Re: So, all the n/c people ...

[Guest guest]

LL--

thanks for posting this topic and thanks to those who offered their

stories. I've gone nc recently and made no " announcement " about it. I

just didn't return calls, emails. It's been about two months.

The catalyst was simply an inner crisis: I had no desire, no interest

whatsoever in spending time with nada/fada; I did only out of guilt;

so, I'm trying to honor my non-desire. Yet in so doing, I am tottering

between crippling guilt and stack-blowing rage. In the book UBM I

recall the sentence " no one should underestimate the [anxiety?] in the

BP-mother and the KO when KO goes NC. " I underestimated it. It is

heavy heavy heavy and the holiday rhetoric doesn't help matters. I am

right now trying to wrangle some of my own spirit and transcend the

guilt--you wonderful people have helped tremendously.

I went NC one other time for a year. It followed an argument on the

phone--I was embarking on boundry-setting and fada got so pissed off

he drove an hour to my home and came flying in swinging. I pinned him

with some long-dormant junior high wrestling moves. During said hour I

was yelling at nada on the phone--and vice versa. I told her she

wasn't welcome at my home and she said she was driving down the next

day regardless. She is absolutely insane and I hope she chokes on a

turkey bone.

> >

> > I have to ask. How did you go n/c and why? Is there a " right "

> way?

> >

> > --LL.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

, I understand the justification thing. That drives me up a

wall when they try to justify everything! Well I hope that your

pregnancy goes well and I really hope that every thing works out

best for you and your baby! I think you state this best by saying

trying to explain does no good. I agree. Good luck and a bundle of

blessings for you and the babe! Love, Lizzy

> >

> > I have to ask. How did you go n/c and why? Is there a " right "

way?

> >

> > --LL.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

, you wrote " She is absolutely insane and I hope she chokes on a

turkey bone. " LMAO! I like that and btw I think you are not the only

one thinking that this season! Love lizzy

> > >

> > > I have to ask. How did you go n/c and why? Is there

a " right "

> > way?

> > >

> > > --LL.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

LL,

Right way for whom or what?

I'm NC for almost 2 months now and from my experience and listening to

these stories, I now realize that NC is for us the KO's. The BP's and

FOO don't understand the NC and continue to try to contact in their

own crazy ways. Withdrawing their love and attention is a threat for

them that they can never truly hold to. They don't take our NC

seriously because of that, plus their whole fear of rejection thing.

The good news is, once YOU say NC, you don't have to respond to them.

a

[Guest guest]

LL,

I experienced a 'last straw' incident with nada. I had worked so hard

to overcome all my fleas (didn't know they were fleas, then), and

while on a family vacation, I could just no longer tolerate or ignore

nada's behavior.

I didn't immediately go no contact. For the first year, it was rare

contact. But nada knew something was wrong, and she started coming

round unannounced to try to find out why I wasn't spending any time

with her and the family. Finally, I realized that I had to be more

definitive, or I would have to continue to deal with this.

I eventually wrote a letter stating and giving examples of how I was

abused as a child. I stated that I was working on healing from this

abuse, and at the present time, I wasn't going to spend any time with

her, because that was not helping with my healing. I said I would let

them know when I would be able to resume contact again. (I sent a

copy of the letter to my dad, as I didn't trust nada to accurately

convey the information to him.

The letter was sent a little over 3 years ago. Since that time, nada

has tried to hoover me back a few times, but her last attempt was last

Christmas. My nada is primarily a hermit, and it seems it is easier

to go n/c with the hermits and the waifs.

Although I left myself a way to re-establish a relationship, I found I

had no desire to do so. Going no contact allowed me to protect myself

from being retraumatized, but I found I still had more healing to do.

Knowing that she has BPD, however, has accelerated the healing. I

went into a very severe depression for 2 - 3 months after going no

contact. The fear of losing my mother, developed at an early age

because of her threats to leave me, came to the forefront as I took

this action that sealed my fate as far as losing her was concerned.

The past three years have been so different from the rest of my life -

because I was finally able to see my family and my relationship with

nada for what it really was. I identified some more fleas, I

challenged myself to take risks and grow in many ways. I fought guilt

and self-doubt. I still have challenges, and self-doubt

(significantly decreased, however). I am still dealing with childhood

trauma, but I am better equiped to do that. I know my life is really

mine, I am taking care of myself and creating the best life that I

can.

