jokes again

[Guest guest]

posting some jokes which i received hope u all like it

plz reply if u all like

Firoz (2002)

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1) sex of computer

A French teacher was explaining to her class that

in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as

either masculine or feminine. " House " for instance, is

feminine - " la maison " - " pencil " , however, is

masculine - " le crayon. "

A student asked, " What gender is 'computer'? "

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the

class into two groups, male and female, and asked them

to decide for themselves whether " computer " should be

a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked

to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that " computer " should

definitely be of the feminine gender ( " la computer " ),

because:

1. no one but their creator understands their internal

logic;

2. the native language they use to communicate with

other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term

memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. as soon as you make a commitment to one, you find

yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories

for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers

should be masculine ( " le computer " ), because:

1. in order to do anything with them, you have to turn

them on;

2. they have a lot of data but still can't think for

themselves;

3.they are supposed to help you solve problems, but

half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. as soon as you commit to one, you realize that if

you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten

a better model.

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2)some laws u probably didnt know

Law of Mechanical Repair:

After your hands become coated with grease your nose

will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop:

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least

accessible corner.

Law of probability:

The probability of being watched is directly

proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone:

When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy

signal.

Law of the Alibi:

If you tell the boss you were late for work because

you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will

have a flat tire.

Variation Law:

If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you

were in will start to move faster than the one you are

in now. (works every time)

Bath Theorem:

When the body is fully immersed in water, the

telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:

The probability of meeting someone you know increases

when you are with someone you don't want to be seen

with.

Law of the Result:

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't

work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics:

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to

the reach.

Theatre Rule:

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from

the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee:

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your

boss will ask you to do something which will last

until the coffee is cold.

's Law of Lockers:

If there are only two people in a locker room, they

will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:

The chances of an open-faced jelly Sandwich of landing

face down on a floor covering are directly correlated

to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location:

No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument:

Anything is possible if you don't know what you are

talking about.

Brown's Law:

If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law:

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

's Law:

As soon as you find a product that you really like,

they will stop making it.

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3) very sick

A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling

very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is

immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a

barrage of extensive tests.

The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at

the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.

" This is your doctor. We've had the results back from

your tests and we've found you have an extremely nasty

virus, which is extremely contagious! "

" Oh my gosh, " cries the man. He's in a panic now.

" What are you going to do, doctor? "

" Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas,

pancakes, and pita bread. "

" Will that cure me? " asked the man hopefully.

The doctor replied, " Well no, but ... it's the only

food we can get under the door. "

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