Guest guest Posted June 19, 2005 Report Share Posted June 19, 2005 Dear Fellow Members, I have been reading your posts and am happy to hear that has been heard from and that she is seeking help. I also read about the prayer ministry and the prayer chain and am asking if I can impose on all of you to put a young lady on your list. She is my cousin and is 13 years old. She has Stargardts and has been slowly going blind for several years and has only had peripheral vision for some time. Now something is happening to that part of her vision and I am asking for prayers for Gordon, Favetteville, N.C. There is no cure for Stargardts and finding a doctor who treats juvenile Stargardts, other than the one she has been seeing, has so far been unsuccessful. She was doing well, going to the school for the blind but then began losing her peripheral vision and is almost inconsolable. Please help. Thank all of you caring people on this list. Hugs, Pat (Kansas) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 19, 2005 Report Share Posted June 19, 2005 Dear Pat, Your cousin will definitly be on my prayer list. Also, I don't know if she would be into this at all.. but I know of three brothers that all have a disease that not only robs them of sight as they become (already happened, as the youngest is around 35-40) adults, but also their hearing. The youngest, Matt, is a Christian motivational speaker for the " Handi-capable " ministries. He's amazing, and has helped so many to see (pardon the pun) what they ARE capable of and how God can use them in a MIGHTY way.Let me know. Love, > Dear Fellow Members, > > I have been reading your posts and am happy to hear > that has been heard from and that she is seeking > help. > > I also read about the prayer ministry and the prayer chain > and am asking if I can impose on all of you to put a young > lady on your list. She is my cousin and is 13 years old. She > has Stargardts and has been slowly going blind for several > years and has only had peripheral vision for some time. Now > something is happening to that part of her vision and I am > asking for prayers for Gordon, Favetteville, N.C. > > There is no cure for Stargardts and finding a doctor who treats > juvenile Stargardts, other than the one she has been seeing, has > so far been unsuccessful. She was doing well, going to the school > for the blind but then began losing her peripheral vision and is > almost inconsolable. Please help. > > Thank all of you caring people on this list. > > Hugs, > Pat (Kansas) > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 19, 2005 Report Share Posted June 19, 2005 Dear Pat, Your cousin will definitly be on my prayer list. Also, I don't know if she would be into this at all.. but I know of three brothers that all have a disease that not only robs them of sight as they become (already happened, as the youngest is around 35-40) adults, but also their hearing. The youngest, Matt, is a Christian motivational speaker for the " Handi-capable " ministries. He's amazing, and has helped so many to see (pardon the pun) what they ARE capable of and how God can use them in a MIGHTY way.Let me know. Love, > Dear Fellow Members, > > I have been reading your posts and am happy to hear > that has been heard from and that she is seeking > help. > > I also read about the prayer ministry and the prayer chain > and am asking if I can impose on all of you to put a young > lady on your list. She is my cousin and is 13 years old. She > has Stargardts and has been slowly going blind for several > years and has only had peripheral vision for some time. Now > something is happening to that part of her vision and I am > asking for prayers for Gordon, Favetteville, N.C. > > There is no cure for Stargardts and finding a doctor who treats > juvenile Stargardts, other than the one she has been seeing, has > so far been unsuccessful. She was doing well, going to the school > for the blind but then began losing her peripheral vision and is > almost inconsolable. Please help. > > Thank all of you caring people on this list. > > Hugs, > Pat (Kansas) > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2005 Report Share Posted June 20, 2005 In a message dated 6/20/2005 5:40:26 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, Pat writes: Requesting Help Hi Pat! I am a very spiritual person and believe in the power of prayer in a big way. I will most definitely pray for your cousin, . I'll pray for a miracle for her vision -- whether spontaneous or medically. I will also pray that God is with her and comforting her and that His will reigns. I was so angry with God when my middle child, , was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of 7 (he is now 17). Ten years ago, this was (and still remains although to a lesser degree) a very serious problem to have. I mourned the loss of his childhood and the life-long worries he would be saddled with. Even today, as I type this, it is with a very heavy heart. I still grieve. This is a pain much more painful to me than RA could ever be. But I know that our children are only given to us temporarily and that God is in control of everything (and ohm how I wanted to be in control!). I began to read and study everything I could on WHY a caring God allows tings like this to happen to children. The