Re: To Phred from Sher

July 9, 2006

Sher, Warm Hugs to you. God has truly Blessed you. To be able to forgive is divine. That is why we feel such a sweet spirit coming from your posts. I was totally shocked to read what you have lived through. But that just reaffirms my knowledge of Gods love for us. Gods continued blessings... Love and Prayers...Peggy 09/04 ipf

I wasn't going to add my two cents in here but you have been on my mind since your posts about your ex-wife appeared.

Let me share with you what I learned about betrayal and the hatred I felt towards my mother...

My mother (dead now 23 yrs) was sarcastic, violent, manipulative and a liar. Those were her good points! She was married 9 times and I was shuffled off to " Buffalo " each time. I hated her and then I hated me because nice little girls don't hate their mothers. She was controlling above all. I and other family members did things her way or there was hell to pay. You get the picture...Hating her, hating me, hating the men she brought into my life caused me to make a lot of bad choices in my life. I married too often, drank too much and blamed her for everything that happened to me.

I could go on and on with examples and what/how I justified but I want you to know what I learned. Forgiveness didn't come until about 5 years ago. I had to really get it down in my heart that forgiveness doesn't mean anything she did was ok, it only means I have no control over anyone else but me and harboring bitterness and anger hurt me far more than what she did to me. " She " stopped 23 years ago but my anger lingered on and on. I didn't think clearly and was a poor role model as a wife and mother.

When I learned to play it backwards and be gut-honest about the part I played in our dysfunctional relationship I began to see a little light. I know now I (we) always have choices. We don't have to be a victim...that's a choice too. I COULD have stopped her behavior sooner than later. I didn't have much responsibility as a child but perhaps you can see you played a part somewhere....back...farther back...go farther! Someplace along the way you made a choice (s) to allow her behavior to hurt you. Somewhere, if you had made a different choice, you MAY not be locked in the bitterness today. I'm not down-playing anything that happened to you Phred! But don't give her this power in your life until the day you die. If you don't rid yourself of the hurt, betrayal, disappointment and sense of loss, believe me, she will be one of the last thoughts in your mind when God calls you. Stop playing the role of the victim. It's not real, it's a " role " you choose.

You can't get restitution from her, you can only give it to yourself from within.

I am now 67 and finally free from my hatred and bitterness. It left me just as soon as I made the decision to " let go " of it. Took awhile. I didn't know how, but it's gone. I had to make amends to my kids for my behavior, not my mothers!

Anyway, I hope you read my sincerity and personal experience with all you described about the albatross around your neck. Money won't help, new things won't help but realizing you have something that NOT ONE PERSON GETS, that's value, worth and dignity. We all have it. It's our gift from our Heavenly Father. He will help you. I will die with mine intact.

Hugs to you. Sher ipf 5-06

July 9, 2006

Sher,

Today in our bible class at church, we talked about "blessed are the peacemakers".......you are a good example of how blessed it is to let go and be at peace. I pray that the rest of your life will be happy, yes even in sickness you can be happy. I think you are there now.

I also think you are an example of someone not being able to forgive until you were ready to do that. Fred is just not ready yet. That is o.k. He is a good guy and has a good spirit.....I can see that by the way he loves his wife and daughter. I see his goodness in the way he trys to cheer us up ....even when he was desperatly ill. I like his spirit that will not give in to injustice and will not give up to sickness and pain.

