Guest guest Posted January 19, 2007 Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 Yes, thank you SO very much Sondra. In a message dated 1/19/2007 5:46:39 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, gldcst@... writes: Dear Sondra, thank you so much for your insight. I hope this doesn't make you confused or feel bad but I really cried when I read your words. <<Showing affection is of not natural to me even though married I to rarily ever show any signs of affection without a prompt or cue to do so.>> will actually give me a little hug or let me kiss her if I prompt her and I often wonder if I am intruding too much by doing this. You sound as if this might be tolerable for her. She is just so cute and still looks like a little baby to me. And she does comply without complaint. I guess I have trained her to do it. But it does make me happy. And she certainly has trained me to do many things for her! <<It is not within me to have of this desire to show of physical touch to others as it the touch of others in affection is really a non verbal language that is hard for me to read and interpret it. Yet can accept hugs from childrens and or kisses to the check from them as to me have processed this is the nature of little kids to do this.>> THis really helps me alot. I thank you for sharing it. <<I to also want to share even though do not show of affection in the ways others expect of the real of life as the normal approach to affection does not equate I to not have of it within me to care and feel towards another person some level of connections to them. I to even have such a strong love and respect love to some in the life of me that the feelings of them is so strong and overwhelming it can cause of me to feel agitated to the inner thinking as if the feelings are of too strong and I to not have ability to get them out because they build like a volcano about to erupt and yet the rumbling if you will of the feelings build and in this building it creates an unsettled feel of agitations because the barier of what I to feel and such is blocked from sorting and coming out in good timing.>> This is very valuable information for me. I have always wondered why one or two times just before a surgery when was given versed (a tranquilizer-This is very valuable information for me. I have always wondered why one or two times just before a surgery when was given versed (a tranquilizer-<WBR>sedative) she for the first time looked at me and T <<You may need to do what the husband of me does and simply ask of her for hug and explain to her what a hug does for you and why people hug and such ,maybe she is not aware of the impact affection is for some in life. to me I to feel awareness is of key. If I to know and can understand of things then can work on changing of things within me to support those in the life of me of their needs too. but even to this day cant hug unless asked to hug.>> Thanks Sondra, I will continue to ask her for hugs (not demand them). I do try to explain to her about loving her and all but I doubt that she understands the concept cognitively. I really appreciate your ability to share and educate us about our own children. Sherry sondra _Autism_in_Girls-Autism_in_Autism_in_GiAut_ (mailto:Autism_in_Girls-subscribe ) ------------------------ _Autism_in_Girls-Autism_in_GiAutism_in_GiAut_ (mailto:Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2007 Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 Showing affection is of not natural to me even though married I to rarily ever show any signs of affection without a prompt or cue to do so. It is not within me to have of this desire to show of physical touch to others as it the touch of others in affection is really a non verbal language that is hard for me to read and interpret it. Yet can accept hugs from childrens and or kisses to the check from them as to me have processed this is the nature of little kids to do this. I to also be to give of affections much so to my grand baby Delaney. Somethings about her makes of me want to be of close and to kiss of her neck , checks and face much so. Maybe it if the love I to feel towards her but lack if that is of the reason for such shows of affections to her because it has to be much so on my own terms of wanting to seek of it. cant always be to feel affection to her and sometimes she is of my office space playing and playing and neither of us interact or show of real interest but she will when ready crawl over to me and or me to her, we connect ever so brief and then back to the play. I to check on her with eyes looking at her to assure she is of safe every few minutes as I to work on the computer in the same room. she is with me right now in my room. I to also want to share even though do not show of affection in the ways others expect of the real of life as the normal approach to affection does not equate I to not have of it within me to care and feel towards another person some level of connections to them. I to even have such a strong love and respect love to some in the life of me that the feelings of them is so strong and overwhelming it can cause of me to feel agitated to the inner thinking as if the feelings are of too strong and I to not have ability to get them out because they build like a volcano about to erupt and yet the rumbling if you will of the feelings build and in this building it creates an unsettled feel of agitations because the barier of what I to feel and such is blocked from