Guest guest Posted March 17, 2010 Report Share Posted March 17, 2010 HI all- Well -we lost the last of my daughter's jackets and coats yesterday. Even after having the courage to explain in painful detail to this one male friend of her's why he couldn't accidentally on purpose bump into her, he did. So now in March she is going to school in shirtsleeves. At least it's spring, but she has 2 winter coats and four winter jackets (2 brand new) and I erfuse to enable this crappy diosease anymoer - so I expect a call from CPS next winter as to why my kid is going to school in shirtsleeves. She had been secreting about ten sweatshirts in lockers at school. So she has no sweaters or sweatshirts at all either. She goes to school and does well, buit is talking about quitting everything (which scares me) so she can just have a regular unchallenging program - but still wants to get into the college of her choice (which won't happen). So I am trying to just keep my head up and spend as much time as I can with my friends because being around my daughter is just depressing. After 6 years of this I am just exhausted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2010 Report Share Posted March 17, 2010 Would washing the coats help? Maybe instead of you washing them, she could try to lander them so you aren't feeling like you are enabling. I totally understand how you feel, . I get so fed up with OCD too. It's so controlling, for all involved, and frustrating beyond endurance, often. But, there are times that I've realized our son is so caught up in the feelings, that are so intense, that he cannot figure out how to fight it, so depending on how bad it is I've sometimes chosen to enable, until he is ready to deal with it. He's overcome most of his OCD things, but he still deals with some contamination stuff concerning raw meat and raw eggs. I encourage him regularly to try to take it on, but so far he has been resistant. Although the other day he was doing some homework on the same counter I was cooking on and I inadvertently splashed a little bit of egg white on his book, his paper, and the counter. Oh man. . He melted down big time. He went pasty white and left the room, groaning. I cleaned it up, but couldn't wipe down the paper pages, so told him he would have to cope with it being on there. He couldn't face it that night, but brought himself around to coping with it the next day. I was glad to see he was able to work it out somehow. Sometimes though, they can choose to not try to fight it, like your daughter (Josh too). And as hard as it is to accept it, we must. Vent away. I think we can all relate to your frustration. It is exhausting. . I agree. BJ > > HI all- > > Well -we lost the last of my daughter's jackets and coats yesterday. Even after having the courage to explain in painful detail to this one male friend of her's why he couldn't accidentally on purpose bump into her, he did. So now in March she is going to school in shirtsleeves. At least it's spring, but she has 2 winter coats and four winter jackets (2 brand new) and I erfuse to enable this crappy diosease anymoer - so I expect a call from CPS next winter as to why my kid is going to school in shirtsleeves. She had been secreting about ten sweatshirts in lockers at school. So she has no sweaters or sweatshirts at all either. She goes to school and does well, buit is talking about quitting everything (which scares me) so she can just have a regular unchallenging program - but still wants to get into the college of her choice (which won't happen). So I am trying to just keep my head up and spend as much time as I can with my friends because > being around my daughter is just depressing. After 6 years of this I am just exhausted. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2010 Report Share Posted March 17, 2010 Hi , I can relate to what you are saying. ALL of my daughters clothes became contaminated (including 5 winter jackets - she no longer goes outside for recess). She went to school one day in old tights with holes, my husbands tube socks, my son's gym shorts and a tie died shirt she found in my room and ballet sneakers that are almost two sizes too big for her). We can't keep buying things either. On the other hand, she has to go to school and we are working on ERP in other areas. Plus her clothes were very high on her fear scale. I ended up putting out a plea to friends of ours for hand me downs (my daughter is 7). So right now we have a new stash to work through...I'm hoping it's enough to last us until she/we get more control over her situation. I'm not sure how old your daughter is or what she thinks is causing the contamination, but perhaps you could identify one or two other families that could hand downs or lend some clothes. Good luck! Kara > > HI all- > > Well -we lost the last of my daughter's jackets and coats yesterday. Even after having the courage to explain in painful detail to this one male friend of her's why he couldn't accidentally on purpose bump into her, he did. So now in March she is going to school in shirtsleeves. At least it's spring, but she has 2 winter coats and four winter jackets (2 brand new) and I erfuse to enable this crappy diosease anymoer - so I expect a call from CPS next winter as to why my kid is going to school in shirtsleeves. She had been secreting about ten sweatshirts in lockers at school. So she has no sweaters or sweatshirts at all either. She goes to school and does well, buit is talking about quitting everything (which scares me) so she can just have a regular unchallenging program - but still wants to get into the college of her choice (which won't happen). So I am trying to just keep my head up and spend as much time as I can with my friends because > being around my daughter is just depressing. After 6 years of this I am just exhausted. