Re: Beth and her girlfriend

[Guest guest]

Rabecca and all...

one thing I am very thankful for is that Beth tells me just about everything that's going on in her life, with her girlfriends, with her boyfriend.....she isn't very good at keeping secrets. She doesn't realize what she should be telling her mother and what normal teenage girls don't tell their mothers. And this mother likes that!

We had a good day today: I took the afternoon off work. She and I had lunch with my cousin at Olive Garden, then Beth and I went shopping; had a Starbuck's treat, went to Blockbuster, and came home. The only "crisis" was when her girlfriend called and told her what classroom she had been assigned to at school...that letter came in the mail today. And it wasn't BETH's room!!!! OH MYYYYYYY. And her other girlfriend was also NOT assigned to her room. The world stopped turning for a few minutes there....life 'sucked.' Panic set in. But eventually she came back down to the rotating earth and is starting to get used to the idea. She said, as she said last fall, that she will "try school" for a week or two and if she doesn't like it, then I have to talk to the principal!

Sigh.

Maralee

Isn’t it interesting how these kiddos get when they try so hard to be “social”??? The ups… The downs… The weirdness… I find so often that I need to give my kiddos space and let them try to figure it out… Yet, there I am hoping and praying that they go the right direction, that they make the right decisions… I actually had an easier time with my kiddos who had moods that were very distinct (even though they were pretty out there) because at least then I knew what they were thinking/feeling. Perhaps I am a bit AS myself, because picking up on the subtleties is really being difficult for me as it relates to Tyler! He is also a “protector” but believes in keeping others confidences to a fault. (he would make a great poker player!) I would never know if one of his friends was talking running away, making bad choices, being self destructive etc until after Tyler felt he had a handle on it. Yet, we finally did get him to agree that he would tell us if it was life and death, because some things are just too big to leave to chance… There are no take-backs if they aren’t alive… Anyway, I am hoping that he gets the idea that he can confide in us without feeling like he is “tattling” on his friends (a new concept). Mostly, he has decided to stay away from most other kids his age for the summer, because in his words, “they all are just so messed up Mom”. I think he is hoping school will calm things back down again. He does still go to youth group and youth group activities and is getting some one on one mentorship from his youth leader (isn’t it great to have God and His helpers on our side!) I think it will help, and I know that Tyler has become more serious/personal with his relationship with Jesus.

Anyway, hang in there… It proves to be an interesting rest of the summer!!!

~

[Guest guest]

Maralee,

You are a very lucky lady indeed!!! Though Tyler tells me to the N'th

degree about what he is going through, he keeps the confidency of

those around him and won't break it. If it is something he is dealing

with, I hear about it in minute detail... but if his friend is going

through something, I get " talked to me again today and it

stressed me out. I hope she will be okay " but he won't go into detail

on anything said because that would be breaking their trust in

him. Something else I am grateful for is that Tyler can't tell a lie

to save his life! The last time he tried (5th grade) he paced like a

caged tiger for three days, went without food and sleep, and had

nightmares when he would finally nod off. By the third day, he was a

basket case and pleaded with me to " hear him out " because " I just

have to sleep and I can't unless I tell you.... " He doesn't

understand how others can handle it. For him, it is right up there

with murder (yes, my son is still very concrete and things in life

are either right or wrong!)

The separate groups/rooms thing is such a large issue in school. We

deal with that on a regular basis. Since we live in a large city,

they have determined that for the kids safety in Jr. High and High

School, they have to be shuffled every year so that they are forced

to reattach into a new group. Supposedly, this is to minimize

gangs/drugs/bullying/clicks/etc. in school. I guess for the general

population, which has little trouble finding a new group to begin

socializing with, this probably isn't too hard. For my son, it is

devistating!

It took until his 6th grade year for him to firmly attach to a couple

kids that he had been with since kindergarten and now he has to start

over again every year. The schools are divided up into mini-school

areas that never mingle. Each grouping (of 100-200 kids) then spends

the entire day in that portion of the school and only goes to classes

with each other. The kids are grouped within this grouping by skill,

which determines who goes to what class when, so I guess last year,

Tyler had three kids in two or more of his classes with him instead

of a complete shuffle each class... but two of the kids were bullies

so I wasn't even too pleased with that...

