work on step children

[Guest guest]

or what we call "bonus children"!!!

ok- here it is in all its ugliness...

background- as divorced mom, i raised 4 children and as the last one left home, and i breathed a sigh of relief, i met jim, a wonderful man with two boys aged 11 and 12. we married with the idea that their mother would have shared custody every other week...that lasted one month before she moved out of state! now the oldest is 24,still living with us as he finishes his last yr in college......

as much as i have done the work on it, i am stuck always coming to the point where it is my problem- i am theo nly one it bothers, and i am the one who should leave.

corey should not be living at home. he should not have his friends spending the night here. he should not be always pushing the limits. he should be having a job. corey should not be coming in and out all night with his friends. corey should do some things around the house to help. corey should think about us sometimes, and our needs. corey should get help with his depression. corey should study more.

-- that is not the reality. he is living home cuz it's cheaper- so do i want him out yet- no i guess not. his friends have helped get him over his blues- it's true i don't see why they have to stay here- but they do. the rest are just the way it is. he helps when we ask.

how do i treat him? fine- i pretend it is all fine and i stuff my feelings til i want to blow up. i don't look at him sometimes. i feel passive-agressive- i bang dishes at 8 am when i know he has just gone to bed! i complain to my friends, i complain to jim. most of all i hate myself for feeling this way not getting over it-not finding away. i wanted to be the most perfect bonus mom. i am sorry i am so finished with raising kids for 30 years. i go round in circles. i choose inner conflict instead of peace because i basically believe i am right! i get annoyed at jim for being so at ease with all of this. ( that's for another peace of work!)-

who would i be without these beliefs- just free- peaceful- peaceful. the stories about what will happen if we go away for the weekend- gone...

can't see a reason to have them- and they just keep coming up

corey is.... depressed and down since his gf left him. he has no interest in anything but his friends. he is creative. he is fine- he is just "around" instead of out on his own, he is passive agressive. he pushes the limits. he does as little as possible to get through. he also tries really hard to come and go quietly. he has his friends in his room instead of on top of us. he keeps his room clean.

------i am depressed since my mom died (saw her everyday of my life nearly) -that could be true. i have mostly been in the house a lot since, not interested in a lot of outside stuff...true. i am creative- been quilting and sewing-true. i am passive-agressive- i can find that. i push the limits- i push MY limits by not speaking up more,,,,saying what I want. i do as little as possible to get through- in so far as confronting corey that is soooo true-peace at any cost...

i want corey to move out... to not have his friends here so much...to work harder at school stuff, to get a job, to pull his weight, to not push the limits, to get help for his depression, to be ok, to be happy, to care about me.

----i want to move out- sometimes i really do. i want corey to move out- when he graduates. i want me to get a job- i think it's time for me to go back to work-yes- to pull my weight again financially. i want me to not push my limits. maybe i need help for depression ( like getting out more- exercising again, speaking my truth more often)-yes.

i want me to be ok. what corey does is not my business. i want me to be happy. ( i mostly am) i want to care about me. i want me to care about corey- i do.

i look forward to.............

and thanks for listening- any feed back- there just seems to be nothing new- no major breakthroughs... laurie