Dishrag or not?

[Guest guest]

I've been thinking about my dad lately & am wondering if " dishrag " is

appropriate for him. Tell me what y'all think....

My nada was medicated & in therapy for bipolar disorder most of my

young life (5 on), so the BPD stayed somewhat subdued until she went

off meds (on & off from when I was about 13). My dad, on the other

hand, was domineering, hypercritical, ANGRY, and uninvolved but never

formally dx'd. A few years back, a great T and I had done a lot of

work on dealing w/ my anger w/ nada. She suggested we apply the same

strategies (setting boundaries, reframing & remaining compassionate).

I had a really tough time w/ this. I said something to the effect

of " He has no excuse, he's not mentally ill. " T replied (rather

cryptically) that he was not diagnosed as having a mental illness.

So here's the deal:

He would get FURIOUS at the drop of a hat, often for reasons that I

couldn't understand (i.e. I fell asleep in my clothes one night & he

ranted b/c I hadn't changed into pjs). Sometimes the yelling escalated

into slapping or grabbing my arm & shoving me down.

He would pile on the criticism- We (my sweet sis & I) were ungrateful,

selfish, rude, hateful, nasty, inept, irresponsible etc.

He would condemn every mistake. He recently told my sister that she

never does anything the " right way " but manages to ruin everything she

puts her hand to.

He relied on my mom for everything and treated her like a maid and

personal chef. Then he would belittle and degrade everything she did.

Once Nada stopped taking meds, he was in for a RUDE awakening-- she

sure gave him a full dose of BPD behavior. There were some really ugly

scenes.

They have been divorced for 5 yrs & he is now remarried & is whupped.

His wife keeps him on a short leash & he is a lot less angry, but

still hypercritical (esp. w/ my sis).

Is he a dishrag?

Thanks for listening,

Anne