best answer I could find is in the Bible (along with lots of supporting material from various spiritual perspectives) .... a very simple verse in Exodus 4:11. It's when Moses is asking God to send someone else -- anyone other than him and God responds with (The Message Ex. 4:11): God said, And who do you think made the human mouth? And who makes some mute, some deaf, some sighted and some blind? Isn't it I, God? So get going, I'll be right there with you, with your mouth! I'll be right there with you to teach you what to say. I don't pretend to have al the answers, but I do trust that God does. I can surmise from the rest of this Biblical story that God afflicts some because we are called to " get going " and to bring glory to Him through our afflictions and pain. So, I focus on the get going part. That is why I started my blog at www.ThingBigAboutHealing.blogspot.com. Anyhow, I hope this helps. I know it has helped me when I have been lost. I apologize if the mini-sermon is offensive to anyone! I will be praying for too! Love and Prayers, Beth ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Read my blog at www.ThinkBigAboutHealing.blogspot.com ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2005 Report Share Posted June 20, 2005 In a message dated 6/20/2005 5:40:26 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, Pat writes: Requesting Help Hi Pat! I am a very spiritual person and believe in the power of prayer in a big way. I will most definitely pray for your cousin, . I'll pray for a miracle for her vision -- whether spontaneous or medically. I will also pray that God is with her and comforting her and that His will reigns. I was so angry with God when my middle child, , was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of 7 (he is now 17). Ten years ago, this was (and still remains although to a lesser degree) a very serious problem to have. I mourned the loss of his childhood and the life-long worries he would be saddled with. Even today, as I type this, it is with a very heavy heart. I still grieve. This is a pain much more painful to me than RA could ever be. But I know that our children are only given to us temporarily and that God is in control of everything (and ohm how I wanted to be in control!). I began to read and study everything I could on WHY a caring God allows tings like this to happen to children. The best answer I could find is in the Bible (along with lots of supporting material from various spiritual perspectives) .... a very simple verse in Exodus 4:11. It's when Moses is asking God to send someone else -- anyone other than him and God responds with (The Message Ex. 4:11): God said, And who do you think made the human mouth? And who makes some mute, some deaf, some sighted and some blind? Isn't it I, God? So get going, I'll be right there with you, with your mouth! I'll be right there with you to teach you what to say. I don't pretend to have al the answers, but I do trust that God does. I can surmise from the rest of this Biblical story that God afflicts some because we are called to " get going " and to bring glory to Him through our afflictions and pain. So, I focus on the get going part. That is why I started my blog at www.ThingBigAboutHealing.blogspot.com. Anyhow, I hope this helps. I know it has helped me when I have been lost. I apologize if the mini-sermon is offensive to anyone! I will be praying for too! Love and Prayers, Beth ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Read my blog at www.ThinkBigAboutHealing.blogspot.com ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2005 Report Share Posted June 20, 2005 Pat, It's got to be difficult to loose vision at such a young age. Your niece is in my prayers. I hope this rare disease gets studied more and a cure can be found. a On Jun 19, 2005, at 11:04 PM, pathinze wrote: > Dear Fellow Members, > > I have been reading your posts and am happy to hear > that has been heard from and that she is seeking > help. > > I also read about the prayer ministry and the prayer chain > and am asking if I can impose on all of you to put a young > lady on your list. She is my cousin and is 13 years old. She > has Stargardts and has been slowly going blind for several > years and has only had peripheral vision for some time. Now > something is happening to that part of her vision and I am > asking for prayers for Gordon, Favetteville, N.C. > > There is no cure for Stargardts and finding a doctor who treats > juvenile Stargardts, other than the one she has been seeing, has > so far been unsuccessful. She was doing well, going to the school > for the blind but then began losing her peripheral vision and is > almost inconsolable. Please help. > > Thank all of you caring people on this list. > > Hugs, > Pat (Kansas) > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2005 Report Share Posted June 20, 2005 Pat, It's got to be difficult to loose vision at such a young age. Your niece is in my prayers. I hope this rare disease gets studied more and a cure can be found. a On Jun 19, 2005, at 11:04 PM, pathinze wrote: > Dear Fellow Members, > > I have been reading your posts and am happy to hear > that has been heard from and that she is seeking > help. > > I also read about the prayer ministry and the prayer chain > and am asking