Happy Days, Sher

Hugs, Joyce PF 1997---

In Breathe-Support , "Sher K Bauman" wrote:>> I wasn't going to add my two cents in here but you have been on my mind since your posts about your ex-wife appeared.> Let me share with you what I learned about betrayal and the hatred I felt towards my mother...> My mother (dead now 23 yrs) was sarcastic, violent, manipulative and a liar. Those were her good points! She was married 9 times and I was shuffled off to "Buffalo" each time. I hated her and then I hated me because nice little girls don't hate their mothers. She was controlling above all. I and other family members did things her way or there was hell to pay. You get the picture...Hating her, hating me, hating the men she brought into my life caused me to make a lot of bad choices in my life. I married too often, drank too much and blamed her for everything that happened to me.> I could go on and on with examples and what/how I justified but I want you to know what I learned. Forgiveness didn't come until about 5 years ago. I had to really get it down in my heart that forgiveness doesn't mean anything she did was ok, it only means I have no control over anyone else but me and harboring bitterness and anger hurt me far more than what she did to me. "She" stopped 23 years ago but my anger lingered on and on. I didn't think clearly and was a poor role model as a wife and mother.> When I learned to play it backwards and be gut-honest about the part I played in our dysfunctional relationship I began to see a little light. I know now I (we) always have choices. We don't have to be a victim...that's a choice too. I COULD have stopped her behavior sooner than later. I didn't have much responsibility as a child but perhaps you can see you played a part somewhere....back...farther back...go farther! Someplace along the way you made a choice (s) to allow her behavior to hurt you. Somewhere, if you had made a different choice, you MAY not be locked in the bitterness today. I'm not down-playing anything that happened to you Phred! But don't give her this power in your life until the day you die. If you don't rid yourself of the hurt, betrayal, disappointment and sense of loss, believe me, she will be one of the last thoughts in your mind when God calls you. Stop playing the role of the victim. It's not real, it's a "role" you choose.> You can't get restitution from her, you can only give it to yourself from within.> I am now 67 and finally free from my hatred and bitterness. It left me just as soon as I made the decision to "let go" of it. Took awhile. I didn't know how, but it's gone. I had to make amends to my kids for my behavior, not my mothers! > Anyway, I hope you read my sincerity and personal experience with all you described about the albatross around your neck. Money won't help, new things won't help but realizing you have something that NOT ONE PERSON GETS, that's value, worth and dignity. We all have it. It's our gift from our Heavenly Father. He will help you. I will die with mine intact.> Hugs to you. Sher ipf 5-06>

July 9, 2006

Hi Peggy, I would have posted by myself but yahoo is acting up. Good to hear from you guys. Todays posts put me in ..... I guess a lot of us have a spook or two in our closet. Went to walmart to day and had coffee with a crew member I used to work with. Told me his wife has cancer. Bad kind and she will not live long. She was shopping for groc while we talked. I have been down all day. I would never tell you my secret thoughts that I feel guilt about. Things that come from the bible. Things I have never been able to forgive. I ask for his help every day to overcome my feelings from the past. May god bless....Grey 10/05 PF

Re: To Phred from Sher

Sher, Warm Hugs to you. God has truly Blessed you. To be able to forgive is divine. That is why we feel such a sweet spirit coming from your posts. I was totally shocked to read what you have lived through. But that just reaffirms my knowledge of Gods love for us. Gods continued blessings... Love and Prayers...Peggy 09/04 ipf

I wasn't going to add my two cents in here but you have been on my mind since your posts about your ex-wife appeared.Let me share with you what I learned about betrayal and the hatred I felt towards my mother...My mother (dead now 23 yrs) was sarcastic, violent, manipulative and a liar. Those were her good points! She was married 9 times and I was shuffled off to "Buffalo" each time. I hated her and then I hated me because nice little girls don't hate their mothers. She was controlling above all. I and other family members did things her way or there was hell to pay. You get the picture...Hating her, hating me, hating the men she brought into my life caused me to make a lot of bad choices in my life. I married too often, drank too much and blamed her for everything that happened to me.I could go on and on with examples and what/how I justified but I want you to know what I learned. Forgiveness didn't come until about 5 years ago. I had to really get it down in my heart that forgiveness doesn't mean anything she did was ok, it only means I have no control over anyone else but me and harboring bitterness and anger hurt me far more than what she did to me. "She" stopped 23 years ago but my anger lingered on and on. I didn't think clearly and was a poor role model as a wife and mother.When I learned to play it backwards and be gut-honest about the part I played in our dysfunctional relationship I began to see a little light. I know now I (we) always have choices. We don't have to be a victim...that's a choice too. I COULD have stopped her behavior sooner than later. I didn't have much responsibility as a child but perhaps you can see you played a part somewhere....back...farther back...go farther! Someplace along the way you made a choice (s) to allow her behavior to hurt you. Somewhere, if you had made a different choice, you MAY not be locked in the bitterness today. I'm not down-playing anything that happened to you Phred! But don't give her this power in your life until the day you die. If you don't rid yourself of the hurt, betrayal, disappointment and sense of loss, believe me, she will be one of the last thoughts in your mind when God calls you. Stop playing the role of the victim. It's not real, it's a "role" you choose.You can't get restitution from her, you can only give it to yourself from within.I am now 67 and finally free from my hatred and bitterness. It left me just as soon as I made the decision to "let go" of it. Took awhile. I didn't know how, but it's gone. I had to make amends to my kids for my behavior, not my mothers! Anyway, I hope you read my sincerity and personal experience with all you described about the albatross around your neck. Money won't help, new things won't help but realizing you have something that NOT ONE PERSON GETS, that's value, worth and dignity. We all have it. It's our gift from our Heavenly Father. He will help you. I will die with mine intact.Hugs to you. Sher ipf 5-06

