Guest guest Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 Staying angry for such long periods of time is a sure sign of depression. It is physically debilitating and that is one of the ways it manifests itself. Get counseling, get him on anti-depressants and see where that goes. If it doesn't work, pull the plug. Sorry for being so blunt. You have your life to consider. dlk To: Hugs-N-Pain From: dfpend@... Date: Mon, 24 Aug 2009 01:42:05 -0500 Subject: Re: advice If his own Mother won't take him back in, why would you want him around your children? Sounds like his needs are more important than your children. JMHO and you did ask!! Good Luck!!! On Sun, Aug 23, 2009 at 10:24 PM, gigglebyte68 wrote: > > > Okay folks...totally off subject here (well NOT totally) I need some good > advice and quick. You all know that fibromyalgia attacks can be triggered by > stress right? Well I have been under a lot of stress lately and I am stuck > as to what to do. Here is part of my life of torment and torture. > > I have very bad luck with men. See I was married for 17 years to a man who > mentally and physically abused me while I raised our four children and was > too stupid to see what he was doing to me. Mind you I am not stupid in the > sense that I don't know anything...I do have a degree in Computer Technology > after all...I was just stupid in thinking that he would change one day and > just love me for me. I finally got the backbone to divorce him and suddenly > my world fell apart. I found out during me filing for divorce that the scum > bag was raping our daughter. I put him in jail but it took a hellish 3 > years. This is the episode that the doctor feels triggered my pain filled > life. 5 years later and I met another man. I thought he was all that and I > bag of chips too...but I think I am wrong and just need someone else to help > me with this. > > Okay so we have been living together for about 2 years now. We dated for a > year before it was just easier for him to move in. Great guy I > thought...washes dishes, does windows and laundry and makes me laugh and > feel good about myself. He was a little distanced from my kids (who are my > whole world) but I figured that's what happens when you are a bachelor your > whole life and have not had children of your own. About 1 month after Dr. > Jekyl moved in I met Mr. Hyde. This man is angry, jealous of the children, > and stays angry and hateful for a week. I'm not kidding....a whole week of > stomping around the house, slamming doors and making comments he shouldn't. > So after the first time we of course got into a huge fight after which he > told me I am the love of his life and that he is sorry and of course it will > never happen again...he'll try harder to control his temper. I am condensing > this a lot. It seemed after that he straightened out for a long time and > then came the monthly fights between him and I because of his anger issues > and the way he views the world after which would be more apologies and more > " I'll try harder " and " Please don't leave me, I'll kill myself " and of > course stupid me falls for his Newman eyes and melts. After each fight > I find myself not liking him more and more. Now I am in severe pain all the > time and the things I can do around the house is limited. The fights are > still happening and I can't take it anymore. > > Here is my position...we got into it again this weekend and as usual I have > no idea what he is angry about this time. I never do...anything can set him > off. He has never hit me but I still feel that he is mentally abusing me > because I am under constant stress all the time. Here is my problem...we > live together and he would have no where to go if I throw him out (again). > His mother has told me she does not want him to move back into her house > again for the same reason I want him out. I can't help but feel guilty > because that is just the way I am...I am the mother and protector of all (as > my daughter would say). I love his mother dearly and have been taking her to > and from her doctor appt every week. > > What should I do? I know that he is going apologize again tomorrow and tell > me that he doesn't want to fight anymore, I am the love of his life and he > wouldn't know what to do without me blah blah blah. > > 80% of the time this man is the biggest sweetheart you could ever ask for. > It's the other 20% that I hate and is ruining our relationship. Counseling > is out...he would'nt go even if I could afford it. > > My a**hole radar is broke permanently it would seem. > > Thanks for listening, > > Malinda > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 Malinda....he is not worth you or your children's safety. You say you love him, in a way...let him find out what it is he wants. If he is not willing to respect your request to go get help and leave you and your kids out of his issues, then he is not worth a pot to pee in. Blunt, but true. Honey...been there, done that, have the T-shirt.....he has to be willing to see that there is a problem. Let go and let God...you have your self-respect, and he does not respect it. Hugs...Martha -- Re: advice If his own Mother won't take him back in, why would you want him around your children? Sounds like his needs are more important than your children. JMHO and you did ask!! Good Luck!!! On Sun, Aug 23, 2009 at 10:24 PM, gigglebyte68 <gigglebyte68@yahoo com>wrote: > > > Okay folks...totally off subject here (well NOT