Perfectionism

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I don't write to the group very often, but I would like your help. Could

someone please send me something about perfectionism? A good friend of mine

keeps

having heart palpitations. She was checked out and it was found that the

problem is stress related. I keep telling her that I think it's because she

worries too much about being perfect. She even admitted that this might be the

problem, but she doesn't know how to correct it because that was the way her

parents brought her up. (She's very beautiful and she said she always had to be

" Little Miss Perfect " for her mother). I would really like to be able to help

her, so I would appreciate it if someone could send me something.

Thanks,

Ann

[Guest guest]

Hello Ann,

Great to hear from you!! I have a few thoughts on the topic, since I've

always been somewhat compulsive-obsessive, and perfectionistic myself!

" Somewhat " is an understatement!!!! Ha! Ha!

The first thing I can say is that someone once taught me something really

neat, but that I tend to forget it frequently -- but, it can really help, if one

can remember it!!!

When something doesn't go quite right, or one doesn't live up to

expectations, or anything like that -- Take a breath and Just sigh, and

.....then say " Oh Well " -- which can be said somewhat dramatically, but is better

if it is said rather boringly!! As in, " oh well " la dee dah dee dah. Very

slow, and very boring, and very bla. That alone will take away some of the

power of the frustration and the seriousness of not " getting it right " !!

Humor can certainly help, as does " staying cool " . And, one can " Pretend

to stay cool " UNTIL they can actually " get it " and BE COOL. Hope some of this

makes sense!!

Another thing that has helped me some is the saying, " Progress, Not

Perfection " .

And, " it is more important what direction you are headed in, THAN if

you are there yet!!!! "

I'm sure I can come up with some other suggestions, but basically this

might get your friend started. I'm sure our group members will also have many

other suggestions!

Perfection can be over-rated! Something else that helps me

sometimes, is realizing that with some people in life, no matter what I do, ...I

will never please them, or be perfect to them, or live up to their expectations

of me!!! SO, if a person can realize that, and try not to be a people-pleaser,

than that can help one's attitude a whole lot! It may be a hard habit to break,

but it can happen with a little effort.

One more thought. I'm one of these people who is very " into " music.

And, many times when I'm dealing with something stressful, or a problem, ....I

try to think about it in terms of a song -- the words of a song. For

instance, had a song out a long time ago, and I think (?) it might

have been called " Pressure " . I believe it was on one of his greatest hit albums

.....yes, I'm dating myself here. Sorry! Anyway, the song is very frantic

and very uptight, and very stressful, ....like, life is so hard, and there is so

much pressure everywhere you turn, and everything you deal with, ...that 'geez,

what is one to do?! " If your friend can find a copy of that song, or hear it

on the internet, ....that alone may help alot!!! Just listening to that song a

few times, helps me. Because, you realize that NOTHING is worth that much

stress or Pressure. To me, the song is quite comical if you can look at it that

way, .... I guess the song intensifies the stress

or pressure when you first hear it, and then, ....you just have to laugh as

things aren't really all THAT bad! Anyway, give it a try! Surely, someone

around here has heard the song I'm referring to! , thanks for the

great song -- as it helps me to de-stress!!!

Ann, I wish your friend lots of peace and solutions in dealing with the

traumas of daily life! I mean that IN A VERY SINCERE WAY, even though it may

sound like I'm teasing. Stress and perfection, and " measuring up " can certainly

become a ticking time-bomb these days. But, we all have to learn ways to

de-fuse it, and re-lax, and calm down, and stop and smell the roses. Let me

know if you need any more advice!

Love & peaceful thoughts, PJ

JPMfan7217@... wrote:

Hi,

I don't write to the group very often, but I would like your help. Could

someone please send me something about perfectionism? A good friend of mine

keeps

having heart palpitations. She was checked out and it was found that the

problem is stress related. I keep telling her that I think it's because she

worries too much about being perfect. She even admitted that this might be the

problem, but she doesn't know how to correct it because that was the way her

parents brought her up. (She's very beautiful and she said she always had to be

" Little Miss Perfect " for her mother). I would really like to be able to help

her, so I would appreciate it if someone could send me something.

Thanks,

Ann

[Guest guest]

Thanks to anyone who sent me some suggestions.

Ann