RE: advice

[Guest guest]

Staying angry for such long periods of time is a sure sign of depression. It is

physically debilitating and that is one of the ways it manifests itself. Get

counseling, get him on anti-depressants and see where that goes. If it doesn't

work, pull the plug. Sorry for being so blunt. You have your life to consider.

dlk

To: Hugs-N-Pain

From: dfpend@...

Date: Mon, 24 Aug 2009 01:42:05 -0500

Subject: Re: advice

If his own Mother won't take him back in, why would

you want him around your children? Sounds like his

needs are more important than your children.

JMHO and you did ask!! Good Luck!!!

On Sun, Aug 23, 2009 at 10:24 PM, gigglebyte68 wrote:

>

>

> Okay folks...totally off subject here (well NOT totally) I need some good

> advice and quick. You all know that fibromyalgia attacks can be triggered by

> stress right? Well I have been under a lot of stress lately and I am stuck

> as to what to do. Here is part of my life of torment and torture.

>

> I have very bad luck with men. See I was married for 17 years to a man who

> mentally and physically abused me while I raised our four children and was

> too stupid to see what he was doing to me. Mind you I am not stupid in the

> sense that I don't know anything...I do have a degree in Computer Technology

> after all...I was just stupid in thinking that he would change one day and

> just love me for me. I finally got the backbone to divorce him and suddenly

> my world fell apart. I found out during me filing for divorce that the scum

> bag was raping our daughter. I put him in jail but it took a hellish 3

> years. This is the episode that the doctor feels triggered my pain filled

> life. 5 years later and I met another man. I thought he was all that and I

> bag of chips too...but I think I am wrong and just need someone else to help

> me with this.

>

> Okay so we have been living together for about 2 years now. We dated for a

> year before it was just easier for him to move in. Great guy I

> thought...washes dishes, does windows and laundry and makes me laugh and

> feel good about myself. He was a little distanced from my kids (who are my

> whole world) but I figured that's what happens when you are a bachelor your

> whole life and have not had children of your own. About 1 month after Dr.

> Jekyl moved in I met Mr. Hyde. This man is angry, jealous of the children,

> and stays angry and hateful for a week. I'm not kidding....a whole week of

> stomping around the house, slamming doors and making comments he shouldn't.

> So after the first time we of course got into a huge fight after which he

> told me I am the love of his life and that he is sorry and of course it will

> never happen again...he'll try harder to control his temper. I am condensing

> this a lot. It seemed after that he straightened out for a long time and

> then came the monthly fights between him and I because of his anger issues

> and the way he views the world after which would be more apologies and more

> " I'll try harder " and " Please don't leave me, I'll kill myself " and of

> course stupid me falls for his Newman eyes and melts. After each fight

> I find myself not liking him more and more. Now I am in severe pain all the

> time and the things I can do around the house is limited. The fights are

> still happening and I can't take it anymore.

>

> Here is my position...we got into it again this weekend and as usual I have

> no idea what he is angry about this time. I never do...anything can set him

> off. He has never hit me but I still feel that he is mentally abusing me

> because I am under constant stress all the time. Here is my problem...we

> live together and he would have no where to go if I throw him out (again).

> His mother has told me she does not want him to move back into her house

> again for the same reason I want him out. I can't help but feel guilty

> because that is just the way I am...I am the mother and protector of all (as

> my daughter would say). I love his mother dearly and have been taking her to

> and from her doctor appt every week.

>

> What should I do? I know that he is going apologize again tomorrow and tell

> me that he doesn't want to fight anymore, I am the love of his life and he

> wouldn't know what to do without me blah blah blah.

>

> 80% of the time this man is the biggest sweetheart you could ever ask for.

> It's the other 20% that I hate and is ruining our relationship. Counseling

> is out...he would'nt go even if I could afford it.

>

> My a**hole radar is broke permanently it would seem.

