Re: behavorial criteria problem...long.

[Guest guest]

Hi Des:

Wow! that is rough. I not familar with your posts from the past

summer, so I don't know all the history. I am sure that I won't be

suggesting anything that you haven't thought of in the past. I have

discovered that keep it simple is the best approach in most cases.

My only suggestion is to renegotiate. If he makes the 10-day goal,

give him a " big " reward that will motivate him. Explain in a calm

way, that if he reaches his 10 day goal that he will not be going

back to his home school for xyz reason. I think the explanation has

to be given soon. It would be unfair for him to succeed at this goal

and not recieve the " expected " reward. It would be ideal if a parent

and school official could sit down together to explain and

renegotiate terms of the goal. Unite front and all that...

Tell him what would have to happen for him to return to his home

school. Explain how that is the long term goal, but these are the

milestones that we will have to seen before that happens. Sounds

like he needs to know what is required to go back to his home school?

Is there a clear crisis plan in place for when his behavior is

unsafe? The potential for explosive behavior is high.

What is he missing at home school? Friends or certian activities?

Find out what he thinks is great about the home school and see if

there is way to provide the " desired reward or expectation " .

I feel for you and your son. I hate that feeling of train coming

down the track and my son is tied to the tracks and I'm not sure

that anyone will be able to get him off the tracks in time. Clearly,

your son's expectation has to be redirected.

I hope that you will be able to resolve this as win-win for everyone

involved. Your son will be disappointed, but hopefully another

reward for his efforts will take some of the sting out of it, along

with the understanding of what he will have to do to go back to his

home school, if that is what he really wants.

> My middle guy *14* is in a Level IV program since his discharge in

> October (many of you may remember this past summer for me). This

> school is in another district than his home school, and overall

he's

> been doing 'ok'. Its not a great fit, but his home school offers

> nothing close to the structure he needs. He's in 8th grade.

>

> Problem came up last week. My son is on a 'home behavior points

> system' that we developed. He makes a 'goal' that is written

> everyday and we evaluate is goal in the evening. Most of his

goals

> over the last month have been simple...*made by him* like: Stay

out

> of O.R. (Options Room...similar to a time out room down the

hall),

> have a positive attitude, blah blah blah type goals. Goals which

> were obviously obtainable! His school is 90% made up of EBD kids

> (emotionally behaviourly disturbed) kiddos... this is the name the

> school has given this 'type' of special ed. NOT my fav. name.

Most

> are there for a while and transition back to their regular

schools.

> But... his school doesn't offer any small structured classrooms

other

> than for EBD's.

>

> His goal last week: " Stay out of O.R. for 10 days consecutively "

> Red flag went up for me. I asked him WHY he wrote that goal. He

> said, " Thats how many days you have to do to get transferred back

to

> your home school " *surprise on my end*

>

> I wrote the director of the program immediately via email and told

> her that my son is thinking IF he accomplishes this goal.... he

gets

> to go back to his high school. *not an option*

>

> Her reply: " That is our standard criteria... those some of the

guys

> know that they are here because the learn better here " This

sounds

> to me like my son is under the WRONG impression. WHO is going to

pop

> this kids bubble????? AND... he made it all week without going

to

> the O.R.!!! So... come next week, what am I going to say to a

kid

> that worked so hard with one expectation?

>

> I 'felt' out my son the other night to see if MAYBE things were

> straigtened out by one of the staff there... he smiled and

> said.. " I've stayed out of O.R. all week mom! "

>

> I feel a really bad week coming....my anxiety is building. After

> cluing the staff in on what he's thinking, knowing that going back

to

> his home school is not an option at this time.....what am I to do

> when the '10 day' thing comes?

>

> DES

>

> ps.. for those who dont' remember my DS, 14, Aspergers, OCD,

Severe

> Anxiety, Sensory Dysfunction etc... etc...

[Guest guest]

You are right Maralee..but who does he trust is a BIG question. I

feel sorry for this kiddo, he's trying so hard! *shakes head* He

won't want to hear, " Well, you went 10 whole days without O.R. so I

know you can do it again...and keep at it " He needs the 'reward'...

the positives. Thats part of my problem over here, I can't get them

to explain what positive interventions they are using.

Don't ask.. this whole thing is a nightmare right now. Complicated

by my younger son's IEP coming and a recent medical crisis *again*

for him.

HUGS Back at ya.. by the end of the month.. I'll be glad February is

a SHORT month

DES

[Guest guest]

Des,

Hate to burst your bubble but February is a leap year this year. So one

extra day to have to handle.

I can relate to the reward system we use this at home and a school heavily

for my son. It's so hard to make it work to a point that they understand

that it takes more than just a couple of days, it needs to be everyday.

I wish you luck and hope that you are able to find a solution that will

benefit your son. Keep us posted.

Take care

in Ajax

>

>Reply-To: autism-aspergers

>To: autism-aspergers

>Subject: Re: behavorial criteria problem...long.

>Date: Mon, 19 Jan 2004 11:19:18 -0000

>

>You are right Maralee..but who does he trust is a BIG question. I

>feel sorry for this kiddo, he's trying so hard! *shakes head* He

>won't want to hear, " Well, you went 10 whole days without O.R. so I

>know you can do it again...and keep at it " He needs the 'reward'...

>the positives. Thats part of my problem over here, I can't get them

>to explain what positive interventions they are using.

>

>Don't ask.. this whole thing is a nightmare right now. Complicated

>by my younger son's IEP coming and a recent medical crisis *again*

>for him.

>

>HUGS Back at ya.. by the end of the month.. I'll be glad February is

>a SHORT month

>

>

>DES

>

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[Guest guest]

oh thanks... LOL Kinda like my checkbook now.. I'm just a titch

short?

Boy, keeping up with the charts, rewards, points.. schools blah blah

blah. Consistancy being the key, I really have to motivate myself

most days. Do I get points? LOL I should

I think the school is finally 'getting' that they need to send his

sheets home from school so that his 'school points' can carry over.

For every point at school, we divide by 1,000 then times it by 2.

Our point system is simpler. 5 points each. Their system is 500-

5000 pts. Was fun doing the math to convert the whole thing. But he

sees that GOOD behavior at school carries over to the home.

nice motivation

DES