Re: The Question of Protection to the parents

[Guest guest]

Hi Casey,

Is this a hypothetical siuation? Even if it is, I would need more

information as a parent before I would know how to handle it.

Is the object of their affection aware of the attraction? Is s/he

interested back?

I have known of several instances where a person who has Ds was " in love

with " or " had a crush on " a person in their circle who did not have Ds who

was not at all romantically engaged in return. How it's handled depends on

the individual's maturity level, where their support comes from, the general

circumstances of their contact with the other person, etc. etc.

Judie, mom to Christi, 31 and several others

> I want to give you a scenario and I would like to have feed-back, becuase

> it is a general concern with all parents.

>  

> A child w/ special needs becomes a teenager, or twenty year old and they

> fall inlove with another, and the person they choose isn't another with an

> intellectual dissability. What do you do? If your child presists they are

> very much aware of the emotions [how would you respond] and would you expect

> the one they choose to have these emotions t'wards be to your child, and

> why? also how would you talk to the other person.

>  

> This is a protection Question, and it pretains to all. How would you

> want, or need the other to protect your child. And what would you be willing

to

> do.

>  

> Lets talk about this.

>

> Casey Morton: ----------------------------------

> IMDSA Self-Advocate/Spokesman www.imdsa.org

>

> ----------------------------------------------------

>  

>

>

[Guest guest]

Judie,

 

yes it is a hypothetical situation. It's also a concern, I know people tend to

have. And the love their children are curious about, and or wanting within

people their own age. When I ask this question some times, I usually get both

sides. And it was something I was wanting to ask.

 

In terms of the approach of the parents within this forum as parents of children

with intellectual disabilities, and your take on it.

 

And I agree with you, maturity levels is an important factor on all counts. Yes!

Anyone else?

Casey Morton: ----------------------------------

IMDSA Self-Advocate/Spokesman www.imdsa.org

----------------------------------------------------

 

Subject: Re: The Question of Protection to the parents

To: MosaicDS

Date: Tuesday, October 5, 2010, 8:17 PM

 

Hi Casey,

Is this a hypothetical siuation? Even if it is, I would need more

information as a parent before I would know how to handle it.

Is the object of their affection aware of the attraction? Is s/he

interested back?

I have known of several instances where a person who has Ds was " in love

with " or " had a crush on " a person in their circle who did not have Ds who

was not at all romantically engaged in return. How it's handled depends on

the individual's maturity level, where their support comes from, the general

circumstances of their contact with the other person, etc. etc.

Judie, mom to Christi, 31 and several others

> I want to give you a scenario and I would like to have feed-back, becuase

> it is a general concern with all parents.

>  

> A child w/ special needs becomes a teenager, or twenty year old and they

> fall inlove with another, and the person they choose isn't another with an

> intellectual dissability. What do you do? If your child presists they are

> very much aware of the emotions [how would you respond] and would you expect

> the one they choose to have these emotions t'wards be to your child, and

> why? also how would you talk to the other person.

>  

> This is a protection Question, and it pretains to all. How would you

> want, or need the other to protect your child. And what would you be willing

to

> do.

>  

> Lets talk about this.

>

> Casey Morton: ----------------------------------

> IMDSA Self-Advocate/Spokesman www.imdsa.org

>

> ----------------------------------------------------

>  

>

>

[Guest guest]

one day this scene is going to become a reality, right now I dont know how I

would react. but I hope when the situation presents itself that the love she

feels for someone is returned and I can see this , I hope I am able to back off

and allow them their life together.  Because if the person whom she is involved

with has seen past her disabilty and gives her  his or her heart (really being

open minded here )  then that is the person I  want her to spend the rest

of

her life with because I know she will be cared for.

________________________________

To: MosaicDS

Sent: Tue, October 5, 2010 12:03:37 PM

Subject: The Question of Protection to the parents

 

I want to give you a scenario and I would like to have feed-back, becuase it is

a general concern with all parents.

 

A child w/ special needs becomes a teenager, or twenty year old and they fall

inlove with another, and the person they choose isn't another with an

intellectual dissability. What do you do? If your child presists they are very

much aware of the emotions [how would you respond] and would you expect the one

they choose to have these emotions t'wards be to your child, and why? also how

would you talk to the other person.

 

This is a protection Question, and it pretains to all. How would you want, or

need the other to protect your child. And what would you be willing to do.

 

Lets talk about this.