July 9, 2006

Hi Joyce...It's still to painful to let go of, even after all these years and we're not all the same, I know that. I personally got tired of hurting when it became clear there was something 'I' could do.

Yeah, Phred is neat and caring. I hope he learns to care about himself as well. Hey Phred, we're talkin' about you as if you aren't in the room! LOL Sher

Re: To Phred from Sher

Sher,

Today in our bible class at church, we talked about "blessed are the peacemakers".......you are a good example of how blessed it is to let go and be at peace. I pray that the rest of your life will be happy, yes even in sickness you can be happy. I think you are there now.

I also think you are an example of someone not being able to forgive until you were ready to do that. Fred is just not ready yet. That is o.k. He is a good guy and has a good spirit.....I can see that by the way he loves his wife and daughter. I see his goodness in the way he trys to cheer us up ....even when he was desperatly ill. I like his spirit that will not give in to injustice and will not give up to sickness and pain.

Happy Days, Sher

Hugs, Joyce PF 1997---

In Breathe-Support , "Sher K Bauman" wrote:>> I wasn't going to add my two cents in here but you have been on my mind since your posts about your ex-wife appeared.> Let me share with you what I learned about betrayal and the hatred I felt towards my mother...> My mother (dead now 23 yrs) was sarcastic, violent, manipulative and a liar. Those were her good points! She was married 9 times and I was shuffled off to "Buffalo" each time. I hated her and then I hated me because nice little girls don't hate their mothers. She was controlling above all. I and other family members did things her way or there was hell to pay. You get the picture...Hating her, hating me, hating the men she brought into my life caused me to make a lot of bad choices in my life. I married too often, drank too much and blamed her for everything that happened to me.> I could go on and on with examples and what/how I justified but I want you to know what I learned. Forgiveness didn't come until about 5 years ago. I had to really get it down in my heart that forgiveness doesn't mean anything she did was ok, it only means I have no control over anyone else but me and harboring bitterness and anger hurt me far more than what she did to me. "She" stopped 23 years ago but my anger lingered on and on. I didn't think clearly and was a poor role model as a wife and mother.> When I learned to play it backwards and be gut-honest about the part I played in our dysfunctional relationship I began to see a little light. I know now I (we) always have choices. We don't have to be a victim...that's a choice too. I COULD have stopped her behavior sooner than later. I didn't have much responsibility as a child but perhaps you can see you played a part somewhere....back...farther back...go farther! Someplace along the way you made a choice (s) to allow her behavior to hurt you. Somewhere, if you had made a different choice, you MAY not be locked in the bitterness today. I'm not down-playing anything that happened to you Phred! But don't give her this power in your life until the day you die. If you don't rid yourself of the hurt, betrayal, disappointment and sense of loss, believe me, she will be one of the last thoughts in your mind when God calls you. Stop playing the role of the victim. It's not real, it's a "role" you choose.> You can't get restitution from her, you can only give it to yourself from within.> I am now 67 and finally free from my hatred and bitterness. It left me just as soon as I made the decision to "let go" of it. Took awhile. I didn't know how, but it's gone. I had to make amends to my kids for my behavior, not my mothers! > Anyway, I hope you read my sincerity and personal experience with all you described about the albatross around your neck. Money won't help, new things won't help but realizing you have something that NOT ONE PERSON GETS, that's value, worth and dignity. We all have it. It's our gift from our Heavenly Father. He will help you. I will die with mine intact.> Hugs to you. Sher ipf 5-06>