I wish the same for you,

Sylvia

>

> I have to ask. How did you go n/c and why? Is there a " right " way?

>

> --LL.

>

[Guest guest]

LL,

I went n/c b/c my nada's insanity was so extreme that

she wouldn't follow my boundaries. Violation is her

middle name. So to get a life, I told her on the

phone that I was going n/c: to not call me, write me,

communicate with me in any form; to not visit me or I

would escort her off the premises, to not send gifts

or ANYTHING. And I will do the same. I told her that

I understand that she probably wouldn't understand the

reasons why, but that the main reason was that she

never obeyed any of my boundaries. She didn't get it

and thought that I would just blow this over in a

week, especially with her just being dx'd with breast

cancer. But I have stuck to it. 3 months and 22 days

of FREEDOM. I had to go n/c to get a life.

I think that there are lots of right ways to do it,

and that there is some wrong ways as well. The best

thing is to not explain it in detail. This is where

Less is More.

All my best and Happy Thanksgiving,

Greg.

--- sereine_2000 wrote:

> I have to ask. How did you go n/c and why? Is

> there a " right " way?

>

> --LL.

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Want to start your own business?

Learn how on Yahoo! Small Business.

http://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/r-index

[Guest guest]

How did I go NC? Well it was last Christmas when I finally realized for

the first time in the depths of my soul that she is utterly insane.

That I didn't need to voice my complaints about my childhood and any

abuses today to her anymore. I realized that all those other times I

did try that route and even briefly last Christmas were utterly futile.

I'm not dealing w/a rational human being who understands the dynamics

of functional human relationships. I just remember getting off the

phone with her and counting all the lies she told, many of which I said

point blank " That's a lie " and then listening to her hystrionics w/o

feeling remotely responsible for them- more like I viewed her when she

was hysterical on the phone with me like she was some savage animal

that I had great difficulty fully understanding. When I realized just

how absolutely different nada and I were and how much healthier I've

goten myself and how strong she holds onto the sickness, well I

realized that there was nothing left to hold onto. What reason do I

contact her? Because she gave birth to me? Because we share similar

bloodlines? These aren't valid anymore to me. I see all the shame,

guilt and obligation that kept me going on that merry go round for

soooo long and I realized I was over it. That in the end, me going NC

w/nada was not about her as much as it was about me and realizing no

matter how I wish it, she will never respect my boundaries and will

always try to do bad things to me and my husband and children b/c she

is so mentally ill. I realized that I had to see these truthes so that

my future would be different and that of my children as well. I

sometimes have a picture of letting a dove go with how I symbolically

see my NC w/nada from last year and yet doves represent peace and so I

wonder why I symbolically see it as letting a dove go. She's NOT a dove

or a symbol of peace- BUT letting her go is symbolic of me giving

myself the freedom to enjoy a true and sincere lasting peace. Sometimes

the only way to be free and to truly love is to let go- and I mean that

for self more than nada. Parts of me perhaps love her and yet so much

more of me feels I don't know her to love her- only her symptoms which

I detest. But what I do know is who I am and that regardless of the way

I was raised, I'm worthy of being loved and to be loved means I have to

step out on faith in life and relationships. Holding on to nada would

be the opposite in my book- it would be to undermine love and

relationships and settle. I don't settle in life. I can and do

compromise, but I don't settle for things that are less than the

dignity of man.

Is there a right way and wrong way? I don't know. I just know I went

home in March for nada's live in fiance's funeral after he killed

himself b/c it felt right for me to do- for closure for me. I talked to

nada last on my birthday by accident and well I have not talked to her

since and have no inclination or desire. That is the hardest- getting

rid of the desire to engage in the addictive behavior that kills the

soul- to let go of the notion that I have a mother that cares for me

and letting go of that illusion, learning how to care for me. Its soooo

much easier at times when I put myself in abusive situations where nada

hurts me. Its easy b/c that's what's always been done and affirms this

inner sick voice I inherited from a sick family that I'm not good

enough, I'm not worthy enough, I'm not lovable enough. That way when I

go down that road and everything screws up just like it always does and

always will, then I can say to self 'well of course you failed- you're

a failure and you don't deserve the good things in life. " That's easy.