if I can impose on all of you to put a young > lady on your list. She is my cousin and is 13 years old. She > has Stargardts and has been slowly going blind for several > years and has only had peripheral vision for some time. Now > something is happening to that part of her vision and I am > asking for prayers for Gordon, Favetteville, N.C. > > There is no cure for Stargardts and finding a doctor who treats > juvenile Stargardts, other than the one she has been seeing, has > so far been unsuccessful. She was doing well, going to the school > for the blind but then began losing her peripheral vision and is > almost inconsolable. Please help. > > Thank all of you caring people on this list. > > Hugs, > Pat (Kansas) > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2005 Report Share Posted June 20, 2005 Hi Pat, I saw your letter to . We all seem to be thinking the same thing. Only I just wrote mine and it is almost the same exact words as yours. I hope we all hear something. She was the first thing I thought about when I sat down to check my mail just now. Also, I whispered a prayer for your niece and her vision. I treasure my vision; especially with my eye problems, but your niece's problem made me think of a saying I once heard years ago... " I complained about having no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet... " It may not be totally accurate but some sayings stick with you and shape your thinking. This one stuck with me many years and the fact it stuck isn't always visible at first glance but on closer inspection it's there. So, I think to myself, my eye problems with irritation and dryness are small compared something like this and my heart goes out to her. Also, anything involving a young child touches me so deeply these days. Childhood is the best part to the human experience. It should be free of worries and free of illness of any kind. There is plenty of that in adulthood. love/peace, Ebony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2005 Report Share Posted June 20, 2005 Hi Pat, I saw your letter to . We all seem to be thinking the same thing. Only I just wrote mine and it is almost the same exact words as yours. I hope we all hear something. She was the first thing I thought about when I sat down to check my mail just now. Also, I whispered a prayer for your niece and her vision. I treasure my vision; especially with my eye problems, but your niece's problem made me think of a saying I once heard years ago... " I complained about having no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet... " It may not be totally accurate but some sayings stick with you and shape your thinking. This one stuck with me many years and the fact it stuck isn't always visible at first glance but on closer inspection it's there. So, I think to myself, my eye problems with irritation and dryness are small compared something like this and my heart goes out to her. Also, anything involving a young child touches me so deeply these days. Childhood is the best part to the human experience. It should be free of worries and free of illness of any kind. There is plenty of that in adulthood. love/peace, Ebony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2005 Report Share Posted June 20, 2005 Dear Fellow Members, I can't tell you how much my family and I appreciate all of your prayers. The power of prayer is a powerful tool and may God bless you all for caring and sharing. Hugs, Pat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2005 Report Share Posted June 20, 2005 Dear Fellow Members, I can't tell you how much my family and I appreciate all of your prayers. The power of prayer is a powerful tool and may God bless you all for caring and sharing. Hugs, Pat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2005 Report Share Posted June 20, 2005 dear Pat, She has my prayers. It will take time for her. The best thing is that she has the love and support of her friends and family...Marina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2005 Report Share Posted June 20, 2005 dear Pat, She has my prayers. It will take time for her. The best thing is that she has the love and support of her friends and family...Marina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2010 Report Share Posted July 29, 2010 Amen, Roxanna – I feel your pain. As you probably remember, I wrote a very similar email in May about my 20 yr old son. He doesn’t ask for help either and when asked tells us everything is fine. He is now on academic suspension for a semester. He is going to take some online stuff at the place where he is doing the independence program so they can monitor him and see if they can figure out what areas they need to focus on. Sigh. I had hoped maybe you had figured this out. From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Roxanna Sent: Thursday, July 29, 2010 8:34 PM Subject: ( ) requesting help One thing I have never figured out is how to teach someone to recognize and ask for help when needed. I know this is a problem for a number of kids with HFA/AS. For us, our older ds is now 21 yo and he just has never asked for help. If he couldn't do something, he would just not get it done. His attitude was always that if he could not do something, he didn't want to do it anyway. He never learned or