July 9, 2006

Ahhhhhhhhh, now I'm embarrassed! I only wanted to perhaps help Phred not get any attention on me. I truly believe some of the hardest lessons we have to learn are the most important for us to "get"...hugs to you Peggy. Sher

Re: To Phred from Sher

Sher, Warm Hugs to you. God has truly Blessed you. To be able to forgive is divine. That is why we feel such a sweet spirit coming from your posts. I was totally shocked to read what you have lived through. But that just reaffirms my knowledge of Gods love for us. Gods continued blessings... Love and Prayers...Peggy 09/04 ipf

I wasn't going to add my two cents in here but you have been on my mind since your posts about your ex-wife appeared.Let me share with you what I learned about betrayal and the hatred I felt towards my mother...My mother (dead now 23 yrs) was sarcastic, violent, manipulative and a liar. Those were her good points! She was married 9 times and I was shuffled off to "Buffalo" each time. I hated her and then I hated me because nice little girls don't hate their mothers. She was controlling above all. I and other family members did things her way or there was hell to pay. You get the picture...Hating her, hating me, hating the men she brought into my life caused me to make a lot of bad choices in my life. I married too often, drank too much and blamed her for everything that happened to me.I could go on and on with examples and what/how I justified but I want you to know what I learned. Forgiveness didn't come until about 5 years ago. I had to really get it down in my heart that forgiveness doesn't mean anything she did was ok, it only means I have no control over anyone else but me and harboring bitterness and anger hurt me far more than what she did to me. "She" stopped 23 years ago but my anger lingered on and on. I didn't think clearly and was a poor role model as a wife and mother.When I learned to play it backwards and be gut-honest about the part I played in our dysfunctional relationship I began to see a little light. I know now I (we) always have choices. We don't have to be a victim...that's a choice too. I COULD have stopped her behavior sooner than later. I didn't have much responsibility as a child but perhaps you can see you played a part somewhere....back...farther back...go farther! Someplace along the way you made a choice (s) to allow her behavior to hurt you. Somewhere, if you had made a different choice, you MAY not be locked in the bitterness today. I'm not down-playing anything that happened to you Phred! But don't give her this power in your life until the day you die. If you don't rid yourself of the hurt, betrayal, disappointment and sense of loss, believe me, she will be one of the last thoughts in your mind when God calls you. Stop playing the role of the victim. It's not real, it's a "role" you choose.You can't get restitution from her, you can only give it to yourself from within.I am now 67 and finally free from my hatred and bitterness. It left me just as soon as I made the decision to "let go" of it. Took awhile. I didn't know how, but it's gone. I had to make amends to my kids for my behavior, not my mothers! Anyway, I hope you read my sincerity and personal experience with all you described about the albatross around your neck. Money won't help, new things won't help but realizing you have something that NOT ONE PERSON GETS, that's value, worth and dignity. We all have it. It's our gift from our Heavenly Father. He will help you. I will die with mine intact.Hugs to you. Sher ipf 5-06

July 9, 2006

Sher, What a remarkable person you are and what an amazing testimony! God bless you for being so willing to share and for being such an encouragement for others. Sher K Bauman wrote: I wasn't going to add my two cents in here but you have been on my mind since your posts about your ex-wife appeared. Let me share with you what I learned about betrayal and the hatred I

felt towards my mother... My mother (dead now 23 yrs) was sarcastic, violent, manipulative and a liar. Those were her good points! She was married 9 times and I was shuffled off to "Buffalo" each time. I hated her and then I hated me because nice little girls don't hate their mothers. She was controlling above all. I and other family members did things her way or there was hell to pay. You get the picture...Hating her, hating me, hating the men she brought into my life caused me to make a lot of bad choices in my life. I married too often, drank too much and blamed her for everything that happened to me. I could go on and on with examples and what/how I justified but I want you to know what I learned. Forgiveness didn't come until about 5 years ago. I had to really get it down in my heart that forgiveness doesn't mean