That's known. Stepping out and trying to rewrite that internal dialogue

and script my family gave me and that they have for themselves, well

that took and still takes an awful lot of courage. I have to grow and

step out onto a road I've not walked before. Others have and that's

agood thing, but not me. And so I get scared and start telling myself

to call them and affirm that I can't do this- can't stand on my own in

life. And so I have to work through those feelings and thoughts and

battles and willfully NOT invite the FOO or nada in when I'm feeling

low as all they offer is chaos that diverts me from fixing me. If the

focus is on them, then I don't have to worry about me healing me. But

that is one of my biggest challenges this year in being NC- letting go

w/o being angry and when I'm angry to challenge that anger as well as

to harness and channel it into something positive and life affirming.

I don't think it is sufficient to walk away with just anger at the

injustice they've served us KOs. I've got an aunt whose gone NC several

times and she's now just as BP as her nada/grandnada. Its the anger

that eats away at the soul of a borderline as that's all they know and

while we're all entitled to anger on this board- as well as other

victims of abuse....anger is a natural reaction to being served

injustice. But while we're entitled to it, we are also entitled to a

plethora of other human emotions that were not sufficiently modeled for

us in childhood or even adulthood by a bp parent. To learn those other

emotions and be comfortable w/them takes courage.

I read an incredibly inspiring quote today: " Hope has two beautiful

twin daughters- anger and courage. One has to be angry at the injustice

in life and courageous enough to change what's wrong in order to make

hope real. The opposite of hope is cynicism. Likewise she has two ugly

daughters called indifference and cowardice. " - paraphrasing a good

theologian, Pope Benedict based on St. Augustine's writings. I think

the courageous person has moments of cowardice and moments of apathy. I

know the coward has moments of anger and courage, but they make the

pattern of their lives ones of indifference and cowardice though

unquestionably the coward mask of the bp has an enormous amount of

anger as well- just little to none on the courage scale and therefore

no hope in their lives or relationships. I am optomostic, but about MY

life and me and my future. I've spent to long in the shadows of nada's

mental illness feeling like a coward and I want to be my own person-

not her daughter anymore or any role that she's carved out for me.

But this is why and how I went and stay No Contact.

Kerrie

>

> I have to ask. How did you go n/c and why? Is there a " right " way?

>

> --LL.

>

[Guest guest]

Kerry,

your story deeply moved me.

It seems to me that most humans seem to suffer a lot from being emotionally

handicapped. It's hard to strike a balance between being callous and being

over-sensitive. Many of us are afraid of genuine emotions because we feel that

they might kill us or drive us insane. While either of these do happen, I don't

think that we have another chance for becoming happy than choosing to live as

ourselves. But who are we?

My father was a flull-blown bp and my mo was schisophrenic. I have never been

diagnosed with a psychiatric problem but I am here because I am starting to

realize that I need to heal too. Letting go sounds good but it is easier said

than done. I would not even know about my own problem, had not my bp wife taken

off with our three kids (2, 5, and 8) 5 weeks ago. Then I started checking out

what BPD means and realized that I had some of the symptoms, some of them deeply

rooted among my habits. It's not that my emotional swings drive others crazy:

I'm more likely not to get attached in order not to get hurt. In fact, I have

some very good friends who validate me as an average human being who simply

wants to be happy. i never got too much attention (which was good in my father's

case) so I did not learn how to pay attention to others and to myself. As a

teenager, I was a real " bpd psychic " but later I turned to normal-looking human

relationships (my father died, my mother got

hospitalized; 27 years later both of them are dead) but I attracted two kinds

of women: PBs and codependents. My current wife is both. We spent the last 10

years together and a year ago she started rocking the boat of stable but unhappy

family games by working on detaching herself. She managed to get rid of her

codependence but not her BPD. Her leaving the game left me to facing my own

needs: getting rid of the addictive behavior (mostly computer games in the last

20 years, and some drinking that I stopped a year ago), getting on with my own

life by finding those nice things in them that I never gave an effort to care

for. With our kids it's easy to be happy: they are wonderful (although exposed

to the threat of acquiring our problems) and are very grateful for receiving

attention (like we would have been at their age if we had gotten the kind of

attention we needed). My wife and I are on the road to heal now: she is staying

in a village with her parents (mother bp, father

alcoholic and perhaps bp too but they pursue a nice codependent relationship

even now when he is dying of a heart condition), I can have the kids nearly

every weekend and she comes over just about once a week for a few hours. Despite

her illness (diagnosed 20 years ago after two suicide attempts), I believe that

she is recovering faster than I: she is working on overreacting and her

oversensitivity while I need to be sensitized by facing all the pain in my life

in order to let it go and have spontaneous and valid feelings I have a hard time

ever having. Not that I cannot feel: it's just hard to see difference between

what's personal and cannot be shared and what it is that can or must be shared.