sorting and coming out in good timing. This year at national I to plan to see if can try to sell of some of my posters I to be of creating and will for those who attend to see have within me profound thinking on life and peoples as a whole and as humanity but lack understanding of them as individuals. You may need to do what the husband of me does and simply ask of her for hug and explain to her what a hug does for you and why people hug and such ,maybe she is not aware of the impact affection is for some in life. to me I to feel awareness is of key. If I to know and can understand of things then can work on changing of things within me to support those in the life of me of their needs too. but even to this day cant hug unless asked to hug. sondra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2007 Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 Dear Sondra, thank you so much for your insight. I hope this doesn't make you confused or feel bad but I really cried when I read your words. <<Showing affection is of not natural to me even though married I to rarily ever show any signs of affection without a prompt or cue to do so.>> will actually give me a little hug or let me kiss her if I prompt her and I often wonder if I am intruding too much by doing this. You sound as if this might be tolerable for her. She is just so cute and still looks like a little baby to me. And she does comply without complaint. I guess I have trained her to do it. But it does make me happy. And she certainly has trained me to do many things for her! <<It is not within me to have of this desire to show of physical touch to others as it the touch of others in affection is really a non verbal language that is hard for me to read and interpret it. Yet can accept hugs from childrens and or kisses to the check from them as to me have processed this is the nature of little kids to do this.>> THis really helps me alot. I thank you for sharing it. <<I to also want to share even though do not show of affection in the ways others expect of the real of life as the normal approach to affection does not equate I to not have of it within me to care and feel towards another person some level of connections to them. I to even have such a strong love and respect love to some in the life of me that the feelings of them is so strong and overwhelming it can cause of me to feel agitated to the inner thinking as if the feelings are of too strong and I to not have ability to get them out because they build like a volcano about to erupt and yet the rumbling if you will of the feelings build and in this building it creates an unsettled feel of agitations because the barier of what I to feel and such is blocked from sorting and coming out in good timing.>> This is very valuable information for me. I have always wondered why one or two times just before a surgery when was given versed (a tranquilizer-sedative) she for the first time looked at me and said " Awwwwwww " (her version of I love you). and wanted me to hug her....perhaps the reduction in anxiety allowed her to not be afraid to show affection???? <<You may need to do what the husband of me does and simply ask of her for hug and explain to her what a hug does for you and why people hug and such ,maybe she is not aware of the impact affection is for some in life. to me I to feel awareness is of key. If I to know and can understand of things then can work on changing of things within me to support those in the life of me of their needs too. but even to this day cant hug unless asked to hug.>> Thanks Sondra, I will continue to ask her for hugs (not demand them). I do try to explain to her about loving her and all but I doubt that she understands the concept cognitively. I really appreciate your ability to share and educate us about our own children. Sherry sondra Autism_in_Girls-subscribe ------------------------ Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2007 Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 --- sondra wrote: > This year at national I to plan to see if can try to > sell of some of > my posters I to be of creating and will for those > who attend to see > have within me profound thinking on life and peoples > as a whole and > as humanity but lack understanding of them as > individuals. > Will you be selling them anywhere else? I cannot go to National this year (money. But I'm going to be at another, totally non autism related commitment in Ohio shortly before. This makes me giggle since I know you are in or near Ohio!) but I would love to buy one if possible. Your work has done great things for many people in helping them understand autism and themselves. I'm going to miss seeing you this year at ASA, but I just can't do the desert, and can't afford it. And to the original poster, I wish I could help but I was always a hugger-lover. I LOVE deep squishy hugs, and since I can't always express " you're my friend (or 'a good friend') " or " I love you " or " I like having you around " or whatever in WORDS, hugs do the talking. PLUS they help with sensory overload, when applied with the proper amount of force-in my case a LOT. I was this little 120 pound gymnast going through this religious retreat that has a point that involves a LOT of hugs, this one guy there is known for crushing people, and he gave me the football player pick-up-and-shake, and I was like " is THAT all?? " . Poor guy... What your daughter needs, we can only guess...and there are a zillion guesses