>

> Thanks for listening,

>

> Malinda

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Malinda....he is not worth you or your children's safety. You say you love

him, in a way...let him find out what it is he wants. If he is not willing

to respect your request to go get help and leave you and your kids out of

his issues, then he is not worth a pot to pee in.

Blunt, but true.

Honey...been there, done that, have the T-shirt.....he has to be willing to

see that there is a problem. Let go and let God...you have your

self-respect, and he does not respect it.

Hugs...Martha

-- Re: advice

If his own Mother won't take him back in, why would

you want him around your children? Sounds like his

needs are more important than your children.

JMHO and you did ask!! Good Luck!!!

On Sun, Aug 23, 2009 at 10:24 PM, gigglebyte68 <gigglebyte68@yahoo

com>wrote:

>

>

> Okay folks...totally off subject here (well NOT totally) I need some good

> advice and quick. You all know that fibromyalgia attacks can be triggered

by

> stress right? Well I have been under a lot of stress lately and I am stuck

> as to what to do. Here is part of my life of torment and torture.

>

> I have very bad luck with men. See I was married for 17 years to a man who

> mentally and physically abused me while I raised our four children and was

> too stupid to see what he was doing to me. Mind you I am not stupid in the

> sense that I don't know anything...I do have a degree in Computer

Technology

> after all...I was just stupid in thinking that he would change one day and

> just love me for me. I finally got the backbone to divorce him and

suddenly

> my world fell apart. I found out during me filing for divorce that the

scum

> bag was raping our daughter. I put him in jail but it took a hellish 3

> years. This is the episode that the doctor feels triggered my pain filled

> life. 5 years later and I met another man. I thought he was all that and I

> bag of chips too...but I think I am wrong and just need someone else to

help

> me with this.

>

> Okay so we have been living together for about 2 years now. We dated for a

> year before it was just easier for him to move in. Great guy I

> thought...washes dishes, does windows and laundry and makes me laugh and

> feel good about myself. He was a little distanced from my kids (who are my

> whole world) but I figured that's what happens when you are a bachelor

your

> whole life and have not had children of your own. About 1 month after Dr.

> Jekyl moved in I met Mr. Hyde. This man is angry, jealous of the children,

> and stays angry and hateful for a week. I'm not kidding....a whole week of

> stomping around the house, slamming doors and making comments he shouldn't

> So after the first time we of course got into a huge fight after which he

> told me I am the love of his life and that he is sorry and of course it

will

> never happen again...he'll try harder to control his temper. I am

condensing

> this a lot. It seemed after that he straightened out for a long time and

> then came the monthly fights between him and I because of his anger issues

> and the way he views the world after which would be more apologies and

more

> " I'll try harder " and " Please don't leave me, I'll kill myself " and of

> course stupid me falls for his Newman eyes and melts. After each

fight

> I find myself not liking him more and more. Now I am in severe pain all

the

> time and the things I can do around the house is limited. The fights are

> still happening and I can't take it anymore.

>

> Here is my position...we got into it again this weekend and as usual I

have

> no idea what he is angry about this time. I never do...anything can set

him

> off. He has never hit me but I still feel that he is mentally abusing me

> because I am under constant stress all the time. Here is my problem...we

> live together and he would have no where to go if I throw him out (again).

> His mother has told me she does not want him to move back into her house

> again for the same reason I want him out. I can't help but feel guilty

> because that is just the way I am...I am the mother and protector of all

(as

> my daughter would say). I love his mother dearly and have been taking her

to

> and from her doctor appt every week.

>

> What should I do? I know that he is going apologize again tomorrow and

tell

> me that he doesn't want to fight anymore, I am the love of his life and he

> wouldn't know what to do without me blah blah blah.

>

> 80% of the time this man is the biggest sweetheart you could ever ask for.

> It's the other 20% that I hate and is ruining our relationship. Counseling

> is out...he would'nt go even if I could afford it.

>

> My a**hole radar is broke permanently it would seem.