My communication skills are poor: I have never been expected to talk about my

feelings. I used to write poetry like many teenagers and, at one point, Tate (US

poet laurate) found my poems good but lacking authentically detailed emotions.

Now that I'm used to a crazy relationship I

on the verge of being bp myself: my validation has been coming from a

codependent source (bpw) for ten years (my kids were lucky enough not to become

emotional targets for me although my wife has been coaching our 8-year-old to

become a prodigy; I still feel that the kid is talented but she might be putting

too much pressure on him). I need to heal just like you: our situation might

look very different but the way to get out of it looks like the same narrow path

for me.

I personally believe that part of our emotions need a constant and reliable

object, and only God can provide that. As long as we place all our trust in

humans we are doomed to fail. By knowing that we are very much the same ( " Love

your neighbor because he is like you. " ) helps us understand, forgive, and

support others and exercise the same virtues towards ourselves.

Your stepping our of your family game will also hurt your mother and she might

never understand. Still, you have the right to be happy and if she ever notices

that you are happy without having to feel miserable, she might take interest and

start to heal herself. If not, at least you are doing the right thing: remain

compassionate but not codenendent. New and healthy relationships can take a year

or two to form but they will give you the validation to be and remain happy the

way we all need.

'Matic

[Guest guest]

Kerrie,

That is a really beautiful letter. I can sooooo relate to so very much of

that ... especially the " no courage " part. But you really do have to stand

up and redefine yourself. I realized while I was still in high school that

if my mother did it as a matter of course, it was probably not a good course

of action for my life.

I never really had the problem of grieving for not having a " real " family,

though. I think I was just too tied up in reality to do that. To me, all

families were like mine, so " no family " represented freedom and happiness,

not sadness. I did, and still do, a lot of grieving over all this terrible

suffering that has gone on and on for decades without surcease, because I

have seen the extent of it wayyyy too close up. But wish I had a real

family? Nahhh. To me, it's the people you pick yourself that are the best.

My wedding is coming up in a little over a week and I don't know what to do.

To not invite your own mother to your wedding is a real slap in the face.

Yet I feel that she deserves it for the recent spate of just terrible

behavior -- big distortion campaign going on. I am so angry and fed up that

I don't want to see her face ... and it's *my* wedding day, isn't it? But

then ... I feel sorry for my stepfather, who deserves to walk me " down the

aisle " (there isn't really going to be an aisle, it's -- don't laugh! -- a

bookstore!) more than anyone. And then I feel bad that she will have to

look down the years and always say, " My daughter didn't invite me to her

wedding. "

It's a freaking mess, and I only have one week to decide.

I think I've backed off the n/c thing, because my grandmother told me some

things about her recent stay there that pretty much convinced all of us that

there is real mental illness going on. Nobody's imagining things, here.

She's emailing my grandmother's neighbors a bunch of crazy stuff and the

symptoms are all too real.

My brother and me are trying to figure out how to get low-cost counseling

(because neither of us can afford to pay) to help us broach the idea of

serious mental help to her. But again, none of this is going to be able to

come off in time for the wedding.

If we make a reasonable, well-thought out approach, and she refuses to get

help, I think I will feel justified in going n/c then for sure. But

nobody's made a concerted effort to get help yet ... so it's too early for

that.

I just wish we had some freakin' MONEY. Why, at every crisis of my life, is

there never enough money?

*sigh*

--LL.

________________________________________

[Guest guest]

LL - 'scuse the late reply. Hope it's still helpful.

The right way is the way that's right for you. I went NC September

21. The counsel that people on this site gave me was really helpful -

not to expect too much too soon, to know that there would be residual

bad feelings to deal with, but also to look to the light that was

dawning. It's all been true. As I've gotten farther away from my

FOO's illness, I've realized that, whereas I'd thought it was a 10 on

a 1-10 scale, it's really a 12 on a 1-10 scale. It's good to get out

of the FOG.