allowed us to teach him anything. It was almost like we insult him if we attempt it. Whatever he did, he already knew how or as I said, he wouldn't do it. Now that he is this age, I guess I expected a little more ability in asking for help. But it's never happened. He will insist he doesn't have any problems that need help from anyone. Recently, he took two classes at college for the summer term and one class was too hard for him. Yet, he never would mention that he was failing the class or having any problems. He has dyslexia and I tried many times to offer help, get him books on the subject, sent him tutorial websites, etc. We'd ask how he was doing and he just, as always, grunts, ignores us or says things are fine. It's more a problem now because these classes are costing us $$. He managed to finish the class but with a " D " . I even had a talk with him about dropping the class if he thought he would fail it so it wouldn't land on his transcripts. But he just kept going like someone heading to watch a train wreck. I finally wrote him an email (he responds better to technological led discussions) and used the practical approach with him, explaining why he needs to do well in certain areas, how I can help him or offering to find a tutor if he didn't want to work with his mom, how to drop classes if one is failing or probably going to fail, how everyone needs help in some things, etc. Well, he didn't even read half the email - said it was " too long " and besides, " I know how I work, everything is fine. " Augh! Has anyone found ways to work on this kind of problem - successful or not? I'd love ideas, although I realize at his age that things are not probably going to improve much. Roxanna Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2010 Report Share Posted July 30, 2010 Very clever!!! Thanks for sharing! "Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out." From: a <paulahenderson@...> Sent: Fri, July 30, 2010 12:06:28 AMSubject: Re: ( ) requesting help Hi Roxanna, You are one of the most supportive members on this forum and have such an insightful way of looking at things, I don't at all want to "teach Grandma to suck eggs" and tell you stuff you already have figured out - apologies if this is the case here. Along the way we have tried sooooo hard to teach DD the concept that life is full of tools - she saw using pen and paper for maths as unnecessary or giving in, or being stupid or who knows what-all else!! So we have tried to convey that pen and paper is a tool for all manner of jobs, so too is her mouth in asking for help or in telling someone her needs, that just as DH uses a drill or screwdriver etc as tools so lots of things in life are tools and that using tools is clever rather than anything else - who would try making a hole in the wall without a drill, or planting something without a spade etc. Whenever then we bump into something she is reluctant to use/ask/do we try to get her to see if there are any tools she isn't using so she can see she needs to change something. We've even taught her to look at money as a tool - that allows her to buy better tools, other tools etc - her knife and fork are eating tools and so on. We talk alot about tools and now she will say when doing her maths "look Mum, I'm using my tools" as she writes down her figuring out and she is proud she is using her tools, and the "right tool for the job". This concept seems to help her to look more objectively (a little!) at a problem area and analyse somewhat that she needs to find a "tool" to help her in addressing the issue. We started out by pointing out how silly it would be trying to do obvious jobs without tools like digging up the road, wiring a plug, putting up shelves then going places pointing out the various tools used - fast food places you can see them using utensils to serve, the fryers for cooking etc, at the supermarket there are the trolleys, shopping list, bags, egg boxes, fridges, cartons and so on and the more you do it the more they realise the world is full of tools. We also tried doing a few jobs then without tools eg trying to buy the ingredients for dinner without a trolley and trying to carry everything in our hands, making a sandwich without a knife so messy fingers, eating cereal with no spoon so she got it that not using tools is pretty silly. With this approach almost all areas of life have tools from personal hygiene - toothbrush, flannel, brush; eating - cutlery; washing dishes - sponge, liquid soap, dishwasher etc; dressing - shoes, coats, gloves; schoolwork - paper, calculator, computer, compass etc; cooking - utensils, pots, pans, scales. The list is endless but now she grasps the concept of tools and using them she is more open to help - a pretty universal tool is people and their knowledge be it Mum and Dad, teacher, shop assistant etc but she needs to use other tools - mouth/words - to unlock their help as one would a key (tool!) at a lock (tool for keeping things safe!). I don't know if this approach might help or not with a much older child but the concept is one he might be able to grasp and possibly extend at least a little into other areas of his life with some encouragement. Hope you find something that helps, a From: Roxanna Sent: Friday, July 30, 2010 2:33 AM Subject: ( ) requesting help