totally) I need some good > advice and quick. You all know that fibromyalgia attacks can be triggered by > stress right? Well I have been under a lot of stress lately and I am stuck > as to what to do. Here is part of my life of torment and torture. > > I have very bad luck with men. See I was married for 17 years to a man who > mentally and physically abused me while I raised our four children and was > too stupid to see what he was doing to me. Mind you I am not stupid in the > sense that I don't know anything...I do have a degree in Computer Technology > after all...I was just stupid in thinking that he would change one day and > just love me for me. I finally got the backbone to divorce him and suddenly > my world fell apart. I found out during me filing for divorce that the scum > bag was raping our daughter. I put him in jail but it took a hellish 3 > years. This is the episode that the doctor feels triggered my pain filled > life. 5 years later and I met another man. I thought he was all that and I > bag of chips too...but I think I am wrong and just need someone else to help > me with this. > > Okay so we have been living together for about 2 years now. We dated for a > year before it was just easier for him to move in. Great guy I > thought...washes dishes, does windows and laundry and makes me laugh and > feel good about myself. He was a little distanced from my kids (who are my > whole world) but I figured that's what happens when you are a bachelor your > whole life and have not had children of your own. About 1 month after Dr. > Jekyl moved in I met Mr. Hyde. This man is angry, jealous of the children, > and stays angry and hateful for a week. I'm not kidding....a whole week of > stomping around the house, slamming doors and making comments he shouldn't > So after the first time we of course got into a huge fight after which he > told me I am the love of his life and that he is sorry and of course it will > never happen again...he'll try harder to control his temper. I am condensing > this a lot. It seemed after that he straightened out for a long time and > then came the monthly fights between him and I because of his anger issues > and the way he views the world after which would be more apologies and more > " I'll try harder " and " Please don't leave me, I'll kill myself " and of > course stupid me falls for his Newman eyes and melts. After each fight > I find myself not liking him more and more. Now I am in severe pain all the > time and the things I can do around the house is limited. The fights are > still happening and I can't take it anymore. > > Here is my position...we got into it again this weekend and as usual I have > no idea what he is angry about this time. I never do...anything can set him > off. He has never hit me but I still feel that he is mentally abusing me > because I am under constant stress all the time. Here is my problem...we > live together and he would have no where to go if I throw him out (again). > His mother has told me she does not want him to move back into her house > again for the same reason I want him out. I can't help but feel guilty > because that is just the way I am...I am the mother and protector of all (as > my daughter would say). I love his mother dearly and have been taking her to > and from her doctor appt every week. > > What should I do? I know that he is going apologize again tomorrow and tell > me that he doesn't want to fight anymore, I am the love of his life and he > wouldn't know what to do without me blah blah blah. > > 80% of the time this man is the biggest sweetheart you could ever ask for. > It's the other 20% that I hate and is ruining our relationship. Counseling > is out...he would'nt go even if I could afford it. > > My a**hole radar is broke permanently it would seem. > > Thanks for listening, > > Malinda > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 1) I have always gotten along with my Mother-In-Laws, but they weren't who I married. My first Mother-in-law even took MY side against her daughter in our divorce. Mother-in-laws can be nice, but they are no reason to stay in a bad situation. 2) Your children will ALWAYS be around, unless there is a mental problem. Partners and spouses, won't. So take care of your children. They will want you to take care of yourself. Conclusion: like someone else said " Run for the Hills " and don't look back! It might mean a little stress now, but it will most certainly be a TON less in the long run. Marty > > Okay folks...totally off subject here (well NOT totally) I need some good advice and quick. You all know that fibromyalgia attacks can be triggered by stress right? Well I have been under a lot of stress lately and I am stuck as to what to do. Here is part of my life of torment and torture. > > I have very bad luck with men. See I was married for 17 years to a man who mentally and physically abused me while I raised our four children and was too stupid to see what he was doing to me. Mind you I am not stupid in the sense that I don't know anything...I do have a degree in Computer Technology after all...I was just stupid in thinking that he would change one day and just love me for me. I finally got the backbone to divorce him and suddenly my world fell apart. I found out during me filing for divorce that the scum bag was raping our daughter. I put him in jail but it took a hellish 3 years. This is the episode that the doctor feels triggered my pain filled life. 5 years later