and it's possible that NONE are right. I wish there was an easy answer. Some people just don't like hugs, whether gentle or tight, long or brief. Kassiane ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Get your own web address. Have a HUGE year through Yahoo! Small Business. http://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/domains/?p=BESTDEAL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2007 Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 Kassi where in Ohio will you be of at? Sondra In Autism_in_Girls , Kassi wrote: > > > --- sondra wrote: > > > This year at national I to plan to see if can try to > > sell of some of > > my posters I to be of creating and will for those > > who attend to see > > have within me profound thinking on life and peoples > > as a whole and > > as humanity but lack understanding of them as > > individuals. > > > > Will you be selling them anywhere else? I cannot go to > National this year (money. But I'm going to be at > another, totally non autism related commitment in Ohio > shortly before. This makes me giggle since I know you > are in or near Ohio!) but I would love to buy one if > possible. Your work has done great things for many > people in helping them understand autism and > themselves. I'm going to miss seeing you this year at > ASA, but I just can't do the desert, and can't afford > it. > > And to the original poster, I wish I could help but I > was always a hugger-lover. I LOVE deep squishy hugs, > and since I can't always express " you're my friend (or > 'a good friend') " or " I love you " or " I like having > you around " or whatever in WORDS, hugs do the talking. > PLUS they help with sensory overload, when applied > with the proper amount of force-in my case a LOT. I > was this little 120 pound gymnast going through this > religious retreat that has a point that involves a LOT > of hugs, this one guy there is known for crushing > people, and he gave me the football player > pick-up-and-shake, and I was like " is THAT all?? " . > Poor guy... > > What your daughter needs, we can only guess...and > there are a zillion guesses and it's possible that > NONE are right. I wish there was an easy answer. Some > people just don't like hugs, whether gentle or tight, > long or brief. > > Kassiane > > > > ______________________________________________________________________ ______________ > Get your own web address. > Have a HUGE year through Yahoo! Small Business. > http://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/domains/?p=BESTDEAL > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2007 Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 Kassi expresses a valid point at teh end of this post....and I to usually share of this too but forgotted to say of it please all parents remember each of us is of unique in our own presentaions of the autism because we are of humans first so everything we here share on spectrum is of from our OWN perspectives and thinking and is not meant to be of a set given in all cases of autism, as we are not a mold but individuals so what we share might not even be of close to what you own child is of experiencing.> Kassi I to also will be to miss of you as now have of familar to you and not afraid of you anymore. I to use to be as not understood of youmuch and so it took of time to get to a place for me to understand you mean me no harm at all and have of triggers that cause you to feel of threatened by the cure words. I to also be to seen of growth in you over the last few years at having more control over you trigger words. I to plan to go to national this year and the brother of me will attend of this too with me and the husband of me and the two youngest childrens of me. but they will all be to do sight seeing and me I will be to do conference. I to also plan to be to work on my second book which is way over due to be of writed and so will be to work on that and then on july 21 -29 will go to north myrtle beach areas to finish working of the book for me and so will hope to have of it ready if not get so overwhelmed and destroy of it as have done of this 2 x now and so now will get it done and quickly email of it to the gray center for back up coverage of the work on it. I to be of not feeling well and we had of the flu in the home and this evening have of the nausea and so will need to rest but love being here this night as it is of chatty here and so keeps of my brain off thinking of not feeling well in the tummy of me. I to also wanted to share this day was of contacted by the national ASA to see ofmy interest to serve on a newly formed advisory board for the board itself. and so I to be of interested in seeking out what work it will be. I to keep of much busy for fear if not stay strong connected the real of life will be to retreat back to strong self isolations and not be to want to ever leave of the house of me and be as was before... not that, that is such a bad things but it leaves me isolated in ways that if need comes it does not support a reaching out to supports but a closing off and places of me at risk to not survive of this life. So even though it is of much work for me to do this work I to need to as a life line to the real of people in life as a means to survive and grow in life. I ti still prefer my own island with no people just animlas and things I to enjoy and my computer with on line services LOL. the husband of me and kids of me can sail aroudn the island on a yacht and whenI to