One thing I have never figured out is how to teach someone to recognize and ask for help when needed. I know this is a problem for a number of kids with HFA/AS. For us, our older ds is now 21 yo and he just has never asked for help. If he couldn't do something, he would just not get it done. His attitude was always that if he could not do something, he didn't want to do it anyway. He never learned or allowed us to teach him anything. It was almost like we insult him if we attempt it. Whatever he did, he already knew how or as I said, he wouldn't do it.Now that he is this age, I guess I expected a little more ability in asking for help. But it's never happened. He will insist he doesn't have any problems that need help from anyone. Recently, he took two classes at college for the summer term and one class was too hard for him. Yet, he never would mention that he was failing the class or having any problems. He has dyslexia and I tried many times to offer help, get him books on the subject, sent him tutorial websites, etc. We'd ask how he was doing and he just, as always, grunts, ignores us or says things are fine. It's more a problem now because these classes are costing us $$. He managed to finish the class but with a "D". I even had a talk with him about dropping the class if he thought he would fail it so it wouldn't land on his transcripts. But he just kept going like someone heading to watch a train wreck. I finally wrote him an email (he responds better to technological led discussions) and used the practical approach with him, explaining why he needs to do well in certain areas, how I can help him or offering to find a tutor if he didn't want to work with his mom, how to drop classes if one is failing or probably going to fail, how everyone needs help in some things, etc. Well, he didn't even read half the email - said it was "too long" and besides, "I know how I work, everything is fine." Augh! Has anyone found ways to work on this kind of problem - successful or not? I'd love ideas, although I realize at his age that things are not probably going to improve much. RoxannaWhenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2010 Report Share Posted July 31, 2010 I remember you talking about this very thing. The whole time I am dealing with my ds, I was thinking that you would really appreciate the conversations at my house as the term went on and I had a feeling he was not doing well with it. It is so frustrating. I wish I did have answers but I don't at this age. I really believe that one big solution is to attack this kind of problem very early and minimize it, at the very least. We have minimized a lot of this with my younger ds because we started dealing with it early and kind of went at it from all angles. We've been able to go into concepts like listening even when you already know, because it' polite to listen. lol. That's a tough one. But my older ds never had a lot of social skill anything as there was nothing for them years ago. And of course, this answer does nothing to help us now that they are grown up. I get the best results if I put my thoughts in writing via email. Talking to him never works as he will actively argue the point with me. That is if he listens at all. Many times he zones out when people talk. I don't know if he has really read my email and just saying he didn't or if he really didn't bother. I can't tell. I tend to think he just didn't bother. I have told him a few times that he does need to read it anyway, even though he already knows everything. I told him to humor me. But who knows. And as we keep going forward, it is going to keep being a problem since it is costing us money for his classes, obviously. Ugh. On the plus side to my situation, his other class (psychology) went well and he got a "B" in it. It is a nice thing that they can work with you to figure out where he needs the help. My ds would actively refuse help even if I figured out where he needed the help. I was really interested in figuring out what the problem was for my ds in the math class. I am e-schooling my 10 yo (also dyslexic) and have been amazed at the kind of problems he has in math. I am guessing that both the boys share similar kinds of problems but even using his brother as an example did not get his attention. I wish I had pushed more when he was younger and yet, I was killing myself pushing for what he did get at the time. It's just so hard. well, if you have any ideas or think of anything along the way, please share! I am totally in the same boat as you are right now! Roxanna Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. ( ) requesting help One thing I have never figured out is how to teach someone to recognize and ask for help when needed. I know this is a problem for a number of kids with HFA/AS. For us, our older ds is now 21 yo and he just has never asked for help. If he couldn't do something, he would just not get it done. His attitude was always that if he could not do something, he didn't want to do it anyway. He never learned or allowed us to teach him anything. It was almost like we insult him if we attempt it. Whatever he did, he already knew how or as I said, he wouldn't do it. Now that he is this age, I guess I expected a little more ability in asking for help. But it's never happened. He