>

> Thanks for listening,

>

> Malinda

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

1) I have always gotten along with my Mother-In-Laws, but they weren't who I

married. My first Mother-in-law even took MY side against her daughter in our

divorce. Mother-in-laws can be nice, but they are no reason to stay in a bad

situation.

2) Your children will ALWAYS be around, unless there is a mental problem.

Partners and spouses, won't. So take care of your children. They will want you

to take care of yourself.

Conclusion: like someone else said " Run for the Hills " and don't look back! It

might mean a little stress now, but it will most certainly be a TON less in the

long run.

Marty

>

> Okay folks...totally off subject here (well NOT totally) I need some good

advice and quick. You all know that fibromyalgia attacks can be triggered by

stress right? Well I have been under a lot of stress lately and I am stuck as to

what to do. Here is part of my life of torment and torture.

>

> I have very bad luck with men. See I was married for 17 years to a man who

mentally and physically abused me while I raised our four children and was too

stupid to see what he was doing to me. Mind you I am not stupid in the sense

that I don't know anything...I do have a degree in Computer Technology after

all...I was just stupid in thinking that he would change one day and just love

me for me. I finally got the backbone to divorce him and suddenly my world fell

apart. I found out during me filing for divorce that the scum bag was raping our

daughter. I put him in jail but it took a hellish 3 years. This is the episode

that the doctor feels triggered my pain filled life. 5 years later and I met

another man. I thought he was all that and I bag of chips too...but I think I am

wrong and just need someone else to help me with this.

>

> Okay so we have been living together for about 2 years now. We dated for a

year before it was just easier for him to move in. Great guy I thought...washes

dishes, does windows and laundry and makes me laugh and feel good about myself.

He was a little distanced from my kids (who are my whole world) but I figured

that's what happens when you are a bachelor your whole life and have not had

children of your own. About 1 month after Dr. Jekyl moved in I met Mr. Hyde.

This man is angry, jealous of the children, and stays angry and hateful for a

week. I'm not kidding....a whole week of stomping around the house, slamming

doors and making comments he shouldn't. So after the first time we of course got

into a huge fight after which he told me I am the love of his life and that he

is sorry and of course it will never happen again...he'll try harder to control

his temper. I am condensing this a lot. It seemed after that he straightened out

for a long time and then came the monthly fights between him and I because of

his anger issues and the way he views the world after which would be more

apologies and more " I'll try harder " and " Please don't leave me, I'll kill

myself " and of course stupid me falls for his Newman eyes and melts. After

each fight I find myself not liking him more and more. Now I am in severe pain

all the time and the things I can do around the house is limited. The fights are

still happening and I can't take it anymore.

>

> Here is my position...we got into it again this weekend and as usual I have no

idea what he is angry about this time. I never do...anything can set him off. He

has never hit me but I still feel that he is mentally abusing me because I am

under constant stress all the time. Here is my problem...we live together and he

would have no where to go if I throw him out (again). His mother has told me she

does not want him to move back into her house again for the same reason I want

him out. I can't help but feel guilty because that is just the way I am...I am

the mother and protector of all (as my daughter would say). I love his mother

dearly and have been taking her to and from her doctor appt every week.

>

> What should I do? I know that he is going apologize again tomorrow and tell me

that he doesn't want to fight anymore, I am the love of his life and he wouldn't

know what to do without me blah blah blah.

>

> 80% of the time this man is the biggest sweetheart you could ever ask for.

It's the other 20% that I hate and is ruining our relationship. Counseling is

out...he would'nt go even if I could afford it.

>

> My a**hole radar is broke permanently it would seem.

>

> Thanks for listening,

>

> Malinda

>

[Guest guest]

Your only responsibility is to your children and yourself. This guy is a

manipulator using anything to try and keep what he has. He is a classic abuser,

least shows the signs. Perfect most of the time, then explodes gets out of

control and later does the apologising like crazy.