anything she did was ok, it only means I have no control over anyone else but me and harboring bitterness and anger hurt me far more than what she did to me. "She" stopped 23 years ago but my anger lingered on and on. I didn't think clearly and was a poor role model as a wife and mother. When I learned to play it backwards and be gut-honest about the part I played in our dysfunctional relationship I began to see a little light. I know now I (we) always have choices. We don't have to be a victim...that's a choice too. I COULD have stopped her behavior sooner than later. I didn't have much responsibility as a child but perhaps you can see you played a part somewhere....back...farther back...go farther! Someplace along the way you made a choice (s) to allow her behavior to hurt you. Somewhere, if you had made a different choice, you MAY not be locked in the bitterness today. I'm not

down-playing anything that happened to you Phred! But don't give her this power in your life until the day you die. If you don't rid yourself of the hurt, betrayal, disappointment and sense of loss, believe me, she will be one of the last thoughts in your mind when God calls you. Stop playing the role of the victim. It's not real, it's a "role" you choose. You can't get restitution from her, you can only give it to yourself from within. I am now 67 and finally free from my hatred and bitterness. It left me just as soon as I made the decision to "let go" of it. Took awhile. I didn't know how, but it's gone. I had to make amends to my kids for my behavior, not my mothers! Anyway, I hope you read my sincerity and personal experience with all you described about the

albatross around your neck. Money won't help, new things won't help but realizing you have something that NOT ONE PERSON GETS, that's value, worth and dignity. We all have it. It's our gift from our Heavenly Father. He will help you. I will die with mine intact. Hugs to you. Sher ipf 5-06

Want to be your own boss? Learn how on Yahoo! Small Business.

July 9, 2006

.... thanks, Sher, for the most part I HAVE been free of this but,

when things happen (ipf, repos, bypasses) it comes back. It's NOT

like it was but, I do know that once I can " settle up " IAW the

divorce (which I have NEVER been able to do), I CAN let go ... part

of that is showing her that living well is it's own revenge, which is

best served cold. One thing that I DIDN'T mention earlier, she

threatened to kill me ON OUR HONEYMOON, she got a BCD from the Air

Force, got kicked out of both AF and Army ROTC and expected to " run

my career " as she felt " marriage is a business, feelings come later " .

In fact, all of this enabled me to get a Catholic annulement ...

which due to my circumstances, didn't cost a dime due to my financial

situation at the time.

With all that, can you see why my wife is so special? She

retired early from her teaching job to join me in MY country (where

she is now a citizen ... tho STILL doesn't drive but, she's now

trying to work on it). is special and, I am so glad we ARE

together.

I MUST have some PTSD from this divorce ... as I have flashbacked

occasionally, not in a threatening sense but, in a depressing sense.

Try to keep a sense of humor with all that.

Phred

---- Original Message ----

From: bofus@...

To: Breathe-Support

Subject: RE: To Phred from Sher

Date: Sun, 9 Jul 2006 13:35:04 -0700

>I wasn't going to add my two cents in here but you have been on my

>mind since your posts about your ex-wife appeared.

>Let me share with you what I learned about betrayal and the hatred I

>felt towards my mother...

>My mother (dead now 23 yrs) was sarcastic, violent, manipulative and

>a liar. Those were her good points! She was married 9 times and I was

>shuffled off to " Buffalo " each time. I hated her and then I hated me

>because nice little girls don't hate their mothers. She was

>controlling above all. I and other family members did things her way

>or there was hell to pay. You get the picture...Hating her, hating

>me, hating the men she brought into my life caused me to make a lot

>of bad choices in my life. I married too often, drank too much and

>blamed her for everything that happened to me.

>I could go on and on with examples and what/how I justified but I

>want you to know what I learned. Forgiveness didn't come until about

>5 years ago. I had to really get it down in my heart that forgiveness

>doesn't mean anything she did was ok, it only means I have no control

>over anyone else but me and harboring bitterness and anger hurt me

>far more than what she did to me. " She " stopped 23 years ago but my

>anger lingered on and on. I didn't think clearly and was a poor role

>model as a wife and mother.

