Guest guest Posted February 14, 2004 Report Share Posted February 14, 2004 > By the way, the next time Pat asks to practice driving with me, I am > going to say " I lost your trust by your action this past Monday > night. I cannot trust you with my car. " . That much good idea. Anyone with impulsive violence should not use a car. > Any wisdom??? He does things that are wrong, yes. But if at all like me, will become wronger the more police and MH are involved. More force, felt trapped, did anything to escape, got more trapped, bad. Worse bad than I hope anyone can know, worse than anything I ever did. I and my parents would have benefited from me being in a different household, but not in the MH system, not in the law system either. Don't know how well that applies. Can't even begin to describe the memories your post brought up, from the opposite end. Language circuits overriden somewhat to deal with emotions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2004 Report Share Posted February 14, 2004 Jim wrote: >...I am quietly investigating my options without >letting my wife know about it until the " shit actually hits the fan " >from outside forces. I am doing it quietly so I do not have to argue >with & be talked-out-of-it by my wife.... Don't stay " behind her back " too long, or else she will feel like you are sneaking and she will have an excuse not to trust you. >My wife says I do poor job of reading body language, especially that >of teenagers. So why isn't she the one telling the kids what to do? Jane (always glad not to be a parent) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 Jim Boy can I identify with you. My son, now 22, went through a similar cycle. I also have a son, aged 13. The older has aspergers, the younger is a typical as in neurotypical teen w/o any dx. although he insists he feels he's on the spectrum and he does display trace traits, but who knows/ How we got through violent periods w/o police intervention is beyond me, but causing wedges between married couples is so wrong, life is too short for that. I am the autistic one not my husband. He is disabled and cannot be the role model he once was since he becamse paralyzed. He often says, Call police. But I hesitate. Like your wife. I have had bruises from my younger son. We've had skirmishes. Nothing like punching, but over exactly what you describe, and I think because as aspies we come across as meek, sorry for the word, but we know we are not, but we may be perceived that way- so they push us more-... We need to show them we aren't. But I abhorr violent showdowns, I'm guessing you do too, and the kids know it, they test us, our limits. We need to push back. I've waited until the kid was at school and actually hidden the tv, carried it away and hidden it completely. Then remained calm. Completely calm. By hiding something meaningful to my son, like his precious pokemon/yugi-oh cards, he can throw a fit, but he wont get them back until he promises to actually talk and make real changes. If he doesnt follow through, there is medication. My son isnt on any. Your kids have ADD? hmmm I sat for a kid with that. Its a real concern. Have they tried an antidepressant? Ritalin is sort of like coke for kids. Maybe you can talk to Pat when your son's around, right in front of your son. Becoming your son's friend's friend, really goes a long way. They can influence your son to treat you better. Befriend Pat even if you can't stand him. I have befriended my son's friends and they actually say to my son now, " Hey if your mother says take out the trash, just do it and get it over with, " or " Come on, I wouldn't talk to my mother like that. " " Horse around with Pat, " Your own son might think, I wonder what's up with that. It may be a slow process, but teens are whacko. It passes but everything is life and death to them so monumental. Kim ________________________________________________________________ The best thing to hit the Internet in years - Juno SpeedBand! Surf the Web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER! Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 Many thanks for everyone's insight. I think there are several possible options that we can consider without involving police, etc.. I got the brainstorm last night (after reading your responses) that this situation had elements similar to one that had occurred a year ago. This is something that I should have had my wife directly confront my son because she does better with the NT body language. Next time, I need to have her deal with it, even if she is tired, etc. and doesn't want to do it. Wisdom says that I don't have to enter into a situation that is bound to " bomb " , if there is a reasonable other option to handle it. Thanks, " stimmy " Jim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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