Re: this might sound weird.../no not at all

[Guest guest]

I can feel your pain and the emotions that go hand in hand

with pain and living life with disabilities. I was

diagnosed with ruptures at C2/3 C4/5 C6/7 C7/8 L4 & L5 thru

discography and numerous MRI's thru the years. Just had 3

MRI's to update my condtion in the last few months and

diagnosed with FMS 7 years ago. I also have sciatica and it

affects my left leg, hip and into my foot. It is has been

increasingly more painful with each new day and the pain

never goes away. I try to live life as normal as possible

but can't help feeling sorry for myself either. I know that

as pain patients with disabilities, we often go thru a

grieving process and can't seem to get past the anger. My

anger goes back to the person who was drunk the night of my

accident and source of my pain. I rolled 3 1/2 times within

my vehicle and if it hadn't been for deep snow in the ravine

that I rolled in, padding my car upon impact, I would have

been injured much worse. The person responsible, ironically

works for the same government agency that I have to beg for

assistance for my children and myself and that is the

Department of Human Services here in the US. I was doing

" ok " with the anger part until my children and I were forced

to relocate to the city where I was born and raised and ran

into her and all those memories of the night of my accident

came rolling back.

I do understand your pain and the feelings that go with it

and please don't ever feel guilty or ashamed for your

thoughts. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Gentle Hugs,

Cher

trustinit wrote:

> Sometimes that gratitude shifts and I feel ashamed

> about talking about the sensations I feel, I sound

> like I'm complaining. I am ambulatory. My daily

> experience is nothing like the level I read about here

> (hecnce, the gratitude). I got a good scare in Feb. as

> I needed to use a cane for a combination of an extreme

> FMS flare-up and (new) sciatica down my right leg all

> the way into my foot from my low back disk

> herniations. I never want to experience that pain and

> disability again. My fear is that I will.

>

> I have an emotional block against feeling joy, taking

> in the good. Who am I if I don't have complaints or

> pain? Can I speak that truth without feeling pitiful?

> pathetic? I have this coping mechanism for a reason.

> In my emotionally absent/neglectful family, being ill

> in some way got me the only attention possible.

>

> I always question the measure of the pain I feel. How

> real, important, devastating, ... is it? And if I

> could answer that accurately, definitively, what would

> that do for me?

>

> I made an appointment with my therapist. *sigh*

> peace,

> trustinit