>When I learned to play it backwards and be gut-honest about the part

>I played in our dysfunctional relationship I began to see a little

>light. I know now I (we) always have choices. We don't have to be a

>victim...that's a choice too. I COULD have stopped her behavior

>sooner than later. I didn't have much responsibility as a child but

>perhaps you can see you played a part somewhere....back...farther

>back...go farther! Someplace along the way you made a choice (s) to

>allow her behavior to hurt you. Somewhere, if you had made a

>different choice, you MAY not be locked in the bitterness today. I'm

>not down-playing anything that happened to you Phred! But don't give

>her this power in your life until the day you die. If you don't rid

>yourself of the hurt, betrayal, disappointment and sense of loss,

>believe me, she will be one of the last thoughts in your mind when

>God calls you. Stop playing the role of the victim. It's not real,

>it's a " role " you choose.

>You can't get restitution from her, you can only give it to yourself

>from within.

>I am now 67 and finally free from my hatred and bitterness. It left

>me just as soon as I made the decision to " let go " of it. Took

>awhile. I didn't know how, but it's gone. I had to make amends to my

>kids for my behavior, not my mothers!

>Anyway, I hope you read my sincerity and personal experience with all

>you described about the albatross around your neck. Money won't help,

>new things won't help but realizing you have something that NOT ONE

>PERSON GETS, that's value, worth and dignity. We all have it. It's

>our gift from our Heavenly Father. He will help you. I will die with

>mine intact.

>Hugs to you. Sher ipf 5-06

July 9, 2006

... you hit it, Joyce. Injustice. To me, justice is being able to pay

her the $2,000 divorce settlement and, show her how successfully I've

moved on.

Phred

---- Original Message ----

From: joycedalton29@...

To: Breathe-Support

Subject: RE: Re: To Phred from Sher

Date: Mon, 10 Jul 2006 01:15:55 -0000

>

>Sher,

>

>Today in our bible class at church, we talked about " blessed are the

>peacemakers " .......you are a good example of how blessed it is to let

>go

>and be at peace. I pray that the rest of your life will be happy,

>yes

>even in sickness you can be happy. I think you are there now.

>

>I also think you are an example of someone not being able to forgive

>until you were ready to do that. Fred is just not ready yet. That

>is

>o.k. He is a good guy and has a good spirit.....I can see that by

>the

>way he loves his wife and daughter. I see his goodness in the way he

>trys to cheer us up ....even when he was desperatly ill. I like his

>spirit that will not give in to injustice and will not give up to

>sickness and pain.

>

>Happy Days, Sher []

>

>Hugs, Joyce PF 1997---

>

>In Breathe-Support , " Sher K Bauman "

>wrote:

>>

>> I wasn't going to add my two cents in here but you have been on my

>mind since your posts about your ex-wife appeared.

>> Let me share with you what I learned about betrayal and the hatred

>I

>felt towards my mother...

>> My mother (dead now 23 yrs) was sarcastic, violent, manipulative

>and a

>liar. Those were her good points! She was married 9 times and I was

>shuffled off to " Buffalo " each time. I hated her and then I hated me

>because nice little girls don't hate their mothers. She was

>controlling

>above all. I and other family members did things her way or there was

>hell to pay. You get the picture...Hating her, hating me, hating the

>men

>she brought into my life caused me to make a lot of bad choices in my

>life. I married too often, drank too much and blamed her for

>everything

>that happened to me.

>> I could go on and on with examples and what/how I justified but I

>want

>you to know what I learned. Forgiveness didn't come until about 5

>years

>ago. I had to really get it down in my heart that forgiveness doesn't

>mean anything she did was ok, it only means I have no control over

>anyone else but me and harboring bitterness and anger hurt me far

>more

>than what she did to me. " She " stopped 23 years ago but my anger

>lingered on and on. I didn't think clearly and was a poor role model

>as

>a wife and mother.

>> When I learned to play it backwards and be gut-honest about the

>part I

>played in our dysfunctional relationship I began to see a little

>light.

>I know now I (we) always have choices. We don't have to be a

>victim...that's a choice too. I COULD have stopped her behavior

>sooner

>than later. I didn't have much responsibility as a child but perhaps

>you

>can see you played a part somewhere....back...farther back...go

>farther!