Don't wait for this to become physical towards you or your children. As for his

comments about he'll kill himself, you have no control over what he does or does

not do, but it's doubtful this type of guy will indeed cause himself harm. (this

has no baring on what you need to do to keep yourself and children safe)

This guy is never going to be better. I wouldn't tell him if he gets help then

maybe, because this keeps him hanging around with expectations of the

relationship continuing. I might tell the guy he needs to get some help, but

that would be it.

Something else too. You need to plan this well and make sure you have someone/s

with you when this goes down and the kids somewhere else.

Whether you want to have him all packed up and his stuff in the front room so

when he comes home you, with your support in the home, can be prepared.

Where he goes is not your problem. If you feel that badly then maybe you can

find a room somewhere the other end of town, and give him the address of it that

same time you are telling him he is moving out right now.

If you feel he may become violent or confrontational you can call your local

police force ahead of time, explain the situation and your plans. You can ask

them to have a patrol car in the area during that time.

That his own mother doesn't want to know him screams get him out now.

And just because you get him out of your life, if you still wish to be there for

his mother you can.

Just make the plans and get him out. Your kids and you don't need this in your

lives.

Sorry you're going through this.

Hugs

lyn

In Hugs-N-Pain , " gigglebyte68 " wrote:

>

> Okay folks...totally off subject here (well NOT totally) I need some good

advice and quick. You all know that fibromyalgia attacks can be triggered by

stress right? Well I have been under a lot of stress lately and I am stuck as to

what to do. Here is part of my life of torment and torture.

>

> I have very bad luck with men. See I was married for 17 years to a man who

mentally and physically abused me while I raised our four children and was too

stupid to see what he was doing to me. Mind you I am not stupid in the sense

that I don't know anything...I do have a degree in Computer Technology after

all...I was just stupid in thinking that he would change one day and just love

me for me. I finally got the backbone to divorce him and suddenly my world fell

apart. I found out during me filing for divorce that the scum bag was raping our

daughter. I put him in jail but it took a hellish 3 years. This is the episode

that the doctor feels triggered my pain filled life. 5 years later and I met

another man. I thought he was all that and I bag of chips too...but I think I am

wrong and just need someone else to help me with this.

>

>

[Guest guest]

If counceling is out then it is doomed.  Sorry...but that is how it is ...long

and short and no in betweens.

 

This is not something fixed by apologies or anything like it.  It's serious, it

goes deep...deep...deep and requires a great deal of work. 

 

Most guys who have this kind of anger problem and who need serious anger

management as well as getting to the root of where it all started, are very

resistant to seeing a councelor because it's to admit they may be wrong...and

God forbid they be wrong or responsible in any way.  They will ALWAYS make it

someone elses fault.

 

The only real thing you can do for your health, the kids health....this will

affect them for life if not stopped and they receive some counceling ......is

get out of the relationship and seek counceling for yourself and kids.  If you

get rid of this guy you will likely fall back into another relationship that is

abusive because there is a pattern. 

 

It takes years to pull it back together and get the self identity that is

yours and yours alone that says you are very worthy and will NOT be subject to

anyone's abuse. 

 

Activities like tai kwon do are great for abused women and men because it helps

build up body, mind and personal self esteem and self awareness and because you

get a good handle on your identity...you don't attract abusers anymore plus it

becomes totally unnatual for anyone to bring you down.  It can no longer happen

when you reach a certain level of self esteem and identity.  You will look back

and say... " What was I thinking?!?! "   You simply will not tolerate control or

put downs for two minutes or less.  You will heal that much.

 

Abuses need you to be confused about your self worth and identity.  They take

big time advantage of it.  You cannot be controlled if you have personal

strength and esteem.

Focus on yourself first...because unless you are in charge of yourself you

cannot help those around you such as the kids in the middle.  The abuser NEVER

comes first...you do and then the kids...when your going in the right direction

they will follow automatically but not without you leading the way.

