update - Charlie

[Guest guest]

Oh Charlie ... Finally a positive response to your/our need for compassion!

This is so encouraging. How strong you are to be able to express what you

need to him; how warm it feels to know that he responded in such a caring way.

I am so glad for you; and hope that the two of you can keep the

communication channel open. Relationships aren't born, they are made.

{there are no 'perfect' mates ... but one who is willing to

grow/listen/compromise in order to stay in your life, might be a 'keeper'}

Sister hug, Carol

In a message dated 12/8/2006 2:08:14 PM Eastern Standard Time,

charlottehoneychurch@... writes:

Dear Post-ers, You all were so very, very supportive! So I wanted to let

you know what

happened last night with my 'joker' guy. It was actually very

anti-climactic, considering

the lead up.

We sat down in the living room, I gave him a beer, I got myself a glass of

wine. We made a

little small talk about how our days had gone. It was on the air that we

needed to talk

status about everything, I think. Anyway I brought it up--I said I need to

tell you

something about myself. My family was constantly picking on me about basic

things like

how I dress, if I am hot or cold, when I sleep, etc. And so I am very

sensitive about that.

And so when you pick on me about those things, it makes me feel very

bad....This is

paraphrasing. He just said he was sorry, and took my hand. I then said how

very

pervasive it was, and how they didn't do it to everybody in the family, but

I was one of the

people they did it to, and he said 'I didn't know, I'm sorry.' And kept

holding my hand.

And that was it. And then we talked about some other important

relationship-things.

Now I promise to keep my eye out as to whether he does it again, how much he

does it,

what his motivation seems to be, etc. But for now I feel quite safe around

him again. I

can't believe how easy it was. I was geared up to face a nada...that's not

what happened,

at least not this time.

I don't know what the future holds but I do know I took care of myself at

this moment, and

that feels pretty good. But I could not have done that without all of you.

Your posts

literally pulled me out of that terrible, ugly-feeling place that my nada

put me in, and

helped me to feel enough self-respect and confidence to have this

conversation the way it

needed to be had. They say we teach people how to treat us...I am learning

how that

works, I guess. So I again cannot thank everyone enough for the outpouring

of support I

received on this issue.

Charlie H.