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2010 Report Share Posted March 17, 2010 Is she complaining? Don't worry about CPS. LOL, I actually had a similar fear as my oldest (no OCD) son wanted to wear shorts all one year, but would wear sweatshirt with them. And way before that when the twins were young (elementary school age), the non-OCD twin only would wear long sleeves and pants. So 90deg hot weather, he still wore that. SIGH! That was one of the times I counted it fortunate that I had twins, as (with OCD) was dressed appropriately. And when my oldest went the opposite that year, I just thought, well, I'll just point to my other appropriately dressed sons. Having more than one child sometimes pays! But CPS never called. And we did have our arguments, many, over the way they dressed. Hang in there and just let her take the consequences. If it does bother her, maybe she will work past this OCD cause. Do you think her wanting to change programs is a *teen* thing (they get tired of school) or due to her problems with OCD? ((hugs)) > > HI all- > > Well -we lost the last of my daughter's jackets and coats yesterday. Even after having the courage to explain in painful detail to this one male friend of her's why he couldn't accidentally on purpose bump into her, he did. So now in March she is going to school in shirtsleeves. At least it's spring, but she has 2 winter coats and four winter jackets (2 brand new) and I erfuse to enable this crappy diosease anymoer - so I expect a call from CPS next Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2010 Report Share Posted March 17, 2010 Hi Kara-  LOVED the visual of that outfit! If your daughter a big 7? My Kati is onyl 5 " 4 " and weighs 110 pounds - size 2 - but he now have tons of beautiful barely worn clothes- is there anything you need I could send you?  Let me know.  Meliss Subject: Re: More Losses To: Date: Wednesday, March 17, 2010, 5:12 PM  Hi , I can relate to what you are saying. ALL of my daughters clothes became contaminated (including 5 winter jackets - she no longer goes outside for recess). She went to school one day in old tights with holes, my husbands tube socks, my son's gym shorts and a tie died shirt she found in my room and ballet sneakers that are almost two sizes too big for her). We can't keep buying things either. On the other hand, she has to go to school and we are working on ERP in other areas. Plus her clothes were very high on her fear scale. I ended up putting out a plea to friends of ours for hand me downs (my daughter is 7). So right now we have a new stash to work through...I' m hoping it's enough to last us until she/we get more control over her situation. I'm not sure how old your daughter is or what she thinks is causing the contamination, but perhaps you could identify one or two other families that could hand downs or lend some clothes. Good luck! Kara > > HI all- >  > Well -we lost the last of my daughter's jackets and coats yesterday. Even after having the courage to explain in painful detail to this one male friend of her's why he couldn't accidentally on purpose bump into her, he did. So now in March she is going to school in shirtsleeves. At least it's spring, but she has 2 winter coats and four winter jackets (2 brand new) and I erfuse to enable this crappy diosease anymoer - so I expect a call from CPS next winter as to why my kid is going to school in shirtsleeves. She had been secreting about ten sweatshirts in lockers at school. So she has no sweaters or sweatshirts at all either. She goes to school and does well, buit is talking about quitting everything (which scares me) so she can just have a regular unchallenging program - but still wants to get into the college of her choice (which won't happen). So I am trying to just keep my head up and spend as much time as I can with my friends because > being around my daughter is just depressing. After 6 years of this I am just exhausted. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2010 Report Share Posted March 17, 2010 Dear BJ- She already does her own laundry because of the OCD - last week I lost it when she washed one load 5 times. My electric bill went up 1000 dolalrs last week from this poop - but some things are PC (permamnently contaminated) and can't be uncontaminated by washing no matter how many times - Those things I wash, fold and give away - in past years I've replaced them because I fel it wasn't fair to make her go to school in winter with no coat. But I'm done with that enabling - if the state thinks it can do a better job let them have her.  But I am not buying her any more clothes.  