PJ

[Guest guest]

PJ!! welcome back!! Missed ya....love, Jeanie

[Guest guest]

,

I appreciate and accept your compliment! You know, it hasn't been that

long ago that I could have made that comment. I would always get embarassed and

say nothing, or hide my head or something. It is hard being empowered and

being able to be thankful. But, I'm trying.

The way I look at things is this: We may never know how much we can

touch other's hearts or their lives, or " how we might say just the right thing

at the right time " , we may never get accolades for helping someone as we may

never really find out that was the case. But that doesn't really matter. If we

keep our love, empathy, and compassion inside of us, and don't " risk " out there

to reach out to others -- then we KNOW that we didn't help anyone. But, if we

try to help, ... then we can have the thought that we 'risked' and that we

'tried'. , I appreciate so much for all the times that you and the other

affirmation group members try to help others. Being a good listener is

sometimes all another person needs!

Guess I'm getting too old -- there was a day that I would hold back,

and not contribute or say something to others. But, as I'm approaching the 50's

before too long, I feel I've earned my place to speak out to others

occasionally! Hope you guys don't mind! And, I never mean to offend anyone --

so if I have, please forgive me. And, let's talk about it. You know with

emails, it is sometimes hard to understand exactly what another person means --

at certain times. So, if we ever need to clarify or talk about something that

has been said, ...then this is the place for that. Hope everyone has a

wonderful week ahead! Peace, PJ

Lady wrote:

Hi PJ....First I want to say your very welcome for all I have been

able to share with others in this group. Thankyou also for your

kind words of me.

I try to help when I can by being able to share my experiences

of growing. I feel deeply for people and the struggles they are

going though or have gone through. I can only hope that I can

say something to encourage someone, somehow or in

someway. I can only speak from my heart, from my

experiences and from what I have learned, and I do care.

Pj I have always valued our friendship and to know such a

wonderful, caring and kind person that you are has been a gift

to me. You are truely special.

Caring, warm hugs

, Blue, and Everyone:

, first off, thank you for sharing! You are one of the

most compassionate, wonderful people I've met, and to have

gone through all that you have is pretty amazing! I cherish our

friendship!

Blue, ... can help you alot! She is one terrific lady and

has been an excellent friend to me -- through all my ups and

downs! I'm sure she won't mind if you write to her personally.

To everyone -- I really do like that quote that was shared

awhile back in affirmations -- something about all the

experiences and circumstances that we've been through help

to make us who we are today! That is really true! Many of us

have had major struggles of one kind or another, and I really

do think they make us stronger and more capable in life. They

make us mad first, depressed, and a few other things too.

But, the experiences certainly do help us learn and grow. And

I really believe that is one of our purposes here on life -- to

learn, to grown, and to overcome and to be successful. Also,

to love ourselves and be accepting of ourselves! -- which is

sometimes very hard to do. Anyway, guess I'm getting too

long-winded, ...maybe it's time for someone else to share now.

Have a great weekend everyone! Peace, PJ

Lady wrote:

Hi Blue: I have been divorced for 5 yrs and a previous 2 yr

court battle with him. He had this funny notion that he wanted

me to get nothing. I said I was entitled to 50% of his pension

money, he said no so off to court we went. I fought only for

fairness, I wanted or asked for nothing else. I found a very

good lawyer who felt sorry for me and knew I didnt have any

money but he believed in fairness and he hated the ex for what

he was trying to get away with. Well 20 grand later, and so

many lies, the judge gave me 50% plus. I was awarded a 5 yr

spousal support. That now ends and I am now poor. That is

now my next challange. The 20 grand was put into a lean on

the house, and there are others...as at the end he went

bankrupt and left me with all the bills....I said I have so many

leans on the house that it actually leans more to one side..as I

look at it. Ya just got to see the humour in that because what

do you do when you have no money.

Now the real humour to all of this is when he went bankrupt he

didnt have any bills or a lawyer bill. If I had of went bankrupt I

would of lost all his pension money to creditors. I couldnt touch

the money but they could of taken it. NOW all that money was

taken by the govt in various years to pay income tax debts.

So I ended up losing it all anyway.

He ruined all the children, none of then graduated. I have 3. My

oldest is 21 and my twins are 18. I begged him to leave the

kids alone but he used them to live with them at various times

as he got money from my disability pension for having them

there. At 13 and 14 they lived with him bascilly alone and

brought up themselves. My oldest I had to use tough love and

make her go with him at 16 as she was violent with me.

The story of my children go on but its just to long. They dont

speak with me.

My outlaws havent spoken to me since the day their baby told

them he was leaving me. I didnt think that was fair but what

is.

Im glad you are on meds that work for you in helping with the

clinical depression.

I do so understand very well what you are saying about

gathering motivation when you are under the cloud of

depression and stress. It does take work and persistence and

then sometimes nothing works and I just dont care.

But I just keep working on myself.

You have had the strength to get to the point where you are

now, and even though this challange will be what it is you will

have the strength to get though this also.

I know the relief you will feel when its all over. Please try to take

care of yourself as well as you can, I didnt and it was so hard

on me. You are important.

Caring hugs

Thank you Kay & for the kind welcome. :-)

Yes , it does sound like we have a lot in common! How

long have you

been divorced? I have also broken off contact with most of my

family due to

their negativity and bitterness. Amazingly I've become much

closer to my Dad

these past few years and am very happy about that. We were

estranged for a

long time.

I've been on Prozac for about 6 years. It has helped me

tremendously.

I live in California by the way.

Regarding changing beliefs and choices to help one feel

better -- yes I think

this is true. But so hard to do! Especially when one is under

the cloud of

situational depression, or stressed-out. Those kinds of

feelings can be

immobilizing. I can tell myself I should go out for a walk in order

to feel better

(and know that I WILL feel better) but gathering the motivation

can be so

hard.

Actually, my h just left so I'm feeling a bit drained and am not

thinking too

clearly so don't know if that made any sense! lol

We were working on divorce papers. Kay, we do have a

lawyer and she's

wonderful. But what we're working on now is all the information

she needs,

i.e. income & expenses. They are a mess (esp. because of

the biz) and I

have to keep asking him questions to sort it all out. Will be

such a relief when

it is over... I keep telling myself that!

blue

> Hi Blue...A big welcome to the group. You know as I was

> reading your introduction I felt as though you were writing

> about me in many parts. I am divorced from a 9 yr old after

18

> yrs. I will be 46 in Oct, I have clinical depression and anxiety.

I

> have a dysfuctional family with whom I have broken off

contact

> (best move I ever made). I live in Canada, east Coast.

> Where are you if I may ask.

>

> " Situational depression though, as opposed to clinical

> depression, can be addressed and improved. You can DO

> things -- both mental and physical -- that can lift you up. "

>

> I tend to vary my opinion of this statement you have made. I

> believe you can change your beliefs, and choices to help

> improve your feelings. May I also ask if you are on

> medication?

> I hope you enjoy being here as much as I have been, and

that

> you find some answers to what you seek.

> Caring hugs

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you, Shari! Hugs, PJ

Shari wrote:PJ,

It is going to take me some time to reply to you, but I know the feeling you are

having inside and all I can say is I certainly would never leave the group

because of what you have been through. It is what the group is for. No one here

expects you to be the expert. We are all in this together. Love you to death!

Shari

PS I will answer the rest of your letter later.