 

Anyone who says.. " I will try harder " but refuses counceling....doesn't mean it,

kiddo. 

 

When you try harder to do the same thing over and over you keep making what's

wrong stronger and stronger.  It isn't trying harder that works....it's going

in a whole new direction...and the direction comes with the counceling.

 

That is what counceling is.  Direction.  One of my psyc patients once asked

what psychiatry was good for and one of my Shrinks answered real quick... " To

get unconfused. "   Getting unconfused via councelors, shrinks and groups is what

gives us the right path and that path must be worked on over and over to program

over the program that is no longer working for you.  I wish we could format and

reinstall our programs but we can't...it's a serious overwrite....over and over

until it becomes the normal and it works.

 

The abuser thinks... " I'll try harder " ....with what...the same wrong path? 

That's all that is happening....that is why it's called a vicious cycle.  The

path has to change completely...and you have to start traveling it without

someone giving you a ration of crap because if you go into counceling....and you

need to....he will call you weak and other bad names because if you do this...he

will know his covers are going to be pulled and he will lose control of you. 

 

Abusers do not want you to get better....they do not want you to get

" unconfused " ....try and see.  You go to counceling on your own for yourself and

kids....and see how he reacts.  I'll put money on his reaction.  It will scare

him to death and he will use all sorts of methods to stop it...so do it.   

You're not alone in this.  If you are doing something to help yourself...is it

his love that tries to stop it?   Love means he will stand behind you and work

with you and do whatever it takes.  WHATEVER it takes.

 

 

Lotacats

“I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its

visible soul.â€

Twitter_follow me

http://twitter.com/LotacatsFunPix

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Subject: Re: advice

To: Hugs-N-Pain

Date: Monday, August 24, 2009, 7:31 AM

 

1) I have always gotten along with my Mother-In-Laws, but they weren't who I

married. My first Mother-in-law even took MY side against her daughter in our

divorce. Mother-in-laws can be nice, but they are no reason to stay in a bad

situation.

2) Your children will ALWAYS be around, unless there is a mental problem.

Partners and spouses, won't. So take care of your children. They will want you

to take care of yourself.

Conclusion: like someone else said " Run for the Hills " and don't look back! It

might mean a little stress now, but it will most certainly be a TON less in the

long run.

Marty

>

> Okay folks...totally off subject here (well NOT totally) I need some good

advice and quick. You all know that fibromyalgia attacks can be triggered by

stress right? Well I have been under a lot of stress lately and I am stuck as to

what to do. Here is part of my life of torment and torture.

>

> I have very bad luck with men. See I was married for 17 years to a man who

mentally and physically abused me while I raised our four children and was too

stupid to see what he was doing to me. Mind you I am not stupid in the sense

that I don't know anything...I do have a degree in Computer Technology after

all...I was just stupid in thinking that he would change one day and just love

me for me. I finally got the backbone to divorce him and suddenly my world fell

apart. I found out during me filing for divorce that the scum bag was raping our

daughter. I put him in jail but it took a hellish 3 years. This is the episode

that the doctor feels triggered my pain filled life. 5 years later and I met

another man. I thought he was all that and I bag of chips too...but I think I am

wrong and just need someone else to help me with this.

>

> Okay so we have been living together for about 2 years now. We dated for a

year before it was just easier for him to move in. Great guy I thought...washes

dishes, does windows and laundry and makes me laugh and feel good about myself.

He was a little distanced from my kids (who are my whole world) but I figured

that's what happens when you are a bachelor your whole life and have not had

children of your own. About 1 month after Dr. Jekyl moved in I met Mr. Hyde.

