

or " once you're married, he shouldn't be friends with women he's

dated--you would have a very hard time with that--my husband tells our

children he never even dated anyone other than me " or " oh, you didn't

tell me *that* part. " I want B to be less opinionated and categorical.

Actually, now i'm seeing a core belief underlying this. I think i've

always tended to put therapists in the teacher/all-wise/guru role,

wanting them to fix me and tell me what to do so that i can be happy.

I've often thought other people know better than me and then it causes

me fear if when there's dissonance in our views. I also think B was

expressing some of my own fears and i didn't want that--i wanted her

to help me work through my jealousy so that i can be free in my love.

I asked her to ask me the four questions but her " facilitation " veered

off too much and ended up annoying me. More and more, doing the Work,

i find that i want to find my own answers; however, i still yearn for

validation and signs from others that i'm doing it right. The tension

between those two is uncomfortable.

B knows better than me.

1. No.

3. I doubt myself; i'm afraid of going against what she says; i resent

her if i disagree; i want her to validate all my learning and help me

go further in that direction. Mind go? all the therapists and teachers

i trusted who let me down or hurt me (inquire later!). Treat B? in the

past very depending, had her on pedestal; veyr needy. Treat myself?

fear and anxiety, doubt, obsessive...

4. See her as my mother, whose worries and concern simply mean she

loves me and wants what's best for me based on her own beliefs based

on her own experience; see her as a woman with a degree sitting across

from me whom i am paying for her opinions (!); questioning whether i

want to pay her for her opinions any longer.

TA B doesn't know better than me.

I know better than B, about me.

B knows better than me, about herself.

I realize there's more to do here. This is a start.

-heidi