Casey Morton: ----------------------------------

IMDSA Self-Advocate/Spokesman www.imdsa.org

----------------------------------------------------

 

[Guest guest]

I think I would explain to my child the same way I explain things to my other

kids that you can have feelings for someone and that person may not have the

same feelings towards you. Whether they are special needs or not this can

happen to anyone. I have had this happen when I was young also.

Right now my daughter who is 16 asked me " who am I going to like " . She then

mentioned some kids. I told her that you can't just pick someone you have to

get to know them and see if you like them. Clearly she isn't mature enough to

understand the concept of falling in love but she knew enough from watching tv

and her sister dating I guess that that is what happens in life.

Jeanne

The Question of Protection to the parents

I want to give you a scenario and I would like to have feed-back, becuase it is

a general concern with all parents.

A child w/ special needs becomes a teenager, or twenty year old and they fall

inlove with another, and the person they choose isn't another with an

intellectual dissability. What do you do? If your child presists they are very

much aware of the emotions [how would you respond] and would you expect the one

they choose to have these emotions t'wards be to your child, and why? also how

would you talk to the other person.

This is a protection Question, and it pretains to all. How would you want, or

need the other to protect your child. And what would you be willing to do.

Lets talk about this.

Casey Morton: ----------------------------------

IMDSA Self-Advocate/Spokesman www.imdsa.org

----------------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

awesome, so we have the good maturity levels, and being open minded. That's a

great start... thank you very much deb!!. Does anyone else have any other views?

Casey Morton: ----------------------------------

IMDSA Self-Advocate/Spokesman www.imdsa.org

----------------------------------------------------

 

Subject: Re: The Question of Protection to the parents

To: MosaicDS

Date: Tuesday, October 5, 2010, 9:43 PM

 

one day this scene is going to become a reality, right now I dont know how I

would react. but I hope when the situation presents itself that the love she

feels for someone is returned and I can see this , I hope I am able to back off

and allow them their life together.  Because if the person whom she is involved

with has seen past her disabilty and gives her  his or her heart (really being

open minded here )  then that is the person I  want her to spend the rest

of

her life with because I know she will be cared for.

________________________________

To: MosaicDS

Sent: Tue, October 5, 2010 12:03:37 PM

Subject: The Question of Protection to the parents

 

I want to give you a scenario and I would like to have feed-back, becuase it is

a general concern with all parents.

 

A child w/ special needs becomes a teenager, or twenty year old and they fall

inlove with another, and the person they choose isn't another with an

intellectual dissability. What do you do? If your child presists they are very

much aware of the emotions [how would you respond] and would you expect the one

they choose to have these emotions t'wards be to your child, and why? also how

would you talk to the other person.

 

This is a protection Question, and it pretains to all. How would you want, or

need the other to protect your child. And what would you be willing to do.

 

Lets talk about this.

Casey Morton: ----------------------------------

IMDSA Self-Advocate/Spokesman www.imdsa.org

----------------------------------------------------

 

[Guest guest]

I'm torn with this one.  My sister -in-law married after becoming pregnant at

31, and two years later has two children.  My inlaws are basically supporting

that family (hubby too), and doing a lot of work co-parenting these kids.  i

love my neice and nephew, but it is obvious that should something happen to my

inlaws, (in mid 60's) we would have to step in , in a big way that we are not

financially able to do.  I know this is an extreme scenario, but it is worth

giving some thought.  We were so happy for alli to have someone to love her,

and

to have children, but , Oh, I can't even express in words, it is a huge weight

on everyone.  It is a catch 22; should she have been denied a romantic

relationship, and how do you tell a thirty year old that?  at the same time, we

had no idea how huge this was going to be.

________________________________

To: MosaicDS

Sent: Tue, October 5, 2010 3:57:41 PM

Subject: Re: The Question of Protection to the parents

 

awesome, so we have the good maturity levels, and being open minded. That's a

great start... thank you very much deb!!. Does anyone else have any other views?

Casey Morton: ----------------------------------

IMDSA Self-Advocate/Spokesman www.imdsa.org

----------------------------------------------------

 

Subject: Re: The Question of Protection to the parents

To: MosaicDS

Date: Tuesday, October 5, 2010, 9:43 PM

 

one day this scene is going to become a reality, right now I dont know how I

would react. but I hope when the situation presents itself that the love she

feels for someone is returned and I can see this , I hope I am able to back off

and allow them their life together.  Because if the person whom she is involved

with has seen past her disabilty and gives her  his or her heart (really being

open minded here )  then that is the person I  want her to spend the rest

of

her life with because I know she will be cared for.