This man is angry, jealous of the children, and stays angry and hateful for a

week. I'm not kidding....a whole week of stomping around the house, slamming

doors and making comments he shouldn't. So after the first time we of course got

into a huge fight after which he told me I am the love of his life and that he

is sorry and of course it will never happen again...he'll try harder to control

his temper. I am condensing this a lot. It seemed after that he straightened out

for a long time and

then came the monthly fights between him and I because of his anger issues and

the way he views the world after which would be more apologies and more " I'll

try harder " and " Please don't leave me, I'll kill myself " and of course stupid

me falls for his Newman eyes and melts. After each fight I find myself not

liking him more and more. Now I am in severe pain all the time and the things I

can do around the house is limited. The fights are still happening and I can't

take it anymore.

>

> Here is my position...we got into it again this weekend and as usual I have no

idea what he is angry about this time. I never do...anything can set him off. He

has never hit me but I still feel that he is mentally abusing me because I am

under constant stress all the time. Here is my problem...we live together and he

would have no where to go if I throw him out (again). His mother has told me she

does not want him to move back into her house again for the same reason I want

him out. I can't help but feel guilty because that is just the way I am...I am

the mother and protector of all (as my daughter would say). I love his mother

dearly and have been taking her to and from her doctor appt every week.

>

> What should I do? I know that he is going apologize again tomorrow and tell me

that he doesn't want to fight anymore, I am the love of his life and he wouldn't

know what to do without me blah blah blah.

>

> 80% of the time this man is the biggest sweetheart you could ever ask for.

It's the other 20% that I hate and is ruining our relationship. Counseling is

out...he would'nt go even if I could afford it.

>

> My a**hole radar is broke permanently it would seem.

>

> Thanks for listening,

>

> Malinda

>

[Guest guest]

hi malinda get the nut out of the house so your pain will go down your kids and

you come first he is not going to change that is the way he is i hope you find

happyness donnie

Subject: advice

To: Hugs-N-Pain

Date: Monday, August 24, 2009, 3:24 AM

 

Okay folks...totally off subject here (well NOT totally) I need some good advice

and quick. You all know that fibromyalgia attacks can be triggered by stress

right? Well I have been under a lot of stress lately and I am stuck as to what

to do. Here is part of my life of torment and torture.

I have very bad luck with men. See I was married for 17 years to a man who

mentally and physically abused me while I raised our four children and was too

stupid to see what he was doing to me. Mind you I am not stupid in the sense

that I don't know anything...I do have a degree in Computer Technology after

all...I was just stupid in thinking that he would change one day and just love

me for me. I finally got the backbone to divorce him and suddenly my world fell

apart. I found out during me filing for divorce that the scum bag was raping our

daughter. I put him in jail but it took a hellish 3 years. This is the episode

that the doctor feels triggered my pain filled life. 5 years later and I met

another man. I thought he was all that and I bag of chips too...but I think I am

wrong and just need someone else to help me with this.

Okay so we have been living together for about 2 years now. We dated for a year

before it was just easier for him to move in. Great guy I thought...washes

dishes, does windows and laundry and makes me laugh and feel good about myself.

He was a little distanced from my kids (who are my whole world) but I figured

that's what happens when you are a bachelor your whole life and have not had

children of your own. About 1 month after Dr. Jekyl moved in I met Mr. Hyde.

This man is angry, jealous of the children, and stays angry and hateful for a

week. I'm not kidding....a whole week of stomping around the house, slamming

doors and making comments he shouldn't. So after the first time we of course got

into a huge fight after which he told me I am the love of his life and that he

is sorry and of course it will never happen again...he'll try harder to control

his temper. I am condensing this a lot. It seemed after that he straightened out

for a long time and then

came the monthly fights between him and I because of his anger issues and the

way he views the world after which would be more apologies and more " I'll try

harder " and " Please don't leave me, I'll kill myself " and of course stupid me

falls for his Newman eyes and melts. After each fight I find myself not

liking him more and more. Now I am in severe pain all the time and the things I

can do around the house is limited. The fights are still happening and I can't

take it anymore.