M Subject: Re: More Losses To: Date: Wednesday, March 17, 2010, 2:12 PM  Would washing the coats help? Maybe instead of you washing them, she could try to lander them so you aren't feeling like you are enabling. I totally understand how you feel, . I get so fed up with OCD too. It's so controlling, for all involved, and frustrating beyond endurance, often. But, there are times that I've realized our son is so caught up in the feelings, that are so intense, that he cannot figure out how to fight it, so depending on how bad it is I've sometimes chosen to enable, until he is ready to deal with it. He's overcome most of his OCD things, but he still deals with some contamination stuff concerning raw meat and raw eggs. I encourage him regularly to try to take it on, but so far he has been resistant. Although the other day he was doing some homework on the same counter I was cooking on and I inadvertently splashed a little bit of egg white on his book, his paper, and the counter. Oh man. . He melted down big time. He went pasty white and left the room, groaning. I cleaned it up, but couldn't wipe down the paper pages, so told him he would have to cope with it being on there. He couldn't face it that night, but brought himself around to coping with it the next day. I was glad to see he was able to work it out somehow. Sometimes though, they can choose to not try to fight it, like your daughter (Josh too). And as hard as it is to accept it, we must. Vent away. I think we can all relate to your frustration. It is exhausting. . I agree. BJ > > HI all- >  > Well -we lost the last of my daughter's jackets and coats yesterday. Even after having the courage to explain in painful detail to this one male friend of her's why he couldn't accidentally on purpose bump into her, he did. So now in March she is going to school in shirtsleeves. At least it's spring, but she has 2 winter coats and four winter jackets (2 brand new) and I erfuse to enable this crappy diosease anymoer - so I expect a call from CPS next winter as to why my kid is going to school in shirtsleeves. She had been secreting about ten sweatshirts in lockers at school. So she has no sweaters or sweatshirts at all either. She goes to school and does well, buit is talking about quitting everything (which scares me) so she can just have a regular unchallenging program - but still wants to get into the college of her choice (which won't happen). So I am trying to just keep my head up and spend as much time as I can with my friends because > being around my daughter is just depressing. After 6 years of this I am just exhausted. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2010 Report Share Posted March 18, 2010 Oh no. . .That is a lot of washing. And, YIKES, the bill! Okay, I retract my suggestion . . . I'm glad it is spring. Hopefully, if she gets too cold, she will relent. Then again, our son never seems to get too cold. So sorry, . OCD is so awful with the grief it causes. BJ > > > > HI all- > >  > > Well -we lost the last of my daughter's jackets and coats yesterday. Even after having the courage to explain in painful detail to this one male friend of her's why he couldn't accidentally on purpose bump into her, he did. So now in March she is going to school in shirtsleeves. At least it's spring, but she has 2 winter coats and four winter jackets (2 brand new) and I erfuse to enable this crappy diosease anymoer - so I expect a call from CPS next winter as to why my kid is going to school in shirtsleeves. She had been secreting about ten sweatshirts in lockers at school. So she has no sweaters or sweatshirts at all either. She goes to school and does well, buit is talking about quitting everything (which scares me) so she can just have a regular unchallenging program - but still wants to get into the college of her choice (which won't happen). So I am trying to just keep my head up and spend as much time as I can with my friends > because > > being around my daughter is just depressing. After 6 years of this I am just exhausted. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2010 Report Share Posted March 18, 2010 Kara, that is heart breaking. I know our son has carried a lot of guilt at times, due to knowing his OCD was causing friction. Made me feel sick when I found out he was feeling guilty over something he couldn't control. Bless her heart for offering her money, trying to make things better. That's a lot of money. What a sweetheart. BJ > > > > > > HI all- > > >  > > > Well -we lost the last of my daughter's jackets and coats yesterday. Even after having the courage to explain in painful detail to this one male friend of her's why he couldn't accidentally on purpose bump into her, he did. So now in March she is going to school in shirtsleeves. At least it's spring, but she has 2 winter coats and four winter jackets (2 brand new) and I erfuse to enable this crappy diosease anymoer - so I expect a call from CPS next winter as to why my kid is going to school in shirtsleeves. She had been secreting about ten sweatshirts in lockers at school. So she has no sweaters or sweatshirts at all either. She goes to school and does well, buit is talking about quitting everything (which scares me) so she can just have a regular unchallenging program - but still wants to get into the college of her choice (which won't happen). So I am trying to just keep my head up and spend as much time as I can with my friends > > because > > > being around my daughter is just depressing. After 6 years of this I am just exhausted. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 19, 2010 Report Share Posted March 19, 2010 Thanks for making me laugh about the laundry. We are in a " laundry " phase right now where my daughter is finally giving me the dirty clothes she had stashed in her room for 6 months and is finally able to put away the clean clothes that I stack on a dresser outside her bedroom door (instead of having to rewash them because somehow they got contaminated before she put them away). I just thank my lucky stars the washing machine has not become contaminated (crossing fingers). Sandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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