Re: daughter /school

[Guest guest]

If it were me, I would base it on how disabling her fear is for her,

as to whether to keep her in school, or homeschool. It's always best,

IF (important " IF " ) they can fight the fear and work through it. That

way they conquer it. But, they have to be on board with fighting it,

or it can make things worse. Also, if the fear is too disabling, they

might NOT be able to work through it.

That was the case with our son when he was in second grade. After

trying to work through it for quite some time, with a school that was

about as unhelpful as they could be, he melted down one morning and

took off running down the road, sobbing and screaming that he couldn't

go there anymore. He'd reached his limit. So, we opted to pull him

out and homeschool. For us, that worked better than we ever imagined

(now on our 10th year of homeschooling).

Our son was fearful of school for years after his experience with that

particular school, which, unfortunately, did things to reinforce his

anxiety. But, he did outgrow it, for the most part. He is currently

taking classes from a vocational school and loves it. In fact, if he

won't get out of bed, I will say, " Well, guess you'll just have to

miss school today. . " , and that gets him up. lol I think his love

of wanting that knowledge, overrode his fears . .Anyway, it is a step

in the right direction. And once they get over that hump, they seem

to work it out. He still seems a bit trepidatious about college, but

hopefully will be mentally ready when that time comes.

Is she on meds for the first time and 3 weeks in? If so, it should

get better. It took us months to find the right dosage, then for our

son to stabilize. Although, we saw a glimpse of improvement within a

few weeks of him starting meds (with both times he's been on

medication). He often would improve, then go backwards again, needing

the dosage upped more. The fact that she had a good day, is

promising. What is she taking, and what is the dosage? Is it

considered a low dose? Does the prescribing doctor expect to go higher?

Those medication decisions are the worst. <sigh> I'm sorry she is

having a rough time. It's so hard when your child is struggling so much.

Hugs,

BJ

>

> My 12 year old had sudden onset of ocd a couple of months ago.She has

> been put on meds and after about 3 weeks finally saw some

> improvement..especailly with the walking problem..yesterday running

> and playing like her old self. But that night knowing she had to return

> to school brought on a melt down , not wanting to walk , change or take

> a bath. Got her up this morning , got her ready for school and she was

> refusing school..but with the help of great teachers she stayed and has

> since called me to get her,,but I could not because of work..Am

> concerned about school , should I pull her out and try home schooling

> or see if she can overcome this fear?

> She is placed in a safe room , with no other kids and teachers work

> with her one on one , she still refusing to write , so everything is

> done orally..praying in time she overcomes this writing problem.

> So unsure on how to help her without enabling ..thanks for any input

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, just my first thoughts on this. Since the school is

accommodating her now and she hasn't been on medication very long

yet (can take several weeks to " kick in " good), I would keep her in

public school for now. I assume she was doing well at school before

all this OCD stuff began.

Is she participating with the oral work pretty well?

My son also had writing issues, and reading ones, with his OCD when

it began in 6th grade. I ended up doing the writing at home (what

couldn't be done or finished at school) and reading his work to him

(yes, thought I wouldn't survive either!). We had him begin to take

more of the work " back " over time, baby steps really.

Luckily for me though, he did like to go to school instead of stay

home. It wouldn't have worked for us for him to stay home, what

with me being a single parent. I can only imagine if he'd had

school refusal that I, like you did today, would have just had to

get him there some way and encouraged him that " this would pass "

and " get easier " as more time went by, don't let the illness beat

you.... If it would have worked for him to stay home...well, then

again imagining, I still would have pushed him towards school but

can guess there might have been days that OCD " won " to stay home but

with telling son that he was going NEXT day.... SIGH! You're in a

hard place I know! School might work with her with doing

assignments at home now but I would guess it'd be harder - at this

age - to go back if she begins to stay home with OCD bothering her,

etc.

Very quick thoughts on this. So sorry she (and you) are struggling

with this right now. Other parents here have struggled with the

refusal, hope they see your post and can offer what worked for their

child (and you might get a variety of answers on that too!).

single mom, 3 sons

, 20, with OCD, dysgraphia and Aspergers

>

> My 12 year old had sudden onset of ocd a couple of months ago.She

has

> been put on meds and after about 3 weeks finally saw some

> improvement..especailly with the walking problem..yesterday

running

> and playing like her old self. But that night knowing she had to

[Guest guest]

Some of the posts here sound so much like our 11 year son. This past

Sept he had sudden onset OCD/anxiety and stopped going to school,

eating, swallowing, going outside, etc. He was put on meds and we

started the slow road to understanding and coping.

It was only this month that he has started going back mostly full

time and it was very small steps to get here. Being at school and

having to deal with everyone, the smells, the sounds and work

expectations were simply to much for him. He also does no written

work, only oral.

