Re: clothes and my teens

[Guest guest]

--- Patty wrote:

> I was in the 7th grade in the early 70's. My mother

> insisted that I go to school dressed the way she had

> to while growing up in Europe-- with nice frilly

> dresses. Add to that the fact that I had a weight

> problem, and *EVERYONE* else wore jeans and tee

> shirts, and you can imagine what a *standout* I was!

>

>

> I was mocked, ridiculed, beaten up, stabbed, had my

> head smashed against walls, graffiti written about

> me,

> etc. I used to literally fear for my life. My

> mother

> never believed that the situation was as serious as

> it

> was. I asked-- no, begged her to pick me up from

> school every day, because there was always a posse

> of

> kids waiting for me to taunt me and hurt me. Her

> answer? " You can walk. You need the exercise. "

(Hugs)Patty,

I know how this feels... I think one of the most

painful issues for me was the social ostracization

that I experienced. This stuck with me the most

throughout my life. Nada's neglect, lack of empathy

and wisdom did not help. Our nada's failed miserably

to protect us. As a young adult and well throughout

adulthood (or so I thought,) the fears I experienced

in social situations was insurmountable. I always felt

like that little girl who others saw as some little

outcast.

Today though, I work hard to think about this

differently. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail -

but I have a feeling that ultimately success will

prevail - permanently.

I think - People can accept me for who I am or can not

- it's thier choice, but whatever their choice is,

does not reflect back to me. I am - And others are

others and if the two should meet it's a beautiful

thing...

Cyndie

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

> > I was mocked, ridiculed, beaten up, stabbed, had my

> > head smashed against walls, graffiti written about

> > me,

> > etc. I used to literally fear for my life. My

> > mother

> > never believed that the situation was as serious as

> > it

> > was. I asked-- no, begged her to pick me up from

> > school every day, because there was always a posse

> > of

> > kids waiting for me to taunt me and hurt me. Her

> > answer? " You can walk. You need the exercise. "

>

> (Hugs)Patty,

that is horrible Patty. I'm so sorry that for you and other kids this

was a reality. This is part of the reason I homeschool.

Years ago when my oldest was 12...I read the book " Reviving

Ophelia " by Pipher, and it shed light on the day to day

struggles of the average American girl. They go through such

terrible typical days, the harrassment, the message from society

on weight and beauty. The roving tumbling spontaneous girl hits

puberty and it is a whole other game.

My daughter was enrolled at the local Catholic high school. Our

public high school is very bad, we live in an up and coming town

with a down and out attitude. The high school has the highest

drop out and teen pregnancy rate in the state. Less than half of

the freshman class graduates.

Anyway at the Catholic high school the religion was a thin

veneer, at the social attitude was all about being available to

party and have nice things. It was extremely clique-ish. My

daughter became less and less interested in looking neat...I

knew there was something going on. She was afraid of getting

male attention because it was so aggressive. She didn't want to

go to a school dance bec. her friend told her that a guy just went

up to her and kissed her on the dance floor. She is a girl who

respects herself. She didn't like the necking and groping in the

hallways, because that is what it was, with the teachers walking

by. Then, she was a straight A student and bored. The thing we

sent her there for, to be provided with a safe and respectful

Catholic environment, was the very thing she didn't get. She

asked us to pull her and homeschool her again.

When we announced to nada-land that we had pulled our

teenager from that environment that was further proof of how

crazy I was.

Kathleen