and I met another man. I thought he was all that and I bag of chips too...but I think I am wrong and just need someone else to help me with this. > > Okay so we have been living together for about 2 years now. We dated for a year before it was just easier for him to move in. Great guy I thought...washes dishes, does windows and laundry and makes me laugh and feel good about myself. He was a little distanced from my kids (who are my whole world) but I figured that's what happens when you are a bachelor your whole life and have not had children of your own. About 1 month after Dr. Jekyl moved in I met Mr. Hyde. This man is angry, jealous of the children, and stays angry and hateful for a week. I'm not kidding....a whole week of stomping around the house, slamming doors and making comments he shouldn't. So after the first time we of course got into a huge fight after which he told me I am the love of his life and that he is sorry and of course it will never happen again...he'll try harder to control his temper. I am condensing this a lot. It seemed after that he straightened out for a long time and then came the monthly fights between him and I because of his anger issues and the way he views the world after which would be more apologies and more " I'll try harder " and " Please don't leave me, I'll kill myself " and of course stupid me falls for his Newman eyes and melts. After each fight I find myself not liking him more and more. Now I am in severe pain all the time and the things I can do around the house is limited. The fights are still happening and I can't take it anymore. > > Here is my position...we got into it again this weekend and as usual I have no idea what he is angry about this time. I never do...anything can set him off. He has never hit me but I still feel that he is mentally abusing me because I am under constant stress all the time. Here is my problem...we live together and he would have no where to go if I throw him out (again). His mother has told me she does not want him to move back into her house again for the same reason I want him out. I can't help but feel guilty because that is just the way I am...I am the mother and protector of all (as my daughter would say). I love his mother dearly and have been taking her to and from her doctor appt every week. > > What should I do? I know that he is going apologize again tomorrow and tell me that he doesn't want to fight anymore, I am the love of his life and he wouldn't know what to do without me blah blah blah. > > 80% of the time this man is the biggest sweetheart you could ever ask for. It's the other 20% that I hate and is ruining our relationship. Counseling is out...he would'nt go even if I could afford it. > > My a**hole radar is broke permanently it would seem. > > Thanks for listening, > > Malinda > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 Your only responsibility is to your children and yourself. This guy is a manipulator using anything to try and keep what he has. He is a classic abuser, least shows the signs. Perfect most of the time, then explodes gets out of control and later does the apologising like crazy. Don't wait for this to become physical towards you or your children. As for his comments about he'll kill himself, you have no control over what he does or does not do, but it's doubtful this type of guy will indeed cause himself harm. (this has no baring on what you need to do to keep yourself and children safe) This guy is never going to be better. I wouldn't tell him if he gets help then maybe, because this keeps him hanging around with expectations of the relationship continuing. I might tell the guy he needs to get some help, but that would be it. Something else too. You need to plan this well and make sure you have someone/s with you when this goes down and the kids somewhere else. Whether you want to have him all packed up and his stuff in the front room so when he comes home you, with your support in the home, can be prepared. Where he goes is not your problem. If you feel that badly then maybe you can find a room somewhere the other end of town, and give him the address of it that same time you are telling him he is moving out right now. If you feel he may become violent or confrontational you can call your local police force ahead of time, explain the situation and your plans. You can ask them to have a patrol car in the area during that time. That his own mother doesn't want to know him screams get him out now. And just because you get him out of your life, if you still wish to be there for his mother you can. Just make the plans and get him out. Your kids and you don't need this in your lives. Sorry you're going through this. Hugs lyn In Hugs-N-Pain , " gigglebyte68 " wrote: > > Okay folks...totally off subject here (well NOT totally) I need some good advice and quick. You all know that fibromyalgia attacks can be triggered by stress right? Well I have been under a lot of stress lately and I am stuck as to what to do. Here is part of my life of torment and torture. > > I have very bad luck with men. See I was married for 17 years to a man who mentally and physically abused me while I raised our four children and was too stupid to see what he was doing to me. Mind you I am not stupid in the sense that I don't know anything...I do have a degree in Computer Technology after all...I was just stupid in thinking that he would change one day and just love me for me. I finally got the backbone to divorce him and suddenly my world fell apart. I found out during me filing for divorce that the scum bag was raping our daughter. I put him in jail but it took a hellish 3 years. This is the episode that the doctor feels triggered my pain filled life. 5 years later and I met another man. I thought he was all that and I bag of chips too...but I think I am wrong and just need someone else to help me with this. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 If counceling is out then it is doomed. Sorry...but that is how it is ...long and short and no in betweens.  This is not something fixed by apologies or anything like it. It's serious, it goes deep...deep...deep and requires a great deal of work.  Most guys who have this kind of anger problem and who need serious anger management as well as getting to the root of where it all started, are very resistant to seeing a councelor because it's to admit they may be wrong...and God forbid they be wrong or responsible in any way. They will ALWAYS make it someone elses fault.  The only real thing you can do for your health, the kids health....this will affect them for life if not stopped and they receive some counceling ......is get out of the relationship and seek counceling for yourself and kids. If you get rid of this guy you will likely fall back into another relationship that is abusive because there is a pattern.  It takes years to pull it back together and get the self identity that is yours and yours alone that says you are very worthy and will NOT be subject to anyone's abuse.  Activities like tai kwon do are great for abused women and men because it helps build up body, mind and personal self esteem and self awareness and because you get a good handle on your identity...you don't attract abusers anymore plus it becomes totally unnatual for anyone to bring you down. It can no longer happen when you reach a certain level of self esteem and identity. You will look back and say... " What was I thinking?!?! "  You simply will not tolerate control or put downs for two minutes or less. You will heal that much.  Abuses need you to be confused about your self worth and identity. They take big time advantage of it. You cannot be controlled if you have personal strength and esteem. Focus on yourself first...because unless you are in charge of yourself you cannot help those around you such as the kids in the middle. The abuser NEVER comes first...you do and then the kids...when your going in the right direction they will follow automatically but not without you leading the way.  Anyone who says.. " I will try harder " but refuses counceling....doesn't mean it, kiddo.  When you try harder to do the same thing over and over you keep making what's wrong stronger and stronger. It isn't trying harder that works....it's going in a whole new direction...and the direction comes with the counceling.  That is what counceling is. Direction. One of my psyc patients once asked what psychiatry was good for and one of my Shrinks answered real quick... " To get unconfused. "  Getting unconfused via councelors, shrinks and groups is what gives us the right path and that path must be worked on over and over to program over the program that is no longer working for you. I wish we could format and reinstall our programs but we can't...it's a serious overwrite....over and over until it becomes the normal and it works.  The abuser thinks... " I'll try harder " ....with what...the same wrong path? That's all that is happening....that is why it's called a vicious cycle. The path has to change completely...and you have to start traveling it without someone giving you a ration of crap because if you go into counceling....and you need to....he will call you weak and other bad names because if you do this...he will know his covers are going to be pulled and he will lose control of you.  Abusers do not want you to get better....they do not want you to get " unconfused " ....try and see. You go to counceling on your own for yourself and kids....and see how he reacts. I'll put money on his reaction. It will scare him to death and he will use all sorts of methods to stop it...so do it.   You're not alone in this. If you are doing something to help yourself...is it his love that tries to stop it?  Love means he will stand behind you and work with you and do whatever it takes. WHATEVER it takes.   Lotacats “I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul.†Twitter_follow me http://twitter.com/LotacatsFunPix Express Chronic Pain Awareness http://www.cafepress.com/lotacatspix/5815010 Lotacatsfunpix.com http://www.lotacatsfunpix.com/ Deviantart http://lotacats05.deviantart.com/ Subject: Re: advice To: Hugs-N-Pain Date: Monday, August 24, 2009, 7:31 AM  1) I have always gotten along with my Mother-In-Laws, but they weren't who I married. My first Mother-in-law even took MY side against her daughter in our divorce. Mother-in-laws can be nice, but they are no reason to stay in a bad situation. 