want to visit of them can raise of the safe flag for them to come aboard the island. LOL What your daughter needs, we can only guess...and > there are a zillion guesses and it's possible that > NONE are right. I wish there was an easy answer. Some > people just don't like hugs, whether gentle or tight, > long or brief. > > Kassiane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2007 Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 <<What your daughter needs, we can only guess...and there are a zillion guesses and it's possible that NONE are right. I wish there was an easy answer. Some people just don't like hugs, whether gentle or tight, long or brief. Kassiane>> Kassiane, yes I agree....I don't plan to generalize or to compare my child with anyone else. I just like to seek " possible " explanations from those more likely to know than I and to consider the possiblities. I appreciate your input...HUGS to you!, Sherry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2007 Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 I think it was Temple Grandin who said she had a birthday party when she was 8 or so. Being under the dining room table was the best place on earth to her, so she went under the table to show everyone how happy she was over the party. To everyone else she was being rude & anti-social, but to her she was demonstrating affection toward them all. Maybe if your daughter is doing her happy activities near you it's to show you her happiness? I dunno, just brainstorming. I sometimes make Allie come sit with me, but she's a cuddler so it's not real difficult for her. She also has a preference for different scents, so perhaps if you daughter really loves how something smells it will draw her close to you. HTH, Debi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2007 Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 I'll be in Columbus the first weekend for a convention, with a friend from England. She also has autism but is physically intimidating (but is harmless! Just very tall and has a large skeleton with a lot of meat on it!) and she asked me to be her roommate at a fantasy & role playing game convention. I love all things fantasy so I signed right up (plus I get to go for almost free). Kassiane --- sondra wrote: > Kassi where in Ohio will you be of at? > Sondra > > In Autism_in_Girls , Kassi > > wrote: > > > > > > --- sondra wrote: > > > > > This year at national I to plan to see if can > try to > > > sell of some of > > > my posters I to be of creating and will for > those > > > who attend to see > > > have within me profound thinking on life and > peoples > > > as a whole and > > > as humanity but lack understanding of them as > > > individuals. > > > > > > > Will you be selling them anywhere else? I cannot > go to > > National this year (money. But I'm going to be at > > another, totally non autism related commitment in > Ohio > > shortly before. This makes me giggle since I know > you > > are in or near Ohio!) but I would love to buy one > if > > possible. Your work has done great things for many > > people in helping them understand autism and > > themselves. I'm going to miss seeing you this year > at > > ASA, but I just can't do the desert, and can't > afford > > it. > > > > And to the original poster, I wish I could help > but I > > was always a hugger-lover. I LOVE deep squishy > hugs, > > and since I can't always express " you're my friend > (or > > 'a good friend') " or " I love you " or " I like > having > > you around " or whatever in WORDS, hugs do the > talking. > > PLUS they help with sensory overload, when applied > > with the proper amount of force-in my case a LOT. > I > > was this little 120 pound gymnast going through > this > > religious retreat that has a point that involves a > LOT > > of hugs, this one guy there is known for crushing > > people, and he gave me the football player > > pick-up-and-shake, and I was like " is THAT all?? " . > > Poor guy... > > > > What your daughter needs, we can only guess...and > > there are a zillion guesses and it's possible that > > NONE are right. I wish there was an easy answer. > Some > > people just don't like hugs, whether gentle or > tight, > > long or brief. > > > > Kassiane > > > > > > > > > ______________________________________________________________________ > ______________ > > Get your own web address. > > Have a HUGE year through Yahoo! Small Business. > > http://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/domains/?p=BESTDEAL > > > > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ 8:00? 8:25? 8:40? Find a flick in no time with the Yahoo! Search movie showtime shortcut. http://tools.search.yahoo.com/shortcuts/#news Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2007 Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 <<so perhaps if you daughter really loves how something smells it will draw her close to you.>> Like poop you mean?? sorry just kidding. couldn't resist. Perhaps I could smear myself with french fry grease....she can't eat them but maybe she will like me better? (or bite me?) Sherry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2007 Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 debi yes the going under table sounds like the way I to react too as a child to emotional surging and not know what to do with the strong feelings and cant name or interpret the feeling I to be of having. my ways to show of connection or happy was not like others either. Sondra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2007 Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 ROLFLMBO!!!! Debi > > <<so perhaps if you daughter really loves how something smells > it will draw her close to you.