To Sally re:Rose, Re Daughter - AS

[Guest guest]

Hi Sally, I was just reading your message to Rose and found it

really interesting. My son, (5) was recently diagnosed with

AS (could also have anxiety or a mood disorder but not sure yet) and

I have often thought of homeschooling him for the very reasons that

you describe in your message to Rose. When I say homeschooling I

don't mean simulating a classroom & teacher scenario but rather a

relaxed method whereby the child is allowed to explore the topics of

his interest at the time and the parent finds ways of incorporating

maths, science, english, etc into these topics. For example, my son

is obsessed with Buzz Lightyear and space so perhaps maths could be

taught by calculating how many km Buzz would have to fly to get to

Mars and back to Earth (a little too advanced for a 5 yr old but

this is just an example), science by studying the planets and their

chemistry, english by reading books about science, Buzz Lightyear,

etc. Anyway, you get the idea. Many teachers and specialists I

have spoken to have snubbed this idea saying that that would be no

good for a child with AS as he needs to socialize - " you must force

him to socialise ... you know that don't you... " . Of course the

parent would need to make sure that the child does get some social

interaction, perhaps involvement in a sport or club of interest.

What do you think? I love the idea and see more positives than

negatives but there is a huge stigma about homeschooling in our

society. Personally, I can't see why forcing a child to attend

school where he is going to be bullied and teased for being

different, forced to endure subjects he is not interested in,

learning social skills that are mostly undesireable anyway, can do

him much good. I would love to hear your opinion on this.

Leanne

[Guest guest]

Hi Leanne,

> Many teachers and specialists I

> have spoken to have snubbed this idea saying that that would be no

> good for a child with AS as he needs to socialize - " you must force

> him to socialise ... you know that don't you... " .

These people are talking rubbish, to put it politely. Forcing someone with

an ASD to socialise will cause them immense damage. They WILL NOT learn

social skills by being around people - that is the whole point. The disorder

prevents them from being able to learn all the social skills that we

'absorb' from infancy without even knowing that we are doing it.

If you read any of the excellent books written by adults with ASD, you will

realise that being in social situations is HARD WORK for them, because they

have to constantly consciously think about all the social information

(facial expression, gesture, body language etc etc), not to mention working

out all the semantics and pragmatics involved in speech. The rest of us do

this subconsciously.

Providing structured encounters, and allowing them to terminate the social

contact when they become overloaded and can no longer cope, is much more

helpful.

The other thing is that a lot of people just cannot accept that social

situations just are not fun or enjoyable for someone with ASD. They *prefer*

to be on their own, and we must learn to respect their desires. It is not

acceptable to force them to do something just because we like it or feel

that they have got to 'be normal'. It is as bad as when those affected by

thalidomide were forced to wear unwieldy and ungainly artificial limbs,

which did absolutely nothing for their quality of life.

Your plans for home education sound wonderful to me, and I think your son

would blossom in a situation where he learns at his own pace. In fact he

will probably learn faster if he is not obliged to deal with all the social

stuff as well. You will find ways of teaching him the social skills he

needs, and doing it in the safe environment of home, rather than the

overwhelming and frightening environment of school, may make it easier for

him to pick them up.

Good luck

in England

(For the record my son has always been in mainstream education, and has

coped reasonably well.)

[Guest guest]

Hi I agree with here, You can not make a child with an ASD to

socialise! They either will or wont but you cannot force it! If your

child works better at home than amongst other children then that is

the right enviroment for them!

Sherryxx

> Hi Leanne,

>

> > Many teachers and specialists I

> > have spoken to have snubbed this idea saying that that would be no

> > good for a child with AS as he needs to socialize - " you must

force

> > him to socialise ... you know that don't you... " .

>

> These people are talking rubbish, to put it politely. Forcing

someone with

> an ASD to socialise will cause them immense damage. They WILL NOT

learn

> social skills by being around people - that is the whole point. The

disorder

> prevents them from being able to learn all the social skills that we

> 'absorb' from infancy without even knowing that we are doing it.

>

> If you read any of the excellent books written by adults with ASD,

you will

> realise that being in social situations is HARD WORK for them,

because they

> have to constantly consciously think about all the social

information

> (facial expression, gesture, body language etc etc), not to mention

working

> out all the semantics and pragmatics involved in speech. The rest

of us do

> this subconsciously.

>

> Providing structured encounters, and allowing them to terminate the

social

> contact when they become overloaded and can no longer cope, is much

more

> helpful.

>

> The other thing is that a lot of people just cannot accept that

social

> situations just are not fun or enjoyable for someone with ASD. They

*prefer*

> to be on their own, and we must learn to respect their desires. It

is not

> acceptable to force them to do something just because we like it or

feel

> that they have got to 'be normal'. It is as bad as when those

affected by

> thalidomide were forced to wear unwieldy and ungainly artificial

limbs,

> which did absolutely nothing for their quality of life.

>

> Your plans for home education sound wonderful to me, and I think

your son

> would blossom in a situation where he learns at his own pace. In

fact he

> will probably learn faster if he is not obliged to deal with all

the social

> stuff as well. You will find ways of teaching him the social skills

he

> needs, and doing it in the safe environment of home, rather than the

> overwhelming and frightening environment of school, may make it

easier for

> him to pick them up.

>

> Good luck

> in England

>

> (For the record my son has always been in mainstream education, and

has

> coped reasonably well.)

[Guest guest]

Hi Sally,

> if teachers and professionals were to accept that we know what is best for

> our children then they would have to accept that a lot of the training

that

> they have done was pointless.

The problem is that most teachers have absolutely no training at all about

ASD, but think that because they are the 'professionals' and we are the

parents that they *must* know best. Even when they have an ASD child in

their class, many do not bother to obtain any training or even read any

information, let alone trying to understand their different way of thinking

and understanding.

> I know of a few people who have/are home tutoring and they report that

once

> the LEA realise you are serious about the whole thing they leave you to

it.

> With special needs kids they don't often check there progress (although

they

> are supposed to)

Actually, they are not supposed to, unless they are continuing to maintain a

statement for that child (which usually only applies to those doing a home

programme like ABA or Son-rise and getting the funding for it from the LEA).

If the child is in a special school, then the LEAs permission has to be

obtained before de-registering them, but that is all.

> i think this is because it is so expensive to keep them in

> the system they are quite relieved when people opt out as it will free up

> some of there budget (of course this is just my personal opinion).

Well, of course this is quite true.

BTW my son is 16 and in 6th form college.

in England