Next year, perhaps the bullies will be in a different grouping than

he was in, but he will be shuffling with a different mix of kids, so

the faces won't be familiar unless he has seen them before or after

getting to his area (which consists of a locker area and six

classrooms as well as a common area.

I do understand what Beth faces... and Tyler... I wouldn't have done

well with it myself at there age... or mine! Don't we get used to

working with the same people even in our professions? Isn't that part

of life, learning to connect to those we regularly see? I am hoping

that perhaps one of his buddies from grade school will end up being

shuffled into his mix (he had a social skills group for three years

in grade school that focused on kids on the spectrum, and over that

period of time, they broke throught he barriers and really formed

some strong attatchments)

Give us luck!!!

Rabecca

> one thing I am very thankful for is that Beth tells me just about

> everything that's going on in her life, with her girlfriends, with

her

> boyfriend.....she isn't very good at keeping secrets. She doesn't

> realize what she should be telling her mother and what normal

teenage

> girls don't tell their mothers. And this mother likes that!

> We had a good day today: I took the afternoon off work. She and I

had

> lunch with my cousin at Olive Garden, then Beth and I went

shopping; had

> a Starbuck's treat, went to Blockbuster, and came home. The only

> " crisis " was when her girlfriend called and told her what classroom

she

> had been assigned to at school...that letter came in the mail

today. And

> it wasn't BETH's room!!!! OH MYYYYYYY. And her other girlfriend was

> also NOT assigned to her room. The world stopped turning for a few

> minutes there....life 'sucked.' Panic set in. But eventually she

came

> back down to the rotating earth and is starting to get used to the

idea.

> She said, as she said last fall, that she will " try school " for a

week

> or two and if she doesn't like it, then I have to talk to the

principal!

>

> Sigh.

> Maralee

[Guest guest]

Well, Rabecca, I guess keeping confidences is not a BAD thing.

That's a good thing, really. We love the 'problem' they have about not

being able to tell a lie too, don't we? LOL Unfortunately, I'm finding

my daughter is getting " better " at that as she gets older. OY

As far as school groups go, Beth only has 3 high school classrooms at

her (private special ed) school, and all of the kids are assigned to one

of them for one reason or another (academic level, personality, etc). So

they stay with the same classmates almost all day, so if her friends

aren't in there she won't get to be around them that much at school,

which is disappointing for her, of course.

Have a great day!

maralee

****You are a very lucky lady indeed!!! Though Tyler tells me

****to the N'th

****degree about what he is going through, he keeps the confidency of

****those around him and won't break it.

****The separate groups/rooms thing is such a large issue in school. We

****deal with that on a regular basis.

*

[Guest guest]

Maralee,

I guess it can be a good thing, but in Tyler's case, I am finding out

about him giving advice to kids who are in abusive situations, a

pregnant 12-year-old girl, a girl whose dad is now in prision for

attempted murder for violating a restraining order and trying to kill

his ex-girlfriend (the girl insists that her dad didn't do it of his

own free will... it was the alcohol he drank), two who are in teh

middle of a custody dispute that has included kidnapping, another who

has experimented with drugs and theft, etc etc etc... If the issues

weren't so big, I wouldn't be so worried. But the kids that choose to

go to him seem to have really big problems, problems I am not ready

for him to try and solve on his own... I guess I should thank my

lucky stars that he is gang free, drug free, is honest, is

trustworthy, and has never experienced abuse outside of the school

system. Yet, like most mothers, I worry... We are in a fairly good

neighborhood for being in such a large metropolitain, but the issues

are right here, close to home... and I really would like him

to " break confidence " with this big stuff, even if he doesn't

consider it life and death!!!

Rabecca

> Well, Rabecca, I guess keeping confidences is not a BAD thing.

> That's a good thing, really.

> maralee