will insist he doesn't have any problems that need help from anyone. Recently, he took two classes at college for the summer term and one class was too hard for him. Yet, he never would mention that he was failing the class or having any problems. He has dyslexia and I tried many times to offer help, get him books on the subject, sent him tutorial websites, etc. We'd ask how he was doing and he just, as always, grunts, ignores us or says things are fine. It's more a problem now because these classes are costing us $$. He managed to finish the class but with a "D". I even had a talk with him about dropping the class if he thought he would fail it so it wouldn't land on his transcripts. But he just kept going like someone heading to watch a train wreck. I finally wrote him an email (he responds better to technological led discussions) and used the practical approach with him, explaining why he needs to do well in certain areas, how I can help him or offering to find a tutor if he didn't want to work with his mom, how to drop classes if one is failing or probably going to fail, how everyone needs help in some things, etc. Well, he didn't even read half the email - said it was "too long" and besides, "I know how I work, everything is fine." Augh! Has anyone found ways to work on this kind of problem - successful or not? I'd love ideas, although I realize at his age that things are not probably going to improve much. Roxanna Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2010 Report Share Posted July 31, 2010 Thanks for sharing that a and the kind words. I am open to any ideas, whether I have thought of them or not. You never know what will work. I don't believe there is a lot left to try because he is 21 yo now and totally used to never asking for help or even considering that he needs help. It's such a different story when they are younger and more open to learning something. My own ds had some really dreadful experiences during the school years with therapists who had no clue. Back then, they didn't have social skill programs or even admit they had to address these things at all. The therapists only really dealt with the young kids and so often, he was the first student who would receive services in middle and high school. But the problem was, they had no clue how to work with an older student and it was just disastrous in the end. The tool concept is a good idea. I was trying to explain to him that we all need help in various things but I did not focus on tools specifically. I will definitely try that and see how far I can get. Roxanna Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. ( ) requesting help One thing I have never figured out is how to teach someone to recognize and ask for help when needed. I know this is a problem for a number of kids with HFA/AS. For us, our older ds is now 21 yo and he just has never asked for help. If he couldn't do something, he would just not get it done. His attitude was always that if he could not do something, he didn't want to do it anyway. He never learned or allowed us to teach him anything. It was almost like we insult him if we attempt it. Whatever he did, he already knew how or as I said, he wouldn't do it. Now that he is this age, I guess I expected a little more ability in asking for help. But it's never happened. He will insist he doesn't have any problems that need help from anyone. Recently, he took two classes at college for the summer term and one class was too hard for him. Yet, he never would mention that he was failing the class or having any problems. He has dyslexia and I tried many times to offer help, get him books on the subject, sent him tutorial websites, etc. We'd ask how he was doing and he just, as always, grunts, ignores us or says things are fine. It's more a problem now because these classes are costing us $$. He managed to finish the class but with a "D". I even had a talk with him about dropping the class if he thought he would fail it so it wouldn't land on his transcripts. But he just kept going like someone heading to watch a train wreck. I finally wrote him an email (he responds better to technological led discussions) and used the practical approach with him, explaining why he needs to do well in certain areas, how I can help him or offering to find a tutor if he didn't want to work with his mom, how to drop classes if one is failing or probably going to fail, how everyone needs help in some things, etc. Well, he didn't even read half the email - said it was "too long" and besides, "I know how I work, everything is fine." Augh! Has anyone found ways to work on this kind of problem - successful or not? I'd love ideas, although I realize at his age that things are not probably going to improve much. Roxanna Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2010 Report Share Posted July 31, 2010 I am sure we had many of the same conversations going here as you did at your house. Yes, I also feel we might be further ahead if we had had a diagnosis sooner – didn’t get it until he was 15. But, who knows if that would have helped as I also feel as you do that when our sons were young there wasn’t as much knowledge out there as well as not much in the way of services. And, as we both know the younger they are when they get the appropriate services