2) Your children will ALWAYS be around, unless there is a mental problem. Partners and spouses, won't. So take care of your children. They will want you to take care of yourself. Conclusion: like someone else said " Run for the Hills " and don't look back! It might mean a little stress now, but it will most certainly be a TON less in the long run. Marty > > Okay folks...totally off subject here (well NOT totally) I need some good advice and quick. You all know that fibromyalgia attacks can be triggered by stress right? Well I have been under a lot of stress lately and I am stuck as to what to do. Here is part of my life of torment and torture. > > I have very bad luck with men. See I was married for 17 years to a man who mentally and physically abused me while I raised our four children and was too stupid to see what he was doing to me. Mind you I am not stupid in the sense that I don't know anything...I do have a degree in Computer Technology after all...I was just stupid in thinking that he would change one day and just love me for me. I finally got the backbone to divorce him and suddenly my world fell apart. I found out during me filing for divorce that the scum bag was raping our daughter. I put him in jail but it took a hellish 3 years. This is the episode that the doctor feels triggered my pain filled life. 5 years later and I met another man. I thought he was all that and I bag of chips too...but I think I am wrong and just need someone else to help me with this. > > Okay so we have been living together for about 2 years now. We dated for a year before it was just easier for him to move in. Great guy I thought...washes dishes, does windows and laundry and makes me laugh and feel good about myself. He was a little distanced from my kids (who are my whole world) but I figured that's what happens when you are a bachelor your whole life and have not had children of your own. About 1 month after Dr. Jekyl moved in I met Mr. Hyde. This man is angry, jealous of the children, and stays angry and hateful for a week. I'm not kidding....a whole week of stomping around the house, slamming doors and making comments he shouldn't. So after the first time we of course got into a huge fight after which he told me I am the love of his life and that he is sorry and of course it will never happen again...he'll try harder to control his temper. I am condensing this a lot. It seemed after that he straightened out for a long time and then came the monthly fights between him and I because of his anger issues and the way he views the world after which would be more apologies and more " I'll try harder " and " Please don't leave me, I'll kill myself " and of course stupid me falls for his Newman eyes and melts. After each fight I find myself not liking him more and more. Now I am in severe pain all the time and the things I can do around the house is limited. The fights are still happening and I can't take it anymore. > > Here is my position...we got into it again this weekend and as usual I have no idea what he is angry about this time. I never do...anything can set him off. He has never hit me but I still feel that he is mentally abusing me because I am under constant stress all the time. Here is my problem...we live together and he would have no where to go if I throw him out (again). His mother has told me she does not want him to move back into her house again for the same reason I want him out. I can't help but feel guilty because that is just the way I am...I am the mother and protector of all (as my daughter would say). I love his mother dearly and have been taking her to and from her doctor appt every week. > > What should I do? I know that he is going apologize again tomorrow and tell me that he doesn't want to fight anymore, I am the love of his life and he wouldn't know what to do without me blah blah blah. > > 80% of the time this man is the biggest sweetheart you could ever ask for. It's the other 20% that I hate and is ruining our relationship. Counseling is out...he would'nt go even if I could afford it. > > My a**hole radar is broke permanently it would seem. > > Thanks for listening, > > Malinda > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 hi malinda get the nut out of the house so your pain will go down your kids and you come first he is not going to change that is the way he is i hope you find happyness donnie Subject: advice To: Hugs-N-Pain Date: Monday, August 24, 2009, 3:24 AM Â Okay folks...totally off subject here (well NOT totally) I need some good advice and quick. You all know that fibromyalgia attacks can be triggered by stress right? Well I have been under a lot of stress lately and I am stuck as to what to do. Here is part of my life of torment and torture. I have very bad luck with men. See I was married for 17 years to a man who mentally and physically abused me while I raised our four children and was too stupid to see what he was doing to me. Mind you I am not stupid in the sense that I don't know anything...I do have a degree in Computer Technology after all...I was just stupid in thinking that he would change one day and just love me for me. I finally got the backbone to divorce him and suddenly my world fell apart. I found out during me filing for divorce that the scum bag was raping our daughter. I put him in jail but it took a hellish 3 years. This is the episode that the doctor feels triggered my pain filled life. 5 years later and I met another man. I thought he was all that and I bag of chips too...but I think I am wrong and just need someone else to help me with this. Okay so we have been living together for about 2 years now. We dated for a year before it was just easier for him to move in. Great guy I thought...washes dishes, does windows and laundry and makes me laugh and feel good about myself. He was a little distanced from my kids (who are my whole world) but I figured that's what happens when you are a bachelor your whole life and have not had