>> > > Like poop you mean?? sorry just kidding. couldn't resist. Perhaps I could smear myself with french fry grease....she can't eat them but maybe she will like me better? (or bite me?) > Sherry > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2007 Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 OK, what does that stand for??? Marie > > ROLFLMBO!!!! > > Debi > > > > > > <<so perhaps if you daughter really loves how something smells > > it will draw her close to you.>> > > > > Like poop you mean?? sorry just kidding. couldn't resist. Perhaps I > could smear myself with french fry grease....she can't eat them but > maybe she will like me better? (or bite me?) > > Sherry > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2007 Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 Hi Sherry, I wanted to address your post about your . I can really relate to this. My daughter doesn't like hugs, and never has. When she gained enough language and began to learn to " advocate for yourself " ) the label I gave what she works so hard on) , she began sometimes telling me to go away, to move away if I was too close. Sometimes " to close " is in the same room! She needs her space and I am very proud that she has begun to learn what she needs and tell me. Sometimes she can't tell me, most of the time she can't tell others. But though I am really happy she is working on advocating for herself and I do accept, love and respect her for just who she is, she is my ONLY child. I admit that one of the things that makes me wistful is seeing other babies/kids seek out their Mom's arms and want to hug and be close and also want to share their love with words that those of us in the " NT " sphere understand. It used to be really hard sometimes and it still pulls at me a bit, though I just acknowledge and accept the feelings and then try to turn my attention to all the fantastic things my relationship with my daughter holds that many others can't know. Also, my Em does have her ways to express desire to be with me and desire to talk about things, and this has increased with growth ( hers and mine!) and I do understand more. I would never want to make her uncomfortable and so while I do ask for hugs sometimes ( and she complies, in her way....tolerates me and them!), I try not to push it on her too much. She has in the last year or so come to like what she calls " snuggling in the bed " , which means my bed, with clothes on and during the day. Sometimes with me and sometimes without. Sometimes she even invites my husband. This is a time when she wants to do her silly talk and ask silly questions and get exactly the right answer; repetitive stuff that calms her and she enjoys. " Snuggling " means she is at one side of the King size bed and I am either on the other side or in the middle, with pillows and blankets in between. Sometimes she will like me to touch her face or arm with my long hair. And while it isn't what most would call intimate affection, is FEELS like that kind of connection because....well, because for her I think it is. And so I find some of my neurotypical need for mother-child bonding happens at those times. Also....on Mother's Day year before last she was not feeling well, a bit feverish and coming down with a bad cold. WE were at a gathering at my mother's house. Em let me sit RIGHT next to her, wrap a blanket around the two of us, and she rested her head against my shoulder. This lasted about 12-15 minutes, the longest time I have ever had that kind of contact with her since she was a nursing babe. I am sorry she didn't feel well, but that she let me hold her that way was incredible. After about five minutes I looked around to see if anyone else noticed, and nobody did. I wordlessly pointed out what was happening and asked someone to take a picture, which is still on my refrigerator. Best Mother's Day gift ever, my child allowing me to experience what for me is a natural representation of mother-child love,. even though for her it is not. Sorry for this rambling post, but wanted to share. My girl is very patient with me! Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2007 Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 So very beautiful! Thank you Melinda! In a message dated 1/20/2007 7:18:59 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, EbuyerMTC@... writes: Hi Sherry, I wanted to address your post about your . I can really relate to this. My daughter doesn't like hugs, and never has. When she gained enough language and began to learn to " advocate for yourself " ) the label I gave what she works so hard on) , she began sometimes telling me to go away, to move away if I was too close. Sometimes " to close " is in the same room! She needs her space and I am very proud that she has begun to learn what she needs and tell me. Sometimes she can't tell me, most of the time she can't tell others. But though I am really happy she is working on advocating for herself and I do accept, love and respect her for just who she is, she is my ONLY child. I admit that one of the things that makes me wistful is seeing other babies/kids seek out their Mom's arms and want to hug and be close and also want to share their love with words that those of us in the " NT " sphere