Re: Thanksgiving--Kerrie

[Guest guest]

Hi Kerrie,

I was very glad to hear from you and that you were doing well on Thanksgiving.

DH and

two sons plus playmates galore certainly sounds traditional enough to me! I

really don't

think you even 'missed' out on anything--think of US culture--you participated

in one of

the most nuclear options objectively available. Also I hope that discouraging

Dr started to

respect your point of view about the toxins.

Charlie

>

> Hi all. This year last year was the first holiday I'd ever made the

> decision NOT to call nada on and so its kind of like the one year

> mark of GREAT distance. Christmas was when I realized NC was a better

> option. I was a bit sad for part of the day and feeling out of

> sorts, like there's no going back EVER and so part of me felt like I

> was grieving a little. I shared that w/dh tonight and didn't need to

> articulate much- just to say that I was sad earlier in the day for

> obvious reasons.

>

> We had a wonderful Thanksgiving w/friends and a big crowd at my

> friend's house w/lots of little playmates for my sons. It was so nice

> being in the backyard of this friend's house and seeing my two sons

> and another couple of friend's two sons playing w/the football and

> soccer ball. They are all under four and it just seemed like they

> were building new lifetimes of GOOD traditions and strong family

> foundations- friends:) Of course we ate too much- always do- and so

> we were very thankful for the gift of gluttony:p

>

> Tonight we came home and watched Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Its

> our annual Turkey Day movie since it is set around the Thanksgiving

> Day holiday and trying to get home but also redefining what home and

> holidy means- the spirit of it all. My friends and I started this

> tradition of watching this movie back in college several years ago

> and I love it every year much like A Christmas Story and Its a

> Wonderful Life at Christmas time...movies I could see again and again

> and never get tired of as long as its only once a year. Anyway, at

> the end of the movie, I got really teary eyed and had a good cry and

> then felt really back to my normal self.

>

> Nada left a message on my voicemail this morning and I didn't realize

> or listen to it until tonight. But in listening to it, I just kind of

> felt nothing. I mean she sounded like she was trying to be normal and

> saying how thankful she was, but instead of being revolted by her

> bull or feeling fear from her breaking of boundaries- such as not

> talking on holidays- I only felt a saddness for how utterly disturbed

> an individual she is and that I'm glad I don't really talk to her to

> make the situation for me worse. I have no illusions about her

> changing and I just kind of see the illness right now and that's it

> and feel a deep sense of grieving going on- a necessary letting go to

> free myself and be thankful for the gift of being able to free myself.

>

> I'm also very grateful to you guys who've been an enormous support

> over this past chaotic year. It has been difficult and I did feel sad

> this morning over nada's fiance's suicide and how he'll never spend

> another Turkey day w/his kids and such, but in the end, I also

> realized I'm not to blame. I battle with that absurdity a lot- more

> than I'm willing most times to admit. But in the end, I see now that

> I have to be grateful for the will to live. I don't think he had it

> in light of all these mental illness issues w/his nada and then my

> nada. People who love their lives and freedom don't keep going over

> the same ground over and over again and expecting it to be different

> and then just giving up on life. They take the bull by the horns, do

> the hard work and work their way through the garbage. I see that with

> you guys and with me and I'm VERY grateful to live in this day and

> age where we can connect as an online functional family building each

> other up and helping along the way as a true family should.

>

> I hope all of you had that peaceful stress free holiday that Non-bp

> man wrote about. We definitely did. NO STRESS and moments of sadness

> were no where near as strong as the good new memories:)

>

> Kerrie

>