>Someplace along the way you made a choice (s) to allow her behavior

>to

>hurt you. Somewhere, if you had made a different choice, you MAY not

>be

>locked in the bitterness today. I'm not down-playing anything that

>happened to you Phred! But don't give her this power in your life

>until

>the day you die. If you don't rid yourself of the hurt, betrayal,

>disappointment and sense of loss, believe me, she will be one of the

>last thoughts in your mind when God calls you. Stop playing the role

>of

>the victim. It's not real, it's a " role " you choose.

>> You can't get restitution from her, you can only give it to

>yourself

>from within.

>> I am now 67 and finally free from my hatred and bitterness. It left

>me

>just as soon as I made the decision to " let go " of it. Took awhile. I

>didn't know how, but it's gone. I had to make amends to my kids for

>my

>behavior, not my mothers!

>> Anyway, I hope you read my sincerity and personal experience with

>all

>you described about the albatross around your neck. Money won't help,

>new things won't help but realizing you have something that NOT ONE

>PERSON GETS, that's value, worth and dignity. We all have it. It's

>our

>gift from our Heavenly Father. He will help you. I will die with mine

>intact.

>> Hugs to you. Sher ipf 5-06

>>

>

July 9, 2006

.... Yah, my ears are burning. Whoops, its the thermostat again!

Phred

---- Original Message ----

From: bofus@...

To: Breathe-Support

Subject: Re: Re: To Phred from Sher

Date: Sun, 9 Jul 2006 19:00:10 -0700

>Hi Joyce...It's still to painful to let go of, even after all these

>years and we're not all the same, I know that. I personally got tired

>of hurting when it became clear there was something 'I' could do.

>Yeah, Phred is neat and caring. I hope he learns to care about

>himself as well. Hey Phred, we're talkin' about you as if you aren't

>in the room! LOL Sher

> Re: To Phred from Sher

>

> Sher,

>

> Today in our bible class at church, we talked about " blessed are

>the peacemakers " .......you are a good example of how blessed it is to

>let go and be at peace. I pray that the rest of your life will be

>happy, yes even in sickness you can be happy. I think you are there

>now.

>

> I also think you are an example of someone not being able to

>forgive until you were ready to do that. Fred is just not ready yet.

> That is o.k. He is a good guy and has a good spirit.....I can see

>that by the way he loves his wife and daughter. I see his goodness

>in the way he trys to cheer us up ....even when he was desperatly

>ill. I like his spirit that will not give in to injustice and will

>not give up to sickness and pain.

>

> Happy Days, Sher

>

> Hugs, Joyce PF 1997---

>

> In Breathe-Support , " Sher K Bauman "

>wrote:

> >

> > I wasn't going to add my two cents in here but you have been on

>my mind since your posts about your ex-wife appeared.

> > Let me share with you what I learned about betrayal and the

>hatred I felt towards my mother...

> > My mother (dead now 23 yrs) was sarcastic, violent, manipulative

>and a liar. Those were her good points! She was married 9 times and I

>was shuffled off to " Buffalo " each time. I hated her and then I hated

>me because nice little girls don't hate their mothers. She was

>controlling above all. I and other family members did things her way

>or there was hell to pay. You get the picture...Hating her, hating

>me, hating the men she brought into my life caused me to make a lot

>of bad choices in my life. I married too often, drank too much and

>blamed her for everything that happened to me.

> > I could go on and on with examples and what/how I justified but I

>want you to know what I learned. Forgiveness didn't come until about

>5 years ago. I had to really get it down in my heart that forgiveness

>doesn't mean anything she did was ok, it only means I have no control

>over anyone else but me and harboring bitterness and anger hurt me

>far more than what she did to me. " She " stopped 23 years ago but my

>anger lingered on and on. I didn't think clearly and was a poor role

>model as a wife and mother.

> > When I learned to play it backwards and be gut-honest about the

>part I played in our dysfunctional relationship I began to see a

>little light. I know now I (we) always have choices. We don't have to

>be a victim...that's a choice too. I COULD have stopped her behavior