We worked closely with the school and they were great. They went

along with anything we proposed and we know that we are very lucky in

that regard.

He enjoys PE so that is were we started. We simply brought him for

PE class and then we went home. Then we added art or music and

continued from there. The most important step we made was separating

the academic issue from the anxiety and ocd. The academic will come

but firstly we needed him the figure out how to deal with the other

issues. The other turning point for us was when we gave him

control. We told him that it was up to him if he could just go for

the morning and then had to come home that was ok. So when the

mornings were particulaily hard we just reminded him that it was just

till noon and that made it better, with him staying for the full day

most days now. There was not pushing him, it was definately his

timeline, not ours. Frustrating but ultimately successful. We still

have a long way to go but rejoice in the steps he has made.

School if important but it definately, at least for us, takes a back

seat for now to more important life issues.

Good luck

> >

> > My 12 year old had sudden onset of ocd a couple of months ago.She

has

> > been put on meds and after about 3 weeks finally saw some

> > improvement..especailly with the walking problem..yesterday

running

> > and playing like her old self. But that night knowing she had to

return

> > to school brought on a melt down , not wanting to walk , change

or take

> > a bath. Got her up this morning , got her ready for school and

she was

> > refusing school..but with the help of great teachers she stayed

and has

> > since called me to get her,,but I could not because of work..Am

> > concerned about school , should I pull her out and try home

schooling

> > or see if she can overcome this fear?

> > She is placed in a safe room , with no other kids and teachers

work

> > with her one on one , she still refusing to write , so everything

is

> > done orally..praying in time she overcomes this writing problem.

> > So unsure on how to help her without enabling ..thanks for any

input

> >

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Hi,

>

> First let me say how very sorry I am that your daughter is going

> through this. My daughter (age 9) went through this at the

beginning

> of the year and it was a nightmare for all of us. I will tell you,

> though, that " this too shall pass " and you will get through it.

Even

> though right now it feels like it will never end...it really will.

>

> These are just some insights and things that worked for my

daughter.

> At the beginning of the year (after we took her off Prozac over the

> summer) - her OCD flared. She was extremely afraid to go to school

> (it would take 3 teachers to get her out of the car into the

school)

> and she would cry and have anxiety attacks at school. Her OCD fear

> is vomiting and she didn't feel safe at school. In the afternoons

> after school, she would literally start counting down the

> hours/minutes until school started again. The closer to school -

the

> more anxious she would get. We put her back on the Prozac...but

> these SSRIs take several weeks/months to really start working and

get

> their full affects. There were mornings that I was on the phone

w/her

> psychiatrist, my husband with the psychologist and then we'd talk

to

> the resource teacher, counselor etc. If possible...from our

> experience, I'd recommend continuing to try to work with the school

> to keep her in school. If you take her out to homeschool - it will

> be very, very hard to get her back in. Also, we made a " worry

> journal " for her. When she started to cry or had the anxiety

attacks

> (clearly, not good for her socially as she's in 4th grade and we

all

> know how mean kids can be) - we would encourage her to write in her

> journal. The mind really can't do more than 1 thing at once - so,

if

> they can get their mind " busy " - it can help reduce the anxiety.

> Also, my daughter made a small " pet rock " that she took to school

> during this time to transfer her worries to the rock. Finally, we

> found a childhood OCD site where she could play small games

> like " whack the OCD monster " - so, trying to visualize standing up

to

> the OCD. We also gave her Ativan for a few days to help her to get

> over " the hump " until the Prozac started working again. I didn't

> like giving the Ativan - but it really, really helped her to have a

> few good days with MUCH less anxiety - which helped build her

> confidence that she could get through school without anxiety.

>

> Sorry this is so long - but I hope some of the suggestions help.

> Again, I am SO sorry that you all are going through this. It will

> get better.

>

> Please feel free to email me personally if you need anything.

> Anne

>

anne and all thank u for insight and some words of hope..after alot

of prayer and thought , we will pull her out of school for now , the

school will continue working with us and if she is able to return

will be welcomed with open arms..HOME work assignments will be sent

home so we can work with her ,,in spite of all this she is

maintaining A and B s ..doing orally , she is starting to write a

little, her walking has improved,,but the mention of going to school

shuts her down,,and nothing has happened at school to bring this fears

Every night knowing she has school causes to sob and cry until meds

kick to let her sleep..Will keep posting and learning from this

forum,,thank God for this forum..do not feel like she is alone!!

[Guest guest]

Oh you are definitely not alone with the school anxiety/refusal type

problems! This is a good place to come for that.

