RE: Re: Chronic sorrow is a potential barrier to parental understanding of their child's care and diagnosis.

[Guest guest]

Dear Gprobs,

I was actually thinking about grief in ourselves with regards to OUR

autism, not so much in regards to our role as parents. Can a person

grieve about (over?) him/herself? Anybody know anything about that part

of psychology?

Hilsen/greetings,

Denmark

christine@...

Æblevangen 17

2765 Smørum

44 66 02 17

24 24 12 17

Re: Chronic sorrow is a potential barrier

to parental understanding of their child's care and diagnosis.

I think you make a perceptive comment about the idea of

disappointment in yourself. I have worked closely with families

with profoundly disabled children and most of the parents talked

about cyclic grieving when peers achieved milestones that their own

children would never achieve. they all expressed clearly that the

grief was for their own changes in expectations and for many, it was

to an extent, about guilt even when intellectually, they knew that

they had no reason to feel guilty. i think society pressures

parents to feel that they have to produce offspring that will

conform and contribute economically. similarly it " punishes "

parents whose offspring require more resources or who may not

contribute economicaly to society. to me, this is a very limitted

view of " contribution to society " .

[Guest guest]

Dear Jypsy.

Because you KNOW it is not your fault. I know my child is autistic

because we, his parents carried the genes, but give us a break, it's

hard to make kids without your genes...

I grieve when I think of the possibility of overwhelming difficulties

our children migth meet on their journey through life. But, we are

people who live life with solutions at the top of the agenda. Our motto?

We'll make it/manage. Everything can be done. We might get a depression

or two in trying, but we won't die from it. Up and up again, like a cork

that bobs up after a dive. :-)

Hilsen,

Denmark

christine@...

Æblevangen 17

2765 Smørum

44 66 02 17

24 24 12 17

Re: Re: Chronic sorrow is a potential

barrier to parental understanding of their child's care and diagnosis.

At 11:58 AM 6/10/2004 -0800, Jane Meyerding wrote:

>gprobs wrote:

> >...i think society pressures

> >parents to feel that they have to produce offspring that will

> >conform and contribute economically. similarly it " punishes "

> >parents whose offspring require more resources or who may not

> >contribute economicaly to society. to me, this is a very limitted

> >view of " contribution to society " .

>

>Agreed. And I think parents also must grieve at times

>when they think of the problems their " non-standard "

>children are going to encounter throughout life,

>through no fault of their own.

>

>Jane

so what makes my husband and I immune from this grief and chronic

sorrow?

-jypsy

________________________________

Ooops....Wrong Planet! Syndrome

Autism Spectrum Resources

www.PlanetAutism.com

jypsy@...

[Guest guest]

> I was actually thinking about grief in ourselves with regards to OUR

> autism, not so much in regards to our role as parents. Can a person

> grieve about (over?) him/herself? Anybody know anything about that part

> of psychology?

A person can.

Don't think I have.

But have seen people do it.

--

Random recommended webpage:

Hershey's Crip Commentary

http://www.cripcommentary.com/

[Guest guest]

Jane Meyerding jotted this down:

> gprobs wrote:

>> ...i think society pressures

>> parents to feel that they have to produce offspring that will conform and

>> contribute economically.  similarly it " punishes " parents whose offspring

>> require more resources or who may not contribute economicaly to society.  

>> to me, this is a very limitted view of " contribution to society " .

>> 

> 

> Agreed. And I think parents also must grieve at times when they think of the

> problems their " non-standard " children are going to encounter throughout

> life, through no fault of their own.

I wonder if my parents grieved and just never showed it, or if they just didn't

grieve at all. They seemed to spend most of their energy being happy at what I

did do, rather than when I did it or when others did it. They went out to

dinner to celebrate (despite having been divorced for almost two decades) when

they figured out I'd had sex for the first time!

--

DeGraf ~*~ http://www.sonic.net/mustang/moggy

[Guest guest]

jotted this down:

> 

>> I was actually thinking about grief in ourselves with regards to OUR

>> autism, not so much in regards to our role as parents. Can a person grieve

>> about (over?) him/herself? Anybody know anything about that part of

>> psychology?

>> 

> 

> A person can.

> 

> Don't think I have.

> 

> But have seen people do it.

I don't think I ever grieved either. When I realized I was on the spectrum, I

first felt excitement at finding that there was a whole community of " my own

kind " and then self-acceptance as they taught me that being different isn't an

intrinsically bad thing. (I already knew it, and had always taken pride in

being an individual before, but I needed some help generalizing those thoughts

enough to apply to autism.)

--

DeGraf ~*~ http://www.sonic.net/mustang/moggy