I went NC because I finally got to a point (a late-night email from

Nada) where I realized I had to choose between parenting my son in the

best way possible, or continuing to be manipulated by her. My son

takes precedence.

I did NC in a brief email - very few words, straight to the point.

Explantions would never work with my nada - would just be fuel for the

fire. But others have had other ways, based on their situations. If

you have a therapist who can help you figure out yours, that's great.

Trust your insticnts (which is hard for a KO) - but I'm sure they will

guide you well.

All the best-

>

> I have to ask. How did you go n/c and why? Is there a " right " way?

>

> --LL.

>

[Guest guest]

, can you remind me where in UBM that quote is? I need it these

days....

> > >

> > > I have to ask. How did you go n/c and why? Is there

a " right "

> > way?

> > >

> > > --LL.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

ive just gone n/c recently. there isnt a right way to do it. it all depends on

you, how the the BPD person is like and the situation. my BPD mother has left

my dad, after i returned from University for the summer and she had wiped my

dads account out and left him with huge debt. and she now has the cheak to ask

for a divorce for halve the house when shes stolen more than that in the last

year, including all the second morgage that was meant to put me and my brother

through uni. it was my dad that found out that she has (we believe

undiagnosed) BPD with a fair bit of pushing from his doctor who revealed to my

dad, as he realised he could legally, that she had taken me, (we believe my

brother as well) to him because she was convinced that we were mentally insane.

she now denies it, despite the fact we also have proof.

i think this was the last straw for me. added to the fact that first my dad

and then i, was protecting my brother from her all of his life he needed to

realise what she was actually like and that there was/ and is no reasoning with

her, that and she had left my dad which has enabled him to come out of his

depression brought on by her, and now accepts she has always been like this. i

decided that all the contact i had with her was all about her, she drained my

emotionally, with her verbal abuse, and manipulation, so i decided to restrict

her to email, after a long talk in which i asked her if she would at least go

with me to an independant doctor to at least prove me wrong, of cource she

refused. but she kept ringing my brother when she knew i was their . also all

her emails positevely typical manipulation, so ive just stoped responding to

her. my dad supports me my brother slightly dislikes it but his not saying

anything.

its difficult especially with christmass coming cause no doubt shes telling

her side, all of whom are ignoring me or if they do contact me its to remind me

that shes still my mother. der but i want my life im almost 20 and i am only

just feel free.

i was slightly lucky cause ive only ever remember her as the crazy bitch who

thinks im her. but my brother remembers when she wasnt as bad, when she was

still on the pill. so for me going NC is easy cause i came to terms with what

she was before i knew it was an axtual condition. ive had a slight sence of

grief for what could have been if she never had it so bad but my brothers got to

realise the mother he imagined her to be doesnt exist and she is who she is. i

think that the only time you can easily go N/C is when you realise that nothing

you could do, no matter how much you love them, they wont change unless they

want to and by letting them do what they do to you your not helping.

i do find it irritating though cause altthough there are many who understand

why ive gone NC, thers always those lovely " helpful " people who try and convince

you that you should stay in contact with your mother " cause you only get one

mother " . then you try and give them a glimpse of what life is like and they

just say thats terrible dear but she is still your mother. ive decided the

best thing is to say nothing to them and say " i undertand what your saying "

well thats a bit of a rant. hope its of some use.

Freda

Send instant messages to your online friends http://uk.messenger.yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

,

It sounds famaliar to me and I am thinking it might be under the

queen section though I'm not certain. My nada is the queen type and I

do remember reading about how not to underestimate the queen as her

child tries to move away and autonomize themselves. Hope this helps.

Kerrie

> > > >

> > > > I have to ask. How did you go n/c and why? Is there

> a " right "

> > > way?

> > > >

> > > > --LL.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You know, I loaned the book to my therapist, so I can't locate it at

the moment. But it is in there.

> > > >

> > > > I have to ask. How did you go n/c and why? Is there

> a " right "

> > > way?

> > > >

> > > > --LL.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I am just catching up on all the emails while I licked my new

wounds...Interesting topic. I don't think there is a right way to make n/c.

