Same Sex caretaking

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In a message dated 4/7/2006 9:33:53 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

mfroof@... writes:

..whether Gareth wants that or not. I need to have

some freedom from not being the primary caregiver 24/7/365. A lot of

times,

Gareth will say 'no....Mom do it.' and I just walk away and tell him

'no....Dad

is helping.'

This isn't the same thing, but it sparked something that has me thinking,

and I wonder what everyone's opinion is. The other night I had a conversation

with Jen, Maddie's sitter who also works at her school (Jen started out

years ago first as Maddie's aide, and now is an education coordinator, which

basically means she writes the behavior programs for certain classrooms....but

she doesn't have Maddie). Anyway, she and I were discussing same sex

caretaking and how important it is to me that females change Maddie and all

that.....well, that's their protocol, so it's not an issue. But in talking,

she

commented that it's the opinion of professionals in the field that even in

families, it be same sex. The thinking is that ultimately Maddie should come

to

an understanding that it's only females who should be permitted to assist her

that way. I felt differently, and so does Duff. As he says, Maddie is

his daughter, and he feels he needs to be part of her caretaking in whatever

capacity she needs. He says when his mother was sick and became

temporarily incontinent, his brother was the best one at changing

her....there's 3

women in the family, who are ALL nurses, but he just had a way of putting her

at ease about it. And a while back, I had a conversation with someone at a

cocktail party for nursing homes (Duff is on the board of a large nursing home

corporation here in Philly) and I casually said that I didn't know how long

I could expect Maddie's brothers to change her diaper if they were watching

her for me, and he came right back with, " why not? My mother has Alzheimers

and needs my help....who better to be her caretaker than someone who loves

her as much as I do "

So, what's the thought on this? Just curious.

Donna