________________________________

To: MosaicDS

Sent: Tue, October 5, 2010 12:03:37 PM

Subject: The Question of Protection to the parents

 

I want to give you a scenario and I would like to have feed-back, becuase it is

a general concern with all parents.

 

A child w/ special needs becomes a teenager, or twenty year old and they fall

inlove with another, and the person they choose isn't another with an

intellectual dissability. What do you do? If your child presists they are very

much aware of the emotions [how would you respond] and would you expect the one

they choose to have these emotions t'wards be to your child, and why? also how

would you talk to the other person.

 

This is a protection Question, and it pretains to all. How would you want, or

need the other to protect your child. And what would you be willing to do.

 

Lets talk about this.

Casey Morton: ----------------------------------

IMDSA Self-Advocate/Spokesman www.imdsa.org

----------------------------------------------------

 

[Guest guest]

Aa

QaaConnected by MOTOBLURâ„¢ on T-Mobile

Re: The Question of Protection to the parents

 

awesome, so we have the good maturity levels, and being open minded. That's a

great start... thank you very much deb!!. Does anyone else have any other views?

Casey Morton: ----------------------------------

IMDSA Self-Advocate/Spokesman www.imdsa.org

----------------------------------------------------

 

--- On Tue, 10/5/10, Deb Strauss <ingrams

[Guest guest]

As we know with MDS everyone has different challenges so it is so hard to

compare.  I can tell you my experience with my 17 year old MDS daughter.  We

have had many situations over the past few years where she used poor judgement

and could have ended up in serious trouble.  In her mind she wants to be in

love

and have a boyfriend and wants to make it happen.  She comes on very strong and

to the point of stalking.  There have been teenage boys that have also taken

advantage of the situation. Of course she feels I am holding her back.   For

now

protection is depo provera shots every three months. Yes, she understand what

the shot is for and why it is necessary.  She needs constant supervision.  She

has recently earned her cell phone back but our agreement is I can read the

messages at any time - and do.   We talk.  I tell her if she waits for the

right

person she will have a beautiful relationship when she is older.  We talk about

what is appropriate and what is not.   If someone really cares they will not

make you do things you don't want to.  We have progress.   I pray for her one

day to meet someone special to share her life with.  She is a beautiful person

with so much love to give.   I am sure we will have many conversation if she

has

a serious relationship and be very open about MDS.   I feel it is possible for

her to have a healthy relationship in the future.

Parent to , MDS 17 and 18

________________________________

To: MosaicDS

Sent: Tue, October 5, 2010 5:57:41 PM

Subject: Re: The Question of Protection to the parents

 

awesome, so we have the good maturity levels, and being open minded. That's a

great start... thank you very much deb!!. Does anyone else have any other views?

Casey Morton: ----------------------------------

IMDSA Self-Advocate/Spokesman www.imdsa.org

----------------------------------------------------

 

Subject: Re: The Question of Protection to the parents

To: MosaicDS

Date: Tuesday, October 5, 2010, 9:43 PM

 

one day this scene is going to become a reality, right now I dont know how I

would react. but I hope when the situation presents itself that the love she

feels for someone is returned and I can see this , I hope I am able to back off

and allow them their life together.  Because if the person whom she is involved

with has seen past her disabilty and gives her  his or her heart (really being

open minded here )  then that is the person I  want her to spend the rest

of

her life with because I know she will be cared for.

________________________________

To: MosaicDS

Sent: Tue, October 5, 2010 12:03:37 PM

Subject: The Question of Protection to the parents

 

I want to give you a scenario and I would like to have feed-back, becuase it is

a general concern with all parents.

 

A child w/ special needs becomes a teenager, or twenty year old and they fall

inlove with another, and the person they choose isn't another with an

intellectual dissability. What do you do? If your child presists they are very

much aware of the emotions [how would you respond] and would you expect the one

they choose to have these emotions t'wards be to your child, and why? also how

would you talk to the other person.

 

This is a protection Question, and it pretains to all. How would you want, or

need the other to protect your child. And what would you be willing to do.

 

Lets talk about this.

Casey Morton: ----------------------------------

IMDSA Self-Advocate/Spokesman www.imdsa.org

----------------------------------------------------