Its like taking off a bandaid that you let stay on too long. It is going

to hurt like hell when you rip it off, but with time the pain goes away.

You can either take that bandaid off fast or pull it off very slow. No

right or wrong way, it's how much pain you are willing to take.

Remember how manipulative nada and fada can be. Think of their words as

noisy traffic that you need to block out. Protect yourself by knowing what

you are doing is right. I wish you all the best.

KW

>

>Reply-To: WTOAdultChildren1

>To: WTOAdultChildren1

>Subject: Re: So, all the n/c people ...

>Date: Mon, 27 Nov 2006 15:34:55 -0000

>

>You know, I loaned the book to my therapist, so I can't locate it at

>the moment. But it is in there.

>

>

> > > > >

> > > > > I have to ask. How did you go n/c and why? Is there

> > a " right "

> > > > way?

> > > > >

> > > > > --LL.

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

_________________________________________________________________

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& source=hmemailtaglinenov06 & FORM=WLMTAG

[Guest guest]

,

Hi there. I just found this post too. Your wedding day must be coming

up soon, huh? I hope it goes off w/o any bp fireworks- just the love

kind of fireworks. That's a hard call w/whether or not to invite your

nada in light of all she's done to you recently. I was rather

fortunate to not have known much about bpd back in 2000 when I got

married and nada was very well behaved, but she would be. She's the

queen type and we paid for almost all of it and she wanted to show

off. It was only after the wedding that her nasty side started to

come out again. I really do hope your wedding day is one of the

happiest ever:)

In so far as the money thing, I can only say Dave Ramsey has pretty

much helped us to save our marriage w/handling money. I totally get

not being able to afford good healthcare coverage, but a lot will do

sliding scales if you tell them your need. You can go to

bpdcentral.com to find a good personality disorder therapist in your

area or your nada's area to help in this situation perhaps.

Best wishes to you!

Kerrie

>

> Kerrie,

>

> That is a really beautiful letter. I can sooooo relate to so very

much of

> that ... especially the " no courage " part. But you really do have

to stand

> up and redefine yourself. I realized while I was still in high

school that

> if my mother did it as a matter of course, it was probably not a

good course

> of action for my life.

>

> I never really had the problem of grieving for not having a " real "

family,

> though. I think I was just too tied up in reality to do that. To

me, all

> families were like mine, so " no family " represented freedom and

happiness,

> not sadness. I did, and still do, a lot of grieving over all this

terrible

> suffering that has gone on and on for decades without surcease,

because I

> have seen the extent of it wayyyy too close up. But wish I had a

real

> family? Nahhh. To me, it's the people you pick yourself that are

the best.

>

> My wedding is coming up in a little over a week and I don't know

what to do.

> To not invite your own mother to your wedding is a real slap in

the face.

> Yet I feel that she deserves it for the recent spate of just

terrible

> behavior -- big distortion campaign going on. I am so angry and

fed up that

> I don't want to see her face ... and it's *my* wedding day, isn't

it? But

> then ... I feel sorry for my stepfather, who deserves to walk

me " down the

> aisle " (there isn't really going to be an aisle, it's -- don't

laugh! -- a

> bookstore!) more than anyone. And then I feel bad that she will

have to

> look down the years and always say, " My daughter didn't invite me

to her

> wedding. "

>

> It's a freaking mess, and I only have one week to decide.

>

> I think I've backed off the n/c thing, because my grandmother told

me some

> things about her recent stay there that pretty much convinced all

of us that

> there is real mental illness going on. Nobody's imagining things,

here.

> She's emailing my grandmother's neighbors a bunch of crazy stuff

and the

> symptoms are all too real.

>

> My brother and me are trying to figure out how to get low-cost

counseling

> (because neither of us can afford to pay) to help us broach the

idea of

> serious mental help to her. But again, none of this is going to be

able to

> come off in time for the wedding.

>

> If we make a reasonable, well-thought out approach, and she refuses

to get

> help, I think I will feel justified in going n/c then for sure.

But

> nobody's made a concerted effort to get help yet ... so it's too

early for

> that.

>

> I just wish we had some freakin' MONEY. Why, at every crisis of my

life, is

> there never enough money?

>

> *sigh*

>

> --LL.

>

>

>

> ________________________________________

>