children of your own. About 1 month after Dr. Jekyl moved in I met Mr. Hyde. This man is angry, jealous of the children, and stays angry and hateful for a week. I'm not kidding....a whole week of stomping around the house, slamming doors and making comments he shouldn't. So after the first time we of course got into a huge fight after which he told me I am the love of his life and that he is sorry and of course it will never happen again...he'll try harder to control his temper. I am condensing this a lot. It seemed after that he straightened out for a long time and then came the monthly fights between him and I because of his anger issues and the way he views the world after which would be more apologies and more " I'll try harder " and " Please don't leave me, I'll kill myself " and of course stupid me falls for his Newman eyes and melts. After each fight I find myself not liking him more and more. Now I am in severe pain all the time and the things I can do around the house is limited. The fights are still happening and I can't take it anymore. Here is my position...we got into it again this weekend and as usual I have no idea what he is angry about this time. I never do...anything can set him off. He has never hit me but I still feel that he is mentally abusing me because I am under constant stress all the time. Here is my problem...we live together and he would have no where to go if I throw him out (again). His mother has told me she does not want him to move back into her house again for the same reason I want him out. I can't help but feel guilty because that is just the way I am...I am the mother and protector of all (as my daughter would say). I love his mother dearly and have been taking her to and from her doctor appt every week. What should I do? I know that he is going apologize again tomorrow and tell me that he doesn't want to fight anymore, I am the love of his life and he wouldn't know what to do without me blah blah blah. 80% of the time this man is the biggest sweetheart you could ever ask for. It's the other 20% that I hate and is ruining our relationship. Counseling is out...he would'nt go even if I could afford it. My a**hole radar is broke permanently it would seem. Thanks for listening, Malinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 Your children ARE your world...and you are theirs. If this man, and I use the term loosely, is threatening to harm himself, it's a small step for him to harm YOU instead of himself..and what would your children do without you? You feel responsible for him because he's manipulating you into that emotion. You owe it to your kids to provide them a safe, loving and supportive home.if he's not helping you do that 100% of the time, he needs to go... Marta Towne- www.shadowridgeranch.info www.myspace.com/martatownejones www.myspace.com/myshadowridge From: Hugs-N-Pain [mailto:Hugs-N-Pain ] On Behalf Of gigglebyte68 Sent: Sunday, August 23, 2009 10:24 PM To: Hugs-N-Pain Subject: advice Okay folks...totally off subject here (well NOT totally) I need some good advice and quick. You all know that fibromyalgia attacks can be triggered by stress right? Well I have been under a lot of stress lately and I am stuck as to what to do. Here is part of my life of torment and torture. I have very bad luck with men. See I was married for 17 years to a man who mentally and physically abused me while I raised our four children and was too stupid to see what he was doing to me. Mind you I am not stupid in the sense that I don't know anything...I do have a degree in Computer Technology after all...I was just stupid in thinking that he would change one day and just love me for me. I finally got the backbone to divorce him and suddenly my world fell apart. I found out during me filing for divorce that the scum bag was raping our daughter. I put him in jail but it took a hellish 3 years. This is the episode that the doctor feels triggered my pain filled life. 5 years later and I met another man. I thought he was all that and I bag of chips too...but I think I am wrong and just need someone else to help me with this. Okay so we have been living together for about 2 years now. We dated for a year before it was just easier for him to move in. Great guy I thought...washes dishes, does windows and laundry and makes me laugh and feel good about myself. He was a little distanced from my kids (who are my whole world) but I figured that's what happens when you are a bachelor your whole life and have not had children of your own. About 1 month after Dr. Jekyl moved in I met Mr. Hyde. This man is angry, jealous of the children, and stays angry and hateful for a week. I'm not kidding....a whole week of stomping around the house, slamming doors and making comments he shouldn't. So after the first time we of course got into a huge fight after which he told me I am the love of his life and that he is sorry and of course it will never happen again...he'll try harder to control his temper. I am condensing this a lot. It seemed after that he straightened out for a long time and then came the monthly fights between him and I because of his anger issues and the way he views the world after which would be more apologies and more " I'll try harder " and " Please don't leave me, I'll kill myself " and of course stupid me falls for his Newman eyes and melts. After each fight I find myself not liking him more and more. Now I am in severe pain all the time and the things I can do around