the better the outcomes. Uuuuggggghhhhhh!! We just keep plugging along, don’t we? I have also joined a group of parents (many from the private school Tyler attended the last two years of high school) who are looking at housing options for our kiddos. Initially, when I joined I kept telling myself that he wasn’t going to need this and could totally live on his own someday. But, sadly, I am beginning to realize that he may never get to the point that he can live totally independent and without supports. Sigh… From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Roxanna Sent: Saturday, July 31, 2010 3:16 PM Subject: Re: ( ) requesting help I remember you talking about this very thing. The whole time I am dealing with my ds, I was thinking that you would really appreciate the conversations at my house as the term went on and I had a feeling he was not doing well with it. It is so frustrating. I wish I did have answers but I don't at this age. I really believe that one big solution is to attack this kind of problem very early and minimize it, at the very least. We have minimized a lot of this with my younger ds because we started dealing with it early and kind of went at it from all angles. We've been able to go into concepts like listening even when you already know, because it' polite to listen. lol. That's a tough one. But my older ds never had a lot of social skill anything as there was nothing for them years ago. And of course, this answer does nothing to help us now that they are grown up. I get the best results if I put my thoughts in writing via email. Talking to him never works as he will actively argue the point with me. That is if he listens at all. Many times he zones out when people talk. I don't know if he has really read my email and just saying he didn't or if he really didn't bother. I can't tell. I tend to think he just didn't bother. I have told him a few times that he does need to read it anyway, even though he already knows everything. I told him to humor me. But who knows. And as we keep going forward, it is going to keep being a problem since it is costing us money for his classes, obviously. Ugh. On the plus side to my situation, his other class (psychology) went well and he got a " B " in it. It is a nice thing that they can work with you to figure out where he needs the help. My ds would actively refuse help even if I figured out where he needed the help. I was really interested in figuring out what the problem was for my ds in the math class. I am e-schooling my 10 yo (also dyslexic) and have been amazed at the kind of problems he has in math. I am guessing that both the boys share similar kinds of problems but even using his brother as an example did not get his attention. I wish I had pushed more when he was younger and yet, I was killing myself pushing for what he did get at the time. It's just so hard. well, if you have any ideas or think of anything along the way, please share! I am totally in the same boat as you are right now! Roxanna Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. ( ) requesting help One thing I have never figured out is how to teach someone to recognize and ask for help when needed. I know this is a problem for a number of kids with HFA/AS. For us, our older ds is now 21 yo and he just has never asked for help. If he couldn't do something, he would just not get it done. His attitude was always that if he could not do something, he didn't want to do it anyway. He never learned or allowed us to teach him anything. It was almost like we insult him if we attempt it. Whatever he did, he already knew how or as I said, he wouldn't do it. Now that he is this age, I guess I expected a little more ability in asking for help. But it's never happened. He will insist he doesn't have any problems that need help from anyone. Recently, he took two classes at college for the summer term and one class was too hard for him. Yet, he never would mention that he was failing the class or having any problems. He has dyslexia and I tried many times to offer help, get him books on the subject, sent him tutorial websites, etc. We'd ask how he was doing and he just, as always, grunts, ignores us or says things are fine. It's more a problem now because these classes are costing us $$. He managed to finish the class but with a " D " . I even had a talk with him about dropping the class if he thought he would fail it so it wouldn't land on his transcripts. But he just kept going like someone heading to watch a train wreck. I finally wrote him an email (he responds better to technological led discussions) and used the practical approach with him, explaining why he needs to do well in certain areas, how I can help him or offering to find a tutor if he didn't want to work with his mom, how to drop classes if one is failing or probably going to fail, how everyone needs help in some things, etc. Well, he didn't even read half the email - said it was " too long " and besides, " I know how I work, everything is fine. " Augh! Has anyone found ways to work on this kind of problem - successful or not? I'd love ideas, although I realize at his age that things are not probably going to improve much. Roxanna Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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