Here is my position...we got into it again this weekend and as usual I have no

idea what he is angry about this time. I never do...anything can set him off. He

has never hit me but I still feel that he is mentally abusing me because I am

under constant stress all the time. Here is my problem...we live together and he

would have no where to go if I throw him out (again). His mother has told me she

does not want him to move back into her house again for the same reason I want

him out. I can't help but feel guilty because that is just the way I am...I am

the mother and protector of all (as my daughter would say). I love his mother

dearly and have been taking her to and from her doctor appt every week.

What should I do? I know that he is going apologize again tomorrow and tell me

that he doesn't want to fight anymore, I am the love of his life and he wouldn't

know what to do without me blah blah blah.

80% of the time this man is the biggest sweetheart you could ever ask for. It's

the other 20% that I hate and is ruining our relationship. Counseling is

out...he would'nt go even if I could afford it.

My a**hole radar is broke permanently it would seem.

Thanks for listening,

Malinda

[Guest guest]

Your children ARE your world...and you are theirs. If this man, and I use

the term loosely, is threatening to harm himself, it's a small step for him

to harm YOU instead of himself..and what would your children do without you?

You feel responsible for him because he's manipulating you into that

emotion. You owe it to your kids to provide them a safe, loving and

supportive home.if he's not helping you do that 100% of the time, he needs

to go...

Marta Towne-

www.shadowridgeranch.info

www.myspace.com/martatownejones

www.myspace.com/myshadowridge

From: Hugs-N-Pain [mailto:Hugs-N-Pain ] On

Behalf Of gigglebyte68

Sent: Sunday, August 23, 2009 10:24 PM

To: Hugs-N-Pain

Subject: advice

Okay folks...totally off subject here (well NOT totally) I need some good

advice and quick. You all know that fibromyalgia attacks can be triggered by

stress right? Well I have been under a lot of stress lately and I am stuck

as to what to do. Here is part of my life of torment and torture.

I have very bad luck with men. See I was married for 17 years to a man who

mentally and physically abused me while I raised our four children and was

too stupid to see what he was doing to me. Mind you I am not stupid in the

sense that I don't know anything...I do have a degree in Computer Technology

after all...I was just stupid in thinking that he would change one day and

just love me for me. I finally got the backbone to divorce him and suddenly

my world fell apart. I found out during me filing for divorce that the scum

bag was raping our daughter. I put him in jail but it took a hellish 3

years. This is the episode that the doctor feels triggered my pain filled

life. 5 years later and I met another man. I thought he was all that and I

bag of chips too...but I think I am wrong and just need someone else to help

me with this.

Okay so we have been living together for about 2 years now. We dated for a

year before it was just easier for him to move in. Great guy I

thought...washes dishes, does windows and laundry and makes me laugh and

feel good about myself. He was a little distanced from my kids (who are my

whole world) but I figured that's what happens when you are a bachelor your

whole life and have not had children of your own. About 1 month after Dr.

Jekyl moved in I met Mr. Hyde. This man is angry, jealous of the children,

and stays angry and hateful for a week. I'm not kidding....a whole week of

stomping around the house, slamming doors and making comments he shouldn't.

So after the first time we of course got into a huge fight after which he

told me I am the love of his life and that he is sorry and of course it will

never happen again...he'll try harder to control his temper. I am condensing

this a lot. It seemed after that he straightened out for a long time and

then came the monthly fights between him and I because of his anger issues

and the way he views the world after which would be more apologies and more

" I'll try harder " and " Please don't leave me, I'll kill myself " and of

course stupid me falls for his Newman eyes and melts. After each fight

I find myself not liking him more and more. Now I am in severe pain all the

time and the things I can do around the house is limited. The fights are

still happening and I can't take it anymore.

Here is my position...we got into it again this weekend and as usual I have

no idea what he is angry about this time. I never do...anything can set him

off. He has never hit me but I still feel that he is mentally abusing me

because I am under constant stress all the time. Here is my problem...we

live together and he would have no where to go if I throw him out (again).