the house is limited. The fights are still happening and I can't take it anymore. Here is my position...we got into it again this weekend and as usual I have no idea what he is angry about this time. I never do...anything can set him off. He has never hit me but I still feel that he is mentally abusing me because I am under constant stress all the time. Here is my problem...we live together and he would have no where to go if I throw him out (again). His mother has told me she does not want him to move back into her house again for the same reason I want him out. I can't help but feel guilty because that is just the way I am...I am the mother and protector of all (as my daughter would say). I love his mother dearly and have been taking her to and from her doctor appt every week. What should I do? I know that he is going apologize again tomorrow and tell me that he doesn't want to fight anymore, I am the love of his life and he wouldn't know what to do without me blah blah blah. 80% of the time this man is the biggest sweetheart you could ever ask for. It's the other 20% that I hate and is ruining our relationship. Counseling is out...he would'nt go even if I could afford it. My a**hole radar is broke permanently it would seem. Thanks for listening, Malinda No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.5.409 / Virus Database: 270.13.65/2322 - Release Date: 08/23/09 18:03:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 Malinda, I have one word for you - RUN! And don't look back because it will only get worse. Alanna Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry advice Okay folks...totally off subject here (well NOT totally) I need some good advice and quick. You all know that fibromyalgia attacks can be triggered by stress right? Well I have been under a lot of stress lately and I am stuck as to what to do. Here is part of my life of torment and torture. I have very bad luck with men. See I was married for 17 years to a man who mentally and physically abused me while I raised our four children and was too stupid to see what he was doing to me. Mind you I am not stupid in the sense that I don't know anything...I do have a degree in Computer Technology after all...I was just stupid in thinking that he would change one day and just love me for me. I finally got the backbone to divorce him and suddenly my world fell apart. I found out during me filing for divorce that the scum bag was raping our daughter. I put him in jail but it took a hellish 3 years. This is the episode that the doctor feels triggered my pain filled life. 5 years later and I met another man. I thought he was all that and I bag of chips too...but I think I am wrong and just need someone else to help me with this. Okay so we have been living together for about 2 years now. We dated for a year before it was just easier for him to move in. Great guy I thought...washes dishes, does windows and laundry and makes me laugh and feel good about myself. He was a little distanced from my kids (who are my whole world) but I figured that's what happens when you are a bachelor your whole life and have not had children of your own. About 1 month after Dr. Jekyl moved in I met Mr. Hyde. This man is angry, jealous of the children, and stays angry and hateful for a week. I'm not kidding....a whole week of stomping around the house, slamming doors and making comments he shouldn't. So after the first time we of course got into a huge fight after which he told me I am the love of his life and that he is sorry and of course it will never happen again...he'll try harder to control his temper. I am condensing this a lot. It seemed after that he straightened out for a long time and then came the monthly fights between him and I because of his anger issues and the way he views the world after which would be more apologies and more " I'll try harder " and " Please don't leave me, I'll kill myself " and of course stupid me falls for his Newman eyes and melts. After each fight I find myself not liking him more and more. Now I am in severe pain all the time and the things I can do around the house is limited. The fights are still happening and I can't take it anymore. Here is my position...we got into it again this weekend and as usual I have no idea what he is angry about this time. I never do...anything can set him off. He has never hit me but I still feel that he is mentally abusing me because I am under constant stress all the time. Here is my problem...we live together and he would have no where to go if I throw him out (again). His mother has told me she does not want him to move back into her house again for the same reason I want him out. I can't help but feel guilty because that is just the way I am...I am the mother and protector of all (as my daughter would say). I love his mother dearly and have been taking her to and from her doctor appt every week. What should I do? I know that he is going apologize again tomorrow and tell me that he doesn't want to fight anymore, I am the love of his life and he wouldn't know what to do without me blah blah blah. 80% of the time this man is the biggest sweetheart you could ever ask for. It's the other 20% that I hate and is ruining our relationship. Counseling is out...he would'nt go even if I could afford it. My a**hole radar is broke permanently it would seem. Thanks for listening, Malinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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