understand. It used to be really hard sometimes and it still pulls at me a bit, though I just acknowledge and accept the feelings and then try to turn my attention to all the fantastic things my relationship with my daughter holds that many others can't know. Also, my Em does have her ways to express desire to be with me and desire to talk about things, and this has increased with growth ( hers and mine!) and I do understand more. I would never want to make her uncomfortable and so while I do ask for hugs sometimes ( and she complies, in her way....tolerates me and them!), I try not to push it on her too much. She has in the last year or so come to like what she calls " snuggling in the bed " , which means my bed, with clothes on and during the day. Sometimes with me and sometimes without. Sometimes she even invites my husband. This is a time when she wants to do her silly talk and ask silly questions and get exactly the right answer; repetitive stuff that calms her and she enjoys. " Snuggling " means she is at one side of the King size bed and I am either on the other side or in the middle, with pillows and blankets in between. Sometimes she will like me to touch her face or arm with my long hair. And while it isn't what most would call intimate affection, is FEELS like that kind of connection because....well, because for her I think it is. And so I find some of my neurotypical need for mother-child bonding happens at those times. Also....on Mother's Day year before last she was not feeling well, a bit feverish and coming down with a bad cold. WE were at a gathering at my mother's house. Em let me sit RIGHT next to her, wrap a blanket around the two of us, and she rested her head against my shoulder. This lasted about 12-15 minutes, the longest time I have ever had that kind of contact with her since she was a nursing babe. I am sorry she didn't feel well, but that she let me hold her that way was incredible. After about five minutes I looked around to see if anyone else noticed, and nobody did. I wordlessly pointed out what was happening and asked someone to take a picture, which is still on my refrigerator. Best Mother's Day gift ever, my child allowing me to experience what for me is a natural representation of mother-child love,. even though for her it is not. Sorry for this rambling post, but wanted to share. My girl is very patient with me! Melinda [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] Blessings Light and always Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2007 Report Share Posted January 20, 2007 Rolling on the floor, laughing my butt off?????????? that is my guess Shanna Marie wrote: OK, what does that stand for??? Marie > > ROLFLMBO!!!! > > Debi > > > > > > <<so perhaps if you daughter really loves how something smells > > it will draw her close to you.>> > > > > Like poop you mean?? sorry just kidding. couldn't resist. Perhaps I > could smear myself with french fry grease....she can't eat them but > maybe she will like me better? (or bite me?) > > Sherry > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2007 Report Share Posted January 20, 2007 My has most always 'allowed' hugs. At first her hugs were that she would stand with her arms at her side and allow others to embrace her, stiff as a board she was. This went on for a couple of years, I think. Then later she would open her arms and let the other person in, to embrace her, arms open but not around the other person. We went to visit family in Florida one time (she barely knew them, just of them), her Uncle asked for a hug and she suggested a 'group hug', first time I ever heard her say that. So there she was group hugging an Uncle and Aunt and 2 cousins. I was amazed. Sometimes will come up to me while I am sitting and sort of just start to rub her face against mine...other times she will come up and start patting my face. She at night will go and tell her brother and father it is bedtime for her and ask if they want a hug! So often over the years I will sit back and say to myself " Just give it time, all in 's time " . I barely recall her telling me that she loves me, she will sometimes say to me " I really like you right NOW " . Very specific, the 'right now'...five minutes from now things can and will change. It is most often about 's comfort zone, I think. Her teacher (a new teacher) had recently written to me and asked if always had a 'flat line face', that was an new one. She has a very expressive face, guess it is the circumstance and the situation. In a message dated 1/20/2007 11:34:00 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, cathybuckley@... writes: My daughter does the exact same thing, but only with men (including Dad and Grandpa) and unfamiliar women. Everyone else gets bear hugs all day long. At school she is the only girl in her autism classroom and she hugs these boys constantly, and also her teachers and aides. Some of the kids don't like to be touched so her teachers have told her to give high fives instead. She does the " backwards " thing with kisses, too. I am the only one she lets kiss her face. With everyone else she bends over and gives them the top of her head, even her Dad, who has a beard and she can't stand facial hair. > My daughter LOVES hugs, but only with Mom and dad. For anyone else > she > immediately turns her back on them, and " backs in " to the hug. Our > family > is used to it, and we call them 's backwards hugs. > > > Blessings Light and always Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2007 Report Share Posted January 20, 2007 I am personally someone who thrives on hugs and my daughter is of the nature that doesn't want to be touched or kissed (on the cheek, on the nose, on the forehead, doesn't matter she just doesn't like it) So much for those magic kisses that make boo-boos go away, lol. She is very verbal and says she just doesn't like it. Do I ever get hugs from her? Yes, she is 13 and has learned that " friends " sometimes exchange hugs as greetings (I see her roll her eyes a bit, but she's learned to tolerate it). She knows that sometimes to be a friend you have to give your friend what they need. She started with just one armed hugs but now gives a very quick 2 armed hug. She still would rather hug a horse than a human. I am ok with that. More horses and less humans, means fewer " boys " . That I am not ready for. gldcst wrote: <<What your daughter needs, we can only guess...and there are a zillion guesses and it's possible that NONE are right. I wish there was an easy answer. Some people just don't like hugs, whether gentle or tight, long or brief. Kassiane>> Kassiane, yes I agree....I don't plan to generalize or to compare my child with anyone else. I just like to seek " possible " explanations from those more likely to know than I and to consider the possiblities. I appreciate your input...HUGS to you!, Sherry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2007 Report Share Posted January 20, 2007 My daughter LOVES hugs, but only with Mom and dad. For anyone else she immediately turns her back on them, and " backs in " to the hug. Our family is used to it, and we call them 's backwards hugs. > >Reply-To: Autism_in_Girls >To: Autism_in_Girls >Subject: Re: Re: Showing Affection/Sondra? >Date: Sat, 20 Jan 2007 05:15:31 -0800 (PST) > >I am personally someone who thrives on hugs and my daughter is of the >nature that doesn't want to be touched or kissed (on the cheek, on the >nose, on the forehead, doesn't matter she just doesn't like it) So much >for those magic kisses that make boo-boos go away, lol. She is very verbal >and says she just doesn't like it. Do I ever get hugs from her? Yes, she >is 13 and has learned that " friends " sometimes exchange hugs as greetings >(I see her roll her eyes a bit, but she's learned to tolerate it). She >knows that sometimes to be a friend you have to give your friend what they >need. She started with just one armed hugs but now gives a very quick 2 >armed hug. She still would rather hug a horse than a human. I am ok with >that. More horses and less humans, means fewer " boys " . That I am not ready >for. > >gldcst wrote: <<What your daughter needs, we >can only guess...and >there are a zillion guesses and it's possible that >NONE are right. I wish there was an easy answer. Some >people just don't like hugs, whether gentle or tight, >long or brief. Kassiane>> > >Kassiane, yes I agree....I don't plan to generalize or to compare my child >with anyone else. I just like to seek " possible " explanations from those >more likely to know than I and to consider the possiblities. I appreciate >your input...HUGS to you!, Sherry > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2007 Report Share Posted January 20, 2007 My daughter does the exact same thing, but only with men (including Dad and Grandpa) and unfamiliar women. Everyone else gets bear hugs all day long. At school she is the only girl in her autism classroom and she hugs these boys constantly, and also her teachers and aides. Some of the kids don't like to be touched so her teachers have told her to give high fives instead. She does the " backwards " thing with kisses, too. I am the only one she lets kiss her face. With everyone else she bends over and gives them the top of her head, even her Dad, who has a beard and she can't stand facial hair. > My daughter LOVES hugs, but only with Mom and dad. For anyone else > she > immediately turns her back on them, and " backs in " to the hug. Our > family > is used to it, and we call them 's backwards hugs. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2007 Report Share Posted January 20, 2007 yep > > Rolling on the floor, laughing my butt off?????????? that is my guess > Shanna > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2007 Report Share Posted January 20, 2007 I often used to do this as a kid for one reason... I could smell everyone's bad breath a mile away. If your back is turned, you don't have to face the breath. Debi > > My daughter LOVES hugs, but only with Mom and dad. For anyone else she > immediately turns her back on them, and " backs in " to the hug. Our family > is used to it, and we call them 's backwards hugs. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2007 Report Share Posted January 20, 2007 also hugs people by putting the top of her head gently into their stomach region. All the family knows that this is as close as she can get to a real hug and accept it as such. She will hug her father and let ONLY him give her bear hugs. She'll kiss her Dad on the cheek even though she hates his beard. She will let me kiss her face and she will kiss my face. She likes to rub my face with her nose!! We also do the close family time with all three of us in our king size bed with us under the cover and her on top of the cover. She gets in the middle and likes us all to act silly and my husband to make disgusting sounds (if you get my drift). To her, this is closeness...love??? She does tell me she loves me. In fact, I believe she says this without really knowing what it means because she follows me around and says it constantly. When I ask her how does she love me, she tells me she loves me because who would take care of her when I am not around and who would feed her? Also, she has no friends and says she wants friends. However, when we make attempts for her to have friends (she's in something here called the Friendship Club), she's miserable. Diane ('s Mom) Re: Re: Showing Affection/Sondra? My daughter does the exact same thing, but only with men (including Dad and Grandpa) and unfamiliar women. Everyone else gets bear hugs all day long. At school she is the only girl in her autism classroom and she hugs these boys constantly, and also her teachers and aides. Some of the kids don't like to be touched so her teachers have told her to give high fives instead. She does the " backwards " thing with kisses, too. I am the only one she lets kiss her face. With everyone else she bends over and gives them the top of her head, even her Dad, who has a beard and she can't stand facial hair. > My daughter LOVES hugs, but only with Mom and dad. For anyone else > she > immediately turns her back on them, and " backs in " to the hug. Our > family > is used to it, and we call them 's backwards hugs. > > > Autism_in_Girls-subscribe ------------------------ Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2007 Report Share Posted January 20, 2007 Well put Melinda. What a succint post. Diane ('s Mom) Re: Showing Affection/Sondra? Hi Sherry, I wanted to address your post about your . I can really relate to this. My daughter doesn't like hugs, and never has. When she gained enough language and began to learn to " advocate for yourself " ) the label I gave what she works so hard on) , she began sometimes telling me to go away, to move away if I was too close. Sometimes " to close " is in the same room! She needs her space and I am very proud that she has begun to learn what she needs and tell me. Sometimes she can't tell me, most of the time she can't tell others. But though I am really happy she is working on advocating for herself and I do accept, love and respect her for just who she is, she is my ONLY child. I admit that one of the things that makes me wistful is seeing other babies/kids seek out their Mom's arms and want to hug and be close and also want to share their love with words that those of us in the " NT " sphere understand. It used to be really hard sometimes and it still pulls at me a bit, though I just acknowledge and accept the feelings and then try to turn my attention to all the fantastic things my relationship with my daughter holds that many others can't know. Also, my Em does have her ways to express desire to be with me and desire to talk about things, and this has increased with growth ( hers and mine!) and I do understand more. I would never want to make her uncomfortable and so while I do ask for hugs sometimes ( and she complies, in her way....tolerates me and them!), I try not to push it on her too much. She has in the last year or so come to like what she calls " snuggling in the bed " , which means my bed, with clothes on and during the day. Sometimes with me and sometimes without. Sometimes she even invites my husband. This is a time when she wants to do her silly talk and ask silly questions and get exactly the right answer; repetitive stuff that calms her and she enjoys. " Snuggling " means she is at one side of the King size bed and I am either on the other side or in the middle, with pillows and blankets in between. Sometimes she will like me to touch her face or arm with my long hair. And while it isn't what most would call intimate affection, is FEELS like that kind of connection because....well, because for her I think it is. And so I find some of my neurotypical need for mother-child bonding happens at those times. Also....on Mother's Day year before last she was not feeling well, a bit feverish and coming down with a bad cold. WE were at a gathering at my mother's house. Em let me sit RIGHT next to her, wrap a blanket around the two of us, and she rested her head against my shoulder. This lasted about 12-15 minutes, the longest time I have ever had that kind of contact with her since she was a nursing babe. I am sorry she didn't feel well, but that she let me hold her that way was incredible. After about five minutes I looked around to see if anyone else noticed, and nobody did. I wordlessly pointed out what was happening and asked someone to take a picture, which is still on my refrigerator. Best Mother's Day gift ever, my child allowing me to experience what for me is a natural representation of mother-child love,. even though for her it is not. Sorry for this rambling post, but wanted to share. My girl is very patient with me! Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2007 Report Share Posted January 20, 2007 is very wise. The only real time IS right now. Everything else is an illusion. Even if you say, I'll do that tomorrow, or even 10 minutes from now, when do you actually do it? Right now! ) > I barely > recall her telling me that she loves me, she will sometimes say to > me " I really > like you right NOW " . Very specific, the 'right now'...five > minutes from now > things can and will change. It is most often about 's > comfort zone, I > think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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