Re: relationships

February 22, 2006

Well I have to say Sondra, that after 30 years of marriage to my husband,

I've seen some real changes in him also. Before we had , I worked

outside the home. He was very helpful then and did at least 50% of all

household chores. When I quit work to have , I saw things slowly

change until now you would think our relationship is right out of 1950. He

does the work outside the home and other than that, I do it all. By all I

mean, cooking, cleaning, household chores, researching therapies for

and any/all work associated with autism. He does the " man stuff "

like the lawn, car repairs, etc. However, he still thinks he should be the

head of the household and consulted as the final say in all matters.

Needless to say, we've had many go rounds with this attitude and I chafe at

his chauvenistic view. He doesn't see that my job is as hard as his, if not

more so, because this is our child's future in my hands. He always says

when I complain too much, " anytime you'd like to change jobs, just let me

know " . Unfortunately, I cannot do his job, nor earn the kind of money he

does, so this is absurd.

After all these years, I thought I would feel respected and cherished, I

felt I've earned it. But I just feel alone. We have divided into two

separate lives and although we live and function as a family, our interests

and passions no longer lie with each other. It's a sad state, but I must be

practical and realize there's no better out there and the grass is always

greener. He's a good man and a great Dad. My daughter thinks the sun rises

and sets in him. It's tough to always be the bad guy because he's always

the fun, happy Dad. He doesn't do the grunt work. Oh well, I guess the

only way I've survived this diagnosis with my sanity (so far) is because of

my age. Age really does make people realize what's important and what

isn't. It sounds simplistic but when I was younger, everything freaked me

out. Being older with an autistic child (I'm 48, she's 9), I've realized

how important the bigger picture is. That's the only thing that's saved me.

Oh well, I've said enough!

Diane ('s Mom)

relationships

I to wonder why often men of today is often not as involved in

family and care of things within the home. The often to be to leave

it all to the wife to handle and I to wonder why men are feeling

lack of responsiblity to family and such . Not all but may of todays

men are. Is is somethings of past generations that they were brought

up believing a role that is not of effective roles for todays needs

of family since woman roles have changeds drasticlaly as in woman

now owrk more than ever out of need not sjut want and yet men roles

are of slowly changeing and not meeting the family and wife as they

are forced to change into roles not always fair or meant for them.

Not saying work is not meant for them but saying working , parenting

and all the things requitred to be of a woman is of too much and men

lack the seeing at times of how they need to balance out the

marriage needs.

Not saying all men as I to be to observe in public some great

fatehrs and husbands but i to see more so the not involved father

who sees no reason to be to do more than work for the job incomes

and leaves everything up to the wife for to do by herself seeing her

struggle and not seeing hims part in it all.

Sondra

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February 22, 2006

Sondra,

I agree that fathers often dont take a big part of the responsibility for the

stuff that mothers do. My husband leaves it all to me and for me, thats fine. I

think I would rather jump off a cliff with my kids then let him make a decision

about the kids himself. lol And thats fine with him too.

Jennie in RI

sondra wrote: