Paranoid

[Guest guest]

Well I am 25 and this paranoa is getting worse,

believe me it is not just driving. So what is PTSD? I

am not familiar with that one. Is it Post tramatic

stress disorder? And if so what is that really?

I know have have a tiny bit of OCD but not really, I

do know a lot about that one, my mother-in-law has

that really bad and to the point of driving everyone

crazy and ruining most occasions. I try so hard to be

patient with her, because I know that she can't handle

certain things, but her sons (my hubby included) and

everyone else can't handle her so they leave me with

her all the time, and I feel that I am one of the

things she doesn't like much or has OCD about.

She is always saying negative things about me and my

clothes and my house and my hair and my weight and it

gets hard to believe that those are all related to the

OCD she blames them on.

Anyhow, the only reason I wonder about schizophrenia

is that from what the text books say, my dad totally

has it, but he won't go in and hates councelors and

therapists and says they all lie and the councelor I

used to have, when I could afford it, said knew my dad

and from a lot of my past history with my father said

he could not tell me a diagnosis of my father but he

would be concerned because these things are genetic,

for me to keep in the back of my mind for the future

that my dad seemed to be BI-Polar, Manic Depressive,

and possibly schizophrenic.

He diagnosed me as Severely Depressed and said he

couldn't be sure however whether it was situational

depression or truly a regular depression.

I have been on Zoloft 3 different times for very long

periods of time and it does not make me feel any

different and my husband says I am worse on it, plus

it makes me feel queezy and I want to sleep till noon

while on it. I have been on Effexor which helped more

than the zoloft, but caused other problems and the

need for exxessive sleeping. I have been on one other

anti depression med, but I can not recall the name of

it, because it has been years since I took it.

I have been off of anti depressents for exactly a year

and am happier now than I was on any of them and my

husband and I are doing better now than we ever were

before. But then our situation is far better.

We also had a bankruptsy about 2 years ago, that took

a year to get finalized, that was very stressful. So

we have been out of that a year now. We are not doing

great by any means financially, but at least we have

medical insurance now and all the hospital bills were

covered in the Bankruptsy. We have a house now and

just made our first payment on it, my husbands job is

finally secure. His Crohn's is finally better (as long

as he is on remecaid) and I finally have a set routine

with the kids that I feel comfortable with and so do

they. None of them are seriously sick right now, like

they have been, and my relationship with my parents is

finally going pretty well.

So I am not sure what the anxiety or paranoa comes

from but it feels hormonal or like I am lacking

something. And the only way I can explain it is that I

feel terrified, even when my brain tells me it is

stupid.

In fact I have an appointment I need to take my kids

to in a half an hour and I feel like I am going to

throw up, because I have to drive them there myself,

and I know my husband will be upset if I don't take

them. It is only 6 blocks down and 5 over from my

house, but I am so scared because it is one ways and I

am just sick about it. It makes no sence in my brain

and yet I think I would rather have my husband upset

at me than to go. I might leave now and just walk, but

it is really busy streets and my hubby asked me not to

with all the kids, so I don't know.

I have to go though and would love to see another

councelor, but I can't afford it and am scared to talk

to people about this. I guess I feel safer here

because I'm not worried of you guys telling people how

weird or dumb I am or judging me. My whole family and

extended family always tells me how dumb I am, except

my hubby, who really tries to understand but I know he

doesn't and it bothers him.

Hopefully just talking about it, will help, I don't

know, but that is what I am trying. I have to go get

my kiddos ready. Thanks, Esther

--- wrote:

> I believe it is common for paranoia to show in the

> early to mid twenties.

> However, schizophrenia is not the only disorder that

> includes paranoia.

> Both PTSD and OCD are accompanied by paranoia.

> Perhaps you just need to

> visit a psychologist about your fears. It does

> help.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Re: Re: and Tim

>

>

>

> ,

> When you find out more about the paranoa, please let

> me know details. Maybe you could e-mail me off post

> or

> something. You are so much like me that to me it is

> scary. I told my husband about a month ago, that I

> have realized that I am paranoid. I told it it seems

> to be about everything. I told him to think back

> about

> 6 years ago when we got married. I wasn't paranoid

> about anything really. Now I am paranoid about bugs,

> about people, about other women about commercials

> and

> that no one will love me, paranoid about driving,

> about going anywhere myself or anyone leaving me. It

> doesn't make very much sence to me. But all I know

> is

> that it is affecting my marriage as well.

> I told him that I realized that this same sort of

> thing happened to both my mom and my dad. My mom

> loved

> flying and her father was a pilot and around the age

> of 24 she became paranoid about it. She wasn't even

> going to go to my highschool graduation, except my

> dad

> made her, because we had to fly to the place they

> held

> the ceramony at and she was too affraid, even though

> she had done that same flight about 20 times in the

> past and never been scared before. She became afraid

> of her kids growing up and afraid of many things. My

> dad was even worse, around age 25 he decided that

> Christmas was evil because he didn't like the crowds

> and the shopping and all the stuff that goes along

> with it, so I grew up not being allowed to have

> Christmas except to read the story of Luke and stay

> at

> home and have Turky. We could not have trees for

> some

> reason that he was paranoid about, we couldn't have

> stockings, or tinsel or all sorts of things and we

> had

> had them until I was 4, but all of the sudden no

> more.

>

> He started becoming paranoid about people, because

> he

> worked as a coranor and then as a judge and he would

> hear the evil bad things people did, so we could

> never

> go anywhere and he even made us take our younger

> sibbling to work with us. He had to preview any mail

> that went in or out of the house for fear someone

> would teach us false doctrines or something. I know

> that it all boiled down to paranoa, because

> sometimes

> he was fun and normal and then he turned into a

> wierdo. And now I find myself turning into a

> paranoid

> wierdo and I am afraid and paranoid of that too.

> So if there is something that they can do for you

> then

> please tell me what it is and if it helps, because I

> can make myself ignore my paranoas, but only to an

> extent. I can force myself to do the thing I am

> asked

> to or that I am paranoid about, like driving, but

> then

> I can not calm down, I am terrified the entire time

> and feel like throwing up. And this is not something

> that has always been with me, that is why I know it

> is

> not normal. Because I used to have my own car and

> used

> to drive myself just fine and was not scared at all,

> now I won't go anywhere unless my husband takes me,

> and it drives him crazy.

> If anyone else has any ideas, let me know. I would

> like to do something about these feelings and fears.

> It is no fun living in fear, especially when there

> is

> really nothing to be affraid of.

> Esther

>

> --- Debi <fightingautism@

> <mailto:fightingautism%40yahoo.com> yahoo.com>

> wrote:

>

> > , I hope you are able to get some

> interventions

> > to help. Please

> > remember, it's not your fault that your body has

> an

> > imbalance. I

> > imagine it would be very frightening to have the

> > paranoid feelings. I

> > hope the meds are able to help you find a more

> > peaceful place.

> >

> > Debi

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

> __________________________________________________

>