I'm glad you've got the decision made, that is a " load off " just to get

that done. It does sound like she is making progress, beginning to

write a little. With , I think he began with just sheets that

might have him fill in the blanks or circling answers, etc. Then

later, he might write until he " tired " and I'd pick it up from there.

The reading to him, I found a lot of that interesting for me to read

anyway. Making the time for my help was harder in some ways. We

usually didn't get started until 8 p.m. or after.

Does she like making good grades? That was an incentive for ,

he loved trying to make all A's. Though he wasn't making all A's

anymore when OCD was so bad. He had previous to OCD beginning so he

didn't like his grades getting lower.

>

> anne and all thank u for insight and some words of hope..after alot

> of prayer and thought , we will pull her out of school for now , the

> school will continue working with us and if she is able to return

> will be welcomed with open arms..HOME work assignments will be sent

> home so we can work with her ,,in spite of all this she is

> maintaining A and B s ..doing orally , she is starting to write a

> little, her walking has improved,,but the mention of going to school

> shuts her down,,and nothing has happened at school to bring this fears

> Every night knowing she has school causes to sob and cry until meds

> kick to let her sleep..Will keep posting and learning from this

> forum,,thank God for this forum..do not feel like she is alone!!

>

[Guest guest]

***********

School if important but it definately, at least for us, takes a back

seat for now to more important life issues.

***********

I remember reading in one of the many books I read about OCD, that it

is recommended to take care of the OCD first, not worrying about the

academics. We were forced to do that when our son was not

functioning. He was able to catch up later, when he got better.

Because we homeschool, it made it easier, I admit. I remember when I

read that it was such a relief, because I felt like what I wanted to

do was the recommended thing to do. And it all worked out in the end.

..Thankfully. Sounds like it did for you too. )

BJ

[Guest guest]

We have had school refusal every year since K. It waxes and wans.

I see a pattern that as the workload increases so does the school refusal. Any

stressors increase the anxiety.

We work with a specialist in school refusal and he advocates for changes in the

school setting which it sounds like you already have.

I am so tempted to Home school too. It is exhausting getting

our daughter out of the house. My husband will distract her

in the am to help her calm down, This helps until the anxiety peaks

and then we start having tardies and partial days. Even when we get her there

the fatigue starts to get to her and she ends up sick.

I noticed her anxiety to lessen after a few days home.

Some of our daughters stress is that she wants to get home and do her

rituals and the strain of being in school is too much.

Our doctor recommended having her have more breaks in school to have some time

for her to do something relaxing. He also suggested shortened days.

Last year I picked my daughter up for lunch and we ate in the car everyday

together and read books and listened to music, to add something calm to the day.

It is so much work. I get a sense what it is like for her to fight

this all the time.

We have in our state a few theraputic schools for fragile kids

and I would consider that but you will have to get the school to pay for it and

that can take a long time. Having a professional MD or

psychologist can help advocate for this. It takes energy lots of it with some

school systems to get this.

Usually in these type of schools the classes are small and the school is small

and they get counseling. Attendance is not an issue like in public school.

If you find one, visit, and then ask the case manager to see it.

Compare what they do with your local school. But make sure it is for high

functioning kids with theraputic needs and not behavior issues.

Good luck!

Pam

[Guest guest]

That's a tough call because you don't want to reinforce the fears with avoidant

behavior, but you also need to know when relief from the stress is the priority.

The amount of stress that is tolerable is something that you, your child, and

your therapist can quantify (i.e., how many times do they leave the class, how

much productive time is there, ect).

What we have done in the past is to decrease attendance (cut out specials like

gym) and come home for lunch. If that didn't work we went to half days. We did

home school once for 2 weeks and then did a gradual reintegration by going back

for one hour for a week, then 2 the next week, then 3 and so on. We have always

been successful within a couple of months using this method. I think it was the

hardest on me (going back and forth ect), but worth it to see my son smiling in

June as he went to meet his teacher for the following school year (something all

the kids do at our school).

Bonnie

>

> My 12 year old had sudden onset of ocd a couple of months ago.She has

> been put on meds and after about 3 weeks finally saw some

> improvement..especailly with the walking problem..yesterday running

> and playing like her old self. But that night knowing she had to return

> to school brought on a melt down , not wanting to walk , change or take

> a bath. Got her up this morning , got her ready for school and she was

> refusing school..but with the help of great teachers she stayed and has

> since called me to get her,,but I could not because of work..Am

> concerned about school , should I pull her out and try home schooling

> or see if she can overcome this fear?

> She is placed in a safe room , with no other kids and teachers work

> with her one on one , she still refusing to write , so everything is

> done orally..praying in time she overcomes this writing problem.

> So unsure on how to help her without enabling ..thanks for any input

>