His mother has told me she does not want him to move back into her house

again for the same reason I want him out. I can't help but feel guilty

because that is just the way I am...I am the mother and protector of all (as

my daughter would say). I love his mother dearly and have been taking her to

and from her doctor appt every week.

What should I do? I know that he is going apologize again tomorrow and tell

me that he doesn't want to fight anymore, I am the love of his life and he

wouldn't know what to do without me blah blah blah.

80% of the time this man is the biggest sweetheart you could ever ask for.

It's the other 20% that I hate and is ruining our relationship. Counseling

is out...he would'nt go even if I could afford it.

My a**hole radar is broke permanently it would seem.

Thanks for listening,

Malinda

No virus found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

Version: 8.5.409 / Virus Database: 270.13.65/2322 - Release Date: 08/23/09

18:03:00

[Guest guest]

Malinda,

I have one word for you - RUN!

And don't look back because it will only get worse.

Alanna

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

advice

Okay folks...totally off subject here (well NOT totally) I need some good advice

and quick. You all know that fibromyalgia attacks can be triggered by stress

right? Well I have been under a lot of stress lately and I am stuck as to what

to do. Here is part of my life of torment and torture.

I have very bad luck with men. See I was married for 17 years to a man who

mentally and physically abused me while I raised our four children and was too

stupid to see what he was doing to me. Mind you I am not stupid in the sense

that I don't know anything...I do have a degree in Computer Technology after

all...I was just stupid in thinking that he would change one day and just love

me for me. I finally got the backbone to divorce him and suddenly my world fell

apart. I found out during me filing for divorce that the scum bag was raping our

daughter. I put him in jail but it took a hellish 3 years. This is the episode

that the doctor feels triggered my pain filled life. 5 years later and I met

another man. I thought he was all that and I bag of chips too...but I think I am

wrong and just need someone else to help me with this.

Okay so we have been living together for about 2 years now. We dated for a year

before it was just easier for him to move in. Great guy I thought...washes

dishes, does windows and laundry and makes me laugh and feel good about myself.

He was a little distanced from my kids (who are my whole world) but I figured

that's what happens when you are a bachelor your whole life and have not had

children of your own. About 1 month after Dr. Jekyl moved in I met Mr. Hyde.

This man is angry, jealous of the children, and stays angry and hateful for a

week. I'm not kidding....a whole week of stomping around the house, slamming

doors and making comments he shouldn't. So after the first time we of course got

into a huge fight after which he told me I am the love of his life and that he

is sorry and of course it will never happen again...he'll try harder to control

his temper. I am condensing this a lot. It seemed after that he straightened out

for a long time and then came the monthly fights between him and I because of

his anger issues and the way he views the world after which would be more

apologies and more " I'll try harder " and " Please don't leave me, I'll kill

myself " and of course stupid me falls for his Newman eyes and melts. After

each fight I find myself not liking him more and more. Now I am in severe pain

all the time and the things I can do around the house is limited. The fights are

still happening and I can't take it anymore.

Here is my position...we got into it again this weekend and as usual I have no

idea what he is angry about this time. I never do...anything can set him off. He

has never hit me but I still feel that he is mentally abusing me because I am

under constant stress all the time. Here is my problem...we live together and he

would have no where to go if I throw him out (again). His mother has told me she

does not want him to move back into her house again for the same reason I want

him out. I can't help but feel guilty because that is just the way I am...I am

the mother and protector of all (as my daughter would say). I love his mother

dearly and have been taking her to and from her doctor appt every week.

What should I do? I know that he is going apologize again tomorrow and tell me

that he doesn't want to fight anymore, I am the love of his life and he wouldn't

know what to do without me blah blah blah.

80% of the time this man is the biggest sweetheart you could ever ask for. It's

the other 20% that I hate and is ruining our relationship. Counseling is

out...he would'nt go even if I could afford it.

My a**hole radar is broke permanently it would seem.

Thanks for listening,

Malinda